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Please advise me!

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
Hey gang,

Please can you help? Last night DH took a shower and then he came in the bedroom and broke down sobbing and in distress, he has found a lump on his scrotum! About the size of a pea...
He instantly thinks it's cancer, and although when comforting him I said most lumps usually end up as nothing, he won't get it checked out!
Obviously if it is nothing he's stressing out for nothing and seeing the doctor will put his mind and mine at rest, if and I pray it isn't something more sinister then the sooner he gets confirmation the better chance he has, but he is absolutely petrified and seems to be brushing it aside like he's terrified of having the worst confirmed.

He has always had a phobia of the doctors and hospitals and been once in the 22 years we've been together, but you all know as much as I do that any lumps need to be checked out, but I'm at a loss as to what to do I thought of maybe trying the cruel to be kind technic, or the think of me and our daughter your being selfish technic, but I can't be nasty as he is so distressed, Please can anyone suggest how to approach this and how I can pursuede him to go see our doctor, I'm beside myself and he is deep in thought and worried though he is trying to hide it well, but I can see it in his eyes, I just don't know what to do and I'm worried sick.
post #2 of 20
My dad found a small lump in his no no area too. He went and got it checked out and found it was nothing. Sadly to say it was kinda my fault, too many baseballs and tennis balls to that area.

You could always be tricky make a doc appointment and not let him know and just take him for a "drive".
post #3 of 20
I have little patience for adults who would rather make EVERYONE miserable than take responsibility and tend to their bodies. I'd probably go ballistic and yell and tell him to either go and get it checked or zip it up and never mention it again. Yeah, I know that sounds harsh, but I'm 3 weeks out of the death of a friend of 9 years who probably died of ovarian cancer that she refused to see a doctor about because of religious beliefs. She left a dh and a 9 year old girl (my dd's best friend) and it didn't have to happen. Clearly I'm in the "anger stage" of grieving her loss.

Good luck!

Cally
post #4 of 20
Thread Starter 
I know what you mean Cally, lost my mum to ovarian cancer..though I have thought about doing that but I know he wouldn't purposely hurt us, more he is petrified of any results and still grieving for his nan so probably thinks he'll end up the same way which is likely clouding any other thoughts, which is why I don't want to be too harsh, I can't see that helping anything tbh
post #5 of 20
Last year I went to the gyn for my regular checkup and during the exam she found a small lump. Did I panic? You bet! Doctors make me panic in and of themselves, but now with this I was in overdrive.

I was sure I had cancer. I mean, what else could it be? It was cancer. I was dying. Who was going to take care of my furkids. How was DH going to pay off the house. How am I going to tell this to my family!

So I didn't do anything about it. I was so petrified to hear the "C" word that I decided ignorance was bliss.

Yeah, I know. Dumb.

Finally DH gave me the "look, you know its probably nothing, but better to know than to sit here worrying yourself silly right? On the very slim chance that it is something, at least we know and can do something about it." Oy, I hate it when he's logical!

So I went to the radiology place and they did an ultrasound. It turned out to be a small hormonal cyst. I jumped off the table and hugged the snot out of the ultrasound tech. She assured me that 99% of the time any lump you find is just a small cyst, so don't panic.... just have it checked out to be sure.

I hate to think that I could still be sitting here worrying like mad if DH hadn't talked some sense into me... and after meeting the ultrasound tech, I'm much calmer about anything else I find.

So while I can't tell you exactly how to approach your husband, maybe you can tell him the same thing the tech told me? It might calm his fears a little. I know it took a huge load off my mind.
post #6 of 20
I'd make the appointment for him, and tell him about it that morning. Being scared is not a good reason to let it go.

My FIL had the symptoms of colon cancer for months, and never spoke up to anyone. He died eight years ago on Christmas day, and never got to see his baby granddaughter grow up. Our daughter never got a chance to know her amazing, funny grandpa. His chances of beating the cancer would have been excellent if he had gone to a doctor when he first noticed something was wrong.

You're going to have to be the one who pushes your husband to go the doctor. You are right, and it's very possibly nothing. He needs to be a responsible adult.

I'm sending good thoughts and wishes for him, and for you.
post #7 of 20
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys, I have said all this to him maybe he just needs to sort it in his head and get used to the idea he HAS to go, I did already tell him we're going Monday so I'll let that settle in his brain.
post #8 of 20
Yes, agreement here... just make the appointment and take him there. When he realizes where he is, chances are he'll be secretly relieved.

But if he still balks, remind him that you go through a far more invasive examination every single year, and you do it because you want to grow old with him.

If that doesn't get him into the doctor's office, whack him senseless and drag him in by the hair.

Many false-alarm vibes coming to you...
post #9 of 20
Thread Starter 
Only one problem he has shaved hair, so short so cant pull him, but it made me smile thank you!
post #10 of 20
I am not a doctor (yet - but I did start medical school yesterday haha) so don't take this as gospel or real medical advice.

But when I worked at a clinic one of the doctors told us this:

Usually testicular cancer is pretty obvious - one of the testicles will suddenly become very firm. When this happens YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT RIGHT AWAY! Testicular cancers is one of the fastest spreading cancers and metastasizes easily. His brother had it and went in right away. They had to remove one testicle, but after that he was free and clear and had several kids afterwards.

Seriously, I've never heard of a lump being a problem - my understanding is its kind of the whole testicle or nothing. But he should definitely go in. Yes, it bruises a man's ego - but it SPREADS fast. And would he really rather be dead than have one ball?
post #11 of 20
Point out to him too that if the lump is benign (which it probably is nothing) then he'll receive GOOD news from the doctor. Everyone like that, don't they? I do.

Anyhoo, point out to him that its best if he goes so that he'll never have to wonder again.
post #12 of 20
A chap at the office had one earlier this year, but it was just a cyst which are quite common.

For the sake of a few minutes loss of dignity it's worth getting some peace of mind.
post #13 of 20
I don't understand why people think that its only about them when they get sick and won't go to the doctor. It is about their family most of all! Who is going to be worrying about them, or be without them if they die?! Their family!

People just don't realize that by not getting these things checked out, they are being selfish.

I would tell my dh, "you are going to the doctor. Because either way, its either nothing which is probably what it is..or it is something we have to deal with SOONER rather than later. Now, quit being a baby, and we are GOING."
post #14 of 20
and since he won't usually go, try to get a physical done while he is there if possible. Things change a lot in 22 years. Sending lots of healthy vibes
post #15 of 20
Many vibes going out to your husband and the whole family. I agree, it is probably nothing. DH's best friend had testical cancer and it was must more than a little lump. He said it was more like his testical was replaced by an oversized golf ball. He knew immediately something was wrong.

I'm the same way about going to the doctor. I hate it. Even this past winter when I had bronchitis (and knew that is what I had) DH had to drag in to see him. In the back of my mind, I am always afraid they will find something else (like the C word).

Since you said he is going in on Monday, I'm guessing you already made the appointment? If not, make it for him, because he probably won't. Stay calm when talking about it, stay positive, and if possible, go with him. Not only will it give him emotional support, but you can also make sure he actually goes and doesn't chicken out and drive home the long way (I've been known to do that too!).
post #16 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by alwaysaangel View Post
I am not a doctor (yet - but I did start medical school yesterday haha) ...
Oh gosh, that's great!

And Bonnie, good thinking on getting a physical while he's there!
post #17 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
Oh gosh, that's great!
Haha - sorry. I have a lot of premed friends that go around touting medical advice as if they knew something. I was just trying to point at that I don't actually know ****. :-p Just repeating something I heard.
post #18 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by pee-cleaner View Post
I have little patience for adults who would rather make EVERYONE miserable than take responsibility and tend to their bodies. I'd probably go ballistic and yell and tell him to either go and get it checked or zip it up and never mention it again. Yeah, I know that sounds harsh, but I'm 3 weeks out of the death of a friend of 9 years who probably died of ovarian cancer that she refused to see a doctor about because of religious beliefs. She left a dh and a 9 year old girl (my dd's best friend) and it didn't have to happen. Clearly I'm in the "anger stage" of grieving her loss.

Good luck!

Cally
As harsh as it sounds, I'd say, "Would you rather face your fear of seeing a doctor or dying because you refused to?"
post #19 of 20
Hmm I have to ask; is the lump on the testicle itself, or can it be felt under/on the skin of the scrotum ?


If it's the latter - it might just be a harmless swollen "sebaceous gland" (I had to look this word up)
".

Anyways - a hospital visit is recommended.
post #20 of 20
I hope you are able to get him there and I pray that it is nothing!

My little version of a medical scare came last week when my eyesight in one eye became blurry. After a few days I went to the eye dr and he had me at a neurologist's office the next day. He only mentioned one thing that he wanted them to check for. And love the internet because I went and looked it up and then I was not happy with what they were checking me for! Well when I got to the appointment and all, the neurologist had an MRI done and said right afterward that it looked good and he didn't think I had what they were checking on. I relaxed a lot at that point believe me! I was talking about it with my Aunt (an RN) and she just said they will rule out the 'big and bad' stuff first. I am so glad I didn't have a few days wait before seeing the neurologist. Now I know it was just some damage to the front of my eye and that nothing is wrong with my brain!

So I hope you can get him in there real fast and have your minds put at ease.
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