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What do you wear....

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
....to an interment?

My MIL passed away in April and she was cremated. Well my FIL finally bought a niche at a local cemetary and we are having the interment tomorrow.

It was just going to be my DH,SIL and FIL but now Dh wants me to go (FIL not too happy about that). My SIL wants her Dh to go too.

It is going to be an emotional day for my FIL and I don't think he wants anyone to see him cry - he is not adjusting well to being a widow. He is gambling a lot.

So anyway - what should I wear?
post #2 of 15
Same as if you go to a funeral - darker colors (navy blue, black) - not something really "loud" or bright. You could get away with something medium blue/white (like a flower dress).
post #3 of 15
I had a funeral on monday this week. I wore a pair of black dress pants, with strappy high heels (too high) and a 3/4 sleeve fitting black shirt with a scoop neck. I dressed pretty much how I do at work but added the high heels. I dont think black is necessary per say but that is what I chose (looks clean cut and non to gaudy). I am very sorry for your loss btw and Im hoping that things start to look up for FIL as well as your family as a whole. There should be no shame in crying eventhough I understand how he feels (I hate crying in front of others, makes me feel vulnerable).
post #4 of 15
Thread Starter 
Thanks.

FIL has never liked to show emotions.

I was thinking grey pants with a black top and some flat shoes (may have to walk across some grassy uneven areas).

Should I even go if my FIL isn't comfortable with it? My DH wants me there.
post #5 of 15
Grey is fine - forgot about that color.

Why doesn't your FIL want you there? You are there to support your DH (its his mother).
post #6 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by adymarie View Post
Thanks.

FIL has never liked to show emotions.

I was thinking grey pants with a black top and some flat shoes (may have to walk across some grassy uneven areas).

Should I even go if my FIL isn't comfortable with it? My DH wants me there.
Your outfit sounds very appropriate for the matter. You should go to support your dh. I felt the same when I went to my bf's grandpas funeral this week, but then realized I was wanted there (at least by grandma, not so sure about the others) plus i felt I should pay my respects. I hate showing my emotions (well sadness and grief) but is good to know that your family is there backing you up and supporting you in a time of need. Even if they dont want you to see them at their worst, or out of their element.
post #7 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by adymarie View Post
I was thinking grey pants with a black top and some flat shoes (may have to walk across some grassy uneven areas).
That sounds fine (good thinking on the shoes...last thing you need is for heels to sink into the cemetary

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
Why doesn't your FIL want you there? You are there to support your DH (its his mother).
Does your FIL not get along with you??
post #8 of 15
I think your outfit will be fine and flats are a great choice. I always wear something in grey, black or dark blue and waterproof mascara just in case.

I think you should definately go. Your husband will need you by his side. People act strangely during times of loss, so you may find you are needed much more than you think.
post #9 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom View Post
That sounds fine (good thinking on the shoes...last thing you need is for heels to sink into the cemetary



Does your FIL not get along with you??
No - he likes me, not as much as my MIL did (she was like a mother to me), but we get along well. I think he is just in a weird place and is trying to micro manage and control everything right now. He has antagonised everyone around him to the point that my hubby has to have meds just to deal with his dad.

DH doesn't even want to go...he had his closure at the funeral. He was the one there when they closed the casket. His dad and sister could not do it. I think I am going so that I can prevent him from strangling his dad. He is very angry at his dad right now.

He wanted his dad to invite his mom's best friend of over 30 years. My FIL did call her this week, spoke to her for an hour and a half but didn't invite because she hadn't called him in over a month. She didn't call him because he upset her so badly last time the spoke. He told her that he was going to put down my MIL cat (my neice took her) and keep his cat. She felt he was trying to strip my MIL right out of his life (got rid of everything). My DH strongly thinks that my MIL best friend should be invited but doesn't want to interfer.

DH called his sis last night to tell her I was going. She said that my FIL told her that her DH couldn't come. My DH said that of course he can come - you need him for support!

I think that I will need a drink after tomorrow morning. Too bad I'm allergic to alcohol. maybe chocolate will work.
post #10 of 15
If you are religious, I strongly suggest you ask God for extra patience and calming during the time you both will be there.

Maybe when its over and you are home, how about giving hubby a nice massage to help him recoup?
post #11 of 15
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the supprot everyone.

Tomorrow is not going to be pleaseant, but I hope the my FIL and SIL can get some closure.
post #12 of 15
Ady, it's totally appropriate that you go, to support your husband -- this is his loss just as much as it is his father's.

As for what to wear, basically the same as for a funeral -- and as far as that's concerned, pretty much anything from black on up, so long as it's reasonably reserved. You know your family better than anyone -- if they are going to be more comfortable with very sombre, then that's what you do. But if they are more likely to be focussed on celebrating your MIL's life than lamenting her passing, lighter colours, as long as they are not loud, would be fine, too. Your grey/black combination should be fine, and I agree -- flats are a good idea.

post #13 of 15
I"m sorry for your loss.

Wear whatever you feel comfortable in.

When my father died I wore a dress that he really liked on me. It was quite colourful but not flashy.

There is no need to wear black if you don't want to. A nice pair of pants and a top, or a top and a skirt, or a dress....it's all fine
post #14 of 15
I don't know whether this would be within the realm of possibility for your relationship with your FIL, but... if you can, you might just give him a little hug when you see him tomorrow. Meet him a little farther than halfway, y'know? Maybe it will help.
post #15 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
I don't know whether this would be within the realm of possibility for your relationship with your FIL, but... if you can, you might just give him a little hug when you see him tomorrow. Meet him a little farther than halfway, y'know? Maybe it will help.
I did give him a hug. As I said, we get along well, but he is just in a weird zone right now.

Thanks everyone.

I am glad I went with pants and flat shoes. It was pretty cool out with a breeze. Plus we had to go up a small hill to get to the niche. I had to assist my MIl best friend (she invited herself - good for her) up the hill as she is elderly and has arthritis.

It was very emotional for my FIL, SIL and my MIL best friend. DH and I were fine - we had said our goodbyes at the funeral and have been moving on. I think it was good for everybody involved.

Thanks for all of your support.
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