Have a new cat, the others hate life...

mopar92

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OK. We have 3 cats, and we got a 4th. I am 100% a cat person. My wife fell in love with this male teenaged cat at a no kill shelter. He is a fantastic little guy. He is not aggressive or skittish in any way. The other 3 are all girls. Maddie is older, and could really care less, just stay away from me...

Meeka, an older calico, is defensive, but otherwise, doing ok... Both of these girls come out and eat and cruise around if they are not sleeping.

Problem ! : Hallie is a little older than the new guy Toby. She was caught wild by us a year and some change ago. She is all love and purr and never a growl or hiss....ever. We had her declawed and shots and took her in until we could find a home for her. Something happened while she was staying with us.... I fell in love with her! She's absolutely my baby girl. So, we ended up keeping the stray Hallie. I baby her too much and give her a lot of love. She is not skittish or afraid of ANYTHING! She watches me vacuum for crying out loud! Anyway, Hallie is always trying to play with the older girl cats and we thought she would adapt to the new young boy the best.
She's hiding under the bed, she lunges at him, she hisses, growls,etc. She hates him. Of all of the cats, Hallie is the care free, sweet, quiet, always purring, and she hates this new kid. I am keeping Toby in the front room and let him roam for a couple of hours, and then put him back away. I am also letting the others go in his room for a sniff in "his room". I am slowly trying to introduce them to each other. What else can I do? I am trying to love them all as much as I can. I am not punishing any of them for acting out. What can I do to help them live and love? Thanks a ton. Great site by the way! , Keith and Melissa.
 

yosemite

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Congratulations on your new boy.

Keith, patience is the answer. It can take hours, days, weeks or months for a new cat to be accepted into your home. You could try Feliway which should have a calming effect on all the animals and help the integration process.

You mentioned the kitty that is having the difficulty was declawed (we are very much against declawing here at TCS) so perhaps she feels threatened and unable to defend herself. Often declawed cats start having issues and this may be one of hers.

I think the best thing you can do is just keep an eye on them (i.e., supervised visits for a period of time and segregation when you aren't there) and eventually they'll adjust.
 
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mopar92

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Yes, I understand that declawing is frowned upon. Toby is not declawed, and I am going to keep his trimmed back. He is not scratching furniture or anything. I hope everybody can look past this and keep the suggestions coming. I know patience, but watching Hallie in mental pain has brought a grown man to tears... a few times! Thanks for the suggestions... Keith
 

zenovea

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2 years ago we added an adult male(about 8yrs at the time) to our home of 4(2 female, 2 male) cat household. The 2 youngest (1 male 1 female-also were littermates - about 2 years at the time) HATE Bob. The young male is much, MUCH worse...you remember the velocoraptors in Jurassic Park? How they hunt and trap their prey? That is what these 2 do to Bob. They would hide in his room (we started to keep them seperated at night) to attack him. They tormented him....well actually if given the chance they still do....Yes, 2 years later we have adjusted our lives around this pure hatred that Neo (the boy) has for Bob. We have tried to figure out why he hates Bob so much but it is just something my husband says we will never understand. Bob is the sweetest, most loving kitty you could imagine, he is not an aggressive cat at all!
We have since moved and now Bob lives in our finished basement and gets to go outside when he wants (he was originally an outdoor cat when he came to live with us). Neo and sister stay upstairs.
On a lighter, more positive note on any future additions. 2 weeks ago we resuced 2 feral kittens (female) in our wooded back yard. Of course we were worried sick on how Neo would react....He is the MOST curious of the babies out of all the cats! He lays in the middle of the living room when the babies are playing, getting nose to nose with them, NO hissing, spitting or acting out....Maybe is reaction to Bob is because he was older when he joined us, maybe it's because it's another male....I still don't know, Neo isn't talking!
Good luck with your new "son"!!
 
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mopar92

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Thanks for the replies. Can somebody tell me if I should try some of this Feliway? I have read a lot of positives about it.
 
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mopar92

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Thanks. This site is calming my poor nerves about Hallie as we speak... maybe there is hope to get them along, and to get "back" the old Hallie
 

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Originally Posted by Mopar92

Thanks. This site is calming my poor nerves about Hallie as we speak... maybe there is hope to get them along, and to get "back" the old Hallie
First let me say hi
and welcome! I think the situation is Hallie was the princess, she felt rescued and was completely grateful for her new home and acceptance by the others. Now there is a new "baby" and she feels threatened, she needs to know it wasn't anything she did, she is still the special girl she was, and she will never be "thrown away". You never know what happened prior to you finding her, she may have been abandoned, whatever happened she was so grateful for your love that she became very attached to you and you to her. Just be sure to give her a lot of support and assurance that she is the special girl, and keep an eye on the interactions with encouraging talk.....
 
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mopar92

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I think you are right. We often talk about how she feels VERY adopted and grateful as can be. Her thing is to purr like mad and an occasional lick or 4 on the hand or leg. I am trying to cuddle her and love her. What I am afraid of... is she is growling and hissing, yet I am petting her and loving her. I don't want her to think that I am rewarding her for this behavior. Thanks.
 

laureen227

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i hav e new one, too. my 2 most recent arrivals [Java's been here 2 years, Chip just over 1] still aren't too sure about Firefox, but in the week she's been here, they've stopped the growling & are just hissing on occasion. Cable, my alpha, has also graduated to occasional hissing. Pixel, my senior, has seen 3 cats come into the house in the last 4 years - she's taking it the best. i think Hallie will settle down, in time, but diffusers definitely help [& i need to get refills for mine!]
 
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mopar92

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The wife's gone for some diffusers. How long should we continue with these things? Thanks.
 

littleraven7726

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i've used them temporarily (when we are moving) and i've also used them long term. right now we are using it long term. one of my cats was diagnosed with cancer, and the tensions between all 3 went crazy this spring. with the diffuser going we are only having the occasional scuffle.

i forgot to add: if you live in the midwest and can get to a Farm & Fleet store, they have diffuser refills for $15. it's $10 more at the pet stores in town.
 

laureen227

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you can get them online for about that, too, but you have to pay shipping. i just ordered refills for mine, since i have a new cat in the house, plus i ordered some rescue remedy to have on hand as well. & the spray, since Chip has a bad habit of pooing on my bed occasionally - spraying the bed seems to help keep him from doing that.
 

yosemite

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There are some folks here that truly believe that if you talk to your animal about what is going on it helps them to understand, for example if they lose one of their kitties and the other is grieving. I don't know if I believe that to be true, but on the other hand I sure am not dismissing it as I believe they are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for.

Try talking to Hallie about the new kitty the next time you are spending time with her. Tell her she is still your special girl and will never be replaced and that you have room in your heart and home for both of them and words to that effect that would soothe her. It can't hurt!
 
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mopar92

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Originally Posted by Yosemite

Try talking to Hallie about the new kitty the next time you are spending time with her. Tell her she is still your special girl and will never be replaced and that you have room in your heart and home for both of them and words to that effect that would soothe her. It can't hurt!
Because you mentioned it... I will admit it. I sat down and had the daddy to daughter talk the other day. I had to leave town and I was dangerously late for my flight because I wanted to see her lie down and put her head down and close her eyes. That way the last thing I saw before I left for 5 days was her in peace and not upset... am I sick?
Keith
 

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Originally Posted by Mopar92

Because you mentioned it... I will admit it. I sat down and had the daddy to daughter talk the other day. I had to leave town and I was dangerously late for my flight because I wanted to see her lie down and put her head down and close her eyes. That way the last thing I saw before I left for 5 days was her in peace and not upset... am I sick?
Keith
The difference it makes to do that is everything! It really takes some simple jesters and communication to make each other happy! I firmly believe in my relationship with Maia before all others! She reaches out to me as much as I to her, well maybe a drive her nuts sometimes, shes just so cute and soft and fun!!!!!
 
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mopar92

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Originally Posted by cheylink

The difference it makes to do that is everything! It really takes some simple jesters and communication to make each other happy! I firmly believe in my relationship with Maia before all others! She reaches out to me as much as I to her, well maybe a drive her nuts sometimes, shes just so cute and soft and fun!!!!!
Melissa saw some kittens in the road an in obvious danger of cars. So.... I go down there at 11 at night. She comes out of the woods. We snag her. Cage her. I told her to take her to a good no kill shelter and that 2 cats is enough. Well.... 1 week later... Hallie is JUST like me. I swear she and I see life the same way. It's amazing... ADD, sometimes annoying, etc.
So, when we talk, I feel as if she knows what I mean, not what I say...
 

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Originally Posted by Mopar92

Melissa saw some kittens in the road an in obvious danger of cars. So.... I go down there at 11 at night. She comes out of the woods. We snag her. Cage her. I told her to take her to a good no kill shelter and that 2 cats is enough. Well.... 1 week later... Hallie is JUST like me. I swear she and I see life the same way. It's amazing... ADD, sometimes annoying, etc.
So, when we talk, I feel as if she knows what I mean, not what I say...
That is exactly what I was trying to say! It is amazing how we can repeat the same words over and over, louder and louder, at each other, yet a simple jester of communication with our language impaired furry partners has more response!
 
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mopar92

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OK, after a week and a half of keeping Toby seperate from the cats. We are slowly letting him out for longer and longer periods. The others don't bond with him, but they walk around him not in terror. That is the older cats, both female. However, Hallie, the younger princess can walk near him, but she lunges after him and seems to instigate. Toby almost looks at it like play. He does not quite get that she hates him.... which is sad. This is the reason we got Toby... to play with young feisty Hallie. Is it ok to let them be together and let her growl and hiss at a care free Toby? Or is it unhealthy to let her be in fear. He's not cornering her. She is not running from him. She is instigating pretty much all of the growl fights. There is not too much boxing happening yet... a little. Thanks.

PS- we have a feliway wall plug in thing going as well as spraying Feliway in her spots. Thanks. Keith
 
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mopar92

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Anybody???
 
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