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So confused - please help!

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
Hi all, I’m in a really difficult situation: -
On Sunday we brought home a 9 week old kitten from my brother in law’s house. I put him in the spare room with a litter tray, water, food, bed and toys. He was fine. I have an adult cat already, Villy, she’s 10. Villy's history - she used to live with another cat - then she went to a shelter when she was 7 or 8 years old - the one she lived with was adopted out and she was left behind :-( We adopted her. So she has lived with another cat, but she's also been our only cat for 2 years.
When the two first saw each other on Sunday night they just looked at each other – nothing else.
Villy got quite upset, she laid in a hold all under our bed and stayed there, coming out to use the litter tray and eat a little. She did lay on the bed with me overnight on and off.
In the morning the little one started crying as she wanted attention and to come out, understandably, In the house which she came from she had other cats to play with and cuddle up to, in her new house she just has a hissing cat! Yesterday, Monday, whenever Villy saw her (they had supervised time together) she would just hiss at her. I felt so bad, I was at work all day so couldn’t be there to supervise, the kitten was crying, Villy was miserable and hissing whenever the kitten came near her, so I took the kitten back to my brother in law’s, back to her mom, brother and another cat which lives there. (It broke my heart to leave him ) Both cats are fine now.
I don’t know what to do, should I give it another chance, this weekend, when I can be there 24/7 to supervise, to be with them? I’ve spoken to our vet and explained the situation, he thinks it’s all normal and they should settle down in time. I’ve read mixed stories on here – some people have had problems for months and have ended up giving the kitten up, some people have had a little trouble initially then it’s been great. I’m so confused, please help. I love them both so much, but don’t want to distress either too much. The little one probably doesn’t know if he’s coming or going!! I feel so bad
p.s. Thanks to Renovia & Rosiemac who’ve already been a great help!
post #2 of 12
i would try again.

put the baby in a seperate room, with all his fixins, and some stuff toys that resemble older cats/ kittens. let your cat sniff the lil guy though the door.

also, try the vanilla trick ( a lil pure vanilla under the chins and base of tails).

i would do that for about 2 weeks, then supervised visits, about a hour each time.

also, for a hour or so, let your cat in the babies room, and the baby out to smell your house, so they get used to each others scent.

Good Luck!!
post #3 of 12
definitely keep them separated for a while, days at least. villy will definitely hiss if she's not ready to deal with the kitten yet.
post #4 of 12
Hi Jessy,

I sympathize with your situation as I've been through it several times. I can assure you that their behavior is quite normal and with time, they'll co-exist peacefully.

Like Liza24 has recommended, keep the kitten in a separate room but where Villy can smell him. I would suggest during feeding time to put Villy's food on one side of the door and the kittens on the other side. I've experienced that this seems to help.

What I've also found helpful is to put the kitten in a carrier in the room and to let your older cat come in and explore. Do this every day and in about a week, Villy will be much more comfortable with the smell of the kitten and you can start "letting them loose" so to speak.

I hope this helps so don't despair. I think they'll be just fine.

post #5 of 12
It will take time. You should definitely try again. Follow what the other posters have said. Rub a towel on the little one and leave it for Villy to smell so that she gets used to him. Feeding on either side of the door is a wonderful idea. Villy will hiss a bit, but that's normal. She's just teaching im who's boss.

Good luck
post #6 of 12
I agree with everyone else, try again if you really want the kitten. It takes time to develop friendships, just like real life human relationships. I put Lucia in a separate room with a screen on the door(Heidi, Valanhb's idea) so they could see her and she could see them, and after a few days they wanted in to see her and it worked really well, After a week she was out of the room completely. And do the vanilla trick and the blanket trick
post #7 of 12
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone, I really like the screen idea, then maybe the kitten won't feel so lonely as he will be able to see out?
I feel so guilty about making Villy unhappy again though
post #8 of 12
She'll get over it and thank you for getting her a friend, or at least another one of her species in the house (I've had cats cry nonstop - 24/7 - for months when a house-mate left/died even if they weren't ever 'friends'). They need to feel they're not alone.
post #9 of 12
Whatever you do don't give up.

It can be heartbreaking to see the resident cat upset, but once they realise the new arrival isn't a threat they'll come around.

Remember to groom Villy, then with her fur still in the grooming mitt or the brush go and groom the kitten and do this twice a day.

I was also told to take a t-shirt i'd been wearing and playfully rub in over Rosie and Sophies mouth where the scent glands are, then do the same with the kitten. I did this 2-3 times a day.

Villy is just telling the kitten who's the boss in the house, but as long as you make sure you spend some quality time with Villy and keep telling her you love her, she'll feel safe.

Have you bought any Rescue Remedy yet, or the Feliway diffuser?.
post #10 of 12
Thread Starter 
Hi Susan, Yes I have a feliway diffuser, and a refill on order. I also have some rescue remedy. Villy hates to be groomed so I was stroking one, then going to the other straight away and stroking with the same hand, could this have helped? Hopefully the kitten is coming home again on friday night. My DH is building a screen for the spare room where the kitten will be.
Thanks for all your support, I'm like you were, nervous that Villy will lose her amazing personality.
post #11 of 12
i had luxor in a room by himself with supervised visits for a week. By day three he wanted OUT but stoli wasn't ready... I don't think he was ready when we did let luxor out, but the worked it out and within 2 weeks they were friends. But they did have some hissing/rough and tumble matches that we had to break up....
post #12 of 12
Originally Posted by Jessy View Post
Villy hates to be groomed so I was stroking one, then going to the other straight away and stroking with the same hand, could this have helped?
Yes, anything that gets there scent transferred on to each other

The girls wouldn't eat their food with the drops of rescue remedy in because they could smell it so i put 2 drops on each of their paws to lick off.

Good look and i'll keep an eye on updates, but stick with it and you'll get there eventually
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