I'm soo Irratated!!!

Okay ladies,,, or guys,,

Here is my dilemma.. My husband hasn't worked for about 4 weeks.. He's in a startup HVAC company and the owner supposedly hasn't had any work.. blah blah blah..

We'll he's been home and watching our 5 yr old everday,, but he won't clean.. The house is a mess, no laundry is done,, and it's really starting to irk me... I've been sick so I have just come home and laid around,, but he's fine... and he's not doing anything..

I've been down this road with him before, and he gets all mad and acts like i'm nagging and blah blah blah...

How do I settle this, without a fight,, or him going you don't help, and your just trying to make me feel bad even though I have a job.

H

I think if you sat down with him and said something along the lines of

"Honey, I know you haven't had any work in 4 weeks and have been down about that. However please remember that I work too and I find it unfair and upsetting that when I come home I see more work for me. I find myself being jealous and resentful of you and I don't want to feel that way towards you. I would really appreciate it if you could take the time to help me out by doing some laundry or washing some of the dishes."

etc..etc...

Can you sit down with him and make an agreement on the chores. Who does what type of thing? My DH *hates* to do the dishes. (I do too, but that's why we have an apartment with a dishwasher ) I hate to do laundry. So he does that. He has a few chores that he does. I do more chores, but I also work part-time vs his full-time. I think splitting up the chores might help without seeming like nagging or being unfair.

If I worked....and my husband did`nt....and he did`nt clean while I worked...then i would`nt cook!!! (That would cure mine in a minute!)
Linda

As someone who has also been out of work for a while, I sympathize with your husband.

Look its not that he's being lazy or whatever... but getting up every morning knowing that there is no work, you are not bringing in any money and no one wants to hire you makes you, basically, not want to get out of bed in the morning. Sure... my kitchen needs cleaning... sure, I should probably run the vacuum around once in a while.. but right now, it just seems so unimportant.

Luckily DH sees how down I am and even tho he works all day, he's been pitching in to help out. I'm not a lazy person by any stretch of the imagination, but you can only take so much rejection before you just sit on the couch and resign yourself to watch golden girls reruns until the end of time.

Maybe it's just that this is the first time I've been out of work this long. Usually if I leave a job (or it leaves me) I'm working again within a week. Not this time since there are absolutely no jobs in my field and breaking into a new field isn't easy. I'm sure I'll be more likely to help out around the house again once I have another job... but for now you get that feeling of how it really doesn't matter, cosmically speaking, whether or not the carpet is completely pet hair free... or whether all the dishes are spotless. It really just feels so unnecessary in the grand scheme of things.

I hope I explained that properly. I don't doubt that it annoys you... probably just as much as it annoys DH... but when you start to lose your will to live (not suicidal here, just a figure of speech!! ), cleaning is not at the top of your to do list.

I wish I had an easy solution for you. I think if you can mesh Jenney & Brenna's suggestions it might work. This way your taking some of the responsibility and by talking to him about how you feel and NOT what he is or isn't doing you encourage him to remain open to talking. If you jump right in saying things like "You don't _____" then he'll most likely become imidately defensive.

Originally Posted by Katz4Life

There is no reason to be irritated...a relationship is all about compromise!

When we both used to work, we both cleaned 50/50. When I became the only one with the job, my Hubby took over most of the jobs in the house.Its just easier to just let it go, if the house is a little messy, and my Hubby didn't feel like doing it today, then i'll do it...its not a problem. Just what we need is to be mad over cleaning the house. Whatever either of us wants to clean is what we'll clean...if we don't want to, then we won't.

Our house will get cleaned eventually

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Thats how we do it too... of course, neither of us are neat freaks so a little clutter or a few dirty dishes don't really drive us bonkers like it can some people.

Originally Posted by twstychik

Thats how we do it too... of course, neither of us are neat freaks so a little clutter or a few dirty dishes don't really drive us bonkers like it can some people.

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We are not clean freaks by far.. It's when the few dishes turn into a lot of dishes, and there aren't any clean towels is when I get irratated..

I just don't have the energy from being sick right now, to even fight about it.. And he's going to immediately get defensive when I bring up the factor the house is a mess, and he needs to clean it up while I'm at work...

Honestly out of his 9 hour day at home if he spent oh 3 hours cleaning one day and then keeping it up we'd have a clean home.. It's just to much for me to try and nag about it,, and if I try to talk about it,, he'll get all freaked out.. He's not so good at the communications thing.

I'm sorry sweetie. If you aren't too far away I could lend you my hubby who forced me to sit on the couch while he cleaned when I was sick.

I do most the house cleaning whether I have a job or not. All I ask my husband is that he clean up his own messes. You can try saying to your husband if you do the dishes and laundry then when I feel better I'll do this for you. It might work.

Originally Posted by twstychik

I'm sorry sweetie. If you aren't too far away I could lend you my hubby who forced me to sit on the couch while he cleaned when I was sick.

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I'd like that..

At least I wouldn't have to even bring up the topic, it would jsut be done... I was hoping the more I ignored it,, then it would annoy him since he has to be in all day.. But that doesn't seem to bother him.

Originally Posted by Katz4Life

There is no reason to be irritated...a relationship is all about compromise!

When we both used to work, we both cleaned 50/50.

Click to expand...

That's how we do things too...often times though I'm the one that picking up most of the chores because of B's back situation (that will never resolve ) However he does make it up to me by taking me out to dinner or something like that.