I would say that is immature and hurtful. There is no need to hurt his ego like that. A guy would never recover from that
-
Too many ads? Join our community of cat lovers now to reduce ads by 90%! Click here to join for free!
How to break up with a boyfriend?
- Thread starter mybabyphx
- Start Date
Gosh, a lot of posting happened while I was composing that essay! And now I see that the relationship you're dealing with probably isn't that good to begin with... maybe you don't want to maintain the friendship.
So... alternate recommendation: no matter how angry he may get, you stay calm and caring. Wish him well and mean it. At some point down the road, he'll respect you for going out with class.
Good luck!
So... alternate recommendation: no matter how angry he may get, you stay calm and caring. Wish him well and mean it. At some point down the road, he'll respect you for going out with class.
Good luck!
oh so true Karl!
CarolPetunia, you are absolutly right. I would also need more info. to shed some light, but the heart of it all is to really walk away with both individual's pride and heads intact. Don't leave room for confusion, by being wishy washy about it. If you have concerns that you've dealt with over and over again and you don't feel like there is going to be any more movement in the relationship, which might make you unhappy, or might not, then be thankful for your strength, and learn from the situation. Be HONEST with your partner and be HONEST with yourself. Make sure you want to break it off. Think about it allot, maybe even discuss with him that you are thinking about it and see how he feels (sometimes, two people feel the same thing but are always waiting for the other to make the first move). It may be easier than you think. It could go one of two ways, you'll get back together after learning something valuable, or you continue on your seperate ways until it gets easy to move on. Either way, hopefully, will wind up being the way it should be. But don't make it torturous (sp?) by dragging it along.
Believe me, better said than dont sometimes, but keep it real.
Good luck~
Believe me, better said than dont sometimes, but keep it real.
Good luck~
I personally think that breaks are just disasters in the waiting. Usually one party has the hopes that everything will be fine in a few months and the second party just moves on. Really I would take a look and ask yourself if after 4 years you wouldn't mind if he dated other women while you were on a break?
As for the rooming situation, do what you can or need to in order to move out. Look through the classifieds or Craigslist. Find a house of girls to move into and do it (providing they let you keep PHX). Otherwise if you continue to stay there, you will just continue to be their source of money for a roof. You moving out will be the smack in the head they need to suck up to a decent job.
That is unusual though, huh? Almost never happens like that.Originally Posted by CarolPetunia
Different perspective:
After living with my ex-significant-other for almost five years, I realized that he and I didn't want the same things. I was comfortable as we were, but I felt he deserved a chance to find someone who had the same dreams he did, someone to marry and have a family with.
So one evening as we sat on the couch after a TV show, I just said something like, "It seems like you and I are looking for different things. We're so good as friends -- but being a couple doesn't make sense if we're not trying to build the same future, y'know?"
He wasn't ready for that realization yet, so he resisted it... and he assumed at first that I was upset at him or disappointed in him somehow, so I had to do some convincing there. It really was a no-fault situation, and once I made him understand that I still adored him, he was able to see my point more clearly.
We went together to find him a new apartment, and I helped him move. The following night, we went to see Lyle Lovett at the Paramount in Austin, just as we'd planned to before the "breakup" happened.
Three weeks later, it became clear that his new apartment was intolerable (the air conditioning didn't work, but the landlord just kept pretending it did), so I helped him break that lease and move again.
We talked on the phone, had lunch every week or so, went to concerts and plays, and not much changed, really... the friendship had always been the best part of us.
Yes, there was a little bit of tension for awhile, because he still halfway wanted to be together and I did not -- but that eased over time, and soon he began dating... and then I introduced him to an old friend of mine from high school who had moved back into the area, and by golly, they ended up married, and now they have a 13-year-old boy (my pseudo-nephew)!
We can talk about literally anything, and we each know we can count on the other no matter what. That's much too good a friendship to throw away just because we didn't want to be a couple anymore, y'know? We split up in 1989, yet he remains my closest, dearest friend in all the world.
So... in the immortal words of Neil Sedaka, breaking up is hard to do. But you can do it gracefully, caringly, without rancor... and you can remain friends.
Natalie's right, though -- it might be best not to use that "let's be friends" phrase during the initial stages of the breakup. It's such a painful cliche!
Stop paying all of the bills. Pay 1/3 like you should be. They should be paying their share.Originally Posted by mybabyphx
Yes, they would find another roommate.
But, I don't have the money right now to get my own place.... considering I'm paying ALL the bills right now- I'm broke.
If I moved to my dad's I could save money... but where would PHX go?
Also, why can't you take your cat to your dad's for a few months while you save up enough to pay a deposit and first and last months rent on a new place?
Hi Tiffany
I feel for you, been there done that. My ex was a total a-hole when it came to talking, the minute I opened my mouth, he took it like an attack and blocked me out, and just got mad. We tried the break, it honestly did not work out made things worse.
I would recommend so that you can try to keep you and PHX together, look yourself and see if you can find somewhere cat friendly looking for a room mate. Then serve them both (bf and rm) a to the point simple letter that they will be have to find a new room mate in #'s of days, as you will be moving out. It may be time to turn it into a business matter and not a relationship matter.
Just from reading the posts you have added you sound like you have made up your mind, so it might just be time to stick to your guns and take the leap.
Just remember to cancel any bills that are in your name before you go. Also make sure you talk to your Landlord and make sure you are doing everything you can do to keep your end of the deal, if you can have your name taken off that would be great.
Good luck girl and Keep us posted)
Autumn
(co PHX owners
....lol mine is 15 months and not covered in fur, but I am sure just as cute...
)
I feel for you, been there done that. My ex was a total a-hole when it came to talking, the minute I opened my mouth, he took it like an attack and blocked me out, and just got mad. We tried the break, it honestly did not work out made things worse.
I would recommend so that you can try to keep you and PHX together, look yourself and see if you can find somewhere cat friendly looking for a room mate. Then serve them both (bf and rm) a to the point simple letter that they will be have to find a new room mate in #'s of days, as you will be moving out. It may be time to turn it into a business matter and not a relationship matter.
Just from reading the posts you have added you sound like you have made up your mind, so it might just be time to stick to your guns and take the leap.
Just remember to cancel any bills that are in your name before you go. Also make sure you talk to your Landlord and make sure you are doing everything you can do to keep your end of the deal, if you can have your name taken off that would be great.
Good luck girl and Keep us posted
)Autumn
(co PHX owners
lol the immature is very true, lol but hmm we dont care if she enjoys it, after it about usOriginally Posted by Trouts mom
I would say that is immature and hurtful. There is no need to hurt his ego like that. A guy would never recover from that
i agree with "Stop paying all of the bills. Pay 1/3 like you should be. They should be paying their share."
also with "I personally think that breaks are just disasters in the waiting. Usually one party has the hopes that everything will be fine in a few months and the second party just moves on."
if you want a break, then make it.
[
Quote:
Originally Posted by gailuvscats
If your boyfriend asks you why you are leaving, although he doesn't seem to care, just tell him he sucks in bed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gailuvscats
If your boyfriend asks you why you are leaving, although he doesn't seem to care, just tell him he sucks in bed.
Duhh, anybody get a joke when they see one???Originally Posted by Trouts mom
I would say that is immature and hurtful. There is no need to hurt his ego like that. A guy would never recover from that
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2007
- Messages
- 677
- Purraise
- 1
Ok so I been there done that and got the tshirt!
I loved my ex, but when I looked at my relationship I saw no future, I didnt want his kids and couldnt live with him.
We had a break,
we got back together
we had another break
got back together
this went on for 6 months, in that time I changed my style of clothes listened to different music and became me again.
In December I haad to say enough was enough, on off relationships dont work, unless you really want them to, for both of us it was a convienience thing, we were together for 5 years I was 17 he was 19. I really really wish I had the strenght to end it properly when we first broke up(it was him who endeded it but I understood and didnt want to be with him either. it was he who kept wanting me back even tho he broke it off the first time.
I moved 100 miles away to start my new life and see what else was out there, and I liked what I found
I met my husband and happily ever after blah blah blah
I know my story is different to yours, but I was stuck in that relationship circle, with that feeling of knowing it wasnt going anywhere, do what has been sugested pay your third of the bills and let the landlord go after them, maybe you can have someone lined up to move in once they get evicted?
What ever you do I wish you look and I hope it works out and you can become free
I loved my ex, but when I looked at my relationship I saw no future, I didnt want his kids and couldnt live with him.
We had a break,
we got back together
we had another break
got back together
this went on for 6 months, in that time I changed my style of clothes listened to different music and became me again.
In December I haad to say enough was enough, on off relationships dont work, unless you really want them to, for both of us it was a convienience thing, we were together for 5 years I was 17 he was 19. I really really wish I had the strenght to end it properly when we first broke up(it was him who endeded it but I understood and didnt want to be with him either. it was he who kept wanting me back even tho he broke it off the first time.
I moved 100 miles away to start my new life and see what else was out there, and I liked what I found
I know my story is different to yours, but I was stuck in that relationship circle, with that feeling of knowing it wasnt going anywhere, do what has been sugested pay your third of the bills and let the landlord go after them, maybe you can have someone lined up to move in once they get evicted?
What ever you do I wish you look and I hope it works out and you can become free
I think you have made your mind up already.
IMO if you are paying all the bills for them why should they look for a job!!
I agree with the others just pay 1/3 and get your name off all the other bills (cable, electric, water etc....) otherwise that could cause some problems down the line. I would have you move in with your father to save some money temporarily-you should have more as you won't be footing the bills. Give yourself a move out date-establish this with your father as a bargaining point with phx.
Good luck...
IMO if you are paying all the bills for them why should they look for a job!!
I agree with the others just pay 1/3 and get your name off all the other bills (cable, electric, water etc....) otherwise that could cause some problems down the line. I would have you move in with your father to save some money temporarily-you should have more as you won't be footing the bills. Give yourself a move out date-establish this with your father as a bargaining point with phx.
Good luck...
Just do it.
Get it over with.
Life is too short, trust me.
Get it over with.
Life is too short, trust me.
Here's a question. Do you think you and your boyfriend would be getting along better if his friend wasn't a roommate? Do you think his friend being there all the time is being a bad influence? Keeping him from being responsible and helping you pay the bills? Sometimes when two men are together that much they become irresponsible teenagers again, and mom (you) needs to take care of them. That will put a strain on ANY relationship! (Guys, notice I did say "sometimes")
If you don't think it would get better without the roommate, then find another place to live. If you can't afford it right now, make sure they both understand that you will only pay your 1/3 of everything. Hopefully, your name isn't on all the utilities. If so, can you switch the utilities into your boyfriend's name so it would go against your credit?
Believe me, they will never find another roommate that will be willing to cover everything and let them live there for free. Maybe that will make your boyfriend wake up and smell the coffee. But, I agree...don't use the "we can still be friends" line. If it happens and you get back together, great. But don't try to force that.
Actually, I married my ex. I was angry and hurt for a long time, but he finally grew up and now is the most wonderful man. He grew up a lot. I think that's what your guy needs to do.
I've babbled enough. Good luck!
Just slip out the back, Jack.
Make a new plan, Stan.
You don't need to be coy, Roy.
Just listen to me.
Hop on the bus, Gus.
You don't need to discuss much.
Just drop off the key, Lee
and set yourself free...
Thanks to Paul Simon for his advice.
Make a new plan, Stan.
You don't need to be coy, Roy.
Just listen to me.
Hop on the bus, Gus.
You don't need to discuss much.
Just drop off the key, Lee
and set yourself free...
Thanks to Paul Simon for his advice.
Well my dear, the smileys are there for a reason.
Joke =
Duuuuuuuh
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2006
- Messages
- 6,482
- Purraise
- 8
First off, you have to stop paying all the bills. If you have an agreement that you are all supposed to pay 1/3 of the bills, tally up what they owe you, and sue them if you have to.
Pleasant, no, but it isn't fair to you to be holding them up. You're not their mommy.
Second, get PHX and anything else you care about that belongs to you out of there before you really have the talk.
Pleasant, no, but it isn't fair to you to be holding them up. You're not their mommy.
Second, get PHX and anything else you care about that belongs to you out of there before you really have the talk.
Ahhh... perfection!
"It ain't no use in callin' out my name now
Like you never did before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name now
I can't hear you anymore
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could've done better, but I don't mind
You just sorta wasted my precious time
Don't think twice, it's all right."
Or if you wait much longer, you might have to go for this one from Stevie Ray Vaughn:
"I'm leavin' you, baby
Before I commit a crime!"
lol orOriginally Posted by CarolPetunia
Or if you wait much longer, you might have to go for this one from Stevie Ray Vaughn:
"I'm leavin' you, baby
Before I commit a crime!"
once was a sweet thing baby
we held alot of love in are hands
now i reach to kiss your lips
and it just dont mean a thing,
I may be reading too much "man-speak" into this, but I think if he won't have any talk with you and doesn't seem to care when you gave it to him straight that you are thinking of leaving, he's thinking the same thing.
If you can't afford to leave yet, I agree with putting your foot down and insisting that they pay their part. Get it in writing. Get the bills out of your sole name, if there are any in your sole name. And let them sink if that's what happens.
Talk to your dad and see if you can work out something on a finite timeline where he would let you keep PHX in your room at his house. Dad's hate to see their little girls get walked on (tears never hurt an argument with most Dads either).
If you can't afford to leave yet, I agree with putting your foot down and insisting that they pay their part. Get it in writing. Get the bills out of your sole name, if there are any in your sole name. And let them sink if that's what happens.
Talk to your dad and see if you can work out something on a finite timeline where he would let you keep PHX in your room at his house. Dad's hate to see their little girls get walked on (tears never hurt an argument with most Dads either).
