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To say goodbye would be an understatement..

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
Ok so confession time, yes it was hard for me to start down the path of posting on these forums because of this forum inparticular. I have been relunctant to post because I knew that at some time I would have to come in here and then my tears would start flowing.

I have had alot of beautiful companions come in to my life and some of them tragically taken from me. The memories of their losses through the years just came flooding back to me and some of them are horrific and hard to look back on but the pain will not stop until I feel that I've shared.

It's more of an appology to those that I feel I've left behind that I must start.

Ninja - my beautiful rescue Himalayan. I feel so bad that I could not do more for you in your time of need. The vet visits and the home care was all I could do at the time and you will never be forgotten. I hope you understand that we were on our way to the vet to make your suffering end and I am so glad that even though we did not make it there in time that it was in my arms that you were happy to let go of life. I cherish the love and the warmth that you brought in to my life. Knowing that you spared me the pain of seeing you taken from me in such a cold way and instead looked me in the eyes lovingly as you took your last breath in my arms shows me that you had more compassion for me and my pain then I feel I had for yours. I am truely blessed to have had you in my life for even the shortest of time.

Lindsay - This has to be one of them that hurts the worst. Through the travels of moving so much and so far, the panic and recovery of partial paralyzation and spinal cord injury, to the lengthy labor and finally ceserean to only deliver stillborn babies, we went thought it all. I feel that I let you down when I was in a time of my life that my head was not thinking clearly and I was numb. I should have spent more time and effort into looking for you when you were lost. I fear so much that another cat scared you away and you didn't know how to come back. I am so afraid that you were injured and something bad happened to you and you were alone, afraid and in pain. I prayed for so long that by some chance someone needed you in their lives and found you to bless them and truely blessed they would have been.

Momma Kitty - I feel that we did the right thing taking your position of Queen from the colony. As hard as it was on both of us, having the babies inside and getting you spayed had to happen, for the good of the neighborhood and the good of the population in the colony. I feel so good that we jumped over that hurdle in your life but still feel uneasy about your death. I fear that for some reason you felt you no longer had a purpose and chose to die in a way that you only knew. I hope that the accident was just that, an accident of being in the wrong place at the wrong time but none the less it was not an easy passing for either of us. 2 weeks after her spaying Momma Kitty was hit by a car and left us. Her kits were 5 weeks old at that time and I had already started bottle feeding and weaning as she had to be spayed when they were 3 weeks old. There was nothing else I could do as the spay and neuter clinic for ferals only comes around every 2 months and there was no way I could allow her to go out into the colony and risk another batch of kittens. Her passing meant a slow end to the colony and I am not in that neighborhood any longer to find out where they all are or if the colony is still there.

Tiny - oh you beautiful sleek black beauty. You will forever be the love of my Stormy's heart I just know it. Passing along the lovely babies the two of you had was such a joy to us. You too were the victim of a car. I feel responsible for not making sure you were in before we left for the evening. Please know that your untimely death was one that will forever be in my memories.

Little Storm - You little man were a fighter! We faught the long hard fight and it was a tough one too. Even though you were only 4 months old when your passing happened I hope you know that we loved you very much and you were the pride and joy of your mom and dad. You were the one that everyone wanted and there was no way we were going to let you go to anyone knowing not only were you a spitting image of your dad but we knew that you seemed to be struggling from the start. Even though you were small and sometimes the road was hard, you were there fighting to keep up with the other "kids" all the way. The endless sessions of just lying and petting and loving to listen to your little purr will always be remembered. You brought us some really good memories as your dad and you grew closer and even after your mom's death we had hope that you would stay strong. You fought the good fight little man and we are proud of you. (Tiny's & Stormy's little guy)

Sissy - Dog gone it girl! We tried to get you to stop following everyone you saw. But it was just your nature to love anyone who would pet you. Although I don't know much about your untimely death and don't know exactly the cause, know that when we had adopted you out we were trying to find a good home for you. I'm glad you came back into our lives when you did though as I would have rather had you back then to have you dropped off somewhere and left alone. This is what I feel would have happened to you if we had not insisted on taking you back when we saw that your new owner was not doing well on keeping a roof over his own head. (Sissy was a baby from Momma Kitty - the feral)

Serie - you know we never could figure out how to spell your name! We just knew what your new adopted owner had called you. As you came back into our lives with your sister we never knew what a wonderful asset to the family you were going to be. I am so sorry that I had no other choice then to not let you suffer. She had been in labor for way too long so we ended up taking her to our emergency vet hospital in the middle of the night. It was going to cost thousands that we didn't have to keep her there until a surgeon could come in the morning and perform a c-section to take the babies. The vet on call had told us we were terrible pet owners for thinking of taking her back home and seeing if we could help her deliver. We were told we were cold hearted to make her suffer through that kind of pain, the best thing to do would be to put her down and the babies as well. So as I paid them the last $200 I had in the world and said good bye one last time it is a decision that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Megabyte - oh baby, you my little one was another I will regret forever. After hunting for you for so long we had no idea what had happened to you and we just had to move. Ok I was stupid and moved in with someone that I shouldn't have but that's another story. We figured that with your charm and personality that someone had decided they needed you more than we did. Chad still has a hard time with your death as he feels he's responsible. He looked buddy, he really did. And until we found out where you were found (he had been hit by a car only 2 blocks from my son's friend's house) we had no idea you would have followed him that far. Megabyte we think was following my son as he had tried to do many times, he was my son's cat and just adored him so much. Even though my son had brought him back to the house and he though he had went back to hanging out with the other kitties we think he started off in the direction he kew that Chad had went. It was a few months later that another kid in the neighborhood found him only 2 blocks away from where my son had gone. He came back and got another kid from the neighborhood that knew Megabyte and they both confirmed it was him. He is buried in the backyard in the old neighborhood by the second friend. It was so hard on him as well as he is like a son to me and knew Megabyte very well. He was a brave young man and called us to tell us what had happened and that he made sure that Megabyte was buried near family (their back yard). My son was devistated and it took a long time for him to get over the loss and blaming himself for Megabyte's death.

Constance - Oh my sweet sweet baby. 17 years you blessed me with. Batches of kittens, a good mom, a great mouser and an even better companion. Through my homelessness and triumphs you were there. You're the first on that I enjoyed from the beginning of life to the geriatric care and then the last fight. Thank you so much for all the memories and I will miss you. You have been more than a companion and a patient teacher to all those that have come and gone in our lives. The most patient with the children and the bravest to protect the other cats in the home. A tribute to you long life I hold in my heart.

I've had so many kitties come in to my life and so many of them just disapear without a trace. All of them will be remembered and I hope they had decided a new family needed them. I hope they all had loving homes and long lives. To you I say, thank you for blessing ours.

post #2 of 10
Ooh, how sad for all those babies. I can tell by your post that you cared so much for each one of them.

May they all rest in peace and play freely at the bridge
post #3 of 10
may they all rest in peace. and play well at the bridge.
As i always say, its not good-bye its just until we meet again.
post #4 of 10
Originally Posted by Trouts mom View Post
Ooh, how sad for all those babies. I can tell by your post that you cared so much for each one of them.

May they all rest in peace and play freely at the bridge
sad to read, but uplifting as well, because of your generous heart that comes thru the post... lovely tribute to your bridge babies
post #5 of 10
It is obvious from your post that you touched these kitties' lives just as much as they touched yours. It's easy to look at things in hindsight and beat ourselves up with what we could have done, but we do the best we can at the time. Life is complicated and we can't always see a clear path, and all we can do is try and try hope for the best. Regrets are such a burden, and they don't do any good at all, and these kitties who loved you would not want you to suffer now because of them or their memories.

Please take comfort in the fact that you gave your sweeties love and warmth and care they would never have otherwise known. My heart goes out to you, and I believe our little ones never really leave us. Take care.
post #6 of 10
What a lovely tribute to all the kitties you have loved, and I am sure they dont blame you for anything, and would tell you not to feel guilty - look at what would have happened to some of them if you weren't there.
post #7 of 10
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone so much. I used to get told by so many, You can't save them all.

Nope, but I can sure make a darn good effort! I think I have a neon sign on my home that says:

Lost? Confused? Need a soft heart? Cute and cuddly kitties welcome!

There is one stray that I can definately feel good about taking in and his passing.

He looked exactly like my Stormy but much much older and I knew that he didn't have long. My door was literally always open and one day as I was cleaning "Stormy" took a swat at one of his sisters. I was shocked because he is just not an agressive cat at all. So, I went over and told him he was not being very nice and suddenly realized this was not my Stormy. So as rough as the kitty looked I just couldn't make him leave. So, "Old Man" was allowed to come in when he felt he needed too for food and water but if I didn't see him for a couple of days it was not unusual. He probably stuck around about 6 months before one day he had found his comfortable resting place warm and snug under my coffee table and decided he was ready to cross the bridge.

I am happy that he had a warm place to be and was not alone when it was his time. It does feel good that he knew that he was loved when he went.

I have always wanted to start a feline rescue facility but I don't have the money, land or knowledge to do such a thing. So, what ever I can do to help out I do.
post #8 of 10
We can't help them all, but from your tributes, you have helped quite a few, and that is what is important. Maybe you could get in touch with a rescue in your area to see if you can offer help, it is the next best thing to starting your own, and will help with the knowledge you need.
Old Man's story is really sweet too.
post #9 of 10
Oh my word what a moving thread

I hope all those sweet babies are loving it over at the bridge, which i'm sure they will be

post #10 of 10
oh what a wonderful heart-felt thread
You can certainly feel the depth of your love and caring for those precious babies

God Bless precious ones - enjoy your new adventures over the Bridge
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