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UGH. Poor cat...I don't get people!

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
Ironic....Ashie died on the first and my FIL's cat died just a couple of days ago. That cat was near 20, though, I believe...total trooper.

But get this.....and I just don't get some people...and if you can shed some light on it, please do! He found the cat in the basement hiding...she had died. So instead of taking care of this cat himself...he just hauls her off to the humane society (after she is dead). :censor::censor::censor:!!! Why would he do that???????? Granted, he may not have known WHAT to do...but clear your head and do what is best! What is the HS going to do?? Probably just pile her on the other cats and dogs that have been PTS.... UGH. I could NEVER do that.

But of course, this is the same ignorant, STUPID old man that took his dying dog to MSU (Michigan State Vet Clinic) and left him there to be PTS. Just kind of said, "Have at it" and walked out. I know it is hard....I KNOWWWW it is. OMG...you don't have to even tell me about that. But COME ON. You just left your dog in this room with strangers and walked out on him. Just ditched him. No goodbyes....nothing.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't even take my DEAD animal and abandon it. In fact, when I picked Ashie up from the crematory....I was TALKING to her (in her urn, naturally) saying, "I've got you now....we are going to go home". Yeah, ok...I'm nuts....but regardless of my grief, I had a clear enough head to do WHAT WAS RIGHT for my pet!

GR. I am just sick about it...even though it might've been "right" for him....how is that RIGHT for the animal?? I mean, sure..they don't KNOW..they are gone and it is just a body...but I don't even know if I could live with myself like that.

Thanks for letting me vent. And my DH wonders why I really can't stand his dad. DUH.

Same man that made the comment about my newborn daughter 3 years ago "I bet she is going to have big boobs". F-OFF AND ROT!
post #2 of 14
God, you sound like you have a lovely father in law there. Of course you'd expect anyone to be upset; I've experienced pets dying a couple of times and it was nearly as traumatic as losing my grandmother and uncle. I can't understand the attitude you've described; the only thing I will say in his defence is maybe he finds it hard to manage his grief so he bottles it up and does what he did for self preservation. Still no excuse for the comment about your daughter though.
post #3 of 14
All I can figure is that there are some people who are put on earth solely to teach the rest of us patience, tolerance, and forgiveness.
post #4 of 14
Wow, your fil sounds like a lovely fellow. I sure hope you don't have to come in contact with him very often.
post #5 of 14
You know, I've been sitting here thinking about this.. it might be that he just doesn't consider anyone else's feelings before his own, or it might simply be that he's one of those people that can't express himself properly.. for instance he may have *actually* thought the comment about your daughter's chest was a compliment, to her and to the fact that you and your husband have both produced a lovely child. Completely inappropriate, but.. I have known people like this.

Anyway, if he has trouble expressing himself.. that might be why he doesn't stay with them when he takes them to the vets, or he might be completely at a loss as to what to do. It surely doesn't excuse it, and it surely doesn't make it any better, but it might honestly be that he just doesn't know how else to deal with it and has trouble expressing himself properly.. dunno..

I feel bad for that pup, though. Regardless of how he dealt with the kitty.. it didn't affect the cat since the cat was past knowing what was happening... to be honest.. I would probably have taken the cat to a nearby vet to have it creamated. I have none of my pet's ashes. I love them all, and have loved them all.

I don't know what his deal is, but you've obviously got some stressful situations there because regardless of what his deal is, it's not how you deal with things, so it's always going to be a difference of opinion (at the very least)...

I wish you well, and sympathize.. family is always difficult.
post #6 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
All I can figure is that there are some people who are put on earth solely to teach the rest of us patience, tolerance, and forgiveness.

Thats a good way to look at it.
post #7 of 14
Thread Starter 
And that certainly can be it..just doesn't know how to deal with things. He lost his wife (DH's mother) back in 84...and never EVER went to her grave after the funeral. Pretty sad.

But...then he turns around and said that about my newborn daughter...and then DH made a comment about how she calms down while she breastfeeds and FIL goes "well, I would be calm and happy, too, if I had a nipple in my mouth". and he LAUGHED.

SO that was three years ago. Yep. And DH had told him what he has said was not appropriate.

So what is one of the first things he says to ME after my son was born this last January???

"Are you ready to have sex yet?"

:censor::censor::censor:!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #8 of 14
Yes, yes........an ignorant, stupid old man he is indeed .
post #9 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by carrie640 View Post
And that certainly can be it..just doesn't know how to deal with things. He lost his wife (DH's mother) back in 84...and never EVER went to her grave after the funeral. Pretty sad.

But...then he turns around and said that about my newborn daughter...and then DH made a comment about how she calms down while she breastfeeds and FIL goes "well, I would be calm and happy, too, if I had a nipple in my mouth". and he LAUGHED.

SO that was three years ago. Yep. And DH had told him what he has said was not appropriate.

So what is one of the first things he says to ME after my son was born this last January???

"Are you ready to have sex yet?"

:censor::censor::censor:!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats pretty nasty. I hate when old guys say stuff like that. My ex's uncle was alot like that. He made me feel creepy.
post #10 of 14
Sounds like a nasty ole' man!!! *gags*

I feel for you sweety~I sure hope you dont have to see him very often!!

post #11 of 14
Quote:
I hate when old guys say stuff like that. My ex's uncle was alot like that. He made me feel creepy.
Ewww, my thoughts exactly. I don't know that I'd let the old fart have much contact with my kids--especially on a one-on-one basis. He sounds warped to me. (no offense intended, but then again, I don't think you'd mind!)
post #12 of 14
Your FIL has no idea how to handle his emotions. It sounds like he suppresses them.

OR, he's a narcissist with no empathy who thinks only about himself and believes that's what others do, too.

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/nar...652/DSECTION=2

Either way, he's a difficult person to deal with, no doubt. Good luck!
post #13 of 14
Thread Starter 
Believe me, I was livid. And DH wonders why I really just don't like his dad so well. I think he means well and tries to make light of situations.....and I REALLY think he is just down-right IGNORANT. Really...I think that is a lot of it. That and the burying emotions. Regardless, you have GOT to learn to keep your mouth shut and know what to say...when to say it....etc.
post #14 of 14
This reminds me of an old Ann Landers column; someone had asked her for a comeback to use when another person asks an incredibly personal question. She told them to look the person right in the eye and say (in a cold voice), "Why on earth would you ask such a personal question?" I honestly don't know how you put up with this situation.
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