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My nan's not well again

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
I think she's just on the downhill slide now

She's 85 and was taken to hospital a while ago because she was very weak and having a few problems. They ran a battery of tests, and kept her in hospital for a couple of months, then she got sent to rehab for a month or so to get her strength back - she never did but they sent her home anyway

She's been home maybe a little over a month (large 2 level house with all the living areas on the top level), and we're trying to get her into care, but it took forever to convince her, and now she can't get in until November I think.

So on Monday my aunt went over with the plan to stay with her this week, and discovered my nan's legs and feet were super swollen, so took her to the doctor.

She's just had more tests and they said her calcium levels are dangerously high and she's in heart failure because not enough blood is getting to her heart They have no idea what's causing the heart failure, and can only say "old age". They want her to get a bone marrow sample, but she refused since she had one last time she was in hospital and it was horrible for her. So my 2 aunts who were there talking to the doctor had to be very blunt with her and tell her how serious this was (pretty much that she was dying), and as painful as it is, she HAS to have it done.

So she's agreed, but now she's very dispirited and just lying in hospital and dwelling on it.

We're planning on heading back to Australia in January, which is the earliest we can go back, and to be honest, I don't think she's going to make it that long.

All I can hope for is that she keeps her spirits up and goes peacefully when she does go.
post #2 of 21
Awwww, Sarah.

I lost my Nana at 85 to congestive heart failure in 2005. It's sad, but it was expected.

Can you make a video tape and airmail it to her so she can "see" you and your baby bump "in person?" I know it isn't the same as being there, but it might be a wonderful gift for her just the same.

I wish I could help somehow - I can empathise with how you are feeling about being so far away from "home."
post #3 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
Awwww, Sarah.

I lost my Nana at 85 to congestive heart failure in 2005. It's sad, but it was expected.

Can you make a video tape and airmail it to her so she can "see" you and your baby bump "in person?" I know it isn't the same as being there, but it might be a wonderful gift for her just the same.

I wish I could help somehow - I can empathise with how you are feeling about being so far away from "home."
I sent over a DVD of the 3d/4d ultrasound we had done and my aunt played it through the laptop for her.

We'll make sure we take lots of video when the baby is born so mum can take that back with her and show her.
post #4 of 21
I'm so sorry to hear this! My prayes are with her and your family!
post #5 of 21
Sarah, I'm so sorry to hear this. It's never easy to see a loved one in this state, much less so when you can't be there with her. You and your Nan and all your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
post #6 of 21
I'm so sorry... especially that it's all so sad for your Nan, being in hospitals so much, having to leave her home... bless her heart.

I think it would be a great idea to shoot some video right now and send it to her, maybe even email it to someone who can take a laptop into the hospital to show it to her. Maybe your enthusiasm for the baby coming will help her to hang on at least until it happens, y'know?
post #7 of 21
Oh Sarah, I'm sorry
post #8 of 21
Awww, I'm sorry. Your Nan and family will be in my prayers.
post #9 of 21
Sarah, I'm so sorry. I think videos, pictures, dvds anything about you and your baby will help her. I can understand her being depressed about having to have another bone marrow test. From what I understand, they are very painful (mom had to have it, on top of a spinal tap). She needs anything she can get to cheer her up.

My thoughts and prayer are going out to your Nan, you and your family.
post #10 of 21
I'm sorry to hear this

I'll keep her in my prayers that her health and her spirit improves.
post #11 of 21
Prayers and good thoughts for you and your family. I'm sorry your Nan is sick.
post #12 of 21
I'm so sorry. I will keep her in my prayers.
post #13 of 21
Thread Starter 
Well my nan had the bone marrow test, and she has cancer. They don't give her more than a couple of weeks to live. They haven't told her yet, but once they do I'm going to have to ring her and try to say goodbye without breaking down.

I can't fly back to Australia because of the pregnancy, so I'm never going to see my nan again
post #14 of 21
Weeks? Oh, Sarah!! I'm so sorry!
post #15 of 21
i am sorry. These things are never easy,
I really think, its not good-bye its only until we meet again.
post #16 of 21
Oh Sarah, please don't say that -- doctors can't know exactly how long one has to live even in cases like this. They can only estimate. It's possible your nan may hold on until you and the bub can fly home to say goodbye in person. My mother was in end-stage colon cancer, but she hung on until I got home, even though friends had debated calling me to hurry me along (she hadn't told me she was terminal). I know it's incredibly difficult for you not to be there, but please don't give up hope of saying goodbye.
post #17 of 21
Sarah, I am so sorry to hear that your nan is so ill. You and your family are in my prayers.
post #18 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RicaLynn View Post
Oh Sarah, please don't say that -- doctors can't know exactly how long one has to live even in cases like this. They can only estimate. It's possible your nan may hold on until you and the bub can fly home to say goodbye in person. My mother was in end-stage colon cancer, but she hung on until I got home, even though friends had debated calling me to hurry me along (she hadn't told me she was terminal). I know it's incredibly difficult for you not to be there, but please don't give up hope of saying goodbye.
She's getting worse every day apparently. She's getting very confused and disoriented, she's incredibly weak and she's in pain. All they can do now is keep her comfortable. I honestly don't want her to hold out any longer than a couple of weeks. She's dying, she'll know it, and she's losing her dignity. My uncle was visiting her in hospital, and she went to the bathroom and couldn't get off the toilet. My uncle had to lift her off the toilet and help her finish up. My nan is a very proud woman and she does not want to suffer like this.

Hopefully she'll have enough time of being lucid enough to say good-bye to everyone she wants to, ensure her will is up to date, and let the family know her funeral plans, then can go in peace.

At least this way everyone knows we don't have long, and can prepare ourselves, say what we need to and hopefully not see her suffer too much longer. Doesn't make it any easier though.
post #19 of 21
I am so sorry! I will keep her in my prayers. I will also keep your whole family in my prayers.

It is so difficult watching someone wasting away in front of you. We had to do that with my MIL through Feb-April. Her passing was almost a relief. At least she won't be in pain anymore.
post #20 of 21
Aw, Sarah...

I'm here if you need a shoulder - I'm so sorry, sweetie.

Saying goodbye is so hard...Even if it's tough to do, I hope you'll be able to talk to her and tell her that you love her.

Hang in there, hon - your baby boy will be feeling this emotional pain along with you - make sure to talk to your belly about what you're feeling.

I'm here if you need me!
post #21 of 21
My heart goes out to you Sarah. I know how hard this must be for you. Call her, while she's still lucid, and talk about all the good times, for as long as she is able. Take comfort in the fact that she does have family there, so she isn't alone. I know that doesn't help much because you want to see her, but this way you will remember her as the person you know..the strong, proud woman. And, she knows you are with her in spirit, I'm sure of that. Many hugs.
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