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Should I just quit? *VENT*

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
Well, I gave the contract to the parents. Mom talked to Becky and told me we had a "misunderstanding" and needed to chat.

Well, we did this morning. Apparently I was the one who misunderstood. I've also been doing things wrong like not putting the towels away in the same direction and "stuffing them in to fit in the closet) . I also don't always put the dishes away (I will admit I run the dishwasher around the time they come home to wash the dinner dishes I cook with too), and she said something about the recyclables (which I just sort the way its laid out in their garage, and I never take it out). There's that and other things she'll list. She didn't elaborate from that. She also said the boys should be doing most of the cleaning. She NEVER made that clear, and she started that initially as a punishment for them. I mentioned this today and she said "Well, that didn't work because they enjoy it! However, I still think the boys feel its punishment if they have to do anything besides pick up their toys or clean their rooms. They tell me no. If I force any issue with the boys, they throw a fit! Plus, if I can't do a good enough job, how can two 5 year old boys do it well enough? One of the boys LOVES folding towels....but they seem anal about it so... I never got it from any of our conversations that she wanted them to do it.

Here's the list she gave me when I started that the boys and I are supposed to do every afternoon, not counting their messes, dishes, and regular stuff.

Monday:
Vacuum living room
Boys downstairs bathroom sink and toilet
Dust and straighten

Tuesday:
Boys upstairs bathroom sink and toilet
Vacuum boys room (I have the boys do this)

Wednesday:

Vacuum den and master bedroom
Dusting and straightening

Thursday:
Boys upstairs bathroom sink, tub, and toilet
Wet mop kitchen and hall

Friday:
Boys downstairs bathroom sink and toilet
Vacuum living room
Dusting and straightening


Should I suck it up? Should I quit? I think its a lot for a 5 year old. One has ADHD, the other has anger management issues. I am frustrated and just don't know anymore...
post #2 of 22
Hmmm... this is a tough one


I have a 5yr old boy and a 9yr old also. I think them having chores is a MUST. It teaches them responsibility and to take pride in what they do.
BUT, I also think kids need time to be kids. Not someone's maid. I think her expectations of a 5 yr old are a bit much... I also think what she expects of you are high also.
Of course I don't know the full situation and agreement between you so I can't elaborate more (Or I do know and I'm having a usual brain fart )
post #3 of 22
Thread Starter 
Here's the nanny duties that are expected:


A nanny's job is to keep the children, safe, well nourished and
attended to. Duties include feeding the children, bathing the children,
monitoring TV time, nap time, computer time, and planning age appropriate
activities. Driving children to activities and arranging play dates,
and running necessary errands.

Housework directly involving the children is usually the nanny's
responsibility. Therefore, keeping the children's rooms clean, doing
their laundry, preparing their meals and cleaning up the dishes after
the meals is usually part of the job.

The nanny needs to be given proper notice to any changes in the
schedule originally agreed upon.


I forgot to mention that they had me doing their laundry, and putting weekend dishes away too. The boys pitch fits easily if something isn't "perfect", and get away with throwing fits for their parents. They do pick up after themselves, clean their rooms, make their beds, etc. The parents are admittedly more anal than most. If I can't do things right and to their expectations, how are two 5 year olds going to get it right?
post #4 of 22
A nanny is NOT the same thing as a housekeeper. If I were you, I'd be looking for another position. I would not just quit until I had found other employment, though.

This lady sounds like a backbreaker.

Maybe it is time that SHE take some responsibility for her home besides bringing home a paycheck.

CHildren that age should be PLAYING, not working.
post #5 of 22
5 year olds.
Doing all those chores.
YEAH RIGHT!

Can I say that this looks like a list that I'd hand to my 13 and 10 year old?

I do believe that kids should have chores. But when my kids were 5, cleaning up the toys they'd scattered all over the house was their chore. I didn't (and still don't) have the girls clean the bathrooms. But I'm getting so tired of cleaning up the mess they make in the bathroom (and they can make a mess), that I'm about ready to hand their bathroom cleaning over to them.


<<like not putting the towels away in the same direction and "stuffing them in to fit in the closet) >>

Ok, that's a bit anal. As long as the towels in this house make it into the closet without falling over, I'm happy

I do think she's expecting a bit much out of them, and you. And considering the kids you're watching (I'm assuming that's what you're doing) are high mantainance (my neighbor's kid has anger issues as well, so I understand what you're going through) I would think she'd let some of the housework slide so that you're giving as much attention as you can to the kids.
post #6 of 22
Thread Starter 
Over a month ago when discussing chores as punishment, she said she doesn't expect the boys to clean the toilets.

Is there any reasoning with this family anymore? Should I give up?
post #7 of 22
I don't get this at all...Personally if you were my Nanny the kids would be your only responsibility and I would much rather have you reading or playing with them then doing my house work...why doesn't she get a cleaning lady
post #8 of 22
I agree with the others that 5 yr old children should not be expected to do all these "chores". Are they supposed to be handling the cleaning products??
What if dusting something broke-whose fault would it be??
Are they that messy that the bathrooms have to be cleaned twice/week??
Do the parents have OCD???? You have put up with quite a bit from this family and it seems that the parents will never be satisfied.
For your sanity I really would write down the pros and cons from this job and see if its worth continuing or finding another position.
post #9 of 22
Thread Starter 
They had one until the end of May (I started May 1st). She told me before it was because I'd be taking more on. Today, she said she never expected me to replace the cleaning lady because I don't clean the oven, etc. She confuses me on her expectations like that a lot....and confuses the boys with her vaious methods too (that's part of the reason they are the way they are).

She ended with "Of course the boys are your biggest responsibility, not the cleaning"

I just don't get it.

Should I stick with it until the end of August when I start school again? (they want me for after school care when they go to kindergarten) By then their nanny service contract will be out too....

Should I just start looking for something maybe part time that I can do when school starts too?
post #10 of 22
Can you survive the job another 6-7 weeks???
As for after school care when would you be able to get your studying in??
post #11 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GailC View Post
I agree with the others that 5 yr old children should not be expected to do all these "chores". Are they supposed to be handling the cleaning products??
What if dusting something broke-whose fault would it be??
Are they that messy that the bathrooms have to be cleaned twice/week??
Do the parents have OCD???? You have put up with quite a bit from this family and it seems that the parents will never be satisfied.
For your sanity I really would write down the pros and cons from this job and see if its worth continuing or finding another position.
If dad isn't OCD, he's close....definitely a perfectionist to the point of being obsessive. Mom's words. Mom considers herself a "natural boss".

It was my fault when one of the boys took an old non-working watch from their parents' room. I asked the boy where he got it from, he said his dad gave it to him (it looked cheap and obviously wasn't working, so I believed him). Well the boy got a huge lecture right in front of me when dad found it, and dad looked at me while doing this like it was all me too.

I would only have the boys til like 5:30PM
post #12 of 22
How hard do u think it would be for you to find another job...I guess the big question is how attached are you to these boys, will it be hard for you to leave?
post #13 of 22
Thread Starter 
It won't be too hard to find another job, just next to impossible to interview for one though.

I do love the boys, but I've worked in daycare, have student taught, and know how to let go.... I still miss the kids I became close with and wonder sometimes how they are, but nothing more than that. I have pictures of a lot of them.

I do worry that they are attached though....
post #14 of 22
I'd definitely be looking for a new job. I don't think it's the nanny's or the 5 yr old's job to clean the toilet.

Quote:
Today, she said she never expected me to replace the cleaning lady because I don't clean the oven, etc.
uuuuuh, who cleans the oven all the time? and isn't that what self cleaning ovens are for?

I think she's still trying to get a housekeeper and a nanny for half price rather than hiring both.
post #15 of 22
She's inconsistent and vague in her instructions, and her expectations are not always realistic. If you decide to stick it out through summer, I would suggest that you start out trying to do what's on her list, but don't push it -- whatever is too burdensome for you or too dangerous and complex for the boys, let it go.

After a week or so, report to her: here are the things that are working out, here are the things that simply cannot fit in for either the boys or me.

If that's acceptable to her, great; if not, explain that you've done all you can to comply, and now you can only offer your resignation. At the very worst, she'll accept, but ask you to stay until she hires someone else -- and that gives you time to submit some resumes elsewhere. At best, she'll finally realize that her expectations are too high, and the pressure you've been living with will ease up.

I hope it works out for you! Goodness knows you've invested a tremendous amount of thought and care in this situation. You're a very conscientious person, and I would hire you in a heartbeat!
post #16 of 22
well, i would certainly be job hunting - they don't sound like the kind of people i'd want to work for. but i've already told you that...
have they decided whether to medicate the child with the ADHD?
post #17 of 22
Thread Starter 
They are waiting to decide the next step until they start school and how he interacts. The Kindergarten teachers at their school are going to be doing a introductory thing where they will only have half their class at a time two days during the first week of school to get to know their students and the kids more. She will speak with them sometime this fall about all the possibilities.At schools I student taught at, the doctors wouldn't medicate for a learning disability until at least first grade (when the children have more "independent work") because its hard to determine in the Kindergarten structure how they will do. Mom thinks they may be gifted. I admit, they are smarter than average, but they don't fit the bill as extraordinary. They can count higher than the pre- Kindergarten average by like 30, and can write all their letters, just by naming them. I got them both to write their names with proper capital letter/ small letter usage. We have been working on smaller case letters. They're pretty good. It takes a lot to be considered "gifted". For example, when I was student teaching, a girl in my class (2nd grade) was given spelling/ vocab words such as: meteor, centimeter, octagon, etc. She aced 9th grade tests (as high as they went).

They have hearing tests this week. Mom thinks that because the ADHD one turns up the volume on the TV and computer, that they have hearing issues, and that may be the cause of it. I tried telling her that I noticed he turned up the volume to "tune out" any background talking, etc, and that its common for ADHD kids to do that to eliminate distractions, but it fell on deaf ears. It is a common symptom for ADHD kids to have trouble paying attention when spoken to directly, and to follow directions. He DEFINITELY has those symptoms. I doubt its a "hearing" problem.

The parents found out about the other twin today (no word yet). The non-ADHD kid feels like his brother is loved more, given more attention, etc than him. This may be true because the parents do tend to the ADHD one first all the time because he can't wait his turn, interrupts adults VERY often, and other people. I have seen this, and the other twin will give in and let his brother be first or let his brother have whatever since he's so persistent. I feel bad for him. I almost wouldn't be surprised if the other one has a form of it either. Neither respond to discipline or reason, the other twin has major anger issues, and gets easily frustrated when things don't go accordingly (even not writing "perfect" on the first try). Both throw temper tantrums over the littlest things. I know these things are all symptoms of ADHD, but the mom also has to understand how difficult it is for me to reason with them the fact that they need to do all these extra chores. They also have an inability to entertain themselves (which made it very difficult for me to do the extra cleaning). They are smart boys, and don't understand this "daily chores" thing or why they have to do it. Even when you give them a reason, it doesn't sink in. I know these are all characteristics of ADHD (in both of them, one just doesn't have the hyperactivity part) I'm at a loss here. Any advice on how to get through would be great..... that goes for these parents too!

I would quit, but then I'd need to find another job. Does it really pay to find a job with only 6 more weeks left?

My fiance doesn't see it as a big deal, and tells me that he has an anal boss who's inconsistent and vague too, and he deals with it....

Am I just over reacting?

Lacey
post #18 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by sofiecusion View Post
I would quit, but then I'd need to find another job. Does it really pay to find a job with only 6 more weeks left?

Am I just over reacting?

Lacey
well, if you can stand it for the 6 weeks, then stay. only you know what you can & can't stand.
on the other issue - gifted children [as you probably know] aren't just smart - they think 'outside the box'. they come up with ideas & questions that the smart adults haven't even considered. they're extremely independent; not as susceptible to peer pressure [they're so secure in their own skins they're not as likely to be 'bent' by populararity]. they like what they like, and don't bow easily to others' ideas of what 'should' be done [this includes authority figures]. as far as the ADHD/medication/school issue - ADHD affects social interaction as well as scholastic endeavors. [as you probably know] making waiting to medicate really inadvisable. often the correct dosage takes a while to determine. waiting until more difficult tasks are being required to begin this 'tinkering' simply causes a child to lose ground for no reason.
now, if they are anti-meds, that's totally different.
i had a student this past year, kinder, whose mom worked with his doctors all year trying to find a drug protocol that would work for him. unfortunately, all of the ADHD meds had disastrous effects on his personality - he was hostile & violent. they even tried some meds to counteract the hostility, but to no effect. she finally decided to take him off meds completely. he has a great deal of difficulty concentrating [one of the reasons i saw him so often] but at least now he's a pleasant, cooperative child to be around!
post #19 of 22
Thread Starter 
I'm not sure how much more I can tolerate. I think my fiance's indifference and making me feel crazy are getting to me.

Their ADHD has affected their social interactions big time. I do see it as being a major problem in Kindergarten. It was in their daycare. I worry about them because of that, and their constant need for attention, the making friends part of Kindergarten that's so important, etc. Usually pre-schoolers have formed friendships, and can name their "favorites", they can't. Hopefully the teachers will see that in those first days of school. They are being put in separate classrooms. I have heard studies that medication does not work in 20% of all ADHD cases. Mom has told me numerous times that she believes she has it.

That girl I student taught wanted to know why we never converted to the metric system like everyone else, and then wanted to know why there was never a metric clock (We found out there was, but it didn't work). Most people never fathomed the idea of "metric time" before, but this 7 year old did. LOL

I think these boys are sharp and pick up on things easily, but are not "gifted". I think mom and dad will have some real eye openers in the coming months. Like I said mom doesn't or can't listen, and dad shuts anything out that corrupts his "perfect" universe. Don't worry, I'll bite my tongue when the hearing tests come back. They are definitely trying to look for excuses. Their hearing tests for Kindergarten were "normal" but mom wants them tested further. I'm glad I'm getting out of teaching.....she would be a parent I would dread! LOL

I just don't know what to expect anymore. The mom is inconsistent and vague with me. She never really seems to answer my simplest questions. I feel "on edge" and pay attention to every detail because their so anal, and apparently its not good enough even though I'm trying my absolute best. I also feel like she probably made it seem like I irrational, and easily misunderstand things to the nanny agency that set us up. She makes me feel like an idiot, even though she was the one who was unclear. I am even more uncertain as she declared my inadequacies and what I need to do better with the cleaning while at the same time telling me she wants the boys to do the majority of it...I certainly didn't misinterpret doing the parents' laundry as she pre-sorts it for me. Do I try to "perfect" what I have been doing? Do I just try and get the boys involved more? Somehow do both? I'm confused at this point.
post #20 of 22
sounds to me like they're not going to be happy no matter what you do or don't do - so just do what you think is best for you & the kids. if they don't like it - well, you aren't even sure you want to stay, so they may take the decision out of your hands.
post #21 of 22
Thread Starter 
Thanks for listening and understanding. I don't think they'll ever be satisfied. As for the towels, I'll fold the ones that won't fit and leave them in the basket. I don't know what to do anymore. I know having the boys do the chores and then going behind them to "fix things" will cause stress on everyone's part, and it probably STILL won't be good enough.
post #22 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by laureen227 View Post
sounds to me like they're not going to be happy no matter what you do or don't do - so just do what you think is best for you & the kids. if they don't like it - well, you aren't even sure you want to stay, so they may take the decision out of your hands.

Yes! That's exactly what I, in my longwinded way, was trying to say.

I'm sorry... I know it's miserable. But if you can make the decision to stop trying to please the unpleasable, you'll feel better!
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