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Ok, I feel strange asking this but I need female input.

post #1 of 37
Thread Starter 
Ok, I'll be honest. In the last 4 yrs my body has doubled in size from a size 6 to a size 12. A lot of it has to do with taking care of my mom for 14 months (I'm a stress eater) and now having a job in a call center where I sit for 8 hours. I'm 37 so I know my metabolism has slowed and I need to be more active. I'm working on that.

The problem is, it's hard for me to get "in the mood". I know a size 12 isn't bad, it's actually normal or close to it. But, I just don't feel sexy, you know? DH thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread, but I just don't see it. We dated back when I could get into size 6, and I just feel like he is always comparing that to this. Not that he has said anything like that, this is my own insecurity.

My question is....has anyone ever felt like this? And, how did you overcome it? I've been working on getting my weight down, have been watching what I eat and walking alot. I can't run because of bad knees. And, I really don't think it's my weight, because even when I wore a size 6 I still felt I was fat. I have a belly that won't go away no matter how many situps I do. I think I read comso too much as a teenager. I'm never going to look like Elle McPherson, but I just want to be happy with the body I have.

Sorry to burden you guys but you are cheaper than therapy!
post #2 of 37
i know am not female, so you can take this for whats it worth

sounds more like you are under to stress, and that can really put a hold on things in that deparment. maybe if you can some time for yourself, a trip to get the hair done a little spa trement mabye.along with some some new colthes? there is no reason to feel you need to compare yourself to any of the models most of them if you see in the real would , you would want to go feed them.

but really wanted to say is ou dont need to run, or lift weights, take the dogs for walks, i managed to lose most of the weight i had by swimming. which will take the stress of the knees..
post #3 of 37
It is easy for others to say "love your body!" But not so easy to actually do it. Could you take yoga or some type of slower stretching class? That way you feel each part of your body and perhaps learn to appreciate how it all works together. Something along those lines where you can relax mindfully.

(I have not done this, just always wanted to. My sister does yoga. She is much happier in her skin than I am in mine.)
post #4 of 37
It's important to stay fit and eat healthy, but the only way to be happy with the body you have is to adjust your attitude. Who you are is the sum of many factors, only one of which is your physical looks (and that's probably the least important one). Try to see yourself through your husband's eyes, and through others who love you.

Physical beauty does not last. Old age sees to that, if nothing happens before then. Having self-worth based on good looks is going to be very disappointing some day. (I'm not implying you do that.) Whenever you are thinking you don't look good, stop and think of something positive about yourself instead. You can train yourself to accept yourself.

Oh, and even if you aren't in the mood very much, remember that men express their love for their women physically, and it's awful to deny that. Go along with it when he wants and you might find yourself enjoying things more than you thought. But do let him show you he loves you.

Hope this helps.
post #5 of 37
First off, I am not a shrink and I don't even play one on TV

But I will play Lucy, from the Peanuts and not even charge you 5 cents.

Seriously, I don't think it is your weight that is the problem I think it is the stress.

Stress messes with our hormones, immune system and metabolism. When we are too stressed our bodies go into survival mode, which is a complex combination of things, including metabolism changes and loss of sex drive.

Find ways to reduce your stress. Do you have caregiver relief for your mom? There are usually special programs for this. It is pretty much universally recognized these days that being a long term caregiver is one of the most stressful things there is.

Get out of the house and do something new that you have always wanted to try. . Learn yoga, or go to a book club, something that will let you focus on doing something to please yourself only. DONT make this exercise if you really don't enjoy exercise. This needs to be something that you find interesting.

As an example my sweet, shy, let herself be used as a doormat sister took up kickboxing. She is absolutely the last person in the world anyone would think of to try kickboxing. To everyones amazement she became a double black belt in under a year. The overall change in her was amazing by doing this one empowering thing for herself. Her weight changed, her skin changed, her confidence grew, she actually went in and demanded a raise and got it. Everything about her changed for the better. She was in her mid thirties at the time, and it was like she just finally really found herself.

Make sure you are getting good sleep.

I would be remiss if I didn't say see a physician you trust for a full "work-up" if you haven't had one in awhile. There are actually quite a few medical reasons for the way you are feeling and at 37 you may be experiencing some peri-menopausal stuff which never helps anything. Get your basic blood chemistries checked and make sure they check your thyroid function, T4 and TSH. (they are going to tell you, this isn't necessary you tell them right back you want it and stand your ground). I said a physician you trust, because there are some really bad ones out there and they will make you feel worse not better. If you can, see a good internal medicine doctor that is interested in women's health.

Recognise the subtle signs of secondary depression (once again common in long term caregivers) and speak to the doctor about treatment if you think this might apply to you.

I have gone through this cycle a few times since becoming chronically ill. Thankfullly I don't have a significant other to complicate the issue. Make sure you talk and share with DH, let him know that right now you are not feeling good about yourself and are trying to figure out just what it is. Let him know it isn't him, but you really need his support. If you are not in the mood he needs to be able to accept that sometimes. (not saying he doesn't, but just in case). keeping the lines of communication open and clear between each other is going to be really important.

I know I have hit on everything under the sun and none of it specific. Hopefully something I have said will make something click inside you and get you looking down a track you haven't explored before.

I am really sorry you are dealing with this, I know it isn't a nice place to be emotionally.

ETA: Sheesh I am such a blabber mouth three other people posted in the time I did.
post #6 of 37
I use to be a size 4 when my hubby and I got together.Boy, has that changed. I will not say my current size, but let's say it ALOT bigger than that.
I often ask DH why he finds me attractive also.His answer is "dear I love you for who you are, not what you look like.And besides, I think you are beautiful no matter what you look like".
I have to stop and think like this,I am this size for some reason.I have tried to change it and can't.If he doesn't love me for ME, then he can leave.
post #7 of 37
Good grief! What a sad society we live in when people feel that a size 12 is "fat"!

Chances are when you were a size six you probably too skinny.

You are the same warm and caring person inside that your husband fell in love with. Looks fade and change as we age, and we all sag and droop eventually, and we all get wrinkles and grey hair too. The inside of us never changes. It's concrete and the essence of who we really are.

You are as sexy as you think you are. If you don't feel good about yourself then it's going to project and that's what people will pick up on.

Be yourself, be happy with who you are, regardless of what size dress you wear. Think sexy! And you will be!

I'll bet your husband isn't exactly the same as he was when you met and dated and married him.

Men don't worry about stuff like that, I can't figure out why so many women do.
post #8 of 37
I know how you're feeling. I'm bigger than you (not saying my size though! ) You just have to know that your man loves you for who you are, not your size. Sure, it's nice to feel good about yourself, being thinner, but you have to love yourself being bigger too. Just because you're heavier than you'd like to be, doesn't necessarily make you a less attractive person.

Best wishes to you, get that self esteem up!
post #9 of 37
Oh boy do I know how you feel. When my DH and I first met I was a size 8, not small but still looking/ good. During the first years of our reltionship I balooned up to a size 16. So yea I too doubled in size. I, in no way felt sexy. I knew I was fat. The worst day for me was when I went to buy pants and had to go into the 16W section.

When it came time for, um, mariatal rlations, I did NOT feel sexy. The only thing that worked for me was talking with my DH about it. I had to sit him down and look him stright in the eye and tell im how I felt. He at first did the "I love you no matter how you look" speel. I told him that was not what I wanted to hear, I knew he loved me, he was still attracted to me and wante to be with me. I told him that because we had been together so long, it had become standard. He never did anything to show me that I was still sexy. He suggested that I go to the spa and get the full treatment and then we would go and find me something that Ifelt sexy in. It took tears and me telling him I basicly hated myself and did not realy even want to be physical because I felt this way He listened. After that he started to pay more attention to me. Little things like just makeing out like school kids on the couch or him grabbing me in the kitchen did alot. He just needed to know that I needed the reasurance. He fiqured because we had been together that all he had to do was "it" and I would know he loved me because he was still getting it with me and not somewhere else. He had no idea how I was feeling or that I need him to show me. The worst part of it was it got to the point where I was afraid he would try to make a move on me and when he did all I wanted was for it ot be over.

I don't know if this helps or not, I know its rambleing but read between the lines. Open communication is key. He may have no idea how you feel. talk to him. Most men are willing to listen and try if it means they will get "lucky". Even if its just with there wife. I also know you have other stresses in your life but a healthy marital life eill give you a chance to just be you.

I normally would not suggest this but anouther thing that worked for us, now I am not condoning this but it works. I have recomended it to a few coworkers who were having issues, and it has worked for them.. Go get yourselves a few bottles of your favorite champaigne, lock the doors, send the kids away, hire someone to care for your mom and just be with eachother. Be naked as much as you can. Get to "know" each other again. Alchohol lowers inhabithions and may make it easier to talk and share. Do it under candle light, its much more flattering. I bet after a few hours you both will be talking and may realize that you both have the same types of insecurities.

PM me if you need to. I have been right were you are and know how to get through it.
post #10 of 37
Well.. I don't have much to add here, but I just want to let you know skinny does NOT equal pretty. You probably already "know" it, but it's important to get that out of your brain and into your heart. I know so many truly stunning women who are twice my size, and they will always be more beautiful than me, on the outside and probably the inside as well.

I'm a little bit insecure about my weight.. but after I gained several pounds a few years ago (I was almost anorexically skinny no matter how much I ate) it's taken me some adjusting to get used to it. Not because I look "fat" just because I look different. I'm finding lately that I really like how I look. For me it just took a very long adjustment period, and I've gotten used to it.

My suggestion to you is to look at your body and find the beauty there. The sharp angles of fingers and wristbones, the curve of your calves and the arch of your feet, the color of your eyes or hair.. find the beauty there and enjoy it. There is always something you can enjoy looking at, and the more you look at it the more you will love yourself. You are beautiful--I believe everyone is. The key is finding it.
post #11 of 37
Oh, hun I think stress is your major problem here, as someone mentioned that will mess with your mind, libido and weight. All those stress hormones telling your body to keep on the pounds and don't waste energy on you-know-what because the hard times are coming...eat eat eat so we can get on with the migration and such Add in a bit of depression and maybe some pre-existing body issues and that's a recipe for weight gain.

The sucker punch comes from having a call center job. I gained 50 lbs working in a call center. You're paid to sit on your butt, and where I worked they put out tables of food to keep us from going too far from the phones.

The thing is you have to really look at these things and recognize them for what they are. They suck, they make it difficult, but they don't make you less of a person. You already know you're a stress eater (I am too) a really important step is to learn to stop and recognize when you're eating out of habit. I'm reading a pretty good book right now called "The Beck Diet Solution" which talks about recognizing the behaviors and rewarding yourself appropriately.

As far as the weight goes, in many cases women are more interested in skinny than men are. A man who loves you, loves you, not your dress size. A loving man doesn't compare you to size 6 you. In fact, he may even find your curvy self more appealing. I wouldn't worry about him, he sounds like a keeper.

Wow. I'm wordy too...long story short, been there, done that. The key to this is you learning to love and understand yourself.
post #12 of 37
I just turned 40, and quit smoking almost 4 years ago, just when my metabolism was slowing down naturally.

I went from a size 4/5/6 to a size 14 in three years, and am now steady at about 160 pounds. I'm only 5'2" and it definitely shows, although LOTS of people tell me I look healthier now.

I also know that I CAN lose weight if I want to, but to do so, I MUST exercise. I'm not motivated to do that at the moment, so plump and voluptuous I stay.

In the meantime, I look at it this way:

I ACCEPT and LOVE the me that I am today. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff, and based on my life experiences, I'm just going to enjoy myself, not restrict my diet, not GO on a diet. Instead, I just try to eat a little healthier and enjoy every day for what it is.

Last July one of my best friends was complaining about her gut being too big and getting in her way, the next day she was dead, killed in an accident.

So I try to focus on that which is TRULY important, like loving those who love me as best as I can, and letting the superficial stuff stay superficial.

For a little while, yes, I was depressed to see the changes in my body - I used to be a hottie! But it is what it is, and I'm only going to get older, grayer and saggier, so WHY WORRY! Go get a new tattoo instead!

That's how I deal with my 40+ pounds weight gain. Acceptance. I hope you are able to embrace yourself and love yourself no matter what weight you are at.
post #13 of 37
I'm a 49 y/o size 16 and I'm NEVER going to be "skinny". My weight is within normal limits but, the sand in my formerly hourglass figure has shifted to my middle.

In your case, the stress is part of the problem. Stress causes your body to release cortisol (stress hormone) and that causes belly fat. I no longer have much stress but I DO have a sedentary job (call center) and an addiction to chocolate. I've started doing crunches and I hope this is going to do the trick.
post #14 of 37
I went from a 10 to a 22, and am now down to a 12/14, but still have a ways to go (Size 10 would still be too "large" for my frame). Through it all, J never once stopped finding me attractive, which says a lot more about him than it does about me.

I do a few things to keep myself "feeling" attractive and to put myself in the mood. First off, I tell myself that I am sexy and attractive and smokin' hot. Whether or not it's actually physically true is irrelevant; I find, in a lot of cases, that if you behave as though you think you're hot, people will treat you like you're hot -- and you'll start to believe it yourself.

Another thing I do is to find music that empowers me. It doesn't matter what the song is, so long as listening to it, singing along to it, and dancing to it makes me feel sexy, attractive and powerful. Good examples for songs that empower me are Christina Aguilera's "Fighter" and, for some reason, Fall Out Boy's "This Ain't A Scene ..." *shrug* Dancing and singing are two things that make me feel good, about myself and about my body (even though I'm not particularly good at dancing or singing -- I just enjoy doing it), and feeling good about myself translates into me feeling "in the mood."

Finally, sometimes when I'm not feeling sexy or at all interested in being intimate with my partner, I'll do it anyway. Studies suggest that the more frequently you do it, the more frequently you'll want to do it. I'm not saying get it on when you feel sick or in pain, but if you're just feeling apathetic about it, give it a try because that might be all the boost you need. Sometime it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it can't hurt to try!

*takes off Dr. Ruth hat and resumes her work day*
post #15 of 37
I can't really add tot he excellent advice everyone haas given you except to say you will always be harder on yourself then anyone else. Try to give yourself a break and that will help reduce your stress. I have always been "plus sized". I am not happy to be large and I am slowly trying to work on it, but while I am not happy about my size I am still happy to be me! Find the things in your life that make you happy and focus on them - it does help.

Good luck and
post #16 of 37
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys, you have no idea how much you helped. I really felt stupid after I posted this last night, but I just needed to talk and get other opinions and suggestions. It helps to know I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way.

A little background, I'm not taking care of my mom any longer, she passed away in 2004, but that is what started the downward spiral. So, yeah, alot of it is stress (I'm still trying to settle her estate) and maybe a bit of depression. But, I know what I need to do is work on my own self esteem. Easier said than done, but I'm going to try. Probably getting a check up and having blood work done is a good idea too, just to make sure it's not something else.

There were too many good, helpful posts to quote them all, but again thank you!
post #17 of 37
I know what you are going through. When I got pregnant with my first child i weighed 94 pounds after she was born I was able to get bak to 98. Then i had my 2nd and was only able to get back to 115 before getting pregnant again. my weight stayed bout 120 for a while.

Well the past 2 years it got up to 140. Right now I got it down to 130. I know its a good weight but. Growing up all I heard from people was how skinny I was and they wished they were. So when they quit saying that it makes me feel fat. Now I hide my body when I used to be able to show it off.

I know its hard seems like the worlds focus is wieght. My daughter is 11 and thinks she is fat. I know she isnt but then look we do the same thing.
post #18 of 37
Sweetie-love yourself! I know exactly what your going thru....I was a size 7/8 when DH and I met and well, not anymore am I that smallI am about to turn 30(in July) and I have realized that my metabolism is not the same as it was back then! As long as he keeps loving me, for ME..thats all that matters! He tells me all the time he loves me and how "sexy" I am.

You have been given some excellent advice so far from everyone....
post #19 of 37
I would like to add that birth control also can kill sex drive. My husband and I have decided for him to have a vasectomy so that I can get off birth control. I am hoping that this will help for us. I was size 3 when we got married and I am now a size 14! I also had surgery 3 times in the last 2 years and now have a permanent ileostomy. Try feeling sexy being fat and having a poop bag on your stomach. Sorry if it is to much info but I also am having a hard time in this same area and it really does depress me to the point of crying.
post #20 of 37
My husband and I were married for 12 years, I got a rare illness, the medication made me gain weight rapidly. forty-five pounds in two weeks, I was on this medication for 2 years, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, I didn't want him to touch me, he loved me anyway, we started taking short walks, just holding hands and talking, just being together, the desire came back. I am still over weight, I lost some of it, we will be married 27 years in a few weeks, and we still desire each other, my advice is take some time just for the two of you, to relax and enjoy each other,
post #21 of 37
Originally Posted by Mirinae View Post
I do a few things to keep myself "feeling" attractive and to put myself in the mood. First off, I tell myself that I am sexy and attractive and smokin' hot. Whether or not it's actually physically true is irrelevant; I find, in a lot of cases, that if you behave as though you think you're hot, people will treat you like you're hot -- and you'll start to believe it yourself.

Another thing I do is to find music that empowers me. It doesn't matter what the song is, so long as listening to it, singing along to it, and dancing to it makes me feel sexy, attractive and powerful. Dancing and singing are two things that make me feel good, about myself and about my body (even though I'm not particularly good at dancing or singing -- I just enjoy doing it), and feeling good about myself translates into me feeling "in the mood."

Finally, sometimes when I'm not feeling sexy or at all interested in being intimate with my partner, I'll do it anyway. Studies suggest that the more frequently you do it, the more frequently you'll want to do it. I'm not saying get it on when you feel sick or in pain, but if you're just feeling apathetic about it, give it a try because that might be all the boost you need. Sometime it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it can't hurt to try!

*takes off Dr. Ruth hat and resumes her work day*
This is precisely correct. Tell yourself something positive about yourself ... look in the mirror and pick out one thing in the morning, and actually *admire* it.. and then find something different every day. But do it daily (and it wouldn't hurt to tell yourself whatever it was for the day throughout the day and before bed too).. Fake it, you'll start believing it and other people really do pick up on that.

I also found that meditation (and probably yoga or tai chi.. things of that nature) really help to focus too. They're extremely relaxing, especially meditation, and honestly, I'm not huge on new age stuff, but that really helped to completely make my outlook positive, get rid of all the negative stuff, and to energize me.

I found that when I want to feel slinky or sexy, music does it... I'll go "all out" for a date, though.. I'll put on music that makes me feel that way and play it while I get ready.. take a nice long hot bath, with bath salts, scrub yourself down with the smell good fancy "salt scrub". Moisturize afterwards, especially if you have a perfume that you can layer.. like I have bath powder, body wash, perfume and lotion in most of my scents..deep condition and fix up your hair, give yourself a pedicure/manicure.. wear your favorite slinky clothing,.. lingerie and outerwear, maybe even do something slightly "naughty" (and if you need suggestions on that PM me).. doing something that is slightly naughty really makes you feel sexy, especially when you can't tell the DH because it will spoil the fun of him discovering it.
post #22 of 37
Awww, I wish I could help you but I have the same problem

My ex thought I was the hottest thing, but I never felt that way. I really don't see what others see. I guess thats the result of a negative self body image.

Its no fun..I try to use positive self talk to helps things feel more positive. I am a complete gymrat, and try to eat healthy. I workout more than anyone I know, and still can't get rid of the things on my body that I don't like.

Its definately hard to be intimate and uninhibited when your always thinking about how you look...I am terrified to meet a new guy and him to see me naked Lights off please!!

I need help in this department too...People tell me I look great..but I just feel like they have no idea because they have never seen me nekkid!

Anyway, best of luck to you on your journey for confidence I hope some of the suggestions work here for you..maybe I'll try them too.
post #23 of 37
I am actually a little teary-eyed from the pure beauty of nearly all the responses you've gotten here. What an amazing, caring group of people we have on this site!

Just a few things to mention...

1. Size 12 is perfectly lovely! You're a woman now, not just a girl... there's more substance to you, both inside and out. That's a good and natural thing.

2. Stress leads to depression, which leads to self-loathing, which leads to sexual withdrawal. Some of what's happening to you might be hard to turn around without treatment for the emotional toll of caring for your mom. Please see if your doctor thinks you could benefit from a gentle antidepressant... and also, if you can add more physical activity to your days (in spite of the sit-down job), it's well-known that exercise helps your brain overcome the effects of depression. Can you stand up at your desk, pace a little, stretch your legs?

3. Fundamental principle: In lovemaking, the bodies are only a means of expression for something that happens between two spirits... and that experience is far more powerful than a couple of dress sizes. However "big" you may feel you are... the magical combination of love and sex is 'way, 'way bigger.

4. From the spiritual to the practical: although I've been alone for a long, long time, I don't want to lose a sense of myself as a sexual being, y'know? So whenever I get some privacy, I put on music and dance. If anyone saw me, "sexy" is NOT the word that would come to mind! But I can feel sexy, and that's a very healthy thing. So dance! Maybe even take a dance class.

If you're really courageous, take bellydancing!

Bless your brave heart for sharing this and giving us all a chance to talk about this feeling.
post #24 of 37
This thread is another example of why I love this site. There's so much honesty and helpfulness here!

Since everyone's sharing their stories, here's my story why I had to learn to love myself.

All of my childhood, and young adulthood (and even to this day) my mother has told me I'm "not good enough." When I made straight A's, they should have been A+'s. When I earned medals and awards for my music, I was told they must be giving them to everybody. Even when I won first (in the state of Texas) in an art contest (all-expenses paid vacation for my family of six) at age 13 she turned it around by teasing me. She still does it. The contest was sponsored by Rath Weiners and I could never count the number of times she has chanted "You're a Rath weenie-winner!" She told my husband a few years ago I won a contest because I could "color within the lines." (!) A few years ago I got my scrapbook out of storage and the newspaper article about it said that my mother had picked up the winning entry form! There was no mention of art and it sounded like all I had done was sent it in.

I've never been pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough; she's never liked my friends, my career choices, my hair, the way I dress, my apartment, etc. etc.

At some point in my life I started liking myself, and started seeing how my mother was wrong. Whenever I would think something negative about myself I would make it stop and think of good things. Eventually I stopped the negative thinking and I am happy with myself, warts and all. (I'm not perfect by a long shot but I try to work on things instead of beating myself up about them.)

And about beauty... my mother was strikingly beautiful. I mean head-turning; she had the whole package. She was also very proud, haughty, and vain. When she started losing her looks in her 60s, she started hating herself because there was nothing else there of value (she felt). She's a miserable, negative, difficult, hypercritical person now in her 80s.

My mother taught me three very important lessons: how not to marry, how not to treat your children, and how not to put importance on physical appearance. Thanks for listening.
post #25 of 37
Oh, SW...
post #26 of 37
I think as long as you are still eating healthy (i.e. taking your stess eating out on a carrot), then you're still doing good. However if you're stressing out on a donut or cream filled puff something or other 15x a day, buy carrots, celery, apples, oranges etc.

You'd be amazed at the difference you feel about yourself by ingesting vitamins and calcium rather than non-pronouncable ingredients.

Also I stress chew on gum. I don't know how well that will work in a call center, but if I feel snackish, I just pop in a piece of gum. I know its not the best thing for my teeth, but its better then smoking or stress eating.

Also try yoga or pilates. The breathing exercises alone are fantastic for stress.
post #27 of 37
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
1. Size 12 is perfectly lovely! You're a woman now, not just a girl... there's more substance to you, both inside and out. That's a good and natural thing.
The responses here have been so lovely and honest..

I just wanted to say that how you feel about yourself has absolutely nothing to do with your physical appearance. When I was thinner and younger (in my teens and very early 20s) I had no self-confidence. Models, by the way, are some of the most insecure people I know.. beauty queens, hawaiin tropic girls, girls that have been offered centerfolds for playboy and some of the other mags.. I've known quite a few of them, and the problems that all of these beautiful girls with perfect bodies faced was entirely psychological. Self-confidence in yourself, and particularly projecting self-confidence has everything to do with your state of mind. Having been in the 'oh my god no one will accept me.. I'm too fat... I'm not pretty enough.. I'm not popular enough.." I had to build my self-confidence, and honestly, every once in a great while it wanes. But, the way I did that was pretending that I had self-confidence. Whenever I felt nervous, I just put my shoulders back and chin up and thought well, repeatedly told myself for every one person who doesn't like me... three others will. And that's pretty much how I built my self-confidence. I faked it, and eventually I believed it. Now, in my later years, I'm a size 22, I'm 250 pounds, and I can walk into a room and people see me as thinner than I am, taller than I am, and as many people will talk to me as they will to my thin friends... I'm never at a loss for dance partner.. it's all due to self-confidence. Certainly, I am not thin, or in shape, or even remotely close, and occasionally I *will* look at myself in the mirror and think, "lordy, girl, you have seriously got to knock that weight off, you're a fatty", but that's so few and far between the times that I look in the mirror and think.. you look pretty good.

Anyway, the point here is... as they said on "the apprentice" you have to fake it till you make it. It's true. While what everyone here said is true... it won't make the least bit of difference if you don't believe it yourself. You'll just think, oh, they're probably just being nice to me..they don't want to hurt my feelings.. you'll just wonder if they're fibbing to you, and what you really look like.. at least... that's what I thought. I never believed them until I believed it myself.

I'm sure you are a lovely person, and I'm certainly sure that your DH thinks so.. they only thing left to do with that is make yourself believe it. It's not an easy process and it doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen. Do things for yourself that make you feel pretty.
post #28 of 37
I think the term is "fake it 'til you make it"
post #29 of 37
I gained a lot of weight when I switched jobs!!! 30lbs in 6 months. Tell me how much that sucked. I'm only 20 and I have stretch marks and cottage cheese legs!!! I was feeling pretty ashamed of my body for a long time because of my young age and the weight I've gained. Size 7 to a size 11, barely.... I'm finally fitting back into size 9s but it took a year. I just had to find something I love doing that's good for my body. I walk a lot and ride my bike, but my favorite thing to do is ride horses....I live an hour from my horse right now so more than once a week is out of the question with gas prices. College....I suppose it's worth a lot more than getting to ride my horse all the time....maybe

I watched the Tyra Banks show a month ago and it was called "So What!" The show talked about everyone having flaws and you shouldn't care what people think or say because they aren't perfect either. So, on wednesday I actually went swimming in a 2 piece bathing suit and I told my mom and everyone I was with. So what if I have stretch marks, so what if I eat three good meals a day and look like it, at least I'm happy and I don't have to kill myself to try and look like a starving model. Oh, and so what if my skin is so white it's see through!!!!
post #30 of 37
I also used to be really small, and now I wear 9-11, which is odd because I only weigh 115lbs and im 5'0, I dont really like my body...but I didnt either when I was small, I was TOO small. My fiance loves my body though, he doesnt want me to change and I believe it. He tells me to see myself through his eyes and I do. He says "your for me, and I love how you look, so you dont need to worry about if you like it or not, because your for me to look at", and now I could care less about how I look lol I know he loves my body and see's no flaw in it, so I dont flip out or worry about those vain things anymore.

and hey, im only 18 and I have stretch marks and cellulite lol, but I dont care, my fiance loves it. Its very liberating when you know those things dont matter anymore.
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