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Is almost 2 years too long? - Page 2

post #31 of 47
From engagement time to wedding for me was 1 yr 9 months. We had been initally unable to set a date as mom was diagnosed with cancer earlier that year and we weren't sure if we were going to have to be married sooner or if we could wait. As you can see we waited. Mom didn't want to wear a wig at my wedding so we go lucky and her hair was long enough at the time to have it styled.
No one seemed to mind the time frame. Evidently there are a bunch of busybodies in your situtation. Perhaps they would like to chip in for your wedding??
post #32 of 47
HECK NO!!!! I don't care if I get engaged tomorrow, I'm not going to get married until I'm done with school....a good 3-4 years from now. People ask us already when we are getting married and we both tell them once I am done with school and have time/money for a wedding. I would tell everyone who acts rude about it to stick it or donate money so you can have the wedding sooner . I don't know why people are like that. Maybe their worried about you having a child before the wedding god-forbid. When someone says something about that I say "I don't care if I do have a child! That's no reason to get married!!!" The conversation turns a bit different after that. It's funny to get people all riled up!!!!

(I never knew they covered up your curse words with the censored faces lol.... and it was the b word not the f word)
post #33 of 47
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
While its good to be financially stable before marriage, that day may never come - there is ALWAYS something that comes up. Now if its to clear out credit cards, past bills, etc - fine. What is your and his definition of "financially stable"?

Is there any other issues that need to be cleared up before marriage? Things you are not sure of?

In a marriage course it was said that you DATE for awhile (a few years), then if you are 100% sure this is the person you want the rest of your life, then you get ENGAGED for a short time, then the marriage.

BTW DH and I "dated" online for about 18 months before I moved here. But we officially were engaged for 5 months (just before moviing) - we were married 2 months after I moved.

I am sure this is what I want. I don't see what is wrong with it. The thing is that we were expecting me to be making more at this job then I am now. We are waiting to save up money for the wedding and are looking for a house. The day will come. We have already been together HAPPILY for four and a half years and already live together. We have no other problems other than saving money and trying to pay our bills off first.
post #34 of 47
For me, personally, I wouldn't like to be engaged that long. I'd rather have it as a "get it done" sort of thing.

But that's me, and I have no right to judge you and your choices, and I think it's terribly rude for someone to make comments to you like that. People just seem to assume that weddings are public events and that they can comment on whatever they choose. It's your wedding, and it's your decision, and no one (other than your husband-to-be) should be able to say anything about the matter!
post #35 of 47
Originally Posted by Pekoe & Nigel View Post
For me, personally, I wouldn't like to be engaged that long. I'd rather have it as a "get it done" sort of thing.
me, either, but that's because it's against my religion to have sex prior to marriage! so living together is out of the question.
when my sister got engaged [she & i have similar views on living together/sex before marriage, etc] she & her fiance got married in 3 months. she even stated that if they didn't both feel that living together without marriage was morally wrong, they'd just do that until after they had graduated from college. but, for them, that was not an option.
had nothing to do with kids - they didn't have their 1st kid until after they'd been married about 4 years.
post #36 of 47
I think that you have committed yourself to each other and that it is very responsible of you to have the wedding when you are financially capable of it.

I think that at this point in your relationship that the service is probably just a formality to you.
post #37 of 47
Congrats on the engagement!
We were engaged for just over a year, I couldn't wait that long but I did, there was a lot of planning that went into it, I didn't fully understand how much planning it really takes, it was fun, but I think a year min. is a good thing
It was hard for us personally since we had dated for years (putting off marriage for our personal goals, both finishing college) and were just ready to be married and have our wedding (we both have big families and weddings are a big deal, a celebration, and really fun!).
I have friends that are waiting 2 years and have waited that long after engagement, then those that waited like 6 months and some even under that!
It is all up to the couple and individuals. And that is what the special day is all about - you two and what you want. So you gotta learn to not care what other think right away, starting now , otherwise the wedding planning will be a pain, since everyone has a different opinion and their special needs/concerns, you have to stick to your relationship, what you are comfortable with, what you want together, and let that be your guide.
post #38 of 47
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca
For me personally I think expensive weddings are over rated.
Originally Posted by strange_wings View Post
You've got that right! The day should be about the couple and good memories... not huge bills later.
Just because it is expensive, doesn't mean they don't have good and very meaningful memories and that it isn't all about the couple, it is all for them! Everyone is different. Each couple has their way of doing things and their way they want to do those things.
post #39 of 47
it all depends upon what you guys want. and it should by your special day on your timetable. i shudder when i think about having a big or formal wedding. it should be just what ya'll want and tell the rude busybodies that it's none of their business.

my bf is a in the army so we may not be able to wait as much as i would like but i would rather marry him so we don't have to be separated. he is in the national guard but he is going active eventually. and when he goes active he will be posted out of state because there is no army post in Oregon, the closest is in Washington and we are not financially stable enough to do it without being married. and the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. we are already living together. we already know we want to be together but he might be shipped overseas next year and we want to be married before that. i have 15 people i want there from my side but he feels kinda like he has an obligation to his family. i don't know why, most of them are NOT nice. he didn't have a great childhood. about the only one i like is his grandmother and his cute niece. and they are about the only ones he truly likes and more than surface obligatory loves.

but enough about me, it is ya'lls life, and you are the only ones who can make decisions.
post #40 of 47
I have been with my SO for 22 years, and we are not even engaged. We decided things are fine just the way they are, we have no mutual children, (which would have changed things dramatically) and we don't feel like we need a piece of paper to tell the world we love each other and will spend our lives together. We discuss it occasionally, but have come up with no good reason to change a very happy, loving relationship.
You should do things the way you want to, on your timetable. No need to change your plans because some people cannot resist sticking their noses into other people's business or give unwanted opinions and advice. I wish you loads of happiness, no matter when you decide to marry.
post #41 of 47
To me, being married is just officializing what you have already promised to each other in your hearts.....I think waiting for your dream wedding rather than setting for less than that because of pressure to speed things up is ridiculous.

You two already know you belong to each other, plenty of couples are together for years and years until they finally marry.

I think two years isn't long at all...it'll fly by and you'll have had done things exactly the way you wanted to, coming out happier in the end!!!!
post #42 of 47
I think you both are being very responsible. People are probably disappointed because the "party" is 2 years away. And, the next time someone says you shouldn't get married because you aren't finacially stable, ask them how "stable" they were when they first got married...and ask who paid for their wedding. My bet is on mom and dad. Some people have no idea what a wedding costs because their parents paid for the whole thing.
post #43 of 47
Thread Starter 
I want to thank everyone for their kind words and reassurement that I SHOULDN'T be rushing into this without being ready financially. I was sure myself but just needed that little push. We want to have the wedding we want to have and to be able to help our parents pay for it.

Again you guys are the best and I greatly appreciate it! If i could invite all of you I definately would!
post #44 of 47
Originally Posted by Oscarsmommy View Post
If i could invite all of you I definately would!
We just expect lots of pictures.
post #45 of 47
Originally Posted by Oscarsmommy View Post
Thanks for all your support! This is why I love it here!

And about the "expensive weddings"

We aren't planning for a huge glamourous wedding. We have an idea in our mind what we want. We are big on bargains and making just about EVERYTHING-down to the invitations and floral arrangements. We can have a nice wedding but on a budget and I would never blow thousands upon thousands on my wedding.

We have been together for 4 and a half years and I told Trav when we got engaged was all I wanted to know was that he WANTED to be with me for the rest of our lives and I dfidn't care when the wedding was. I didn't want to rush. So we are saving for the wedding that WE want.
We were engaged for two years. It probably would have been longer if people would have stopped asking when the wedding was. We decided to just pick a date to shut people up. First it was March 2007 then we decided to change it to April 1, 2007. That really shut people up. Once we saw the reactions we decided to stick to that date and run away to Jamaica We had a reception the following weekend when we got back. We paid for the trip and his dad paid for the reception with the money he was gifting us.
post #46 of 47
Originally Posted by Oscarsmommy View Post
Thank you! We have been engaged for 6 months already but we have more important things to get in order. We want to have the wedding we have always wanted. We don't want to jump into it. We live together already so we just have those darn money problems figured out.
I know how you feel. My boyfriend and I live together, but want to wait until we can have a perfect ceremony and are able to include our whole families (who are spread around california, tennessee, texas, kansas, and nv) and we're now in washington! We are not engaged yet (hopefully soon! ) but I also want to be married in the early summer of '09. When I tell my friends that they are surprised we aren't rushing. I want it to be the perfect time for everyone, because in my heart we might as well already be married. Sometimes I feel like people judge us and think we should marry even if its just "eloping". Dont let anyone pressure you. You guys know whats best, and there is no reason to sacrifice the perfect ceremony to please others. They can go mind their own business
post #47 of 47
I was engaged for 20 months and the only reason it was that long was because I wanted to get married at the end of august and since we got engaged on Christmas eve, 8 months was not long enough to plan the wedding I wanted, so it was more waiting for the right date to come along. As someone else said, it just gives you more time to find those bargains!
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