Personally, I think it shows some major maturity on the part of you and your fiance. Congrats!
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Is almost 2 years too long?
- Thread starter oscarsmommy
- Start Date
Couldn't have said it any betterOriginally Posted by Bella713
Courtney, you do whatever is right for the two of you, who really CARES what anyone else thinks...that is their problem if they have an issue with it
It's your day, and you want everything to be perfect
Just tell them your giving them time to save up for a wedding present
No, that's not too long! They should be applauding you for taking your time, making sure you're financially stable and doing it the way YOU want it.
I was engaged for three years after several years of dating. Ultimately we were married simply and quickly by the mayor. Only immediate family came and we all had Thanksgiving dinner together the next day.
What I found is that the same people who complained that I was taking too long to get married were the same ones po'd that we "eloped" (which we didn't - we just planned a small family only civil ceremony). They just wanted me to throw a party for them
I was engaged for three years after several years of dating. Ultimately we were married simply and quickly by the mayor. Only immediate family came and we all had Thanksgiving dinner together the next day.
What I found is that the same people who complained that I was taking too long to get married were the same ones po'd that we "eloped" (which we didn't - we just planned a small family only civil ceremony). They just wanted me to throw a party for them
To the average person yes, BUT since you two are obviously paying for the wedding out of pocket then its very wise to be waiting until you can financially afford the wedding. I've talked with so many couple since I've gotten engaged that have told me:
1) It's just one day out of your life. Make it special but don't go overboard.
2) Don't take out loans for the wedding. That one day could put you in financial debt for 10 years.
1) It's just one day out of your life. Make it special but don't go overboard.
2) Don't take out loans for the wedding. That one day could put you in financial debt for 10 years.
DH and I were engaged for 14 months before we got married, his sister and her (now) husband were engaged just about two years. They got engaged July of 2005 and just got married June 2 of this year. No one questioned them (then again, Brandon and I got married last fall, so that may have had something to do with it).
But it's your wedding, and if anyone gets snippy with you about it, (e.g., "Why wait so long," "Then you shouldn't be getting married," etc.) just respond, "Oh, I'm sorry, I hadn't realized it was YOUR wedding."
But it's your wedding, and if anyone gets snippy with you about it, (e.g., "Why wait so long," "Then you shouldn't be getting married," etc.) just respond, "Oh, I'm sorry, I hadn't realized it was YOUR wedding."
It doesn't seem too long to me at all. J and I are getting married in August 2008, but got engaged October 2006. J's sister was getting married this year (she got married on Saturday, actually), and we didn't want to steal her thunder by getting married the same year, plus it didn't seem fair to his family for them to have two weddings in one year. Besides that, weddings can be expensive, and a longer engagement gives you more time to save up (and pay off debts ...
) and more time to decide what you really want.
If you're not financially ready to get married today, it would be stupid of you to plan to have your wedding today. It's not stupid at all to look at your resources, conclude that at this time you can't afford to do it, and set a date in the future when you can afford it. That gives you a deadline to work towards, and now you don't have to rush. As another poster pointed out, you can buy the things you need far in advance when they're less expensive, and you can pick up things as you go (and as you can afford them). Besides that, based on my experiences as a bridesmaid for J's sister, two years is not a long time when it comes to getting the dresses ready -- the bride's dress was purchased a little less than a year before the wedding date, and the staff at the bridal boutique made her feel like she was rushing them. (If you listened to them, you'd think you were supposed to buy your dress several decades in advance.
)
It's your wedding. Do what you want, when you want. The only timeline you have to follow is your own.
If you're not financially ready to get married today, it would be stupid of you to plan to have your wedding today. It's not stupid at all to look at your resources, conclude that at this time you can't afford to do it, and set a date in the future when you can afford it. That gives you a deadline to work towards, and now you don't have to rush. As another poster pointed out, you can buy the things you need far in advance when they're less expensive, and you can pick up things as you go (and as you can afford them). Besides that, based on my experiences as a bridesmaid for J's sister, two years is not a long time when it comes to getting the dresses ready -- the bride's dress was purchased a little less than a year before the wedding date, and the staff at the bridal boutique made her feel like she was rushing them. (If you listened to them, you'd think you were supposed to buy your dress several decades in advance.
It's your wedding. Do what you want, when you want. The only timeline you have to follow is your own.
Exactly- and those people who have a problem with it, shouldn't be invited to your wedding
Who are they to judge?!
I think it's a great idea!
It's stupid to rush into things when you aren't 'ready' and it seems like you guys are just trying to get things 'ready'.
Who cares what other people think, you guys are getting married--not them!
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for over 3.5 years! (Since December 1, 2003) Everyone laughs at us for not being engaged yet... I feel I'm too young still (22) and want to wait until I'm ready!
So, everyone is different and I actually admire that you guys aren't just rushing into something when you aren't 100% ready!
Congrats on the engagement!
It's stupid to rush into things when you aren't 'ready' and it seems like you guys are just trying to get things 'ready'.
Who cares what other people think, you guys are getting married--not them!
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for over 3.5 years! (Since December 1, 2003) Everyone laughs at us for not being engaged yet... I feel I'm too young still (22) and want to wait until I'm ready!
So, everyone is different and I actually admire that you guys aren't just rushing into something when you aren't 100% ready!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #29
Thanks for all your support! This is why I love it here!
And about the "expensive weddings"
We aren't planning for a huge glamourous wedding. We have an idea in our mind what we want. We are big on bargains and making just about EVERYTHING-down to the invitations and floral arrangements. We can have a nice wedding but on a budget and I would never blow thousands upon thousands on my wedding.
We have been together for 4 and a half years and I told Trav when we got engaged was all I wanted to know was that he WANTED to be with me for the rest of our lives and I dfidn't care when the wedding was. I didn't want to rush. So we are saving for the wedding that WE want.
And about the "expensive weddings"
We aren't planning for a huge glamourous wedding. We have an idea in our mind what we want. We are big on bargains and making just about EVERYTHING-down to the invitations and floral arrangements. We can have a nice wedding but on a budget and I would never blow thousands upon thousands on my wedding.
We have been together for 4 and a half years and I told Trav when we got engaged was all I wanted to know was that he WANTED to be with me for the rest of our lives and I dfidn't care when the wedding was. I didn't want to rush. So we are saving for the wedding that WE want.
While its good to be financially stable before marriage, that day may never come - there is ALWAYS something that comes up. Now if its to clear out credit cards, past bills, etc - fine. What is your and his definition of "financially stable"?
Is there any other issues that need to be cleared up before marriage? Things you are not sure of?
In a marriage course it was said that you DATE for awhile (a few years), then if you are 100% sure this is the person you want the rest of your life, then you get ENGAGED for a short time, then the marriage.
BTW DH and I "dated" online for about 18 months before I moved here. But we officially were engaged for 5 months (just before moviing) - we were married 2 months after I moved.
Is there any other issues that need to be cleared up before marriage? Things you are not sure of?
In a marriage course it was said that you DATE for awhile (a few years), then if you are 100% sure this is the person you want the rest of your life, then you get ENGAGED for a short time, then the marriage.
BTW DH and I "dated" online for about 18 months before I moved here. But we officially were engaged for 5 months (just before moviing) - we were married 2 months after I moved.
From engagement time to wedding for me was 1 yr 9 months. We had been initally unable to set a date as mom was diagnosed with cancer earlier that year and we weren't sure if we were going to have to be married sooner or if we could wait. As you can see we waited. Mom didn't want to wear a wig at my wedding so we go lucky and her hair was long enough at the time to have it styled.
No one seemed to mind the time frame. Evidently there are a bunch of busybodies in your situtation. Perhaps they would like to chip in for your wedding??
No one seemed to mind the time frame. Evidently there are a bunch of busybodies in your situtation. Perhaps they would like to chip in for your wedding??
HECK NO!!!! I don't care if I get engaged tomorrow, I'm not going to get married until I'm done with school....a good 3-4 years from now. People ask us already when we are getting married and we both tell them once I am done with school and have time/money for a wedding. I would tell everyone who acts rude about it to stick it or donate money so you can have the wedding sooner
. I don't know why people are like that. Maybe their worried about you having a child before the wedding god-forbid. When someone says something about that I say "I don't care if I do have a
child! That's no reason to get married!!!" The conversation turns a bit different after that. It's funny to get people all riled up!!!!
(I never knew they covered up your curse words with the censored faces lol.... and it was the b word not the f word)
(I never knew they covered up your curse words with the censored faces lol.... and it was the b word not the f word)
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- #33
I am sure this is what I want. I don't see what is wrong with it. The thing is that we were expecting me to be making more at this job then I am now. We are waiting to save up money for the wedding and are looking for a house. The day will come. We have already been together HAPPILY for four and a half years and already live together. We have no other problems other than saving money and trying to pay our bills off first.
For me, personally, I wouldn't like to be engaged that long. I'd rather have it as a "get it done" sort of thing.
But that's me, and I have no right to judge you and your choices, and I think it's terribly rude for someone to make comments to you like that. People just seem to assume that weddings are public events and that they can comment on whatever they choose. It's your wedding, and it's your decision, and no one (other than your husband-to-be) should be able to say anything about the matter!
But that's me, and I have no right to judge you and your choices, and I think it's terribly rude for someone to make comments to you like that. People just seem to assume that weddings are public events and that they can comment on whatever they choose. It's your wedding, and it's your decision, and no one (other than your husband-to-be) should be able to say anything about the matter!
me, either, but that's because it's against my religion to have sex prior to marriage! so living together is out of the question.Originally Posted by Pekoe & Nigel
For me, personally, I wouldn't like to be engaged that long. I'd rather have it as a "get it done" sort of thing.
when my sister got engaged [she & i have similar views on living together/sex before marriage, etc] she & her fiance got married in 3 months. she even stated that if they didn't both feel that living together without marriage was morally wrong, they'd just do that until after they had graduated from college. but, for them, that was not an option.
had nothing to do with kids - they didn't have their 1st kid until after they'd been married about 4 years.
I think that you have committed yourself to each other and that it is very responsible of you to have the wedding when you are financially capable of it.
I think that at this point in your relationship that the service is probably just a formality to you.
I think that at this point in your relationship that the service is probably just a formality to you.
Congrats on the engagement!
We were engaged for just over a year, I couldn't wait that long but I did, there was a lot of planning that went into it, I didn't fully understand how much planning it really takes, it was fun, but I think a year min. is a good thing
It was hard for us personally since we had dated for years (putting off marriage for our personal goals, both finishing college) and were just ready to be married and have our wedding (we both have big families and weddings are a big deal, a celebration, and really fun!).
I have friends that are waiting 2 years and have waited that long after engagement, then those that waited like 6 months and some even under that!
It is all up to the couple and individuals. And that is what the special day is all about - you two and what you want. So you gotta learn to not care what other think right away, starting now
, otherwise the wedding planning will be a pain, since everyone has a different opinion and their special needs/concerns, you have to stick to your relationship, what you are comfortable with, what you want together, and let that be your guide.
We were engaged for just over a year, I couldn't wait that long but I did, there was a lot of planning that went into it, I didn't fully understand how much planning it really takes, it was fun, but I think a year min. is a good thing
It was hard for us personally since we had dated for years (putting off marriage for our personal goals, both finishing college) and were just ready to be married and have our wedding (we both have big families and weddings are a big deal, a celebration, and really fun!).
I have friends that are waiting 2 years and have waited that long after engagement, then those that waited like 6 months and some even under that!
It is all up to the couple and individuals. And that is what the special day is all about - you two and what you want. So you gotta learn to not care what other think right away, starting now
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca
For me personally I think expensive weddings are over rated.
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca
For me personally I think expensive weddings are over rated.
Just because it is expensive, doesn't mean they don't have good and very meaningful memories and that it isn't all about the couple, it is all for them! Everyone is different. Each couple has their way of doing things and their way they want to do those things.
it all depends upon what you guys want. and it should by your special day on your timetable. i shudder when i think about having a big or formal wedding. it should be just what ya'll want and tell the rude busybodies that it's none of their business.
my bf is a in the army so we may not be able to wait as much as i would like but i would rather marry him so we don't have to be separated. he is in the national guard but he is going active eventually. and when he goes active he will be posted out of state because there is no army post in Oregon, the closest is in Washington and we are not financially stable enough to do it without being married. and the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. we are already living together. we already know we want to be together but he might be shipped overseas next year and we want to be married before that. i have 15 people i want there from my side but he feels kinda like he has an obligation to his family. i don't know why, most of them are NOT nice. he didn't have a great childhood. about the only one i like is his grandmother and his cute niece. and they are about the only ones he truly likes and more than surface obligatory loves.
but enough about me, it is ya'lls life, and you are the only ones who can make decisions.
my bf is a in the army so we may not be able to wait as much as i would like but i would rather marry him so we don't have to be separated. he is in the national guard but he is going active eventually. and when he goes active he will be posted out of state because there is no army post in Oregon, the closest is in Washington and we are not financially stable enough to do it without being married. and the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. we are already living together. we already know we want to be together but he might be shipped overseas next year and we want to be married before that. i have 15 people i want there from my side but he feels kinda like he has an obligation to his family. i don't know why, most of them are NOT nice. he didn't have a great childhood. about the only one i like is his grandmother and his cute niece. and they are about the only ones he truly likes and more than surface obligatory loves.
but enough about me, it is ya'lls life, and you are the only ones who can make decisions.
I have been with my SO for 22 years, and we are not even engaged. We decided things are fine just the way they are, we have no mutual children, (which would have changed things dramatically) and we don't feel like we need a piece of paper to tell the world we love each other and will spend our lives together. We discuss it occasionally, but have come up with no good reason to change a very happy, loving relationship.
You should do things the way you want to, on your timetable. No need to change your plans because some people cannot resist sticking their noses into other people's business or give unwanted opinions and advice. I wish you loads of happiness, no matter when you decide to marry.
You should do things the way you want to, on your timetable. No need to change your plans because some people cannot resist sticking their noses into other people's business or give unwanted opinions and advice. I wish you loads of happiness, no matter when you decide to marry.
