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Kid's hairstyles...what's okay, what's not???? - Page 2

post #31 of 45
I also think that if you cant go to church or a formal situation with your hair color/cut without getting embarrased then you shouldnt have it that way.
I'm sorry, but I find this selfish. It's not about the kid being embarrased, obviously, they wouldn't do it if it embaressed them. It's about YOU being embarrased. If that's how you feel, fine, but at least admit that it's the reason.

I'd allow whatever weird stuff they wanted to do to their hair. And if they did something exceedingly ridiculous, I'd make fun of them for it. Nothing stops a rebelious child like a parent laughing at the rebelion. Or saying "well, that's nice dear". Trust me. There's a reason I didn't do anything like that. Anytime I tried anything remotely rebelious, I got a "aww, that's cute".

I dated a guy with green hair in high school, and my mom said she liked the color. Kinda defeats the purpose. His mother laughed at him for the terrible home dye-job, helped him fix it, and then made him bleach the mess he made in the bathroom.

My cousin also went green. My grandmother shook her head, but he still went and held the altar candle. God loves all colors. After a week, she got used to it.

Piercings close up, but can be dangerous. I would discuss this thoroughly with my child. No piercings until 12, so they can be responsible enough to clean them properly. Piercings are supervised by the parents. Again, I was allowed to get piercings under these rules, and all I did was my ears lobes. My mom was actually upset that I didn't get a cartiledge piercing on my upper ear, she thought it would be cute. If I wanted a belly ring, she would have been fine with it as long as I could show that I would take care of it.

Tatoos are a different story, since they're permanent. No tatoos until 18. And if they wanted one, I'd advise them to a) not get someones name and b) don't put it someplace that will change shape.
post #32 of 45
I draw the line at anything permanent. No tatoos, basically, until you're old enough to really deal with permanence when making a decision. Piercings...I'm on the fence. You can let them close up or take the earings out, but some are pront to infection, which I would overrule for practical reasons. No gauging them under my roof, though. Ick.
post #33 of 45
these were our rules, growing up. pierced ears [1 per ear, regular place] at 15. bleach/dye hair at 16 - weird colors really weren't done by 'normal' people, & neither of us had any desire for them. no tattoos - never even asked. got my first tattoo this year, at 49. my nephew wants one - his parents told him he couldn't make that decision until he was financially responsible for himself [he's just turned 19, still in college, living at home - they're paying for college]. my sister is very anti-tattoo, anyway - thinks mine is ugly. basically, they told him if he got a tattoo, he would need to move out & pay for his own education. i think it's reasonable, since they're still footing his bills. but he already has some ideas of what he wants, when the time comes.
post #34 of 45
Originally Posted by lionessrampant View Post
I draw the line at anything permanent. No tatoos, basically, until you're old enough to really deal with permanence when making a decision. Piercings...I'm on the fence. You can let them close up or take the earings out, but some are pront to infection, which I would overrule for practical reasons. No gauging them under my roof, though. Ick.
That's my view, too. Of course, I'm used to seeing Marilyn Manson clones in my classes, so maybe it's not best to go by my "tolerance level".
post #35 of 45
As already said, hair and clothing are temporary, and are a good, safe way for a child to express him/herself. Having some control over how you look starts to become very important at about age nine, and kids want to start making some of their own choices. If the parent or caregiver squeezes too tightly, and doesn't allow some self-expression, something's going to give in another area of the child's life, and that may not be so harmless.

After all, we raise children to someday be able to make their own good choices. What better way to mess up while learning than with temporary hair colors & cuts, and clothes?
post #36 of 45
My 22 y/o nephew uses Elmer's glue, to spike his mohawk and colors it blue or green - THEN he wonders why nobody will hire him!
post #37 of 45
My mom, my sister and I went to the mall one day when I was 7 and my sister was 5 and we got our ears pierced and went to McDonalds afterwards. It was so much fun and something I will never forget. I started dying my hair in 10th grade and my mom flipped out. It has been consistantly dyed ever since, now I am just letting it grow out and I am horrified at the gray! So I will be re-dying it soon. I have had my septum and tragus pierced (my dad was pissed, mom just said wait til your dad sees that!) and my nipples since then. Mostly in college. I never cared for the common piercings everyone has. I wanted my nose pierced with a hoop in 6th grade so badly, I wanted a pierced nose and blue hair but mom said no.

As for future kids, I am dying to have a little boy so I can cut his hair like a soft mohawk (not the straight sticking up kind). I want a little leather jacket for him and no cutesy cloths (blah!) But for dying hair, I will probably be the one to offer to dye my kids hair. They an wear whatever they want unless they are going to grandmas house (we won't be stepping foot in a church) and I really don't care about how anyone looks to others, it is all about how each person is individually. My dad always assumed that someone with a tattoo or piercing were bad news which is just crap.

They can get a piercing when they can pay for it and a tattoo when they can pay for it too.
post #38 of 45
My daughter has always dyed her hair wild colors, worn mostly black clothing and drives a hearse. She is also a wonderful person and a fabulous mother of a precious 2 year old. She dresses her little girl in very girly clothes because she displayed a taste for pink ruffly stuff very early, and loves to priss around all girly. They are so cute together.
When she was a teenager, people would always ask me why I let her go around lookng like that. I would tell the it was none of their business, but my reasoning was if looking funny was the worst thing she ever did, I would be thrilled. She never did drugs, seldom broke curfew, and did not get pregnant until she was married. She always acted respectfully toward me, and I truly believe if I had objected a lot to the way she looked, she would have modified it.
post #39 of 45
I've been doing weird stuff to my hair for years. Mum hated it and I got in a lot of trouble when I was a teenager, but it didn't stop me! Same with piercings and tattoos - the more I was stopped the crazier I went when I was finally old enough.

My kids can do whatever they want to their hair. It's theirs, after all, not mine. I might not like it but I'm not going to stifle their self-expression.
post #40 of 45
I plan on having kids in the future and the fiance and I have discussed this. They are allowed to have whatever hairstyle they so choose as long as it isn't shaving inappropriate words or images into thier head or something like that. I'll probably have more color in my hair then my kids anyway. I see hair color kind of like clothes. Why should a person look down on you because you want your hair blue? If my young child wants colored hair like mommy, I will dye the child's hair with a temporary dye so they can see what its like and then we can wash it out . That way the child is not stuck with permanently dyed hair. As they get older, they can start using more permanent dyes at thier own will. As long as they wash thier hair, keep it healthy, and as long as they dyes are not dangerous, I could care less what color my child's hair is.

As for piercings and tattoos. Those come when I feel the child is mature enough to handle a piercing. Lets start off with piercings. You get something pierced, you don't like it, you take it out, it heals. End of story. So, I will be more relaxed about piercings then most. They are required to wait until they are of legal age to get the piercing of thier choice. They must show me exactly what they want and show me that they have researched on how to properly take care of it once they get it and they have to pay for it out of thier own pocket. With tattoos, once again they must be of legal age, know what they want and I want them to have thought about it for a long time before getting it. They have to realize that tattoos are permanent and what they decide to get will be with them forever. Once again, they must pay for everything. My mom took me a few months after I turned 18 to get my first tattoo. She held my hand through the whole thing. It was actually my choice to wait a few months even after becoming legally able to get one because I wanted to sit on my choice for a bit longer. My mom taught me that. I have 4 tattoos now and do not regret any of them.

I do not want my children growing up having someone tell them how to be them. They are going to do things like dye thier hair, get mohawks, tattoos and piercings whether I want them to or not and I can at least be there to support them in whatever they decide and make sure they do it in a safe and healthy manner. And I'm sure I'll have far more tattoos than my kids. I simply love tattoos. Going to get my next one within the next year. #5!
post #41 of 45
Hair doesn't hurt anyone, it grows back, and they have to live with it. I say let them do it! Of course I will remind them now and again that their hair is going to be really damaged if they color it too much.

One thing I draw the line at is dying your hair when you're 12 to look "hot". My little sister's grade and grades under her are dying their hair blond so boys will like them and they will be hot. What are we teaching our kids when they are 10 that they have to change their bodies to get boys or look hot?

Oh and I have to say this..... I never colored, dyed or did anything fun with my hair when I was in high school. Now I have piercings and tattoos, granted they are easily conselable, considering they are all under clothing/shoes. So I guess the hair agrument of turning your kids bad doesn't always work out
post #42 of 45
I think its up to the parents. I don't think I would want my kid to have some weird haircut or color. I would probably fight it but would most likely give in in the end.
post #43 of 45
Originally Posted by bnwalker2 View Post
I very much want them to be their own person. But there is a point where I would draw the line... as you said, no inappropriate words or anything like that.
But I do think they should have some say in their appearance... after all, it's their body! I don't think I'd allow any "weird" piercings or tattoos until they were much older though.
Me too, life is too short to be worrying about what they look like all the time and controlling them to look exactly like I want from a young age, they are young people who have their own style and being. They need to be allowed to make their own decisions and choices without being punished all the time.

My mother used to dress me in dresses when I was little; I was a tomboy and they annoyed me since they dragged around when I was really little and crawling and then later weren't good for climbing trees & making mud pies.

But thank goodness my parents let me BE a kid. They let me get dirty. They allowed me to play and not always worry about my clothes all the time and get into trouble simply about clothes, they let me have fun.

And to this day as an adult I am still very thankful they did so, to all of their children. We were allowed to do our hair as we pleased (sometimes we cut it ourselves –when we did something stupid like got gum tangled in our hair and quickly learned that was NOT a good thing, LOL!) and dress like we wanted (one of my siblings wore a superman suit every day with cowboy boots for like a year or more, it was really cute) but she grew out of it and is now an adult who takes pride in her appearance.

I dyed my hair many colors, cut it VERY short, wore it long, and changed my appearance often and still went on to college, made great grades, got several degrees, and have a good job I am dedicated to doing and have a nice family. I became a responsible adult regardless of what I chose to wear in school when younger and do my hair like (which many times my parents didn't agree with my styles). Kids, teens, all of them go through stages in clothing and hair styles and need some sense of freedom and value to learn about becoming their own person when it comes to those things.

I have some friends that don't let their kids go to school picking out what they want to wear. They fight every morning since the kids wants to wear cowboy boots and want to pick out their own outfits – which were reasonable outfits only they didn’t match.

One co-worker said they wanted the teacher to know their kid was cute and matched all the time and didn’t have to wear they same thing – the kid likes to wear the same thing.

Who cares?! Do they care more about what society thinks on this little issue, or care more about nurturing their child to make their own choices in small matters and learn about their sense of style and being a person as they grow?
I think it is sad when they want to impress and please an elementary school teacher over letting their own child (a good kid too) have some say so over what they wear on a daily basis.

I say save the fights for things that really matter. If you make everything such a struggle for any independence and freedom (even their own body and sense of style) when the big things come up, they will either hide them or not give a care about parents opinions and attempts to control.
post #44 of 45
my sister surprised me, yesterday. i went over to her house to have her help me put pink highlights into my hair, & she let her 13 year old daughter put a pink streak in her hair, too!
post #45 of 45
With piercings, I let my daughter get her ears pierced when she was old enough to take care of them herself. I think she was about 8 or 9 when we felt she was mature enough to care for them. I'm talking about putting the alcohol on the ear for the first week or so after you get it done so it doesn't infect. We didn't have to worry about our son wanting piercing. He watched his sis get her ears done and although he won't admit it, I think he about passed out.

I let them choose hair styles within reason. No need for a grade school child to stick out from their classmates to an extreme. My son wanted one of these little rat tails there were popular when he was little. We let him grow it. I thought it was cute because it curled. I didn't have to worry about it as they got older, both were in organizations that wouldn't allow weird hair colors and styles so they never asked for them. The daughter got to start putting highlights in her hair in middle school and then dyed blonde when when she got to high school, that kind of went along with her wearing make-up. But she is so lazy she hated getting her roots done and she never wears make-up so after the novelty wore off she doesn't do either anymore.

I think in high school there should be some leeway for weird hairstyles, afterall it isn't permanate. Some pierceings too, as long as it isn't too extreme.
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