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How Do You Handle Anger?

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
I'm pretty relaxed today, but some days, whoa! I am able to keep my anger under control and I'm not known to have a temper or anything, but it eats away at me until I manage to shake it off... sometimes things accumulate and made me madder and madder and those are the hardest to get rid of because the anger keeps being "fed" if you know what I mean.

My sister tells me no one can make you angry unless you let them, and that sort of works for me, but it takes a lot of time.

Is there a quicker way to calm down? How do you handle your anger?
post #2 of 29
I take a ride, if possible. A long ride in the car usually calms me, or a long walk, or exercise.

I sometimes have a short fuse, especially when ppl do stupid things, if that makes sense,lol
post #3 of 29
Anger and Frustration go hand in hand with me. I deal with a lot of people on a daily basis and some days wow I would sure like to tell some of them where to go.
Something I have learned to do in these situation is to understand I have no control over the things that are making me angry but I do have control over how badly they affect me.

I have learn especially when dealing with people is to make my point then walk away. I don't try to convince them I am right, I don't try to prove I am right, I just say this is what I think, and you can think what you want..
Once you stop trying to control the situation it becomes less frustrating, less frustrating, less anger.
It doesn't work all the time, but when it does it is well worth it.
post #4 of 29
i know if the children really play me up and i can feel anger building , i will take a walk around the block, or if the SO does something to anger me i will.
but when i was working i really dont know how i kept my cool with the customers as some of them are down right rude!
post #5 of 29
As a teenager I had terrible anger management issues. I kept everything bottled up and heaven help the person that was around when I exploded. I actually had fits of blind rage where I didn't remember what I had done.

Luckily I realized I had a major problem and decided to self correct and took to being open and honest about my feelings at the time instead of letting it build and fester and finally explode. It took me a number of years to find a good balance...well balance is not really the right word...tact is more suitable. As I've grown older I have found that I can still speak my mind but in a more diplomatic way than I did when I was younger, and still be able to communicate my feelings.

Because I'm open and honest people always know where they stand with me and if I have an issue with someone you can bet that I'll address it with them pretty much immediately in a private setting.

Since I've been doing that, I find that I rarely ever get angry. I find myself getting upset, but more hurt-wise than angry, and on the rare occasion I do get angry it's fleeting. Really, there and gone in a matter of a minute.
post #6 of 29
I take a nap or listen to music. Sometimes I'll come on here and read peoples happy posts or spend time in the Fur Pics forum. Which is why I've been on TCS so much at work since the other week!
post #7 of 29
How do I handle anger? By recycling it directly into anxiety, depression, insomnia, and heart disease!

But seriously, folks...

That line about nobody making you angry unless you allow it... there may be a grain of truth in that, under certain circumstances. When the object of your anger is someone or something that doesn't have to matter in your life, it's possible to smile wryly, walk away, and shake the dust of that encounter off your shoes.

But when I hear on the news about human monsters who like to throw tiny puppies into cages with fight-trained pitbulls for their own amusement, then anger -- RAGE -- is the only available response.

And when elected officials who are entrusted with the welfare of millions of people choose to pander to society's intellectual lowest-common-denominator for the sake of their own reelection, rather than support programs that they know will save countless lives and greatly ease human suffering... then rage is the only available response that won't get you arrested.

So it's pretty much only the personal situations that we do have some control over, I think. When someone I care about is unfair, unkind, makes mistaken assumptions about me, I do have the option of trying to explain myself. And now and then, it actually works! I remember once back in '92...

When it doesn't work, though... when I've explained myself sick and exhausted all possibility of ever righting the wrong... then I just find a really good book, crawl inside, and stay there as long as I can. By the time I emerge, the rage has usually been assimilated into the general low-grade seething I've grown accustomed to over the years.

A good laugh can really help, too.
post #8 of 29
If I can get to the gym, I exercise it off. One day I even felt a *pop* and the anger was gone.

No I was not hurt...
post #9 of 29
I channel my anger into my most violent video games
Nothing quite so satisfying as blowing stuff up when you're mad
post #10 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arlyn View Post
I channel my anger into my most violent video games
Nothing quite so satisfying as blowing stuff up when you're mad
Hey, there's a good idea! Let me see what games I have handy... um...

Solitaire
MahJong
Billiards
Chess

Hmm. Well... maybe I can take out my frustrations with a good Pawn-to-Queen's-Knight-Four! Yeah, by golly! That'll show 'em...
post #11 of 29
I usually handle it by saying something I don't mean just to hurt the person who made me that mad.

I know..thats not a good way to handle it..Thankfully I don't get that mad that often
post #12 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
Hey, there's a good idea! Let me see what games I have handy... um...

Solitaire
MahJong
Billiards
Chess

Hmm. Well... maybe I can take out my frustrations with a good Pawn-to-Queen's-Knight-Four! Yeah, by golly! That'll show 'em...
Billiards can be violent if done correctly
post #13 of 29
post #14 of 29
I usually just spend a few minutes by myself away from whomever made me angry (i seperate myself from the person if at all possible so that i have time to cool down and think about what i would like to say before i say it- i do not scream/yell- i don't think it's a good way to handle things. Instead i cool off and then i try to address it once i'm calm and have thought about what i want to say.) OR if something else has upset me i will just spend a little time hanging out with my animals- they always seem to know when i'm upset and are sooooo affectionate. I'll just spend a few mintues petting them and that ALWAYS calms me down. I do that at work too if i'm upset about something- i just take one of the animals out of the cages and pet them or walk them for a bit until i'm no longer upset. Sometimes i'll be a little snippy if i'm REALLY REALLY mad or upset- but that's not common. Usually i calm down first and think about what i want to say so i don't say anything i'll regret (used to do that when i was younger until i figured out it wasn't a very responsible way of handling my anger.) I also like to work out or go for a long walk with the dogs if i get upset to relieve a little stress. Nice bubble baths or frozen yogurt work too
post #15 of 29
You guys are cracking me up! I actually woke poor Chil up with my laughter... Now I know what board games NOT to play when I'm angry.


Pertaining to your question, SawmpWitch (geesh, girlie, do you have a nickname? ) I bottle it up. And take it out somewhere else, in another situation, usually not on someone though.

Exercising helps. Just going on a long, angry run until you've either cut your feet up enough that it's distracting or you've tripped enough times that your knees hurt is what gets it out for me. When I'm angry, I don't feel the pain.

Or taking it out on the person who made me angry.. that works well. Not so well for the idiot that decided to provoke me, as they get an earful, but it sure makes me feel better! Then I go on a run home to just get rid of the feelings and let them loose.
post #16 of 29
Thread Starter 
Thank you for all the great responses! I have reread them all twice.

tierre0, what you said about anger and frustration being related is very true, in my case, and I hadn't really realized that before.

noludoru, SwampWitch is my nickname. Doesn't it conjure up a good image for you like it does for me?
post #17 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
My sister tells me no one can make you angry unless you let them, and that sort of works for me, but it takes a lot of time.

Is there a quicker way to calm down? How do you handle your anger?
Your sister is very wise as this is true. There is a book I read that tells you more about that - it is called The Four Agreements. http://www.miguelruiz.com/fouragreements.html

Depends on what it is I am angry about. Not much bothers me in the way of people saying mean things as I rarely take things personally as I know everyone is dealing with their own stuff and projecting all their own stuff on me with our without meaning to, so I just usually let it roll off. Negative and/or hurtful comments are usually made by clueless and/or unhappy people and has more to with them and less to do with me.
But there are a few people in my life that I consider close friends that have the power to get to me occasionally. For me, the thing that helps the most are walks with my pack of dogs. Nature is like my church, spending some time hiking in the woods or forest is very therapeutic for me.
post #18 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom View Post
If I can get to the gym, I exercise it off. One day I even felt a *pop* and the anger was gone.

No I was not hurt...
LOL!!!
post #19 of 29
Usually saying whatever it is thats on my mind other wise it chews me up inside and that's not healthy.
post #20 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trouts mom View Post
I usually handle it by saying something I don't mean just to hurt the person who made me that mad.

I know..thats not a good way to handle it..Thankfully I don't get that mad that often
..i say something i dont mean just to hurt ANYONE who is around me, even if this person has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with someone who made me mad! thats just awful and i understand this and unfortunately it is very very difficult for me to manage my anger in this kind of situations..
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
I'm pretty relaxed today, but some days, whoa! I am able to keep my anger under control and I'm not known to have a temper or anything, but it eats away at me until I manage to shake it off... sometimes things accumulate and made me madder and madder and those are the hardest to get rid of because the anger keeps being "fed" if you know what I mean.

My sister tells me no one can make you angry unless you let them, and that sort of works for me, but it takes a lot of time.

Is there a quicker way to calm down? How do you handle your anger?
its easy to say, but not easy to follow! i dunno, when somebody/something makes me angry, it comes for a reason, and if you get angry that means that this is a big deal for you..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
Usually saying whatever it is thats on my mind other wise it chews me up inside and that's not healthy.
same about me.

btw yesterday i was very VERY angry, the whole day gone wrong and i met and saw only wrong people who made me more angry with every hour. so, when we were on the highway, my hubby gave me a bottle of water and told me to throw it out of the window, we were going very fast and there were no cars behind us. i opened the window, and throwed the bottle as far as i could. that was so relieving! i kno i kno its bad for nature, im not encouraging anyone to do it, just sharing my experience
i think throwing darts or smth like that can be a good replacement
post #21 of 29
I've learnt to breath through my anger though sometimes I just decide to let it out- people who consistantly wind me know that they can only push me so far

A deep breath and a relaxed manner can get you through most things imho
post #22 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by cococat View Post
LOL!!!
Yea I use to go kickboxing too...I was so relaxed back then because I could kick and punch all the anger out of me.

But that place closed and there isn't anything by me, so the elliptical will do..
post #23 of 29
I don't really get angry very often -- more often than not, I'm actually frustrated and irritated. Actually, thinking about it, I can't remember the last time I was really and truly angry, but I can think of a lot of times when I felt irritated or frustrated.

When I'm irritated, I talk about it. At length. I'm like a pitbull -- I grab hold of the topic and don't let go, and I worry at it until I've worked out my frustration. I'll also go for a walk, or write about it in my journal, or vent about it on Facebook (unless it's something I don't want "out there" for everyone to see). Mostly, though, I talk and complain. J tries to "solve" whatever is frustrating me, but I don't want to be given solutions -- I just want to vent, and I'll work it out on my own.
post #24 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cococat View Post
Your sister is very wise as this is true. There is a book I read that tells you more about that - it is called The Four Agreements. http://www.miguelruiz.com/fouragreements.html...
Wow, that is great! The second one is really dead-on, and a great way to think about thing!
post #25 of 29
Im not the one to advise. I have anger problems galore. When I get angry I do all of the wrong things... I yell, I cuss, I scream, I cry, I get snotty, etc. I really need to work on that. Sometimes to chill myself out I go for a drive (that is if Im not completely angry, I may drive to aggressive otherwise), I'll go sit at the lake and think things over, or I'll lock myself in a room just to get away from it all. I think people who maintain their anger are great, I wish it was as easy for me... Must be something in my genes.
post #26 of 29
I try not to talk to anyone for at least several minutes if I am really angry. If I do, I am likely to yell and/or say something I don't mean. Having some time to calm down is really important to me. After that I can think and speak rationally.
post #27 of 29
I explode usually.
post #28 of 29
Depends on the situation. If I'm at work, I just tell the offender to walk away and they usually know they've mad me so mad I just can't look at them without wanting to hit them with the nearest object so they leave me alone for 10-15 minutes and I vent to myself, come back and am fine...until I leave then DH hears everything and has to deal with one angry wife. I think I'm like a cat. If I can't get to the thing that I want to attack, I'll redirect my aggression to another poor source that had nothing to do with it. If it's dear dh that makes me mad, or one of my friends they know that they better leave me alone and let me vent it away, or take the brunt of my anger head on and hope to come out alive.(figureatively speaking of course) Over the years I've learned to let things roll off my back, but only for so long. Then it builds up, and if I'm to that point, well sucks to be you, because you crossed the wrong person. And my mouth just goes and goes and I push any and all buttons.
Gosh I feel like a nut job now. I think I need therapy......
post #29 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom View Post
Yea I use to go kickboxing too...I was so relaxed back then because I could kick and punch all the anger out of me.

But that place closed and there isn't anything by me, so the elliptical will do..
I the elliptical. I have a gym membership and that is all I use. It has a TV on it and I plug in my headphones and before I know it an hour has passed. I wish I could get a really nice elliptical for my home, they are so expensive!
Kickboxing sounds awesome
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