Will I ever LOVE the same way???

UGH. I guess I've been having a bad "bad Ashie night"......I miss that cat SOOO much it truly truly sucks. In the meantime, I've got these two cats we adopted last week and I just cannot bond with them...at all. I mean..I CANNOT EVEN NAME THEM!

And yes, I can't say that I LOVE them, really. Not like I did Ashie. Granted, I don't want to see anything bad happen to them......and I would do anything to care for them....but the LOVE that I felt with Ashie....it isn't there. Not even close....or even starting.

I feel SOOO guilty now. And tonight in the pet food area of a store, it was horrible even being there.

Does it get better?? I mean..the LOVE? My mom told me that it won't EVER be the same, but it will get better.

It will, trust me. When I got Karina, I felt the need for my Bundles, who was killed by a raccoon. I soon realized Bundles' spirit lived on in her. Don't feel guilty, we have all been there.

You can't fill the hole Ashie left in your heart with new babies. That's Ashie's spot.

But the miracle of taking new babies into your life is that they will find their very own spots... right next to hers. It takes time... but eventually they move right in.

I lost Davidson unexpectedly in March. I cried for a whole month straight, night and day. I was missing him so much, that we got Bayley- I know Davidson sent Bayley to us, because he's everything that we need, and what Harley needs too.
The pain never leaves, its always there, but you will feel the love again, I have, and you will too

Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom

You can't fill the hole Ashie left in your heart with new babies. That's Ashie's spot.

But the miracle of taking new babies into your life is that they will find their very own spots... right next to hers. It takes time... but eventually they move right in.

Click to expand...

Yep! Very well said.

Every kitty gives you a different love and different gifts. You never forget or stop caring for the ones you lose. When we lost Jazzy mum said she'd never have another cat because of Charlie now being indoors and stressed, and she was hurt. Last night, a month later, mum said that one day she may get another cat and it would be a little girl. But not here. So it may not be another year or two or three, whenever there is enough money saved to move house. It takes time, and that time depends on the person. Dont force it, dont freak out. Let the mourning take its course and be gentle with the kitties.

Originally Posted by carrie640

UGH. I guess I've been having a bad "bad Ashie night"......I miss that cat SOOO much it truly truly sucks. In the meantime, I've got these two cats we adopted last week and I just cannot bond with them...at all. I mean..I CANNOT EVEN NAME THEM!

And yes, I can't say that I LOVE them, really. Not like I did Ashie. Granted, I don't want to see anything bad happen to them......and I would do anything to care for them....but the LOVE that I felt with Ashie....it isn't there. Not even close....or even starting.

I feel SOOO guilty now. And tonight in the pet food area of a store, it was horrible even being there.

Does it get better?? I mean..the LOVE? My mom told me that it won't EVER be the same, but it will get better.

Click to expand...

Yes it will get better, but you gotta give the two new cats a chance too. You gotta show them that you love them, and one day before you know it, you will love the two new kitties.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow. We have all been there before. We all know how you feel too.

Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom

You can't fill the hole Ashie left in your heart with new babies. That's Ashie's spot.

But the miracle of taking new babies into your life is that they will find their very own spots... right next to hers. It takes time... but eventually they move right in.

Click to expand...

Not only true, but also very beautifully stated, MM.

My Clyde had been with me for over a year when Pearl came along, and he and I had bonded so deeply that I secretly felt almost a kind of resentment toward poor little Pearl. I wanted her as a companion for Clyde, but I was just sure I could never love her anything like the way I loved my sweetheart Clydie Lee.

But over time, as Pearl and I got to know each other... oh my gosh. She is as precious to me as any kitty ever could be. No, I don't love her the same way I love Clyde -- but I do love her just as much.

Don't worry... just live with them and interact with them and learn their little quirks... and one day, you'll look at them and just be flooded with love.

Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom

You can't fill the hole Ashie left in your heart with new babies. That's Ashie's spot.

But the miracle of taking new babies into your life is that they will find their very own spots... right next to hers. It takes time... but eventually they move right in.

Click to expand...

I couldn't have said it better...great choice of words!

I can say from experience for me there has always been and still are tears for the lost but incredible love for the newly found...............

yes and no. I still think about my first cat i ever had. I see now.,what was so different and speical about her. but i still love the ones we have now. Each cat like each person is different, Just like you cant love everyone the same, it is the same with animals

Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom

You can't fill the hole Ashie left in your heart with new babies. That's Ashie's spot.

But the miracle of taking new babies into your life is that they will find their very own spots... right next to hers. It takes time... but eventually they move right in.

Click to expand...

Exactly!!!!

The pain you feel right now will fade and will be replaced by happy memories of Ashie. It just stinks right now because your heart is still wounded.

Allow these 2 new kitties to help sew up the wound...you may not be able to recognize it right now, but one day you will.

You love your kitties, you just do not know it yet. Your heart says I love them, your brain says it's too soon after Ashie.

Time will make it easier to live with.

I love all my kitties, but there will never be another one like my dear little Fred. I found him when he was about a month old and he was my constant companion for 18 years. I still miss him every day.

I was trying to figure out how I could love Ashie as much as I did....and I guess it is because at that point, I hadn't LOST a cat. My other cat, Angel, stayed with my mother when I moved out of the house...and then I adopted Ashie. I was DEVASTATED when Angel died. just TORN APART, but I still had Ashie and I loved her AS MUCH...soooo deeply.....so that really helped the blow.

But now...I don't feel like I have anything. Nothing. How bad is it that I can't NAME these stupid cats???? THAT IS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I feel bad for THEM that I can't love them enough to even name them. It isn't their fault.

And my poor Ashie is sitting here in ASHES in a stupid wooden URN. I KILLED HER. How UNFAIR is that????????????????????????????


OMG. I just want MY CAT BACK. It was too soon.....it was all of a sudden out of NOWHERE.

When my Divot left, I thought nothing would ever heal the ache and soothe the pain. But he sent me Peaches who is nothing like him at all. She is a very troubled cat who was about to be PTS. He made me save her and help her not be hostile and terrified of people. She has been here a year and is making a lot of progress. Divot knew no one would ever be like him and that I needed an entirely different cat to help me heal.

It took a long time; there are still days, but I'm OK. I have Josie for cuddles and loves and Peaches to work with and Paisley for laughs. I think Divot taught Josie how to comfort me; she is my cuddle girl and purr factory. But there will never be another Divot, he was my heart.

I love every cat here in a different way. You will be OK. It's still very very new and raw. Pay attention to the little ones. I think Ashie sent them to you.

Originally Posted by carrie640

I can't NAME these stupid cats???? THAT IS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I feel bad for THEM that I can't love them enough to even name them. It isn't their fault.

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The new kitties you have aren't stupid. They're loyal living creatures that need love and affection.

Perhaps it's too soon for you to have gotten new cats and you might want to consider rehoming them if you aren't able to pull yourself together enough to give them the loving home that they deserve?

In time when you are over the death of Ashie, then consider getting a new cat. You will know when the time is right for you. But it doesn't seem that that time is now.

I agree that it might have been too soon - I did that once, and it took months and months to bond, it isn't something I would do again!! I hope you can sort things out in your mind though - but you didn't kill Ashie.