Advice Wanted

swampwitch

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Two months ago, I decided to get all negative people out of my life. Some were "friends" like the woman who lies all the time and "Sandra" both of whom I posted about here a few times. It's been a good decision, and interesting in several ways...

Another was a parenting newsgroup where I closed off PMs and quit. I just stopped, no explanation posted or anything. Well, on a whim yesterday I checked in there and found an active thread about me! People asking where I went, saying they enjoyed my posts, why can't they PM me, etc.

Although I made a couple of friends on the forum, there were many, er... I'll call them ultra-conservatives who did not agree with my opinions. Probably being "SwampWitch" didn't make them warm up to me, either! Evidently, the people who disagreed with me spoke up much more often than the ones who were silently nodding in agreement. I'm touched that anybody there even cared.


I'm not sure if I should go back or not. I'm wondering what would you do?
 

gailuvscats

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Don't cut off the positive things you got there. Just ignore the negative. There are a lot of conservatives on this site, that I would rather not have to acknowledge their existence, but hard as I try, they are still here.

Go back if you want, tell them you needed some time off, and you appreciate their concern.
 

theimp98

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hey i am a conservative hm about some things, you still talk to me hehe.
look there are good and bad anytime you deal with people. like here, and other places there are those that you can be firends with and get along sometimes in views, and sometimes you disagree,

really what it comes down to , is did you enjoy your time there, if so. then there is nothing wrong with going back
 
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swampwitch

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You guys are right, of course. I guess I'll go back for a while but it will feel weird at first. People don't attack each other on TCS like they do on other forums.

I've learned some interesting things as a result of cutting out negative people. Now I've just learned to speak up when I like someone's posts, and don't assume that they know I am in agreement with them.
 

duchess15

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I think that if you feel comfortable and had positive experiences, then you should go back from time to time. Remember, people can only make you feel negative or uncomfortable if you let them.
The negative usually outweighs the positive, but sometimes the positives are more important than the negative experiences. You may find out that more people agree with you than you think. There are many personality types out there. Some people will never change and there is nothing you can do about them, but you can always better yourself.
 

carolpetunia

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For several years, I was very involved in a site devoted to vintage electrical insulators -- primarily the wonderful old glass ones that you used to see on telephone poles, powerlines, hydroelectric dams, and so forth. (They're mostly made of ceramics and polymers now.
) The site wasn't divided into forums -- there was just one big "room" where we all congregated. The membership was almost exclusively male, and mostly over 50.

The open hostility on that site was stunning, and depressing, and ultimately ludicrous. Being there was like standing around in IMO with a bullseye on your back -- especially if you held controversial opinions like, "We should not destroy cheap, common insulators or disparage those who collect them," and "The use of child labor in insulator factories was morally wrong."


I finally left because almost nobody there knew how to hold a productive debate -- they only knew how to verbally batter and insult anyone they disagreed with.

My point is: if you felt pressured and attacked in that parenting forum, you may not want to continue subjecting yourself to it. Life is too short, y'know? And in my experience, if there are 100 people in a room and 97 of them are nice, upbeat, openminded folks... the other 3 are going to make more noise than all the rest put together!


Anyway... if you go back, I hope you're able to enjoy your friends and not let the rest upset you. Good luck!
 

diego

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

People don't attack each other on TCS like they do on other forums.
That is so true, a mate introduced me to 1 random forum, where all the people just insult each other all day long, mods included.

I have no idea the relevance of such a forum, its not for anything specilized.

It's good to know that the people who often disagreed with you the most, are asking after you.
I may have misunderstood your original post, so I will just say this. a person who disagrees with you is not necessarily a negative person.
If I did misunderstand you, the you can ignore that part
 

catsallover

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On my Cystic Fibrosis board, lots of people just take a break for a while (usually lets someone know that's what they are doing though, so nobody worries- given the nature of the board
).

If you truly enjoy those people, and can go back and ignore the ones you have a hard time tolerating, then go for it! I haven't joined a parenting forum because I figure it would just be too hot to handle a lot of the time...
 

pat

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Originally Posted by gailuvscats

There are a lot of conservatives on this site, that I would rather not have to acknowledge their existence, but hard as I try, they are still here.
Wow...through my life, as way out liberal to still doing my thing though others might find it conservative, I've always found value in almost any human I've met. I find this comment shocking as to just how many folks, good folks with interesting paths in life, it would cut out.

Just my 2 cents. I hope I have somehow misunderstood this comment. When it comes to cats, I see no red, no blue, no politics at all.
 

carolpetunia

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I can't speak for Gail, but I suspect she did oversimplify her statement... not all conservatives fit the stereotype that I think she's speaking of.

As passionate as I am about my politics, I have nothing against sincere, thinking conservatives whose minds are open, and who are willing to debate an issue on the facts, with mutual respect. I've known two such people in my life, and I treasure them both.
 

theimp98

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Originally Posted by Pat & Alix

Wow...through my life, as way out liberal to still doing my thing though others might find it conservative, I've always found value in almost any human I've met. I find this comment shocking as to just how many folks, good folks with interesting paths in life, it would cut out.

Just my 2 cents. I hope I have somehow misunderstood this comment. When it comes to cats, I see no red, no blue, no politics at all.
lol but you miss the point, Most far left liberals, place no value on humans
who do not agree with there points view


but really, why is this turning into a politics? its the lounge, if you want to talk that junk go to IMO
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by Duchess15

...You may find out that more people agree with you than you think...
That's pretty much what I've found out... now. I think people don't step in sometimes because they are afraid they will be a target, too. Hmm... similar to what happens when someone is being bullied, come to think of it.

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

For several years, I was very involved in a site devoted to vintage electrical insulators.... Being there was like standing around in IMO with a bullseye on your back...
I had no idea there was such a site! I always learn interesting things from you. I love the description about the bullseye, LOL!

Originally Posted by DIEGO

...It's good to know that the people who often disagreed with you the most, are asking after you...
Oh, no, a lot of people have not asked about me in the thread. I'm pretty sure they are glad I'm gone. But people I've never heard of (or noticed) have spoken up, and a couple of friends.

Originally Posted by catsallover

....I haven't joined a parenting forum because I figure it would just be too hot to handle a lot of the time...
Yup, a liberal non-religious member by the name of SwampWitch is bound to knock some noses out of joint among the ultra-conservative Christian parents. Not that I mean to, just expressing how I see things.


Originally Posted by Pat & Alix

... always found value in almost any human I've met. I find this comment shocking as to just how many folks, good folks with interesting paths in life, it would cut out...
When I read what Gail said, I was imagining the ones who attack... who check to find what I've posted that day and try to tear them apart, it's almost like being stalked.

Originally Posted by theimp98

lol but you miss the point, Most far left liberals, place no value on humans
who do not agree with there points view
Here here, same goes for far-right conservatives.


Still haven't quite decided if I want to go back.
 

theimp98

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

Here here, same goes for far-right conservatives.
yep, lol i dont like them also.

well like i said, it depends on if you had more fun then headaches when you where there.
 

rapunzel47

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A thought, for what it's worth: on this board we have an "ignore" function -- perhaps they do on the other board too. If you find some value there, if the people who were asking after you are people you want to interact with, perhaps the ones you'd as soon do without you could put on ignore, and just not have to deal with them.
 

carolpetunia

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Originally Posted by theimp98

Most far left liberals, place no value on humans
who do not agree with there points view
Do you see the difference between what I said and what you said?

...I made a very specific statement about the observable behavior of two people I've known personally.

...You made an unsupported and unverifiable assertion about the private thoughts and feelings of "most" liberals.

It's impossible to have a productive discussion that way.
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

Do you see the difference between what I said and what you said?

...I made a very specific statement about the observable behavior of two people I've known personally.

...You made an unsupported and unverifiable assertion about the private thoughts and feelings of "most" liberals....[/b]
In fairness, he said "most far-left liberals." Those are the most extreme, and there are always groups on the extreme ends of the pendulum.
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by rapunzel47

A thought, for what it's worth: on this board we have an "ignore" function -- perhaps they do on the other board too. If you find some value there, if the people who were asking after you are people you want to interact with, perhaps the ones you'd as soon do without you could put on ignore, and just not have to deal with them.
Good point. I forget if it blocks their posts, or just their ability to PM. I'll check on it! That would be nice, to block the posts (I know it does that on this board).
 

sarahp

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If there was a lot of negatives about being there, I wouldn't go back. Just because people are saying they liked your posts or the debates with you, doesn't necessarily mean you got anything out of them that was useful to you.

Maybe post once more to say you appreciate the thoughts, you are still alive, but you're no longer posting there.
 
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