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Will I ever LOVE the same way???

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
UGH. I guess I've been having a bad "bad Ashie night"......I miss that cat SOOO much it truly truly sucks. In the meantime, I've got these two cats we adopted last week and I just cannot bond with them...at all. I mean..I CANNOT EVEN NAME THEM!

And yes, I can't say that I LOVE them, really. Not like I did Ashie. Granted, I don't want to see anything bad happen to them......and I would do anything to care for them....but the LOVE that I felt with Ashie....it isn't there. Not even close....or even starting.

I feel SOOO guilty now. And tonight in the pet food area of a store, it was horrible even being there.

Does it get better?? I mean..the LOVE? My mom told me that it won't EVER be the same, but it will get better.
post #2 of 23
It will, trust me. When I got Karina, I felt the need for my Bundles, who was killed by a raccoon. I soon realized Bundles' spirit lived on in her. Don't feel guilty, we have all been there.
post #3 of 23
You can't fill the hole Ashie left in your heart with new babies. That's Ashie's spot.

But the miracle of taking new babies into your life is that they will find their very own spots... right next to hers. It takes time... but eventually they move right in.
post #4 of 23
I lost Davidson unexpectedly in March. I cried for a whole month straight, night and day. I was missing him so much, that we got Bayley- I know Davidson sent Bayley to us, because he's everything that we need, and what Harley needs too.
The pain never leaves, its always there, but you will feel the love again, I have, and you will too
post #5 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom View Post
You can't fill the hole Ashie left in your heart with new babies. That's Ashie's spot.

But the miracle of taking new babies into your life is that they will find their very own spots... right next to hers. It takes time... but eventually they move right in.

Yep! Very well said.
post #6 of 23
Every kitty gives you a different love and different gifts. You never forget or stop caring for the ones you lose. When we lost Jazzy mum said she'd never have another cat because of Charlie now being indoors and stressed, and she was hurt. Last night, a month later, mum said that one day she may get another cat and it would be a little girl. But not here. So it may not be another year or two or three, whenever there is enough money saved to move house. It takes time, and that time depends on the person. Dont force it, dont freak out. Let the mourning take its course and be gentle with the kitties.
post #7 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by carrie640 View Post
UGH. I guess I've been having a bad "bad Ashie night"......I miss that cat SOOO much it truly truly sucks. In the meantime, I've got these two cats we adopted last week and I just cannot bond with them...at all. I mean..I CANNOT EVEN NAME THEM!

And yes, I can't say that I LOVE them, really. Not like I did Ashie. Granted, I don't want to see anything bad happen to them......and I would do anything to care for them....but the LOVE that I felt with Ashie....it isn't there. Not even close....or even starting.

I feel SOOO guilty now. And tonight in the pet food area of a store, it was horrible even being there.

Does it get better?? I mean..the LOVE? My mom told me that it won't EVER be the same, but it will get better.
Yes it will get better, but you gotta give the two new cats a chance too. You gotta show them that you love them, and one day before you know it, you will love the two new kitties.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow. We have all been there before. We all know how you feel too.
post #8 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom View Post
You can't fill the hole Ashie left in your heart with new babies. That's Ashie's spot.

But the miracle of taking new babies into your life is that they will find their very own spots... right next to hers. It takes time... but eventually they move right in.
Not only true, but also very beautifully stated, MM.

My Clyde had been with me for over a year when Pearl came along, and he and I had bonded so deeply that I secretly felt almost a kind of resentment toward poor little Pearl. I wanted her as a companion for Clyde, but I was just sure I could never love her anything like the way I loved my sweetheart Clydie Lee.

But over time, as Pearl and I got to know each other... oh my gosh. She is as precious to me as any kitty ever could be. No, I don't love her the same way I love Clyde -- but I do love her just as much.

Don't worry... just live with them and interact with them and learn their little quirks... and one day, you'll look at them and just be flooded with love.
post #9 of 23
You will love again, but it won't be the same...It will be good but different. I don't want to ever love a cat again the way I love Bella it will surely kill me.
post #10 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom View Post
You can't fill the hole Ashie left in your heart with new babies. That's Ashie's spot.

But the miracle of taking new babies into your life is that they will find their very own spots... right next to hers. It takes time... but eventually they move right in.
I couldn't have said it better...great choice of words!
post #11 of 23
I can say from experience for me there has always been and still are tears for the lost but incredible love for the newly found...............
post #12 of 23
yes and no. I still think about my first cat i ever had. I see now.,what was so different and speical about her. but i still love the ones we have now. Each cat like each person is different, Just like you cant love everyone the same, it is the same with animals
post #13 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom View Post
You can't fill the hole Ashie left in your heart with new babies. That's Ashie's spot.

But the miracle of taking new babies into your life is that they will find their very own spots... right next to hers. It takes time... but eventually they move right in.
Exactly!!!!

The pain you feel right now will fade and will be replaced by happy memories of Ashie. It just stinks right now because your heart is still wounded.

Allow these 2 new kitties to help sew up the wound...you may not be able to recognize it right now, but one day you will.
post #14 of 23
You love your kitties, you just do not know it yet. Your heart says I love them, your brain says it's too soon after Ashie.
post #15 of 23
Time will make it easier to live with.
post #16 of 23
I love all my kitties, but there will never be another one like my dear little Fred. I found him when he was about a month old and he was my constant companion for 18 years. I still miss him every day.
post #17 of 23
Thread Starter 
I was trying to figure out how I could love Ashie as much as I did....and I guess it is because at that point, I hadn't LOST a cat. My other cat, Angel, stayed with my mother when I moved out of the house...and then I adopted Ashie. I was DEVASTATED when Angel died. just TORN APART, but I still had Ashie and I loved her AS MUCH...soooo deeply.....so that really helped the blow.

But now...I don't feel like I have anything. Nothing. How bad is it that I can't NAME these stupid cats???? THAT IS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I feel bad for THEM that I can't love them enough to even name them. It isn't their fault.

And my poor Ashie is sitting here in ASHES in a stupid wooden URN. I KILLED HER. How UNFAIR is that????????????????????????????


OMG. I just want MY CAT BACK. It was too soon.....it was all of a sudden out of NOWHERE.
post #18 of 23
When my Divot left, I thought nothing would ever heal the ache and soothe the pain. But he sent me Peaches who is nothing like him at all. She is a very troubled cat who was about to be PTS. He made me save her and help her not be hostile and terrified of people. She has been here a year and is making a lot of progress. Divot knew no one would ever be like him and that I needed an entirely different cat to help me heal.

It took a long time; there are still days, but I'm OK. I have Josie for cuddles and loves and Peaches to work with and Paisley for laughs. I think Divot taught Josie how to comfort me; she is my cuddle girl and purr factory. But there will never be another Divot, he was my heart.

I love every cat here in a different way. You will be OK. It's still very very new and raw. Pay attention to the little ones. I think Ashie sent them to you.
post #19 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by carrie640 View Post
I can't NAME these stupid cats???? THAT IS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I feel bad for THEM that I can't love them enough to even name them. It isn't their fault.
The new kitties you have aren't stupid. They're loyal living creatures that need love and affection.

Perhaps it's too soon for you to have gotten new cats and you might want to consider rehoming them if you aren't able to pull yourself together enough to give them the loving home that they deserve?

In time when you are over the death of Ashie, then consider getting a new cat. You will know when the time is right for you. But it doesn't seem that that time is now.
post #20 of 23
I agree that it might have been too soon - I did that once, and it took months and months to bond, it isn't something I would do again!! I hope you can sort things out in your mind though - but you didn't kill Ashie.
post #21 of 23
aww honey you're still grieving and thats normal and healthy - your mind is sorting out all the things that need to be processed, the guilt, the pain, the love, the emotions. Its letting go and thats the most hardest thing in the world
Everything is just whazzing around and messing with your head - but thats OK and I hope that by being able to come here and share your thoughts and pain that it can ease things a little for you

Hang in there, go with the emotions, try not to beat yourself up about how you might or might not be feeling.............life will return to some sort of normality, but it will be a new normality........and thats what you are fighting with at the moment.

Take care
post #22 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by carrie640 View Post
How bad is it that I can't NAME these stupid cats????
Awwww don't call them stupid because they've done nothing wrong

Nothing and no one will ever take the place of Ashie, and as long as you still think of her then she's still alive

These babies you have now need some love and affection from you, so you need to spend some time with them as well as give them a name to get used to. Do that and you'll get the love back from them
post #23 of 23
You are being really hard on yourself...you have to give yourself time to heal. Hopefully the new kittens will help you heal, but I have a feeling that right now, deep down, you feel that to love them is to betray Ashie. That isn't true. Ashie would want you to love them. She knows that you will always love them, but you have room in your heart for the new babies. The more you have had in your life, the more room in your heart there is for love...love breeds love. You may also feel, "what if I love them and then lose them too"...that would devestate you. Your heart is battered.

Ashie is watching over you and sheltering you in her new little angel wings. You new babies needed an angel and Ashie was that angel for them by leading you to them. You will find names for them when you and they are ready for their names. Talk to them about Ashie, they are there to help you heal. It is important they hear about her and that you can tell them about the cat that thought you so much about loving cats.

I'm here if you need to talk.
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