I don't know what to do. He wants to take her back tomorrow. I talked him out of taking her back yesterday, but today was the last straw.
I'm crying right now. I'm so mad at him!!!!!!
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He's taking her back
- Thread starter libby'smom
- Start Date
I don't know what to do. He wants to take her back tomorrow. I talked him out of taking her back yesterday, but today was the last straw.
I'm crying right now. I'm so mad at him!!!!!!
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You're right, I don't know any cat that doesn't display some aggressive behavior when playing. If your husband can't handle a few scratches, he isn't ready to own a cat - claws and teeth come with the animal.
Now, the way you worded it, I can't tell if he's wanting to have her put to sleep or simply return her to the place you bought her. If he wants her put to sleep, please get her out of there as soon as possible (give her to a friend, shelter, anything), she doesn't deserve that. If you're simply returning her, that's better, though I know you'd like to keep her. Try going with him to a vet and let him hear directly from the vet that her behavior is normal, so he doesn't think it's just you being too attached to the cat. Also try talking with him about the way the both of you handle her, suggest that the two of you buy some books on owning cats (Cats for Dummies, perhaps?).
I wish I could be of more help, I hope things work out. :/
Now, the way you worded it, I can't tell if he's wanting to have her put to sleep or simply return her to the place you bought her. If he wants her put to sleep, please get her out of there as soon as possible (give her to a friend, shelter, anything), she doesn't deserve that. If you're simply returning her, that's better, though I know you'd like to keep her. Try going with him to a vet and let him hear directly from the vet that her behavior is normal, so he doesn't think it's just you being too attached to the cat. Also try talking with him about the way the both of you handle her, suggest that the two of you buy some books on owning cats (Cats for Dummies, perhaps?).
I wish I could be of more help, I hope things work out. :/
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Aww, I hope you can work something out
Personally I'd take the husband 'back' instead of the cat
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #4
He doesn't want to put her to sleep, but the vet has to tell future prospective owners that she's aggressive. They're afraid that's going to make her unadoptable. If she's not put to sleep, she's gonna spend a lot of time behind bars.
Oh and last night at around 12 I woke up to her biting all the way up my arm. I woke up and saw her and said "NO" and turned and went to sleep the other way with my body under the covers. She stayed on the bed but didn't do it anymore. She also tried to bite on my leg this morning. It has to be because she wants to play or wants attention from us. My husband doesn't see it that way. But last night I told him that if we get another cat, a kitten, they are still going to bite and scratch, and he was like no they're not.
I swear he's been spoiled by our best friends cats. She has 4 and 1 is a lap cat (he's old, and has health problems), one likes to sit on your lap and be petted, but the other two are standoffish. They don't bite or scratch unless you try to pick them up. He doesn't understand that Lib's is like that and she's only been here for just two weeks. Before she came here she was living outside, and she had a dog for a companion.
He gave me 5 minutes to plead my case and for now Libby stays with us.
Oh and last night at around 12 I woke up to her biting all the way up my arm. I woke up and saw her and said "NO" and turned and went to sleep the other way with my body under the covers. She stayed on the bed but didn't do it anymore. She also tried to bite on my leg this morning. It has to be because she wants to play or wants attention from us. My husband doesn't see it that way. But last night I told him that if we get another cat, a kitten, they are still going to bite and scratch, and he was like no they're not.
I swear he's been spoiled by our best friends cats. She has 4 and 1 is a lap cat (he's old, and has health problems), one likes to sit on your lap and be petted, but the other two are standoffish. They don't bite or scratch unless you try to pick them up. He doesn't understand that Lib's is like that and she's only been here for just two weeks. Before she came here she was living outside, and she had a dog for a companion.
He gave me 5 minutes to plead my case and for now Libby stays with us.
He should learn to read the tell tale signs that she has had enough. If he can't do that, then he should just not handle Libby at all.
All cats bite and scratch, and if I had a dollar for every time I've Been scratched or bit, I could have retired when I was in my teens
I don't think it means anything wrong with Libby, it could be a settling in phase. I mean my new kitty has been with me for 5 days now and has just started to scratch and bite me, I believe thats just his kittenish behaviour to say, I accept you as my family so we can play fight together.
Good luck to you, vibes coming your way.
All cats bite and scratch, and if I had a dollar for every time I've Been scratched or bit, I could have retired when I was in my teens
I don't think it means anything wrong with Libby, it could be a settling in phase. I mean my new kitty has been with me for 5 days now and has just started to scratch and bite me, I believe thats just his kittenish behaviour to say, I accept you as my family so we can play fight together.
Good luck to you, vibes coming your way.
it really doesn't sound like she's aggressive at all. but she hasn't learned that when she wants to play she CAN'T bite. I don't know, I think that consistent NOing when she plays and keeping sure that you ONLY play with her with toys not your hands and she could change her behavior drastically in one to two weeks. can you ask for that time?
how old is she? is she spayed? are you playing with her with your hands at ALL?
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- #7
Libby is almost 13 months old. She is spayed. And I don't play with her with my hands at all. I use the wands only. She doesn't like any other toys but the wands. My husband says he's going to give her one more chance, so I'm hoping that we can work something out.
The problem is my husband, he's a big guy and when he says no the way he postures his body is almost nonverbally saying "wanna make something of it" kind of. I did witness one foot incident. She went up to him and tried to bite him on his leg, he said "NO", she looked at him, went at it again and he said "NO" and told her to stop, but he's looking at her. I suggested that even though he's trying to say no he's staring at her and that is a sign of aggression. I told him to just say no and turn away from her, even if he's on the bed, just say "NO" and then change positions on the bed and ignore her.
He tells me no cat is going to make him turn away in his own house. He's very stubborn. The thing is HE wanted a cat in the first place, I wasn't too sure if I did or not. Now he's talking about he wants a kitten because they'll be good. I don't think he has a clue about cat behavior, but he's the type to never admit it. He just think the cat automatically is a lap cat or calm.
I have tons of books on cats, because when I take on something or a project I like to know as much as possible about whatever it is I'm doing. I have "Cat's for Dummies", "Think Like a Cat", "Cat whisperer", "When you have an out of control cat" (This title I'm not sure of, I have to go and look), but I have quite a few books. It's just hard to convince my husband that this is not going to be easy at first.
but some of your books in the john - maybe he'll read a little next time he's in there. that's how i got dh to help me switch to raw for luxor.
no offense, really - but your husband sounds extremely stubborn and domineering. i hope he is really only like this for the couple of posts that you have just said. Cats can not be reasoned with and yes staring is a sign of aggression. you can't treat a cat like a show down between humans. if you want to bond and have a lap cat you have to play their game.
my dh had never had a cat before and was like 'they aren't doing that in my house'...kinda attitude... now it's like, yeah, the cat runs the house (sheepish) but he's a big softie.
no offense, really - but your husband sounds extremely stubborn and domineering. i hope he is really only like this for the couple of posts that you have just said. Cats can not be reasoned with and yes staring is a sign of aggression. you can't treat a cat like a show down between humans. if you want to bond and have a lap cat you have to play their game.
my dh had never had a cat before and was like 'they aren't doing that in my house'...kinda attitude... now it's like, yeah, the cat runs the house (sheepish) but he's a big softie.
It seems to me that your DH is absolutely clueless as to what is involved with keeping a kitten/cat as a pet not just their behaviour but everything.
As far as a kitten goes, I wouldn't even entertain that idea coz kittens can be worse. A kitten or even a cat needs to be treated like a child or even a special needs child if you will.
Perhaps you can encourage DH to spend some time reading this forum so he can really learn a thing or 2.
I hope I don't sound mean, in this post.
An idea might be to let a friend or family member look after Libby until DH becomes familiar with cat behaviour. Or for him to talk to his best friends with the 4 cats, to see what their behaviour was like before they mellowed out.
I wish you the best of luck in your situation
The friend with the cats - would he/she be willing to come over and check out your cat? Maybe give you some newbie advice? Maybe your husband will listen to him/her.
I don't think your hubby should have a cat until he's done some reading and has a better understanding of their traits.
If we had given up on Bijou when he was a kitten for biting and accidentally scratching us during some rough playtimes, we would have missed out on the most beautiful, well-behaved, best disposition and personality cat we've ever, ever had. He's so laid-back and non-aggressive it's hard to imagine he was such a handful when we first got him.
Your hubby really needs to be educated before having a cat IMO.
If we had given up on Bijou when he was a kitten for biting and accidentally scratching us during some rough playtimes, we would have missed out on the most beautiful, well-behaved, best disposition and personality cat we've ever, ever had. He's so laid-back and non-aggressive it's hard to imagine he was such a handful when we first got him.
Your hubby really needs to be educated before having a cat IMO.
I'm glad Libby is staying with you for now.
I think that kittens are almost always worse with aggression!
As far as the scratching, have you thought about trying Soft Paws?
http://www.softpaws.com/
They're plastic nail caps that you can glue onto your cat's nails to prevent them from scratching you (and furniture). All 3 of my cats have them and we never get scratched. You can find them in pet stores.
I think that kittens are almost always worse with aggression!
As far as the scratching, have you thought about trying Soft Paws?
http://www.softpaws.com/
They're plastic nail caps that you can glue onto your cat's nails to prevent them from scratching you (and furniture). All 3 of my cats have them and we never get scratched. You can find them in pet stores.
This does sound like a case of Libby being confused about what is appropriate play behavior. Do you know any of her background? I feel like this may be more of an issue with kittens that get taken away from mom/littermates too early and don't have time to learn about what hurts and what is appropriate when playing.
When we got Cat 2 years ago, she did some of this. Usually it was when she had just gotten done with being all hyper or she was still kinda on a crazy young cat kick and someone tried to pet her. She was all overstimulated and her skin would be twitching and she'd literally snap her head over to the offending hand and bite.
To solve this, I used a combination of tricks. We had most success with creating a word that Cat associates with being bad - ours is "HEY!" Whenever she'd get that bitey look in her eye or try to bite, I'd say "HEY!" loudly and walk away so she knows that I don't appreciate what she just did. Plus she got a 10 minute time out to calm down.
Of course, this only worked because I also created a good kitty noise. Every time Cat gets fed/treats, she gets a kissy noise. Now she knows kissy noises are great because they're associated food/treats. Whenever she calmly sat and let us pet her, we would give her kissy noises for being a good calm kitty.
I would say that this helped us to get rid of 90% of the biting problem. Whenever she feels the urge to bite a hand, her first inclination is to run away (she doesn't want mom to say "HEY!"). And if the person is holding on tight (we have had guests DO this for some reason, I don't know why!), she will give a few warnings where she will open her jaw and turn her teeth towards the hand but she won't bite because she knows it's wrong and she really doesn't want to do it. Only if she's not let go and it is her very last last last resort does she bite.
The other thing that helped us? We got a second kitty. They love to play wrestle (it's always as gentle as wrestling can be) and we've found that her biting tendencies are pretty much 98% gone now.
When we got Cat 2 years ago, she did some of this. Usually it was when she had just gotten done with being all hyper or she was still kinda on a crazy young cat kick and someone tried to pet her. She was all overstimulated and her skin would be twitching and she'd literally snap her head over to the offending hand and bite.
To solve this, I used a combination of tricks. We had most success with creating a word that Cat associates with being bad - ours is "HEY!" Whenever she'd get that bitey look in her eye or try to bite, I'd say "HEY!" loudly and walk away so she knows that I don't appreciate what she just did. Plus she got a 10 minute time out to calm down.
Of course, this only worked because I also created a good kitty noise. Every time Cat gets fed/treats, she gets a kissy noise. Now she knows kissy noises are great because they're associated food/treats. Whenever she calmly sat and let us pet her, we would give her kissy noises for being a good calm kitty.
I would say that this helped us to get rid of 90% of the biting problem. Whenever she feels the urge to bite a hand, her first inclination is to run away (she doesn't want mom to say "HEY!"). And if the person is holding on tight (we have had guests DO this for some reason, I don't know why!), she will give a few warnings where she will open her jaw and turn her teeth towards the hand but she won't bite because she knows it's wrong and she really doesn't want to do it. Only if she's not let go and it is her very last last last resort does she bite.
The other thing that helped us? We got a second kitty. They love to play wrestle (it's always as gentle as wrestling can be) and we've found that her biting tendencies are pretty much 98% gone now.
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What is this "he gave me 5 minutes" thing? It sounds like your husband is taking too much control in this situation. Libby belongs to both of you, right? It should be a decision made by both of you whether or not to keep her, not solely his.Originally Posted by Libby'sMom
He doesn't want to put her to sleep, but the vet has to tell future prospective owners that she's aggressive. They're afraid that's going to make her unadoptable. If she's not put to sleep, she's gonna spend a lot of time behind bars.
Oh and last night at around 12 I woke up to her biting all the way up my arm. I woke up and saw her and said "NO" and turned and went to sleep the other way with my body under the covers. She stayed on the bed but didn't do it anymore. She also tried to bite on my leg this morning. It has to be because she wants to play or wants attention from us. My husband doesn't see it that way. But last night I told him that if we get another cat, a kitten, they are still going to bite and scratch, and he was like no they're not.
I swear he's been spoiled by our best friends cats. She has 4 and 1 is a lap cat (he's old, and has health problems), one likes to sit on your lap and be petted, but the other two are standoffish. They don't bite or scratch unless you try to pick them up. He doesn't understand that Lib's is like that and she's only been here for just two weeks. Before she came here she was living outside, and she had a dog for a companion.
He gave me 5 minutes to plead my case and for now Libby stays with us.
I know that's not the topic, sorry, but it bugs me when people do that sort of thing.
This is their home and their decision. Everyone is different and has different views. We are only here to be supportive and give advice.
Now, back to the OP: Honestly, I think that this whole situation with Libby is something that you and DH need to sit down and talk about. Ask him some questions.... Are you ready to have a cat? Not just for now, for fun, but for the rest of this cat's life! You can't just keep exchanging cats (IMO) you get one and stick with it. Through the good times and the bad. This is just a kittenish behavior, that needs to be turned around. The cat doesn't know what's she's doing is wrong, noone has ever told her differently. Now it's time for you to 'train' her!
What ever happens, and whatever you guys decide (officially)... I wish you good luck!
Forgive me because I did not read all the posts, but I think I got the jist of your. It seems to me that your dh has to stop using his hand for play, use da bird or a string or anything, or just stop playing with her altogether. sounds lilke he is teaching bad habits.
Libby'sMom;1901359 said:
Have you read through this thread? I found it very helpful for me when I was trying to stop my Pinky from biting (he was an overstimulation biter). It covers many reasons why cats can be overly aggresive and what to do based on what is triggering them to do it.
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=20837
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=20837
I think it is dangerous to compare our cats to other people's cats -- it is like saying my next door neighbor's 7 year old is so sweet and doesn't backtalk so mine child shouldn't either (I wish). Cats all come with their own personalities that's for sure.
My cat is 1 years old and I know my DH is totally disappointed in him. Though he is not at all aggressive and is very tolerant of our young kids, he is not a "lap cat" and never seeks attention from my DH (only from me). My DH considers him "standoff-ish". He will also say why couldn't we have gotten a cat like so and so's. Finally I say, he is what he is -- who knows -- maybe in a few years he will be more of a lap cat.
I don't think you can expect your DH to put up with the cat's aggressive behavior though. Nobody would put with that from a dog so I don't think a cat should be that different. Your kitty is still young so I am sure that you have a good chance of fixing that problem.
My cat is 1 years old and I know my DH is totally disappointed in him. Though he is not at all aggressive and is very tolerant of our young kids, he is not a "lap cat" and never seeks attention from my DH (only from me). My DH considers him "standoff-ish". He will also say why couldn't we have gotten a cat like so and so's. Finally I say, he is what he is -- who knows -- maybe in a few years he will be more of a lap cat.
I don't think you can expect your DH to put up with the cat's aggressive behavior though. Nobody would put with that from a dog so I don't think a cat should be that different. Your kitty is still young so I am sure that you have a good chance of fixing that problem.
Excellent reply Meow Meow. If your child was not as well-behaved as your brother's or neighbour's, would he give the child away too? Each cat has it's own personality. A friend of ours got a cat from our breeder because he fell in love with Bijou. He is disappointed that the cat is not like Bijou in temperament. Fortunately he is a cat lover and accepts and loves the cat for itself.
