IN need of advice..touchy situation

I really don't know how to start this ..but here goes...
My son and his wife got a kitten a few weeks ago. They have a 2 year old daughter and 1 year old shepard mix.
I knew it was a bad idea to begin with, My grandaughter is very active and I think she is to young.
My daughter-in-law has told me several times about my son hitting the dog. I told her that I understand he is under alot of stress, but he should not hit the dog. They should find another home for her.
Well, I guess my grandaughter was playing with the kitten(unsupervised)
and she started screaming...I guess kitty was on top of her..only 8 weeks old...my son ran in the room and threw the kitten. He said he thought it would just land on its feet but it slid on there hardwood floor , right into the entertainment center and was knocked out. It was bleeding from the mouth and nose. He rushed it to a emergency clinic and they wanted funds upfront. he did not have the money at 12:30 in the morning. he stayed up with the kitten all night. It was eating and drinking..but sleeping an awful lot. The next morning he took it to the vet and the vet said he was ok. Thank God!
here is my problem.. I really think that they need to get rid of these animals right now. They do not have the patience, or time for them right now. She is working full time and in school and my son works 60 hours a week. They are under alot of stress and these poor animals suffer for it. I am going to have a talk with my daughter-in-law today about getting new homes for them. I just don't want to start World War 3 in the family.
Any suggestions? I am apalled by my sons actions..makes me sick to my
stomach.

Are you in a possition to take them? We had our son's dog for two years when his marriage broke up, while he got himself sorted out.
If you could it might be easier for them than if they were going to strangers especially the dog, the kitten they haven't really had time to get attached too.

I think you need a 3rd party to intervene in this situation because its your son and you know that they don't "listen" to mom/dad after they are grown.

You could suggest that you would be willing to take the dog and cat for a vacation because you understand he's under a lot of stress at the moment and you don't want the animals hurt again.

Maybe talk with your daughter-in-law about your son's anger problems and suggest he or she talk to his doctor about it.

I know with my ex-husband (who abused me) told me AFTER marriage about him throwing a cat against the wall. If I had know it before marriage I'd have never married him. I told him if he ever did that to my cats, he'd be out the door so fast..... while he didn't physically abuse me, he did punch a few holes in the wall and he verbally/emotionally abused me.

I'm sorry you are in such a difficult position. Thank you for caring so much to want to help. I don't know exactly what advice to give, but I think you should do whatever you can to find the animals new homes.

These animals need to be taken out the house like yesterday because their the ones suffering and they need someone to speak up on their behalf

Did his vet not question what had happend to the kitten?.

Family or not i wouldn't be bothered if they were huffed or pleased by having them removed from them, because the kitten especially sounds like it was thrown really hard

Ditto for what everyone else has said. If the well-being of that poor dog and kitten is being compromised, you can't worry about hurting someones's feelings. Next time, the kitten might not be so lucky. In the long run, your son & his wife might actually appreciate the decision being made for them. And I agree--no young child should be given a kitten or puppy. I'll never understand why parents think that's a good idea.
Please, face the ire of your son if you must, but get those poor animals out of that house before it's too late.

Best of luck, and (((big hugs))).

What also concerns me is the child! I'd keep a close eye on any bruises, etc. - its been proven that those that abuse animals can (and lots of times do) abuse the child too. Your son needs medical help with his anger.

And keep an eye on the DIL - for signs of abuse as well.

Originally Posted by Rosiemac

Did his vet not question what had happend to the kitten?.

Family or not i wouldn't be bothered if they were huffed or pleased by having them removed from them, because the kitten especially sounds like it was thrown really hard

Click to expand...

Exactly, a responsible vet should have asked that first.

I agree family or not you shouldn't worry, if it were me in your position, I would call the SPCA, not sure what you call it there, but a place designed for protecting against cruelty to animals. That would give him a wake up call. And then I would give him a taste of his own medicine. That is just rotten

You know, I am also worried about your grandaughter, because some people use the same method on children. I dont want to paint your son out to be a bad guy but...... this type of situation does exist.
I have a question for you, you said your son didnt have any money at 0030 so, what was his daughter doing awake at that hour? and unsupervised?
It doesn't matter if a cat lands on its feet or not, being so young and obviously there was a lot of force behind the throw, it would have jarred right through the kitten, possible broken its tiny legs.

PLEASE PLEASE get those poor animals out of there , dont worry if your son stops talking to you. I think at this point the safety of the animals is more important.

Sorry for venting to you about this

several people posted before me, slow internet connection

GoldenKitty45,
Anger management doesn't work on all people, but definitely its worth a try for this guy.

I have actually called and made a complaint about a family member abusing animals. I can not watch any animal suffer no matter who is doing it family or not. Have you talked to your son about the abuse? I would tell him it is serious and if he refuses to change his ways or rehome the animals you will be forced to have the law step in.

I agree that the animals need to be rehomed, but understand how touchy this subject is. I think the way to approach it is to tell them you see how much stress they are both under, and pherhaps it would be easier on them if they didn't have pets right now. (even if you think they should never have pets) I think they may be more receptive if they don't feel attacked.

As an aside even though it appears the kitten has pulled through, I would worry about long term damage. I have seen abused animals before that end up as special needs because they either don't trust people or they have had some brain damage.

Depends on the abuser - but I agree, most abusers do not benefit from anger management. You can have an anger problem without being an abuser.

If I were you, I would call in an anonymous tip to the local ACO or HS. Even just a visit from them might convince your son and DIL to sign over both pets.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It can't be easy.

Reading this just broke my heart. I know this must be very difficult for you.

I don't think you should go to the SPCA as your first move. If I were you, I would talk to your son in an understanding manner, telling him you know that he's under a lot of stress and that you want to help him out by taking the animals. Since he sounds a bit volatile, I would try not to be too confrontational. But then, if he refuses or gets nasty with you, I would give him an ultimatum-let me take care of the animals and go to anger management or I will call the SPCA. But I would get the authorities involved only after talking to him first and determining he won't give the animals up.

That's just me, though. I don't know your son or your situation perfectly, but I think this might work. Best of luck, and let us know what you do!

oh my I am sorry that you find yourself in this tricky position

I dont really know what to suggest as I dont know what your relationship is like with your son & his wife ? You've mentioned a few things but of course you are the best judge on how he or his wife may react. Of course you don't want to cause any tensions for your relationship with them either

I think we all know its best to get the animals out of there but of course thats easier said than done.

I know you are extremely worried about the animals, who wouldn't be, but just take a step back for a moment to think things through. Offer to listen to their problems and a shoulder to cry on and this may give you the opportunity to make a suggestion about re-homing the animals.

I am sorry I dont have any concrete solutions for you but I do think this is a very sensitive subject that needs handling with respect and love.

I hope you and your family finds a solutions that benefits all concerned

Ok I'm going to get a little off track here..... I am a very pessimistic person and I always find the worst in every situation, it's a bad habit of mine that I have no control over.
Now I have been thinking of this post and came up with a deeply disturbing thought, that I feel I must/have to share with you all, especially Laurie.
I see that everyone is throwing the word STRESS around, maybe thats his excuse, but here's the thing. What's going to happen once those pets are gone and its just the 3 people? If the father gets stressed again and something triggers him, he may just lash out at his wife or God forbid, his little girl, because the pets aren't there to take the heat.

Actually it's not really pessimism, just reality, when I was a teenager I saw something similar, no child involved however. Another one was a poor cat being starved and kicked, punched and thrown, I was flatting in an apartment at that time and felt a bit unsafe and I was worried about the safety of my own cat so moved out. I took their cat with me.

Sorry, that last paragraph got totally off track.

Diego-I totally agree with your sentiments. I think that's why so many people have suggested that anger management be part of the discussion with her son.

i completely agree with GoldenKitty45, one of the largest signs in child abuse, or any other type of abuse is animal abuse first. I am not trying to say that your son would abuse your granddaughter, but if he would throw a poor 8 week old kitty across the room hard enough to knock it out, what else can he do? Take the pets out of that house right now, foster, adoption, or watch them yourself, and then tell your son and daughter-in-law to slow down a bit, take a deep breath and take a day off. If you are really so 'stressed' to hurt animals, then you need to reanalyze your life situation and figure out how to loose stress. it infuriates me when people abuse animals...

good luck to you, this can not be easy....my thoughts are with you

Thankyou for all of your suggestions....I love this site. Anyway, I spoke to my son and told him that I think he should get rid of the animals, his life is to hectic right now to take care of them like he should. He admitted that he should have thought before he acted, but the kitten was on the baby's face and he thought she was really being hurt. I told him that if my daughter-in-law tells me about this again, I am going myself to go get them. As far as hurting my grandaughter..I can bank my life on it, No way! He adores that little girl. I bathe her everytime she is here and never seen anything on her that would even make me think that. UH! abusing his wife..no way she will kick his butt to the curb. She is a very tough girl. She lets him have it when he needs it. My son told me he feels terrible and it will not happen again...but I informed him if it does I will do what I have to. I wish I was in a position to take the animals but, I already have a houseful. 2 dogs 6 cats and 3 foster kittens..oh forgot the rabbit!! If I thought he was not remorseful and I thought there was danger there I would be over there in a second. He is the one who called me so upset about this situation. He overeacted. I have a pretty good relationship with my children, BUT I will be the first to get on there case if there wrong. I do not sugar-coat things..I am pretty straight forward.I feel pretty good about our talk today..and I will be getting my grandaughter in an hour -or so to babysit while mommy goes to nursing school and daddy goes to work. When my daughter-in-law drops her off I will reinforce what I told my son. As far as the kitten...my son said he played all morning and was stretched out on the couch sleeping when we were talking. I will keep a close eye on this...beleive me!!
Thanks again to all of you..your all great

Thank you for saying something and letting him know it will not be tolerated. I'm glad things went so well for you.