Do you talk about your past?

muttigreemom

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Weird question I know.. but this was brought to my attention today so I was trying to get other opinions on it..

I talk about my past a lot... not in like a dating sense, but just random things I used to do like dinering with my friends until all hours the few times we were jobless... or the random roadtrips that always landed us somewhere unexpected.

In a way I guess it makes me feel less adult. I mean now what do I do? Work for hours to pay a mortgage, then clean a house, make dinner... I'm not exactly living the high life here
I have fun now too... but I also like remembering those fun times I had.

I guess they're just fond memories for me so I think about them often... and what you think about, you tend to talk about. But it really seems to bother DH. Like tonight we went to see a play and one of the actors in it had an uncanny resemblance to one of my friends brothers (who, btw, is also an actor... but I don't think it was him). I mentioned it to him during intermission and he got all mad... said something like he wanted this night to be about us so why do I have to bring my past into it. I didn't think mentioning that this guy reminded me of someone was a big deal... but I think to DH it was.

I didn't think it was so odd until DH started getting irritated by it. So I guess what I'm trying to figure out is... am I the only one that does this? And if you do it too, does your SO get bothered by it?
 

theimp98

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hmm not really, i may bring something from my travels or such. Or if i think it relates to something we are talking about.

but over all i get accused of not saying enough.
 

calico2222

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I don't think there is anything wrong with talking about things from "back in the day" (that's how I refer to my younger, responsibility-free days). But, my DH was part of those days, so we can go through memories together. If you talk about it a lot, maybe your husband feels like you aren't having as much fun now as you did back then? The male ego is a fragile thing (my mom always said that and it is the truth!)
 

fwan

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To me your dh seemed to be jealous, maybe he thought you fancied the guy or something!
Yes Male ego is so fragile!
 
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muttigreemom

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Well if he didn't know that I assume all men in musicals are gay, I'd think you might be right.


(I know they're not *all* gay, but the odds are in my favor
)

But it's not like that... it's like... oy this is hard to describe...

Like we'll be talking about... I don't know... let's say halloween costumes... and I'll say something like "you know they have this halloween parade in NYC every year... I went once and the costumes were so cool... " and he gets really quiet and starts to get this frustrated look on his face like "... she's talking about her past again..." or sometimes it's "... she's talking about NY again..."

It's almost like because I moved down here and am in FL now, I should automatically forget about everything that happened to me while I was raised in NY and never speak of it again. It just seems so odd... but to him, I'm 'living in the past'...
 

natalie_ca

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You know what? My best advice to you is to just be yourself and stop worrying so much about what your husband thinks about what you say.

You shouldn't feel like you need to walk on egg shells or be afraid of saying something out of fear that your husband will get that "frustrated" look.

Just be yourself. If he has a problem with the way you talk or the things you talk about, that's his issue to deal with, not yours.

Stop giving him so much control over you. We all have a history and we all have experiences that we have lived through prior to meeting our SO. You shouldn't feel bad about talking about it. Now of course if you were always talking about the "fun" you had with ex boy friends he might feel you are comparing him to your past lovers, but for him to get upset when you just mention having gone to a halloween parade or something is pure nonsense.

Maybe he has some experiences in his past that he isn't proud of and thinks because you are so open about your life before having met him, that you will start to probe into his life before you.

Eitherway, it's his issue to deal with, not yours
Never feel bad for being yourself
 
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muttigreemom

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Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

You know what? My best advice to you is to just be yourself and stop worrying so much about what your husband thinks about what you say.

You shouldn't feel like you need to walk on egg shells or be afraid of saying something out of fear that your husband will get that "frustrated" look.

Just be yourself. If he has a problem with the way you talk or the things you talk about, that's his issue to deal with, not yours.
Oh its totally true and I'll be me regardless!
I'm not the type to kowtow to anyone... and honestly I wouldn't have even thought much about it until he finally said something tonight. It caught me off guard, so I was just trying to figure out if this is not something other people do because I always thought sharing experiences was just part of general conversation and perhaps I was wrong.

But no, don't worry... I'm a strong willed opinionated PITA and I know it
And I'll be me no matter what.. promise
 

rosiemac

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Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom

I didn't think it was so odd until DH started getting irritated by it. does your SO get bothered by it?
I talk about my past now and again, and if Gil didn't like it he could go whistle because my past is a big part of my life.
 
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muttigreemom

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Originally Posted by calico2222

I don't think there is anything wrong with talking about things from "back in the day"
Originally Posted by Rosiemac

I talk about my past now and again, and if Gil didn't like it he could go whistle because my past is a big part of my life.
See that's exactly what I thought...

Good good. Thank you for the second opinion. I didn't think I was crazy, but it's nice to have confirmation
Next time he does it I am so going to call him on his BS.
 

cococat

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I agree with the others, nothing wrong with you, that sounds normal
but maybe he has some stuff to deal with internally
 

lunasmom

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There's a difference between talking about the past and living in the past. Talking about the past is nothing...merely just recalling memories.

However if you're living in the past (calling up old friends that you haven't talked to since high school to hang out), then well, he's allowed to be irritated. That's just a sign of not being able to let go.

Since you just talk about it don't worry. There's nothing wrong with it. B and I do it with each other (although I guess I wasn't as cool as he was
)
 

crazyforinfo

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Mom does this with her friends and I find it funny. I love hear the stories over and over again. Men just can't seem to understand or deal with it I guess. DH gets tired of the same stories.

I think talking about past experiences keeps your memories fresh
 

adymarie

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I never really thought about it. I don't think I bring it up too often. I really only do so when I feel it relates to what we are doing or discussing. I know he does it as well, so we aren't fussed either way.

Maybe your DH think that you regret moving to Florida. I know you have mentioned having a few issues adjusting. Maybe he thinks when you bring up your past you are resenting or regreting your choices of the present.

Honestly, I would sit him down and ask him why it frustrates him so much. There has to be a reason. Hopefully he will be open with you and share it, but men, in my experience, like to keep their insecurities to themselves and just let their frustration show.
 
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muttigreemom

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Originally Posted by adymarie

Maybe your DH think that you regret moving to Florida. I know you have mentioned having a few issues adjusting. Maybe he thinks when you bring up your past you are resenting or regreting your choices of the present.
Oooh ohohohoh this is a good theory.

I have had a bit of trouble adjusting.. I mean the wildlife is nutty here... and I don't really know anyone (downside to working at home
) I never thought of it that way, but that makes a lot of sense! I mean I do like it here, but with the amount I freak out over bugs or hurricanes I could see where he could think I might be regretting it.

Interesting... I'll have to pose this question to him...

Thanks!
 

adymarie

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Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom

Oooh ohohohoh this is a good theory.

I have had a bit of trouble adjusting.. I mean the wildlife is nutty here... and I don't really know anyone (downside to working at home
) I never thought of it that way, but that makes a lot of sense! I mean I do like it here, but with the amount I freak out over bugs or hurricanes I could see where he could think I might be regretting it.

Interesting... I'll have to pose this question to him...

Thanks!
I am glad that I came up with something that may be useful. He may not want to bring it up with you...be gentle.
 

swampwitch

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I don't see anything wrong with it, either. As long as you aren't repeating the same stories over and over to the same people.


I talk about my abusive childhood a lot on this board... it helps me deal with it. Some of my friends know about my childhood but I've never really elaborated to them.
 

trouts mom

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I love talking about my past..and always do if it is warranted..

My ex was kinda the same...but it was because he was jealous of me having fun with other people..so that was his issue
 

goldenkitty45

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We do it all the time. DH and I have been very happily married for 5 yrs and we STILL like talking about everything we did/saw on our honeymoon in Hawaii. We can remember all of it like it was yesterday
 
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