I need someone to talk to

April....how did your weekend go?

Well still not sure of what to do. Feeling a little down today. This whole thing has me as stressed as everything else does I think. Not sure im up to making another call. The kids are gone the house is quiet. And im sitting here not wanting to do anything. The whole thing just scares me and i guess my first reaction is always to run.

True... when your scared the natural instinct is to run, but you can only run for so long! Of course you are scared, you are opening up to a complete stranger (well semi-stranger) which may make you feel uncomfortable or even vunerable... I dont think you should give up, if you are uncomfortable with your current therapist then seek a different professional, or even seek out your primary for a referal... Sometimes even friends can give a great recommendation. We all have our days, but ignoring the issue, running, or hoping it will go away is unrealistic, I really encourage you to stick with it, at least give it a few more trys. This was only your first visit (which in my personal experience I am almost never satisfied with) dont give up hope just yet. I bet you are frustrated beyond belief, which alone is the perfect excuse to speak to someone instead of bottling it up to the point where you could just snap (I know I have)... Keep your chin up!

Originally Posted by april31

Well still not sure of what to do. Feeling a little down today. This whole thing has me as stressed as everything else does I think. Not sure im up to making another call. The kids are gone the house is quiet. And im sitting here not wanting to do anything. The whole thing just scares me and i guess my first reaction is always to run.

Click to expand...

You have your appointment tomorrow - right? Go, see how it goes. Then once that has been done, you can make a better informed decision.

Hopefully with the kids being gone for a bit, you can focus on yourself.

I am here for you if you want to chat via PM!

Originally Posted by adymarie

You have your appointment tomorrow - right? Go, see how it goes. Then once that has been done, you can make a better informed decision.

Hopefully with the kids being gone for a bit, you can focus on yourself.

I am here for you if you want to chat via PM!

Click to expand...

What do you enjoy doing? You could take a bath, go for a walk, read, etc. Try to just relax today.

Thank you all! im having a relly hard day today. My van is having problems and it just seems likes it one thing after another.

If it makes you feel a little better I dumped a cup of water all over my desk, my keyboard, mouse, cellphone, pad of paper, pants, chair, and floor... Early this morning You know you can pm me if u need to vent!

I just want to say that you do have the strength to do what you need. Look deep inside and you will find it. Do get help. It may take a few false starts, but it doesn't get better by itself.

All you really have to commit to right now is tomorrow's appointment. After that, you can reconnoiter and make new decisions if you need to -- but please don't let the setback last week cause you to lose your momentum, okay?

One step at a time is all you have to take... and you've got all of us walking right behind you.

Exactly, one step at a time. I am not sure what the problem is, but that is pretty much what all theapists say and it is good advice. here is something to help you feel you're not alone!

I was up all night thinking about how stupid this is. Ive been to counceling in the past where has it got me. Right back to here.

You have to give it more time... It is alot easier to be pessimistic than to try and see the optimistic outlook on things. Not many things are a quick fix... they require blood, sweat, tears, and effort. You have to try and stick with it and want it (open yourself up) for it to work... Im the same way, trust me (with my pessimism on therapy) but you never know what could come of it unless you keep trying... What do you really have to loose (not money at least, unless you go over your insurance stated amount of covered sessions)? Therapy has never got me far, but I've never stuck with it long enough to give it that chance.... Things wont be fixed over night or even within months, it may take years... but you wont know if you give up now!

I guess its just my mood today. Im feeling like it will never work and i dont even know what to say and its just a waist of time. Or that they are gonna tell me i just gone plain crazy. I know im not but sometimes i just feel like it.

I am totally the same, I am the most pessimistic person I know, I am not proud of that at the least! I go through those swings and moods as well. I can see why you have these feelings and I personally find it normal... I say give it a shot, you can always find your nitch elsewhere (with another professional) if this therapist doesnt suit your needs. Take advantage of those insurance covered visits...

I never know what to say either, Im usually very talkative but tend to freeze up when it comes to talking about my past, present, future, and emotions with a stranger, or anyone for that matter... But that is my challenge I would like to overcome. I want to break free from these feelings of being trapped and alone, if talking about it "helps" it is worth a shot to say the least.

Some people dont believe in therapy (and I see both ends of the spectrum) but give it sometime before you ban it from your life....

Originally Posted by april31

I guess its just my mood today. Im feeling like it will never work and i dont even know what to say and its just a waist of time. Or that they are gonna tell me i just gone plain crazy. I know im not but sometimes i just feel like it.

Click to expand...

Unfortunately if your going to have that kind of mind set, it won't work. You have to have the outlook that you WANT to be helped and that you WANT this to work.

I hope things can turn around for you - you deserve to be happy!

Actually, that's not true -- I had a similar mindset when I was forced into counseling years ago, and it STILL worked for me! After a few months, the therapist finally got through to me, and suddenly I was on board and participating.

It can work, and it will work if you have the right therapist. The lady you're seeing today may or may not be the right one -- but you'll find the person who can help you. Please don't give up yet!

I just feel likes its too hard to even think about going. I dont want to do anything. I want to crawl back into bed pull the covers over my head and make it all go away. The one prob is I cant sleep so....thats wont make it stop. I dont know if this person is gonna help or not i dont remember her ever really helping just sitting there smilling. A few times i remember wanting to get up and yell at her for just sitting there.

Originally Posted by april31

I just feel likes its too hard to even think about going. I dont want to do anything. I want to crawl back into bed pull the covers over my head and make it all go away. The one prob is I cant sleep so....thats wont make it stop. I dont know if this person is gonna help or not i dont remember her ever really helping just sitting there smiling. A few times i remember wanting to get up and yell at her for just sitting there.

Click to expand...

Everything you've stated here is a symptom of depression. You have a very good chance of getting better. It is just takes hard work. And if you don't feel like she is helping you, call her on it. Demand another therapist. Depression is a malady of your thoughts. The hopelessness you are experiencing is a part of that. We are with you every step of the way and many of us know how you are feeling. I have had days where I just want to fade away.

Yeah. Well the appointment is in 4 hours. Shes prob thinking oh jeeze not her again lol.

Originally Posted by katachtig

Depression is a malady of your thoughts. The hopelessness you are experiencing is a part of that.

Click to expand...

That's very beautifully put, Katachtig.

I know you have an appointment in August to see about some medication, which will help you a lot. It will ease this sense of hopelessness enough to make it easier for you to take initiative, and to be far less worried about what will happen. And then you'll be far more able to let the counseling do its job, too.

Let this lady have her shot at you today, and then ask them to schedule your next appoinment with someone else... it won't offend anyone, I promise. It's perfectly normal to have to do a little searching before you find someone you click with.

Imagine us all trooping in with you for the appointment! We'll wait right outside the door, and if you don't like this counselor, you just holler and we'll come whack her for you, okay?