I also don't really understand why people with really young kids get really young animals. They both have really different ways of playing that don't usually agree with each other. My cat had the same thing happen to her before i adopted her - a family adopted her (as a kitten, i think an older kitten) as a friend for their toddler. My cat one day got startled by something and scratched and bit the little girl. She went promptly to a shelter. =(Kittens and babies just don't seem to mix...Originally Posted by libby74
Ditto for what everyone else has said. If the well-being of that poor dog and kitten is being compromised, you can't worry about hurting someones's feelings. Next time, the kitten might not be so lucky. In the long run, your son & his wife might actually appreciate the decision being made for them. And I agree--no young child should be given a kitten or puppy. I'll never understand why parents think that's a good idea.
Please, face the ire of your son if you must, but get those poor animals out of that house before it's too late.
-
Too many ads? Join our community of cat lovers now to reduce ads by 90%! Click here to join for free!
IN need of advice..touchy situation
- Thread starter laurie314
- Start Date
She should have when he knocked a kitten across the room. That is pure abuse regardless of the excuses.
I'm glad you got to talk to your son. I do hope that your son realizes that young children and pets are not often a good mix. While the cat was, in all liklihood, trying to play with your granddughter, your granddaughter also overreacted, like any 2 year old would do. Your son needs to realize that it is going to be a lot easier for your granddaughter to hurt the kitten than the other way around. While this is not the greatest situation, it is a great way to teach your granddaughter how to behave around animals. If the kitten gets overly playful, teach her to get up and walk away, rather than yelling. She is old enough to fill up a food bowl, etc. Get her involved in the care of the cat and it will be a much more pleasant experience for everyone. When she's at your house, use your animals to teach her the right way to do things. Let her know that she can only play with/pet the animals if they come up to her, and no yelling, hitting, etc. And keep up on your son...throwing an 8 week old kitten across the floor to the point that it bleeds is unacceptable, and will only teach his daughter that its ok to hit to get your point across. Maybe if he realizes how impressionable his daughter is, he will be more careful to be nicer.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #25
I agree with all of you 100% . I spent the most part of this evening, letting my grandaughter interact more with my kitties..I usually keep them apart.I told her that she should never pick up kitties, just pet them. My daughter-in-law and i had a little talk and she promised me that if anything like this happened again, she would call me and I would come get the animals. She told him also , that if anything like this ever happens again, he can pack his bags and leave, she will not tolerate it at all. She told me that my son was a nervous wreck about how I was going to react.. I love animals..he grew up with a houseful of everything legal to adopt. I beleive small children and pets can get along together..it is how they are taught and how they are supervised. All 4 of my kids always had a little animal and I never had a problem, whether it was a hamster, Iquana, frogs, snakes,you name it we had it,...they have to be taught how to take care of a pet. Thats where resposibilty starts!
Glad things are ok for the time being
I do agree that kids have to be taught manners. My son grew up with cats in the house. He was taught from the time he crawled you do NOT pull tails/ears, poke, squeeze, etc. kittens. And I told him that when he would do it, kitty would cry and be hurt so if it happened he had to apologize to the kitten and tell him/her he was sorry.
It must have gotten to him - I do remember one time he accidently grabbed a tail as he was petting - and the kitten cried out. He got all upset and kissed the little kitten and kept saying "I sorry, I sorry" over and over
I do agree that kids have to be taught manners. My son grew up with cats in the house. He was taught from the time he crawled you do NOT pull tails/ears, poke, squeeze, etc. kittens. And I told him that when he would do it, kitty would cry and be hurt so if it happened he had to apologize to the kitten and tell him/her he was sorry.
It must have gotten to him - I do remember one time he accidently grabbed a tail as he was petting - and the kitten cried out. He got all upset and kissed the little kitten and kept saying "I sorry, I sorry" over and over
I am glad that you were able to talk to your son, and I am glad that everything seems to be ok for now.
But if I found out that he has hit either of the animals again, I would be over there so fast it would make his head swim.
Abuse of animals is uncalled for, I don't care if you are under stress or not. Animals can not stand up and say stop it, you are hurting me.
Well done! I think you've handled the situation beautifully.
I'm glad your daughter-in-law is like minded with you on this. That should help a lot.
Good luck!
Medora
I'm glad your daughter-in-law is like minded with you on this. That should help a lot.
Good luck!
Medora
I am so impressed that you were able to talk to your son and dil so openly and honestly. I also think the advice from 'foster kitty' was great--the little one needs to be taught responsibility for helping with the kitten and dog. I sincerely hope there won't be any need to you to rescue the pets, but at least they have you to watch out for them. A (((big hug))) to you!
I do think parents tend to over-react when it comes to kids and pets. When our daughter was young we had a Sheltie who took her naps in a crate (with the door removed) in the kitchen. We repeatedly told our daughter "do not bother Pepper when she's in her crate; that's her home and she'll probably bite you if you do." Did she listen? Of course not. One day Pepper was sleeping, Raina reached in to pet her, and got nipped. She never bothered Pepper in her crate again. (and no, Pepper didn't get in trouble; she was protecting her territory)
I do think parents tend to over-react when it comes to kids and pets. When our daughter was young we had a Sheltie who took her naps in a crate (with the door removed) in the kitchen. We repeatedly told our daughter "do not bother Pepper when she's in her crate; that's her home and she'll probably bite you if you do." Did she listen? Of course not. One day Pepper was sleeping, Raina reached in to pet her, and got nipped. She never bothered Pepper in her crate again. (and no, Pepper didn't get in trouble; she was protecting her territory)
This is one of those very difficult decisions that you have to make the call on. I think that having an open & honest relationship with your son is helpful. I'm sure he feels bad, and hopefully he will remember that if something like this comes up again.
I am not going to even read further on this.....I have been there and seen that....and got very sick to my stomach.Originally Posted by Rosiemac
These animals need to be taken out the house like yesterday because their the ones suffering and they need someone to speak up on their behalf
Did his vet not question what had happend to the kitten?.
Family or not i wouldn't be bothered if they were huffed or pleased by having them removed from them, because the kitten especially sounds like it was thrown really hard
I say....(and must be careful) that you MUST get those poor animals out of the house YESTERDAY....actually...not going to read anymore until a few days to hopefully see you were able to take everyone else's advice....don't want to read further b/c I know other people are going to give examples....which they should.
Thank you for your concern....and there is only ONE answer....and, I second the question....too bad the vet didn't ask...
No more....going to bed now...with this NIGHTMARE in my head.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #33
Once again..thanks to allyour comments, suggestions. I really appreciate it and i am taking every word to heart. Everything is going fine there and I think my son truly is sorry he overreacted. The first step was admitting he was wrong and he did. This made me remember what happened to my husband when he was 8 years old. My husband was a wild one, he was twirling in the living room and stepped on there german shepard mix. He startled her and he fell, she lunged at him and took several bites out of the side of his face. From his eye socket to his lips were mauled. His eye was hanging out and the whole side was like ground meat. My mother-in-law passed out and he had to go get a neighbor for help. Before he was going into the operating room for major plastic surgery. He made my father-in-law promise that he would not hurt that dog. They had that dog until the ripe old age of 15. She went partially blind and use to bite at anyone with white socks on.
After all that my husband still loved his Ginger until the day she died. Our family is all so pet-oriented..I am talking spoiled rotten pets. My sister-in-law takes her labradoodle for a ride in her brand new cadilac every night.
My mother-in laws dog..omg..spoiled..its crazy...her siberian husky has his own bed, and can't go out when its to hot..the air has to be on..can't leave him home..spoiled wow! picky eater, she has spent so much on dog food. But my dogs get all the unwanted food.
I guess the point of all my babble is to say my son did not grow up to be mean to animals , I never saw that kind of behavior in him. I think it was a huge mistake and he won't do it again. I think a happy home is a home full of animals...I know some disagree...buts that my theory!!
After all that my husband still loved his Ginger until the day she died. Our family is all so pet-oriented..I am talking spoiled rotten pets. My sister-in-law takes her labradoodle for a ride in her brand new cadilac every night.
My mother-in laws dog..omg..spoiled..its crazy...her siberian husky has his own bed, and can't go out when its to hot..the air has to be on..can't leave him home..spoiled wow! picky eater, she has spent so much on dog food. But my dogs get all the unwanted food.
I guess the point of all my babble is to say my son did not grow up to be mean to animals , I never saw that kind of behavior in him. I think it was a huge mistake and he won't do it again. I think a happy home is a home full of animals...I know some disagree...buts that my theory!!
Laurie, you have already told us he has hit the dog several times. I understand he is your son and I understand that you would want to defend him, but if that first statement is true, those animals are not safe around him.
Im sure you want to believe different, but you yourself said he has hit his sog several times. I would urge you to think about that and realize these animals have no choice but to be hit.
In all honesty, if he has hit the doig dseveral times, it just will not stop, it doesnt work that way. Please help those animals.
What Pami said. ^^^^^^^
I would say give him a chance (after hearing about his upbringing), but THROWING an animal? I agree.. please do your best to get those poor babies out of his reach. They were not born into this world to be abused because someone was "stressed out."
I would say give him a chance (after hearing about his upbringing), but THROWING an animal? I agree.. please do your best to get those poor babies out of his reach. They were not born into this world to be abused because someone was "stressed out."
Please get these animals out of there ASAP. I hope you can take them at least temporarily. They are in great danger, as you know. I hope you can do this; I know it is very hard. Loads of luck to you. I hope your son's problems can find some solution soon.
It just seems to me that they are not appropriately respectful of the lives of these little creatures- as if the animals are there for them and not part of the family.
I applaud your efforts to educate them about the need to treat the animals with respect and love. But a 2 year old is too young to have a kitten. And the dog getting hit is just wrong. I work with animal adoptions and we would not adopt to families with children that young. A lot of groups will not do it, just because it is asking too much of the child at that age.
If I were you I would ask your son and daughter in law WHO in the family is the parent to the animals? WHO is taking primary responsibility for their welfare?
The problem I see is that now everyone has abdicated that responsibility to you. And as long as they see you as the animal mom, they are not taking that responsibility themselves except out of respect to you. So when you are not there, the animals do not have their protector and the pecking order allows the kids (whose protectors are the parents who do not have the animals' interest up there with the kids) to treat the animals with less than the respect they deserve.
My suggestion would be to have one or both parents attest to you in no uncertain terms that they are the mom and dad of these animals same as with their children, and for the sake of the whole family and well being of themselves, the animals, and their children, everyone will have a place of honor and respect in the home. I would have them sign a paper or do some formal family meeting or sit-down, and create or make a declaration, that captures the moment and the seriousness of it- just like a business meeting with a set deliverables and responsibilities and roles assigned and expectations clearly established.
I think the animals should not be in the home. If you are seeing problems, other people will too and eventually someone will complain to the authorities and then they will all be on the other side of a sharp stick.
I would recommend the family get education but you said they don't have time. That sort of says it all. I think if you can locate other good homes for the pets and tell your son, you may be able to create a comfortable situation where they will let them go with no feeling of blame or failure, just an acknowledgement that this was the right thing to do given the circumstances and their busy life. This will work especially if you substitute something else for the kids, the bait and switch - a day at the amusement park or something. You get the picture.
I hope this helps, I am typing this in haste but wish you good luck. It was courageous of you to come on this forum for advice knowing what people would likely say. I do hope this helps bring some insight into the situation you are facing.
I applaud your efforts to educate them about the need to treat the animals with respect and love. But a 2 year old is too young to have a kitten. And the dog getting hit is just wrong. I work with animal adoptions and we would not adopt to families with children that young. A lot of groups will not do it, just because it is asking too much of the child at that age.
If I were you I would ask your son and daughter in law WHO in the family is the parent to the animals? WHO is taking primary responsibility for their welfare?
The problem I see is that now everyone has abdicated that responsibility to you. And as long as they see you as the animal mom, they are not taking that responsibility themselves except out of respect to you. So when you are not there, the animals do not have their protector and the pecking order allows the kids (whose protectors are the parents who do not have the animals' interest up there with the kids) to treat the animals with less than the respect they deserve.
My suggestion would be to have one or both parents attest to you in no uncertain terms that they are the mom and dad of these animals same as with their children, and for the sake of the whole family and well being of themselves, the animals, and their children, everyone will have a place of honor and respect in the home. I would have them sign a paper or do some formal family meeting or sit-down, and create or make a declaration, that captures the moment and the seriousness of it- just like a business meeting with a set deliverables and responsibilities and roles assigned and expectations clearly established.
I think the animals should not be in the home. If you are seeing problems, other people will too and eventually someone will complain to the authorities and then they will all be on the other side of a sharp stick.
I would recommend the family get education but you said they don't have time. That sort of says it all. I think if you can locate other good homes for the pets and tell your son, you may be able to create a comfortable situation where they will let them go with no feeling of blame or failure, just an acknowledgement that this was the right thing to do given the circumstances and their busy life. This will work especially if you substitute something else for the kids, the bait and switch - a day at the amusement park or something. You get the picture.
I hope this helps, I am typing this in haste but wish you good luck. It was courageous of you to come on this forum for advice knowing what people would likely say. I do hope this helps bring some insight into the situation you are facing.
this makes me sick to my stomach........
The original poster knows what she needs to do.
The question is: "Will she do it?"
The original poster knows what she needs to do.
The question is: "Will she do it?"
I know the original poster has likely heard this enough, but please.... get those animals out of there ASAP. I can completely understand that you love your son, and don't want to think he's hurting these animals, but you did say his wife told you he had hit the dog several times. That is NOT tolerable and breaks my heart. This poor, innocent dog is having someones frustrations taken out on him/her! And throwing a helpless baby kitty across the floor, knocking the poor baby out and causing him/her to bleed!? That makes me so sad. I can't say I would not go ballistic and REALLY hurt someone if I saw them do something like that, and I am a very mellow person. Ask him how he would feel if that was HIS child. That poor kitten....
If he says he will never let it happen again, that is a lie, since he has already abused the dog on several occasions.
I also agree that 2 years old is not NEARLY old enough to have a kitten, especially if left unsupervised with it. Children need to be taught how to respect animals, and this child is being taught that violence is ok, and that if kitty scares her because it gets scared, or during play that is normal for a kitten, its ok to throw kitty roughly and/or hit.
Please, for the sake of these innocent furbabies, get them out of there. Someone needs to, before these two innocent lives are further damaged.
If he says he will never let it happen again, that is a lie, since he has already abused the dog on several occasions.
I also agree that 2 years old is not NEARLY old enough to have a kitten, especially if left unsupervised with it. Children need to be taught how to respect animals, and this child is being taught that violence is ok, and that if kitty scares her because it gets scared, or during play that is normal for a kitten, its ok to throw kitty roughly and/or hit.
Please, for the sake of these innocent furbabies, get them out of there. Someone needs to, before these two innocent lives are further damaged.
He is also teaching the kids HOW to abuse animals....... Since dad does it, it must be ok....
From a mother's standpoint, how sad..... My son loves his animals and his children. I raised him with cats and they are his favorite..... I can't imagine him hurting them. He was gentle and I taught him to be gentle as a child.
Something is wrong in this household other than the animals...... When did dad start abusing animals??? I'm not sure if this mother is strong enough to do something..
Stress is not the culprit. It is the excuse... Remember that.. Stress is an overused term just like "menopause made me do it" or "pms made me do it"..... People hit when they feel choiceless and are looking for a quick solution... By teaching kids to hit animals, you take away their problem solving skills in my opinion. Hitting is the easy way out of things to solve a problem. But it solves nothing. It creates a whirlwind of negative energy flow in a household. Just like yelling does.
For a kitten, 8 weeks old, sliding across a hardwood floor fast enough to hit something and knock it out is pretty rough. It slept because it has a concussion... A brain injury... An 8 week old kitten is tiny. It could not hurt a fly except possibly cause a small scratch. It is just a little baby. It would still nurse it's mother if it's mom was around.. The vet the kitten went to probably had no idea what happened. I doubt the son said to the vet "I threw the kitten hard enough across the room to knock it out". He had to have told some lie...
Read this and think about it....... It is a little off topic but I find it very interesting..... We can change our environment...... We don't have to be negative in our day to day dealings.. Your son needs to look at the big picture of what he is creating by his negative behavior..... I don't know know how to help you but the "whole picture" of their lives and what they are creating needs to change..... It's an inner thing.. We can try to be different and learn new behaviors but we still have to feel it for it to really be so.
I hope he can solve his issues..... I hope you can help him see that he needs to change.
I do wish you the best.
From a mother's standpoint, how sad..... My son loves his animals and his children. I raised him with cats and they are his favorite..... I can't imagine him hurting them. He was gentle and I taught him to be gentle as a child.
Something is wrong in this household other than the animals...... When did dad start abusing animals??? I'm not sure if this mother is strong enough to do something..
Stress is not the culprit. It is the excuse... Remember that.. Stress is an overused term just like "menopause made me do it" or "pms made me do it"..... People hit when they feel choiceless and are looking for a quick solution... By teaching kids to hit animals, you take away their problem solving skills in my opinion. Hitting is the easy way out of things to solve a problem. But it solves nothing. It creates a whirlwind of negative energy flow in a household. Just like yelling does.
For a kitten, 8 weeks old, sliding across a hardwood floor fast enough to hit something and knock it out is pretty rough. It slept because it has a concussion... A brain injury... An 8 week old kitten is tiny. It could not hurt a fly except possibly cause a small scratch. It is just a little baby. It would still nurse it's mother if it's mom was around.. The vet the kitten went to probably had no idea what happened. I doubt the son said to the vet "I threw the kitten hard enough across the room to knock it out". He had to have told some lie...
Read this and think about it....... It is a little off topic but I find it very interesting..... We can change our environment...... We don't have to be negative in our day to day dealings.. Your son needs to look at the big picture of what he is creating by his negative behavior..... I don't know know how to help you but the "whole picture" of their lives and what they are creating needs to change..... It's an inner thing.. We can try to be different and learn new behaviors but we still have to feel it for it to really be so.
I hope he can solve his issues..... I hope you can help him see that he needs to change.
I do wish you the best.
