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A bit upset.....and my friend doesnt get it?!

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
Ok, so while we were gone this week, I had a couple people looking after the cats, and dogs. First off I had taken 2 of the dogs to be borarded at the vets, because my mom had Molly and my sister had Oreo, and so I just decided to board the other 2. Well my friend said "you didnt have to board them, I would take care of them for you" So I told her, well you can go pick them up early if you want.....and of course she was more than happy to. I left her a check and *thought* she was picking them up Tuesday, because thats what she had told me......well that didnt happen. Then come to find out her *man* was out here, every day using my computer!! And he just acts like its no big deal~like I shouldnt be mad!

Im not mad at her really, just mad that HE thought he could use my house as his personal, whatever.............

Am I in the wrong???
post #2 of 22
If it were me, I'd be LIVID. Friend or not, you shouldn't take advantage of someone being gone to use their stuff, especially without asking their permission first. How rude. I'd take the key back and cut off contact with her for awhile. maybe that will snap something in her head and she will realize why it wasn't right.
post #3 of 22
You are not wrong. You did not give your friend permission to use your home in any way except to help with the animals. He crossed over the limit of respecting your home and privacy. I personally am paranoid when we're gone and someone has access to the house (pet sitter, etc). I actually put a password on the computers so no one can into them.
post #4 of 22
I'd be upset too! And you have every right to be! I've been fortunate so far in that either my Mom or my best friend's sister will house/pet sit for me. I trust them to not do that kind of things!
post #5 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles View Post
I'd be upset too! And you have every right to be! I've been fortunate so far in that either my Mom or my best friend's sister will house/pet sit for me. I trust them to not do that kind of things!
Yeah, well I know now not to ask this person to ever help out!! I did think I could trust her!! Her *man* just decided that since we were gone, he had every right to do as he wished, I guess...
post #6 of 22
I'm kinda confused... You left her a check thinking she'd take your kitties and kitty-sit, but instead she sent her "man" (boyfriend?) over every day with the key to take care of them instead, and he helped himself to your stuff.

IMO? I would be upset. I am upset on your behalf, actually. That is a breach of privacy and trust on BOTH their parts. I would check your history on your computer.... god knows what he was into. You might want to reset your computer back to a previous date and scan everything. Check to see if things are stolen.. I don't trust my friends' flavor of the week.

Has he been in your house before? What was the protocol?
post #7 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by noludoru View Post
I'm kinda confused... You left her a check thinking she'd take your kitties and kitty-sit, but instead she sent her "man" (boyfriend?) over every day with the key to take care of them instead, and he helped himself to your stuff.

IMO? I would be upset. I am upset on your behalf, actually. That is a breach of privacy and trust on BOTH their parts. I would check your history on your computer.... god knows what he was into. You might want to reset your computer back to a previous date and scan everything. Check to see if things are stolen.. I don't trust my friends' flavor of the week.

Has he been in your house before? What was the protocol?
Confused? Y ya confused??? LOL...I left HER a check to pick up my doggies from the vets because she decided she wanted to take care of them, rather then leave them at the vets all week, which was cool-I didnt mind, but she didnt get them the day she said she would, that made me kinda mad. BUT the thing that annoyed me the most was that her *man* came out here, and she didnt even know it!!! And used my computer, and yes I checked history, thats how I knew he was on it EVERY day!! And the sites he went to, ummm, lets just say arent anything I wanna talk about here.
post #8 of 22
I'd be upset too.

Back in the early 1980's I went away for a few weeks and a girl I worked with said that she would look after my cat for me.

When I got back I found out that she passed the buck onto her brother whom I didn't even know.

Not only did he rifle through my stuff, he stole some valuable jewellery from my LOCKED jewellery box. And tried to burn my place down with a lit cigarette in the bedding of my bed! Thank God the cigarette smothered itself out after only burning a hole in the bedding and the mattress. I was horrified!!!!!!

I wouldn't have noticed the missing jewellery for weeks if it hadn't been for the fact that upon my return I was going to show someone a gold watch that I had and had been thinking of selling, when to my astonishment the lock to my jewellery box popped off!!!! I immediately noticed that not only was the watch missing, but also every piece of gold jewellery that I owned including my mother's and grandmother's wedding rings!

I confronted the girl and her brother about the missing jewellery and the attempt to burn my apartment down, and he claimed that it must have been his friends who he allowed to stay there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I gave him 12 hours to get my stuff back or I was calling the police. I ended up calling the police to report the theft and attempt at arson.

Her brother was arrested and it turns out he had a long break and enter record, and the police recovered all of the jewellery except for 2 gold plated rings, at the airport awaiting shipment to Vancouver, BC for melting.

So yes, you trusted the girl to do something and she took advantage of it. She should have just gone there looked after the cats and left your stuff alone. Now it would have been different if you allowed her and her boy friend to stay at you home and you had given them permission to use your computer (which is what I do for my nephew when he house sits for me), but to just decide to sit down and use your computer to me is an invasion of privacy because you could have had all kinds of sensitive information on your computer such as bank account numbers, credit card numbers etc.
post #9 of 22
She didnt know he went to your house? I would be angry too.
post #10 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
but to just decide to sit down and use your computer to me is an invasion of privacy because you could have had all kinds of sensitive information on your computer such as bank account numbers, credit card numbers etc.
my home computer has all kinds of passwords, etc. stored on it because i'm the only user! i'd actually be calling the police to see about what kind of charges could be brought, if it were me!
post #11 of 22
There's absolutely no excuse in the world for her letting your key out of her possession, and no excuse in the world for what her boyfriend did with it. Trustworthiness is a deal-breaker for me... they would be out of my life.
post #12 of 22
Well, in one way I can understand how she'd trust him and not think that leaving a key hanging up would be an issue. On the other hand, it's still her responsibility if she has the key.

If she didn't know he was doing this, she can't really be blamed for his actions, especially if this is not known behavior for him. I'd be *FURIOUS* at him, and for sure, I'd be all over that, but I'd be all over him moreso than her. There are obviously still issues with her, given the late pick up of the dogs, and so forth, but I don't see those as the more major issue, since they were safe. Now, *he's* obviously a problem, and if I were you, I would consider changing your locks, because he seems like the type that would probably make a copy and even if you get the key back from her, that's not going to stop him from using your house (where he obviously thinks he has free reign) if he's got a copy. It is also possible that she trusted his opinion and he led her away from picking up the animals because it would interfere with his internet time, and it's just as obviously something he's wanting to hide, given that he's sneaking into someone's home to use the internet and hiding it from his girlfriend. I mean, if you think about it, that's a pretty extreme action to go through to hide internet activity. If the pathology is that in depth, then it's entirely possible that he's quite good at covering his tracks verbally (even if he is too stupid to cover his tracks on the computer). I would definitely do something about him, though. No way that's acceptable (or safe) in my opinion. If you have any numbers stored on your computer, passwords, etc... I would change all your passwords.. I'd also call any credit card companies whose numbers may have been stored on the puter and have them be on alert for activity, but also see if they'll send you out a new card and cancel your current one. Do the same for your bankcard if it's stored.
post #13 of 22
You're not mad at her?
You must be a more forgiving person than I am, cuz I would have been furious with the both of them, first of all her for letting it happen.
When I asked a trusted neighbor to look after my guys when we went on vacation, one of the first things I did was put a password on the computer. The next thing we did was to put all of the "important" paperwork away in our storage unit.
post #14 of 22
What dispicable ppl. You said he went over every day to feed you animals, then that she didn't know he went over. So, did she go over every day too, to feed them? ditto everything everyone else said about your computer.
post #15 of 22
Woah -- maybe I misunderstood. I thought your friend gave your key to this guy. If he took it without her knowledge, that does change things!

I hadn't even thought about Heather's point, but she's right -- your locks probably do need to be changed now.
post #16 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
Woah -- maybe I misunderstood. I thought your friend gave your key to this guy. If he took it without her knowledge, that does change things!

I hadn't even thought about Heather's point, but she's right -- your locks probably do need to be changed now.
And honestly, I think if it's possible, you need to make him pay for that. I mean, I'm not entirely sure where your friend's responsibility ends here, but, I look at it this way, if it were your significant other, and the situation was reversed where you were watching her pets or houseplants, or..whatever, you would trust your SO's opinion at least enough to give it weight about what the best route to take is regarding picking up the animals (or scheduling watering for the houseplants).. and you'd trust him not to take the key behind your back.

I mean, this is if she's telling the truth. The flip side of it is, she may have known all about this. But, honestly, I can't say that if there's something I don't want to do for a friend and they've already got it worked out to where I don't have to do it... I don't offer. I don't think it's human nature to "push" an idea that gets you locked into doing something you don't ultimately want to do. So, I think it's more probable that she truly meant the offer, and then something went awry.
post #17 of 22
It would be one thing if he was going on your computer just to check his email or something (that would probably still annoy me, but I wouldn't be angry about it) but if he was going to "questionable" sites that is another thing entirely! I had a friend do that with my computer once, and I ended up having to buy a new one because something downloaded itself on it and completely screwed it up. Norton couldn't even fix it.

I think you should put distance between you and them, and do a complete search of your house. Changing your locks isn't a bad idea either.

I'm sorry you had to go through this. How are your kitties and pups doing?
post #18 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post
It would be one thing if he was going on your computer just to check his email or something (that would probably still annoy me, but I wouldn't be angry about it) but if he was going to "questionable" sites that is another thing entirely! I had a friend do that with my computer once, and I ended up having to buy a new one because something downloaded itself on it and completely screwed it up. Norton couldn't even fix it.

I think you should put distance between you and them, and do a complete search of your house. Changing your locks isn't a bad idea either.

I'm sorry you had to go through this. How are your kitties and pups doing?

Yeah and see he used it for other reasons...... Not just for email purposes. I have let him use it before, but thats when I am home!! He said he just *assumed* I wouldnt care!! Umm, hello-yes I DO care!!! You didnt ask me!!
post #19 of 22
If he was using it for the reasons my mind id thinking, I'd wash all your towels and bedding. That's just plain gross.
I think you should just make sure everything is there, the animals are ok, change the locks and have no more contact with them. That's just plain gross and wrong. If something is missing I'd contact the police and tell them what happened then go from there.
post #20 of 22
I would be pretty mad..it would be different if he asked to use your puter, and told you why he needed it..But if he was just farting around on it, chatting or whatever..there is no reason he should have done that without asking.
post #21 of 22
I would feel violated.
Your computer is a big part of your life and just anyone going and playing around without your permission is a violation.

A huge violation of trust in the girl you had feeding the cats.


I certainly would never ask the same person to help out again!!!!!!
post #22 of 22
If the girlfriend didn't know about him going in, then I don't think it's her fault. She may be responsible for other things, but I can't say that I think she's accountable for thinking that your key is safe in her possession, when it's in her house, on her keyring, or what have you. If he took it without her knowing, and she had no reason to look for it, or to realize that he'd taken it.. I mean, if this guy is known for ... um.. shady behavior and she's suspicious of him, then by rights she should have hidden the key, but if he's someone she's trusted at least until this point, then why would she ever think that he'd take the key?

The other issues with not picking up the pets, etc, I think are seperate, but, perhaps I don't have enough of a picture to call it.
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