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How to give a cat a pill

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
This has been posted a half dozen times or more before, but not within the last year. My sister just sent it to me, reminding me how funny it is, so for those who haven't seen it yet:

How to give a cat a pill

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.

3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.

8. Tie the little angel’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.

9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.
post #2 of 4
OMG! I HAVE to send this to DH! We have to give Monster a pill every night for the rest of her life (ok, DH gives it...I just bandage him up afterwards) and some nights it is exactly like that! Too funny!!
post #3 of 4
That is halarious. I've never tried to give my cat a pill but I have given him liquid antibiotics and that was hard enough. Eventually I just started putting the drops in a bit of tuna. It was much easier.
post #4 of 4
too funny, and have had experiences like that. What i did that works a lot better and easier (not too mention not the loss of appendages or trips to the ER), is crush the med, dissolve it in water, then administer via syringe, hold the cats mouth closed and stroke the under side of the jaws, repeat if necessary to get it all in, and a bit of extra water to chase the pill. Guess nursing experience can come in handy for these things,
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