Vibes, pretty please?!?!

Advice is very welcome too. I don't ask for a lot here but I need anything you guys can spare for Friday. My boss and I are going out to breakfast. Things in my office have been pretty bad lately and that paired with a few other things have led me to decide to quit sometime after the new year. Part of the problem is that I share a birthday w/ another lady here (I'll call her L). Normally this wouldn't be a problem but I don't really care for this woman. She's been here a little over a year and she's not learned anything... she's not open to learning and she's just ignorant! (she also happens to be black). We all think her race is irrelevant but my boss is scared to let her go because of it. Anyway, our boss usually takes us out for our b-days and I didn't like the way it was going to happen. One of our co-workers (I'll call her A) also works in a golf shop and we were supposed to go there for dinner while she was working. I said I didn't want to go as I didn't think it was fair to the person working there so she canceled it. Then Monday everyone but myself and A were invited out to breakfast for L's birthday. Mind you, I think of my boss as a surrogate grand mother (she's some 45 years older than I) and I've worked here for 8 years... 8 years! And she takes the stupid one who's only been here 1 year instead of me. Ok, </rant> The real issue is that I want to talk to her about L & how hurt I am that they went out while my b-day went unnoted, about our work and that she might be out of touch with what we're doing, and about the fact that I'll probably be resigning in the next year. The thing is she can be hard to talk to. I'm a little afraid of how this breakfast is going to go.

and about the fact that I'll probably be resigning in the next year

Under ANY circumstances, do NOT mention that you plan to resign in the future, unless you are ready to join the unemployment line TODAY.

A close friend of mine recently did just that, because she thought it was the considerate thing to do, and they fired her that very day.

Right up until you give your notice, you must PRETEND that you plan to stay there forever. Otherwise, you risk losing your job, plain and simple.

Honestly, I don't think that would happen but at the same time I'd be ok if it did. Like your friend, I thought it'd be considerate to mention it to her but perhaps I won't. I can get another job fairly quickly (and I'm 110% sure about this)... and I'm not opposed to drawing unemployment but I have a theory that in all her years in office (she's an elected official) she's NEVER fired anyone.

And I'm sorry if my first post was scattered... there's alot in my head right now and most of it doesn't make sense to me even. I'm just tired of being low man on the totem pole here considering I've been here as long as I have and how hard I work for this office.

I agree if you so mention or hint about your possible resignation, then you could find yourself out the door faster than you expected (believe me, that happened to me and I will never utter those words again).

I would definitely talk with her about L and some of the concerns that you have about her continued work there. If you boss does not apply some form of corrective action, then I would begin documenting the incidents. Then bring that documentation to your boss' attention.

Only mention you are leaving at the same time you are handing your boss the resignation letter. if she asks why you are leaving simply state that you can no longer work under these circumstances.

I'm sorry that they had the birthday dinner without you too... that's why I think silly things like that shouldn't even be done in the workplace.

It sounds like a difficult situation.

I would broach the subject of how you are feeling at your breakfast. If she seems open and is honestly listening and "hearing" what you are saying, just mention that the strife that is in the office is making you "consider" re-evaluting you job.

Good luck to you. I will send vibes your way for an open and honest discussion.

My advice is to avoid talking about what others did, and talk only about how you feel. Don't even mention L being taken out for her birthday... just say you were dissapointed that your birthday wasn't noted.

If your boss asks you about L, keep it impersonal and say something like, "she isn't catching on to the job as quickly as I'd hoped."

I agree not to mention leaving until just a few weeks before you do. A year in advance is too far away to talk about it.

Is it possible your boss is taking you to breakfast to celebrate your birthday? You are obviously a reasonable person so I'm sure it will go well.

No, breakfast was MY idea... not hers! Not only do I want to talk to her about this other person's job performance (or lack of... we've even had customers complain about her) but it's also about my boss' job performance. It's NOT right when I have to explain MY job to my own boss.

On the part about you're boss' performance, just remember to phrase it a way that you are inquiring about which direction she is going. Unless you're her personal advisor, I would try to approach her in a way that was more inquisitive rather than critical.

I think its safe to say though, that many people understand where you're coming from when you say that you're boss doesn't understand your job. Actually it's quite common in many professions.

oh Meaghan... You shouldn't have to be suffering so much...you should still be in wedded bliss with stars in your eyes....

I agree with not saying anything about your leaving.... when I was a boss, it was understood that anyone "leaving" was to be replaced asap. I guess they were concerned with info/merchandise disappearing?!

lots of luck tomorrow morning...

Ya, even Matt said I should "burn that bridge" until I have to. So, discussion will focus on the lack of acknowledgement of my b-day and perhaps her role as an assessor and how her actions affect the rest of us.

As for still being in wedded bliss... I am! I'm still waiting for wedding pics (must call SIL about that tomorrow) but I framed a very nice engagement pic of us for my desk and I can't help but smile and feel all lovey when I look at it. It's my refuge when work get's ugly.. and it's right next to pics of Frankie & Wickett!

Originally Posted by LuckyGirl

oh Meaghan...

You shouldn't have to be suffering so much...you should still be in wedded bliss with stars in your eyes....

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You have a good head on your shoulders, Meaghan, Im sure you will figure out exactly what to say. Many good vibes headed your way that it all works out.

I always thought it unfair that a good job goes un-noticed and not enough thanks for the work you do. Unless of course you are the person (the office suck-up) that can do no wrong.
I am so glad I'm out of that type of environment and get many thanks for the smallest of tasks from my clients!!
I hope your breakfast meeting goes well. I would have some items written down as reference points.

How did it go?

Thanks for asking.

It went pretty well. I'm not sure that anything I said sunk in though. Fortunatly, this week we had a tax payer who complained to our country office (I'm in a township office) saying that she was too old for the job and too stubborn to listen to the tax payers. Either way, it doesn't matter becuase I AM quitting... it's just a question of when.