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16 year-old marries her 40 year-old coach....

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
http://www.wwaytv3.com/a_16_year_old...ks_out/06/2007


That man should be in jail.
post #2 of 28
I'm sure once she's bored with being the little housewife and wants to go out partying with her friends she'll realise that she made a mistake, especially if she meets someone she likes who's her own age.

Actually he looks quite fit
post #3 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
Actually he looks quite fit
Going by the tiny pic, yeah I'd have to say you're right.

That is pretty twisted, though. They couldn't prove that anything "inappropriate" was going on?? Mom signed the papers? EEEK.
post #4 of 28
That guy used to be a teacher in our area, before we moved here. Several local newspapers have commentary from readers saying he "was always a little weird" and reported had "relationships" with other teens. No one seems to have anything inappropriate documented, so the police really couldn't do a thing.
post #5 of 28
If the girl was only 16 why did the parents sign the papers?
post #6 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ping View Post
If the girl was only 16 why did the parents sign the papers?
They obviously either wanted her out of the house, or maybe she is pg and they want to keep charges from being made.
post #7 of 28
The parents OBVIOUSLY don't care about her, otherwise they wouldn't have signed. This really makes me mad! He should be in trouble since she's UNDERAGE!
post #8 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by mybabyphx View Post
The parents OBVIOUSLY don't care about her, otherwise they wouldn't have signed. This really makes me mad! He should be in trouble since she's UNDERAGE!
From the article, it sounds as though the mother has given up. It doesn't say anything about a father figure unless I missed it.
She contacted all the proper authorities. I think she finally got beat down.
post #9 of 28
The way i read it, it sounded like the parents were protesting about the situation but as the mother said they were becoming the enemy.

They probably thought it was best to let her get on with it and hopefully one day she would realise that she made a mistake, or they take a chance and lose her by driving her away with their protests, which is how it sounds to me.
post #10 of 28
That doesn't surprise me. When I was in high school I played tennis and I was #1 player on varsity, but got treated like dirt (he did not treat everyone the same and least of all me because I didn't suck up to him) because I wasn't Kathleen, who was my teammate and my coach treated as his favorite. Anyway, everyone could tell that she was the favorite and I always thought something was going on. I don't think to any extreme, but you could tell their relationship was not on same level as everyone else.
We ended up playing for the same college. She went somewhere else to finish up (a degree in P.E, nothing surprising since she didn't have any brains) and found out she had moved back here, is basically a P.E. teacher/coach, has moved in with my old coach. She would be 26 and he is over 40 now. He divorced his wife, married someone a few years younger than myself and they are all living in the house together. Now you tell me that there isn't anything going on??!

P.S. The last few times I have seen him, he still treats me like dirt. Like he doesn't have the time of day for me, but he sure relied on me many times when it made a difference between winning and losing as a team. Now you tell me who has their priorities messed up?
post #11 of 28
apparently the parents must not disagree with what their daughter was doing as much as they claim to if they signed the papers
post #12 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post
P.S. The last few times I have seen him, he still treats me like dirt. Like he doesn't have the time of day for me, but he sure relied on me many times when it made a difference between winning and losing as a team. Now you tell me who has their priorities messed up?
Thank goodness he doesn't like you. I would be so happy about that. Doesn't sound like the type of person you would want in your life. Bet he doesn't like cats, either.
post #13 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie1965 View Post
Thank goodness he doesn't like you. I would be so happy about that. Doesn't sound like the type of person you would want in your life. Bet he doesn't like cats, either.
I don't care if he doesn't like me, but at least have the common courtesy to treat me as a human being. I got in trouble one time for asking why I wasn't playing in a line up. I think I had that right as being #1. He practically lashed out at me and punished me. I was only asking out of curiousity. Had it been someone else, they would not have been treated so. He does not own any animals. I never did like him. The only reason he couldn't put her ahead of me is because she could never beat me.
post #14 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
The way i read it, it sounded like the parents were protesting about the situation but as the mother said they were becoming the enemy.

They probably thought it was best to let her get on with it and hopefully one day she would realise that she made a mistake, or they take a chance and lose her by driving her away with their protests, which is how it sounds to me.
That's my take on the situation, too.
post #15 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
The way i read it, it sounded like the parents were protesting about the situation but as the mother said they were becoming the enemy.

They probably thought it was best to let her get on with it and hopefully one day she would realise that she made a mistake, or they take a chance and lose her by driving her away with their protests, which is how it sounds to me.
I agree. Sounds like they certainly tried to put a stop to it, but just couldn't get through to her.
Surprises me, in these days of hysteria over sexual abuse, that he was able to get away with this.
Does anyone else have a problem with the fact that they called their child "Windy"? Seriously?!
post #16 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by pushylady View Post
Does anyone else have a problem with the fact that they called their child "Windy"? Seriously?!
I thought it must have been a typing error and it should have been wendy, but some people have strange names these days don't they

She must get some stick if windy is her name, i know she would here eg : Do you have a flatulence problem?
post #17 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
I'm sure once she's bored with being the little housewife and wants to go out partying with her friends she'll realise that she made a mistake, especially if she meets someone she likes who's her own age.

Actually he looks quite fit
Actually it will probably go the other way. A few years down the road and she doesn't look as young anymore, wanna bet he gets tired of her?
post #18 of 28
Not to defend this relationship because I think this one is wrong. But why do people assume when an older guy marries a younger woman (much younger in some cases) people always jump the gun assuming its a mid life crisis And/or he will leave her in a few years for another girl younger than her? That is not always the case. I met my now husband when I was 18 and him 33. 9 years later we are still married with 3 great kids. Yeah we have had bumps like everyone else but he has never left me or anything for a younger girl.
post #19 of 28
I think because when he started messing with her she was only 14. The man isn't just after a younger woman. He is a pedofile. He doesn't want younger, he wants young.
post #20 of 28
In this case you are most likely right.

Its just that when someone talks of an older man marrying a much younger woman its usually followed by "he'll divorce her in a few years for someone younger than her" or "it must be a mid life crisis" etc.

Maybe I should start a new topic for this one because I feel I amy take this way off topic.
post #21 of 28
I have been thinking on this for a couple of days, unsure what I really feel. Here is what has been going through my mind (yes, it happens )

She was 14 years old when this 38 yr adult male became interested in her.

He was in a position of power and trust as the coach for young, impressionable teens.

He chose to begin a "relationship" with a 14 year old.

She lost many friends and almost her family because of this "relationship". (this is a giant red flag of domestic violence)

My mother met my father at 14, married at 15 and began having babies. My father is 7 years older.

My oldest friend who is my age, met a man and married him when she was 18 and he was 40. They had 3 daughters and she became a widow 2 years ago at the age of 40.

I had a 2 year "affair" with a married man 20 years my senior when I was 16. Not a healthy relationship, either.

I wonder where the father in all this is? I understand the mother going to the authorities. I wonder why the authorities did nothing. This male adult (I refuse to call him a man) continued to have influence over the young teens as a coach for the past two years - all the while having an affair with this girl. He only resigned on the day of the marriage. Up until then, no one could prove anything.

I printed out this story for the people I work with. I heard comments such as:
Don't they have guns in North Carolina?
Just give me two minutes in a dark alley with the man. He'll leave her alone.
Pay someone a lot of money to seriously hurt him.
Send her away to a convent.
Why did the mother sign? Parents have to stand strong.
The man would have died.

So that is what my co-workers thought. I believe this adult male took advantage of a child - yes, child because a 14 year old is a child - and used her for his own gratification. He used his position of authority to find himself a baby to groom as he will. Grooming is pedophilic behavior.

I hear other people talking as though it really isn't any big deal. Some even think it is funny just as they joke about young boys and female teachers. A 14 year old boy and a 38 year old woman? Is that more or less acceptable?

It is also interesting that pedophiles rarely "look like" pedophiles. Some are hunky, more are "normal" looking.

To me, there is a big difference between a 14 yr old girl and an 18 yr old young woman. Those 4 years are a time of immense growth. I was not the same at 18 as I was at 14. Age 18 is legally an adult.

I wondered why the mother didn't hire someone to follow them to get the proof everyone said was needed.

My mother always told her five children she would sign nothing. If we were too young to do whatever it was, we would just have to wait until we were old enough. I think she regrets marrying so young.

When it comes down to it, if it were me, and I know this is easy to say, I would have had a long serious talk with him. Privately. His fear of me would have been much greater than his desire for a young girl.

Sorry if this is combobulated
post #22 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ping View Post
Not to defend this relationship because I think this one is wrong. But why do people assume when an older guy marries a younger woman (much younger in some cases) people always jump the gun assuming its a mid life crisis And/or he will leave her in a few years for another girl younger than her? That is not always the case. I met my now husband when I was 18 and him 33. 9 years later we are still married with 3 great kids. Yeah we have had bumps like everyone else but he has never left me or anything for a younger girl.
In this case, the girl was 14. You were 18. He was a teacher (coach) - a position of power. He is 24 years older than she is. The "relationship" was clandestine. He KNEW it was wrong.

I don't think you and your DH were like that
post #23 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie1965 View Post
...He was in a position of power and trust as the coach for young, impressionable teens....
Exactly. Young people look up to their teachers and mentors, these are powerful people to them, and they can easily mistake their feelings of admiration for love. It's up to the authority figure to keep things in line!

Most universities have rules against professors dating students, even thought those students are legally adults. It's taking advantage.

The coach in this story is slimey.
post #24 of 28
I know the mother gave up and all, but she didn't have to sign that papers. sheesh.
(Ping...trying to read this on a serious subject then keep seeing your sig and have to laugh!)
post #25 of 28
If they love each other so much, I don't understand why they couldn't wait 2 years until she was of legal age. Isn't it against the law, since she is still considered jail bait? Here in California a child couldn't get married under age like that.
post #26 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ping View Post
Not to defend this relationship because I think this one is wrong. But why do people assume when an older guy marries a younger woman (much younger in some cases) people always jump the gun assuming its a mid life crisis And/or he will leave her in a few years for another girl younger than her? That is not always the case. I met my now husband when I was 18 and him 33. 9 years later we are still married with 3 great kids. Yeah we have had bumps like everyone else but he has never left me or anything for a younger girl.
Like has been said, it's not the age difference, it's the fact that she was FOURTEEN when he started hitting on her, and he was her COACH. That is completely inappropriate.

When it's been a female teacher and male student, she's been jailed!

I'm sure he didn't fall head over heels with her straight away, he should have had the sense to squash any feelings other than "wow, isn't she a great kid".

I feel bad for the mother, she's obviously done all she can, and gone to every authority and documented everything, and all she's done is become the bad person in her daughters eyes. In that situation I'd allow her to marry as well. Her daughter will probably lose all of her friends, and her mum will be the only person who will take her in if (when?) it all falls apart. All she can do is hope for the best.
post #27 of 28
All I can say is
post #28 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sadie's Mom View Post
All I can say is
I'm right there with you.
I read this late since I just a couple of days ago was allowed in this forum( ), but wowwwwww. Gross.
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