Dating after divorce?

My parents have been divorced for over ten years. As the ink was drying on the paper my Dad was moving my Step-Mom into the house. (Side note: after a FINALLY realizing that my parent's divorce had NOTHING to do with me I realized that my Step-Mom was a wonderful person, and she and I are good friends now.)

You should start dating when the right person comes into your life. That may be tomorrow that may be five years from now. You'll know when the time is right.

Long term dating and breaking up, or getting married and breaking up is the same thing to me. Either way a relationship ended and 2 people went their separate ways.

Why sit and mourne about it? Life goes on and every minute you sit and spend dwelling over the breakup and wondering about "acceptable" length of time to start dating gain, is a minute of your life that you have lost and will never get it back.

If you're asking about when it's acceptable to start dating again, IMHO it's time you started to date

I don't think there really is a set time you should start dating. I think you should just live your life to the fullest, and when someone comes along that makes you feel like dating, then you try it out.

I've ben divorced for six years and out of an LTR 1 1/2 years. Signed up on a dating site, one month after moving out, last year. So far, I've had some laughs, eaten some good meals and seen some good movies. Nobody has turned out to be the ONE but, I'm hanging in there - if it happens, it happens.

Note to Mark: If you ever move to southern AZ and need a tour guide........

IMO it depends on if you have kids at home or not.
If you have kids at home, IMO a person should wait until the kids are grown and out of the house.
I do practice what I preach, I have 8 more years to go. Yes, it is tough but I feel it's what is best for my daughter.

Originally Posted by JuJubee

IMO it depends on if you have kids at home or not.
If you have kids at home, IMO a person should wait until the kids are grown and out of the house.
I do practice what I preach, I have 8 more years to go. Yes, it is tough but I feel it's what is best for my daughter.

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When my sons were 8 and 11, I married a wonderful man. Russ loved my kids and treated them as his own. It certainly does the kids no harm, to see their mother in a healthy, loving relationship. My kids had priority but, I needed some ADULT conversation and companionship, too.

Originally Posted by JuJubee

IMO it depends on if you have kids at home or not.
If you have kids at home, IMO a person should wait until the kids are grown and out of the house.
I do practice what I preach, I have 8 more years to go. Yes, it is tough but I feel it's what is best for my daughter.

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If I waited that long I wouldnt be able to date until I was 38! Ari is only 4 months old. Maybe longer if she doesnt move out at 18.

I think Im just waiting for someone that I feel like dating. No one has really stood out to me yet. I dont think Im ready.

I've been divorced from my ex husband 6 years but separated 7 1/2yrs.
I started dating about 2 months after we separated (not divorced).
My situation was ALOT diferent though. Our relationship had been over for about 6 months prior to me moving out.

I had my oldest son who was 3yrs old at the time. I never introduced him to the guys I dated. The only one I did introduce him to is my current DH and we didn't meet until 6 months after the divorce was final and were married 6 months after that.... 1yr after the divorce was final...

I don't think having kids has anything to do with it.
As long as you're not bringing a different guy around them every night. Try to keep them away from the kids until you're dead serious about the relationship.

Originally Posted by JuJubee

IMO it depends on if you have kids at home or not.
If you have kids at home, IMO a person should wait until the kids are grown and out of the house.
I do practice what I preach, I have 8 more years to go. Yes, it is tough but I feel it's what is best for my daughter.

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I am not in favor of that but its slightly different for ladies with daughters. Sorry guys, the perverts out there have made dating ladies with daughters suspect. No matter how nice you are, there's always the specter of others hanging around.

Having kids doesn't prevent dating, just makes it very complicated sometimes. My three are 25, 22 and 19 now so its not an issue.

Although my youngest did set me straight on one topic. After a raid on a bad guy's house, I sent her an email around 5am telling her it made the news and she could check out Dad on the internet. She sends me a message back that essentially says:

"Dad, you took the job in Dayton for a fresh start. New job, new place, new chance to meet eligible ladies. I do not think the type of women you will meet in that section of town at 3am in the morning while on a search warrant with the vice squad qualify as ones that I would consider as a step-mom."

Ouch! Talk about being blunt.

So, in conclusion. Be careful. Be selective. Be considerate. And most importantly.... .BE HAPPY. !!!

Originally Posted by Fostermomm

If I waited that long I wouldnt be able to date until I was 38! Ari is only 4 months old. Maybe longer if she doesnt move out at 18.

I think Im just waiting for someone that I feel like dating. No one has really stood out to me yet. I dont think Im ready.

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IMO, if you have to ask, you aren't ready. You're looking for external validation on what should be a very personal decision. You said in your original post that you still have feelings for your ex, and you need to put those to rest first, before you think about dating. And any 'friends' who try to push you into dating before YOU'RE ready, aren't doing you any favors.

And to paraphrase what Mark's already said, minus the shouting, "why did you stay with a loser?" My first order of business after my divorce was to figure out why I thought it was OK for my ex to treat me the way he did, and why I chose him in the first place. I didn't take this seriously enough and I wound up in a couple of dead-end relationships that were polar opposites of my marriage -- the most recent of which ended when i got pregnant and he couldn't deal.

I know I will eventually date again, and before Danica is 18, but it will be a while. I want to concentrate on getting to know my self and my daughter, and THEN I can focus on finding someone to spend time with, and eventually someone who'll love us both.

Our girls are about the same age!!!! When was Ari born?

Originally Posted by Mark Kumpf

"Dad, you took the job in Dayton for a fresh start. New job, new place, new chance to meet eligible ladies. I do not think the type of women you will meet in that section of town at 3am in the morning while on a search warrant with the vice squad qualify as ones that I would consider as a step-mom."

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This tells me you've done a FABULOUS job raising your daughters, Mark! you must be so proud of the strong, independent and witty young women they've become! Someday I hope to find someone just like you for my girl!

Despite him not being able to "deal", looks like you produced a very cute addition to the fur-kids family. And, as a guy who dated a person with two kids and then got married, don't count all guys in the can't deal with kids category. I love mine to death although they have given me a receeding hairline, high blood pressure, stomach problems and gray hairs before I was 40!

Good advice BTW.

I think as long as you are officially broken up or divorced then it's okay to start dating again right away. Most people these days don't wait to jump back into the dating game. Obviously if it was a really long relationship that you just got out of, then it may take longer to be comfortable dating again. But you've been single for awhile now, it'd probably help you to move on and get over him if you had another man to focus your attention on.

I understand why some would not want to date when they have kids, but IMO its better to have a strong loving relationship and let the kids see and know that not all marriages are bad ones; or not all men/women are bad.

You can't be putting your entire life on a back burner for your kids. They don't have to be #1 ALL the time. You need to balance their needs AND your needs.

IMO when you put them ahead of your needs, you are not really teaching them all of what they need to know/see in a healthy relationship! And they wind up demanding all your time no matter what - that's not fair to them or to you.

But you can't be bringing home one person after another either. However you need adult time and you need dating time. To wait 5, 10, 15 yrs before having a "life" again is kinda sad to me.

Thanks Mark -- I think she's pretty cute too, but I'm admittedly biased

No, I don't tend to paint with broad strokes like that. Just want to be completely at peace with this business of being a parent before I try to add a s/o to the mix. And yes, unfortunately in this day and age we have to be cautious of who we bring home to the kids. I also need to hone my 'women's intuition' a bit before diving headlong into the dating pool.

Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

I understand why some would not want to date when they have kids, but IMO its better to have a strong loving relationship and let the kids see and know that not all marriages are bad ones; or not all men/women are bad.

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ITA with this statement, but the fact of the matter is, a strong, loving relationship takes TIME, and lots of it, BEFORE you involve the kids.

And then there's my Mom. She and my Dad divorced when I was 7 or 8. My Mom never dated until well after my little brother and I were grown and out of the house. She got engaged. They never married because he developed cancer and passed away.

All I'm saying is don't put your own life off so long that you miss out.

When my ex & I splitup I started dating someone way too soon, and almost ended up with a stalker. Real loser!!! Then I "dated mutual friend of a friend" he was a truck driver and was great because he wasn't around very much, but he usually drove at night so when I couldn't sleep I could always call him and talk, he was really more of a friend than anything else. When I stopped looking and was just out for an evening with the girls I met "the One". It was about a year after we broke up. Listen to your heart and you will know when the time is right.

Take care of yourself and your child first & foremost.

My parents divorced, when I was 10 and both remarried, just before I turned 12. I wound up with the proverbial wicked stepmother and haven't seen my father, since I was 15.

Mom married the man that I buy Fathers' Day, Christmas and birthday gifts for and all of the grandkids/great-grandkids call HIM "Grandpa". I'm glad that Mom didn't wait.

Originally Posted by RicaLynn

Our girls are about the same age!!!! When was Ari born?

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Ari was born March 11th. Thats cool that they are the same age. When was Danica born?