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Job question...

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
I started being a nanny for a family whose twin boys were kicked out of several daycares. They also have a cleaning service come every 2 weeks. They are cutting them off because they want ME to do ALL the cleaning (scrubbing toilets, mopping all floors doing THEIR laundry, vacuuming, etc). I thought I was responsible for light cleaning such as laundry, the boys room, cooking and cleaning up after meals! I am not under any form or contract because I went through a nanny service. The nanny service told me that my thoughts on the nanny job description was correct, and that is what they tell parents who are looking for a nanny. The lady at the nanny service told me that they hired me at the rate their paying me now to take care of the boys, and if they want me to do extra, then they will have to pay me more (like $1.50 - 2.50 more an hour). She said to ask for a review and then tell them. However this family is very anal and upfront. She even made me a "schedule" for what cleaning duties are expected on each day, etc. Asking for a review would sound dumb.

The kids are very demanding. It makes it hard to get everything done that they want me to do within the hour they are sleeping. They require, and are given their parents' or any adults' attention at every waking moment.

The parents are well, intimidating. They are bouth in their mid 40s and are bosses. Dad in particular is anal, but mom can be too. Mom and dad seem to disregard anything I say. Should I maybe say it all in a letter instead?


What should I do?
post #2 of 28
Did the nanny agency get you the job and then they are out of the picture? If not, they should be the ones negotiating with the parents.

This sounds like a bad situation. You have your hands full handling the two difficult children - I can't imagine that the parents expect you do to everything else, too. Personally, I would want an additional $15 per hour (or whatever the cleaning person was getting paid) to take on her additional job.

If you are willing to do it, though (and the agency is out of the picture), you should definitely put everything in writing. List what work you will be doing, allowances for days the twins are particularly difficult, and the pay you expect. You have to cover yourself or you will be worked to a nub.

Maybe the agency can get you a different nanny job somewhere else. These parents sound like they want to be cheap take advantage of you. Good luck!
post #3 of 28
Thread Starter 
Yeah, the nanny agency is basically out of the picture. They get a finder's fee from the parents to guarantee a nanny for 3 months and for pre-screening the nannies before setting them up with a placement. The nanny service is also like an advise seeking place for both parents and nannies. However, I am considered self-employed.

Should I quit, or ask for more in a letter? I just get so tired! It is a lot to keep up with everything regarding 2 households! I was never trained to clean professionally.
post #4 of 28
ok, here's my advice: is this a deal-breaker for you? i mean, if they don't pay you more, are you willing to quit? if so, you have the power. simply tell them that if they expect you to do the extra work, you expect X amount more per hour in compensation. if they refuse, submit your resignation. practice ahead of time, so you'll be calm.
if you're in a position where you must stay there, then you'll just have to grin & bear it.
post #5 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by laureen227 View Post
ok, here's my advice: is this a deal-breaker for you? i mean, if they don't pay you more, are you willing to quit? if so, you have the power. simply tell them that if they expect you to do the extra work, you expect X amount more per hour in compensation. if they refuse, submit your resignation. practice ahead of time, so you'll be calm.
if you're in a position where you must stay there, then you'll just have to grin & bear it.


Although if you must stay there, and there is no way that they would pay you more for the extra work, I would keep my eyes and ears open in case something better comes along.
post #6 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom View Post


Although if you must stay there, and there is no way that they would pay you more for the extra work, I would keep my eyes and ears open in case something better comes along.
also, if you just don't want to do the cleaning, [i certainly wouldn't!] same deal. refuse, & quit, or live with it while you job search.
post #7 of 28
One word....QUIT.
post #8 of 28
I don't think you should accept the cleaning duties as part of your nanny job. If you're willing to do the cleaning, then you should tell them you'll take on that job in addition to the nanny job, at the same rate they were paying the other service.

This would ensure that you are paid in full for all the work you do, and it would also keep the lists of responsibilities clearly divided -- which could become important down the road, if you decide the housekeeping is too much, but you would like to stay on as the nanny.

However... if you don't want to do the cleaning job at all (and it sounds like you really don't), then just tell them so! Just explain that the kids are a full-time job in and of themselves, and it would not be possible for you to give them the attention they demand if you were also required to take on these additional duties.

Yes, they might fire you -- but if their kids are that much of a nightmare, I doubt it. They were lucky to find a good nanny who will deal with twin nightmares -- I'd be amazed if they could find a new one who would also take on the whole house!

Just be direct about what you can and cannot do for them. And bear in mind that the housecleaning should be worth exactly as much to them if you decide to do it as it was when someone else was doing it.
post #9 of 28
Thread Starter 
I don't mind the cleaning as much as all the extra work. What bothers me most is I feel they are taking advantage of me. Perhaps they weren't listening when the nanny service gave them the job duties.


They DID hire a nanny because their boys are out of control. They boys were asked not to come back even at the daycare they were at for only a month (while I worked for them only part time). The boys are very self centered (but so are the parents) and have anger and impulse issues that they are being tested for professionally. They were asked not to come back to the private pre-school they were at for kindergarten because they were sent home so much during the month they were there for fighting, not listening, not responding to discipline or positives, etc.

I think I may write a letter or something and ask them what they want me to do about all the work, and controlling the boys. The cleaning wouldn't be so bad if they could be in another room with each other without me for more than like 2 minutes! I think its not fair for me to have to clean AND entertain the boys at the same time (they do help with the cleaning of their own rooms) when other nannies don't have to clean as much for the same pay!
post #10 of 28
i would tell them that is not what you hired on to do,
if you are willing to do it, tell them what price you want,
if not, i would leave .
post #11 of 28
I wouldn't write a letter, I would write a contract stating "I will do this, and this, and this for this amount extra. I will NOT do this, and this..." You get the idea. I mean, how hard is it to clean a toilet? It's their house, either one of them can do that. I would say figure out what you are willing to do and how much the extra effort is worth. If you are basically self employeed now, you need to have something in writing with signatures, in case something happens later on down the road.

I agree though, if you don't want to take on the extra responsibilites, then don't. You are not their slave, and that's what it sounds like they want you to be.

Good luck!
post #12 of 28
well, this is my concern with your situation...if you don't have the nerve to tell the parents that you won't do two jobs for the price of one...then how are you going to control two rowdy boys?

just tell the parents that you were hired as a nanny, not a housekeeper, and that you don't want the extra job, but thanks anyway.

you've got to get some backbone, or those kids will be running over top of you, like the parents are trying to do.

(I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to inspire you to be brave) Go get em girl, and don't you do two jobs for the wages of just one.
post #13 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by sofiecusion View Post
She said to ask for a review and then tell them. Should I maybe say it all in a letter instead?


What should I do?
Don't put it in writing to them is my main suggestion. Ever. That is not a smart business move to give something like that to them.
They are taking advantage of you, and you are letting them. That is very unfair. But it will continue if you do not make it clear and set some rules and boundaries with this pushy family. If it were me, I would quit.
You will need to step and have a conversation in person and see what happens. Best case, they agree, you work something out, and it is solved for the time being. Worse case you will get to find another job, but at least you won't be in a position of being used and doing extra work for free. Maybe it will be somewhere in between.
And if it is a nanny service, you should talk to them before you talk to the family. You might be suprised - betcha this has happened before with this family.
Good luck to you!!!
post #14 of 28
Thread Starter 
Well, they never had these problems with a nanny before. They had a nanny up until the boys were 2. Dad worked from home, but the boys were constantly interferring with his work, so they opted to try daycare. They moved and stuff, but went through 3 daycares before going on a nanny search. The nanny service lady also reccommended they try the school her daughter goes to. They were asked to leave all of them for their aggressive behavior. I am their first nanny since daycare didn't work out!

I have control over the boys, and hold back my anger. They are a lot better for me than they are their parents. I am firm with them, and don't put up with any BS. That's another thing....it's clear mom makes all the decisions regarding the boys, but it is hard to talk to her because the boys keep interrupting every 10 seconds despite her telling them "Mommy is talking". One of the twins is better about this than the other.

I think I may have made my decision. One of the twins was swinging on the railing on the stairs I told him to get down and that they weren't monkey bars and that he could fall. He refused, so I grabbed him. He slipped from my grasp and then tried to push me down the stairs when I was taking him upstairs for a time out! Luckily I have good reflexes and caught myself. Mom walked in right after I got him upstairs while he was still flailing. I told her what happened, and she had him sit on the couch in a "timeout". However, she didn't enforce it very well as he kept hetting up to interrupt.

I am starting to look for a different job in the meantime.....
post #15 of 28
IMHO get out of there. It's not a good situation. Even if you don't mind the cleaning work, it turns you into their maid not their nanny.

What kind of people just decide that they don't need the cleaning lady anymore because they've hired a nanny? It's one thing to keep the boys clean, or their specific areas (play areas, eating areas, etc), but to expect you to be the cleaning lady for the whole house on top of child care is really too much.

I suspect if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile...do start looking for a new job ASAP.
post #16 of 28
Personally I would begin to negotiate a contract, that's basically the only way you will get more money out of them for the extra work. This is YOUR income and YOUR position. If you begin to do "volunteer" work without any extra benefits or income, then you need to make sure that its there, in writing.

If they expect this of you, then you need to play hardball. Simply say that if you are expected to do the additional housework then you require $x.xx more per hour. If they say no then only do the work that you are being paid to do without the extras.

IMO they're just too cheap to hire a maid service, so they're trying to get you to do the maid things without having to be paid extra. Don't let them do this to you.
post #17 of 28
Thread Starter 
I think I will come up with some sort of contract that states: (these duties were agreed on when I emailed it to the nanny service)

First and foremost, a nanny's job is to keep your children, safe, well nourished and attended to. Duties can include feeding the kids, bathing the children, monitoring TV time, computer time, planning activities for toddlers and preschool age children. Helping older children with homework. Driving children to activities and arranging playdates.

Most Nannies will agree that housework directly involving their charges is usually their responsibility. Therefore, keeping the children's rooms clean, doing their laundry, preparing their meals and cleaning up the dishes after the meals is usually part of the job. But don't assume anything, discuss this in your interview and make sure it is in her job description and contract.

As agreed upon by XXXXX Nanny service, the payment for these services is $XX.XX


If you would like me to vacuum the house once a week, prepare some dinners, clean bathrooms, or do more than just the kids laundry, etc then a $2.00/hr increase in pay will be expected.


Obviously I will do some re-wording, but how does that sound?
post #18 of 28
i think that sounds fine. but i would also be looking for another job - those children are definitely out-of-control, & you are in danger. have you had training in restraint? [i'm a special ed teacher, BTW]. the advantage in having restraint training, at least here in my state, is if you need to restrain a child who is tantrumming & a danger to himself &/or others, you're protected from lawsuits regarding injury caused to the child. you might want to look into it if you're planning on staying on there.
post #19 of 28
Thread Starter 
I have my BS in elementary education and have been trained in the hold down method. I was holding the child in the hold down position when mom walked in. I never used it before with them, and of course he put up a struggle. Some parents don't like it, and from what I read and know about the mom, she is VERY protective with her children, even from their father and grandparents!

I seriously started to re-think things after almost being pushed down the stairs and vitually nothing being done about it by mom. They have hit and flailed with me before, at least every other day, sometimes more. It's better than it was when they were "testing" me though....
post #20 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by sofiecusion View Post
I have my BS in elementary education and have been trained in the hold down method. I was holding the child in the hold down position when mom walked in. I never used it before with them, and of course he put up a struggle. Some parents don't like it, and from what I read and know about the mom, she is VERY protective with her children, even from their father and grandparents!

I seriously started to re-think things after almost being pushed down the stairs and vitually nothing being done about it by mom. They have hit and flailed with me before, at least every other day, sometimes more. It's better than it was when they were "testing" me though....
yeah, they're seeing how much they can 'get way' with. i'm glad you're trained, if only for your own protection. but i, personally, would be job searching
post #21 of 28
Thread Starter 
I DO think that I will be job searching.... It's just too much to expect out of 1 person, plus deal with all of their behavioral issues for what I'm being paid...and what was agreed to through the nanny service!

If they don't want to pay me more, then I will stop doing the extra stuff...if they don't like that I'm not doing it....tough. Fire me then because the nanny service knows my current situation!

Plain as that!
post #22 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by sofiecusion View Post
I have my BS in elementary education and have been trained in the hold down method. I was holding the child in the hold down position when mom walked in. I never used it before with them, and of course he put up a struggle. Some parents don't like it, and from what I read and know about the mom, she is VERY protective with her children, even from their father and grandparents!

I seriously started to re-think things after almost being pushed down the stairs and vitually nothing being done about it by mom. They have hit and flailed with me before, at least every other day, sometimes more. It's better than it was when they were "testing" me though....
Yikes! And these parents expect a miracle from you for their children?

I personally think that you're taking way too much from these children. You said this is your first nanny job right? No offense, but I don't think this is any way for you to begin a nanny career. If you continue you will most likely feel jaded towards children the rest of your life, especially if its just you and no one else helping out.

Good luck job searching!!!
post #23 of 28
Thread Starter 
Well, yeah, its my first nanny job, but I have several years working in child care! I just think of it as birth control!


Not just because of this, but I'll be leaving the field of education/ child care in the fall and will be going back to school for social work!
post #24 of 28
Have the children had their professional evaluations yet?? They sound like quite the handful and if the parents are responding opposite of what you are doing-how much of am impact can you make.
I would not do any additional services for them either.
Good luck!!
post #25 of 28
Thread Starter 
Should I just not do the extra stuff?

Mom called because one of the twins just got glasses and she wants me to take him to get them readjusted this afternoon! Short notice? Well, anyway the twin without glasses' has been officially diagnosed as ADHD as of the meeting with the psychologist today. The one with the glasses has to finish his testing before being diagnosed. The ADHD wasn't a surprise. Not sure if the other one just has anger/ impulse issues. His attention span is like that of a normal 5 year old. Who knows?

I am disciplining them according to what mom says is their method (which obviously they give in way more than than they expect from me).
post #26 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by sofiecusion View Post
Should I just not do the extra stuff?

Mom called because one of the twins just got glasses and she wants me to take him to get them readjusted this afternoon! Short notice? Well, anyway the twin without glasses' has been officially diagnosed as ADHD as of the meeting with the psychologist today. The one with the glasses has to finish his testing before being diagnosed. The ADHD wasn't a surprise. Not sure if the other one just has anger/ impulse issues. His attention span is like that of a normal 5 year old. Who knows?

I am disciplining them according to what mom says is their method (which obviously they give in way more than than they expect from me).
will they be medicating? if so, you'll probably see a drastic change in behavior. may make staying worthwhile. if they're not planning to medicate, then definitely continue the job search.
post #27 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by laureen227 View Post
will they be medicating? if so, you'll probably see a drastic change in behavior. may make staying worthwhile. if they're not planning to medicate, then definitely continue the job search.
I think that even if one gets medicated then there will probably be a drastic change in both.

EDIT: Wait, sorry, I misread your post
post #28 of 28
Thread Starter 
I don't think they will be using medication until they are in school and have their first meeting with them!
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