Jealousy.... from ME!!

This is a bit embarrassing but...

I got my two kittens, Harvey & Pebbles (brother & sister) before Christmas and they are 9 months old. Harvey is a Daddy's boy and will snuggle up on my bed for his cuddles and purr like mad! His sister Pebbles, a Calico is much more aloof and will want to be stroked when she says so.

This is the thing, they both LOVE Sara my house mate and will always go to sit on her lap ignoring me, especially Pebbles (see my other thread about meowing outside her room). She NEVER and I mean NEVER sits on my lap when we're hanging out in the lounge and the same goes for him really. I give them their food, they sleep on my bed most of the time and it's me who looks after them (I can't believe I'm writing this!)

I just wonder if I'm doing anything wrong. Am I stroking them too much? Am I giving them too much attention to force the issue? How come my kittens (esp. Pebbles) won't want to sit on their Daddy's lap?! I know it sounds pathetic, but It sort of bugs me when my flatmate gets more love from my kittens than me!

Am I being stupid? Is there anything I can do, or not do to change things? Have any of you ever felt the same feelings?

Many thanks in advance... a proud an worried parent!!

Tell me about it
Tolly is three, he has sat on my lap once and he is all over DH like a rash.
I know exactly how you feel

I know exactly how you feel! And it's not stupid or petty.. at least not in my book (of course, I have to justify feeling this way myself).. in any case my sister is bonding with both of my kittens, and it really cranks me.

I did see something last night on a cat behaviorist's website that suggests that you spend time playing with them, especially before you feed them, so that they associate the "play" as the hunt, and then the food as the "reward for hunting". Let me see if I can find it again.. 'cause I really need to figure out how to work with mine and bond with mine too.

http://www.thecatbehaviorist.com/ She's got a section here on how to bond with them. I have to say since I've been playing with mine more, and spending more time interacting with them, they're now starting to sleep on my bed, and so forth. I think I'm going to employ some of her techniques and then also look for additional information on it.

Cheers Heather, that's sweet of you. I must admit to not playing with them that much of late and I sort of leave them to it.. I should really as they're both only 9 months old... I'll make more of an effort with them and see if that makes a difference.

Do you think that stroking and talking too them too much could have an adverse effect, like it's forcing the issue? Sara is a pianist and when we first got them, she was wary about stroking them in case they scratched, because of her hands. Is it possible that they appreciated this more than being petted too much and now value her more?

Originally Posted by chipchop

Do you think that stroking and talking too them too much could have an adverse effect, like it's forcing the issue? Sara is a pianist and when we first got them, she was wary about stroking them in case they scratched, because of her hands. Is it possible that they appreciated this more than being petted too much and now value her more?

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Cats hate to be ignored I have read that the reason cats often approach people that don't want their attention, is that the things those people tend to do (avoid eye contact, sit quietly, etc) are very polite things to do in cat language.

The people who want kitty attention stare at the cats, call to them, walk after them...all this stuff is not so friendly to a cat. Make sure you're the one who feeds them and try to get in more play time (9 month old kitties have endless energy anyway).

Of course I've been trying to do all this stuff and my cats still DH and will leap away from me at lightening speed to get to him

Cats will definitely be more standoffish the more they think you're going to subject them to something they don't want to do. My suggestion here, above playing with them, and feeding them.. is to let them be themselves, and then let them come to you when *they* want to. They'll do it, eventually. The other thing I noticed was mine really like to be "talked" to. I hold conversations with mine, and will just talk to them while they're sitting close, or when they hop up to be pet.

I did read on one of the sites that you should make sure to pet them when they ask for it, but "leave them hanging, or wanting more"

Hate to bring this up, but... do you smoke? Or wear smelly (to a cat) hand lotion, or hair spray? They are so tuned in to smells...

Cheers all, much appreciated. Larke I don't smoke or wear hand lotion, just my normal deodorant and aftershave, nothing too offensive!

I'll try all of your advice: to play with them more and to avoid nagging Pebbles to come to me or to be stroked. I'll try to leave them to it as much as I can without pestering them and see if they appreciate this.

I came in this evening and Sarah said that she sat down to watch tv and Pebbles ran onto her lap to be petted: she has NEVER done this to me!! I guess she has a bond with her that I don't have... I logged on here to check any replies as soon as she told me this!!

I would also suggest making it a routine to take them to bed, with the door shut, at night. It helps, I think.