Daughter Punched Another Girl in the Face

swampwitch

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It was a girl bully that has been in Daughter's class for four years now (they are in third grade). Both girls were friends in kindergarten but in first grade, the other girl (Bully) started having major envy issues with all girls, even though she has more toys and "things" than anyone else. (She even gets gifts at her brother's birthday parties so she "doesn't throw a fit" - her mother's words.)

This is what happened that day (both kids agree and there were witnesses). Bully teases Daughter about liking boys during gym class in the morning, and then again at morning recess. Bully follows Daughter around the playground and Daughter can't get rid of her. Daughter repeatedly asks Bully to stop it. Other girls ask Bully to stop it. Bully continues.

Getting ready for lunch in the coat room, Bully continues taunting Daughter, and roughly shoves her into a boy, Daughter almost falls on the boy, and Bully teases Daughter about this boy.

Daughter goes into the bathroom to wash up for lunch, Bully follows her and steps up the attack. Daughter continues to ask her to stop teasing. Bully gets right in Daughter's face continuing to taunt her. After an entire morning of being teased, Daughter takes a step back and punches Bully in the cheek (didn't leave a bruise so I guess it wasn't too hard). Bully, who is also a terrible TattleTale, stops teasing and doesn't even tell the teacher. (!)

Bully tells her mother that night, though, and her mother calls me, furious. I apologize to mother, but point out that Bully initially crossed the line by shoving Daughter. They are still little kids, and don't always handle things well.

Bully's father tells me the next morning that Bully teases her brother mercilessly, he said, "She teases him until he cracks."

Then, Bully's mother tells the girls, "You two are not allowed to touch each other, EVER." The girls apologize to each other. Bully's mother then says, "Now give each other a hug." :censor::censor::censor:? So I say, "NOW, you aren't allowed to touch each other." (BTW, later that very morning, Bully is given a timeout for shoving Daughter and three other girls.)

Bully has written hate messages in the bathroom, and scratched a death threat to our Daughter on one of the metal stalls. She just had a birthday party and invited all boys because the girls won't come to her parties. She's got mean nicknames for all the girls in her class. She picks on everyone but has a real affinity for our Daughter, I think because they were friends once. I could go on and on about the nasty things this kid has done.

Daughter didn't get into trouble, although she got a few lectures about telling an adult before she's pushed to far. All the educators understood what had happened. Everyone agrees that both girls behaved badly. We're secretly a little glad that Daughter stands up for herself; hopefully she's learned not to punch, though. What a week.
 

lunasmom

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WAY TO GO DAUGHTER!!!


Oh wait - sorry! It should be secret


Sounds like the bully has some issues at home and quite possibly her mom is inconsistent with punishment. So she tests the "waters" to see how far she can go before pushing someones buttons and getting the attention.

Nothing else to say except that I knew a girl like that...except it was high school and I kicked her...but she got really fat. So did her friend that passed threats at me later on. I'm glad I don't see them anymore.
 

catsrnmom

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Well good for you daughter! I think it is time for the "Bully's" parents to step up to the plate and start dealing with their daughter before someone really gets hurt. Instead of spoiling her because she throws a fit, start removing some of her toys, etc. It sounds like this family could use a visit from:.....
Super Nanny!
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by lunasmom

...Nothing else to say except that I knew a girl like that...except it was high school and I kicked her...but she got really fat. So did her friend that passed threats at me later on....
Ha, ha, maybe it was your magic foot.

Originally Posted by theimp98

hmm not going to be of much here, cause i would want to say punch her again
You always make me feel better!

Originally Posted by catsRNmom

... It sounds like this family could use a visit from:.....
Super Nanny!
Boy howdy! Maybe I should suggest it! We bought the movie "Mean Girls" maybe I should loan it to them.
 

sarahp

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Gawd what a situation!!! She's probably shown that she can stand up for herself, and the other girl will probably be more wary of her next time. Probably the best outcome.

You never want to encourage violence of course, and they should always tell a teacher, but sometimes a smack across the face does a lot better than telling a teacher...
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by sarahp

Gawd what a situation!!! She's probably shown that she can stand up for herself, and the other girl will probably be more wary of her next time. Probably the best outcome....
Yeah, Daughter thought that once you were friends, it was for life. It was a hard lesson for her to learn so young. Sigh.
 

miagi's_mommy

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I would have punched her, too! the bully sounds like a little pest. I cannot believe the bully's mom said to hug after she said no touching each other again ever.
I hope this bully girl leaves her alone. the bully sounds like a spoiled little brat. how would she like it if she was teased? she is going to be teased one day I am sure and feel bad about teasing others and learn a valuable lesson.
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by Miagi's_Mommy

...the bully sounds like a spoiled little brat.
The bully is spoiled. If another girl has, say, a Barbie that she doesn't have she throws a fit... a rolling on the floor screaming fit. It's not pretty. Guess what her mother does? She gets her that Barbie, as fast as she can!

Boy, if our daughter acted like that, she definitely wouldn't get a Barbie, or anything thing else for a looong time. SUCK IT UP are the words that come to mind.
 

mcat

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My granddaughter is that age and it's very tough. Her birthday is coming up and the guest list keeps changing because best friends one day means enemies the next. It will solidify when it's time to send out invitations.

I'm glad your daughter stood up for herself. I hope someone teaches that Bully how to behave. She's heading for trouble big time.

Good luck.
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by Mcat

...I'm glad your daughter stood up for herself. I hope someone teaches that Bully how to behave. She's heading for trouble big time.

Good luck.
Thanks! We've requested that they are in different classes next year (request was granted).
 

lookingglass

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Honestly, I've seen situations like that in the past. The girl who is the bully will learn not to do things like that in the future, she'll cross the wrong girl eventually.
 

pekoe & nigel

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I'm proud of your little girl.
Nothing makes me sicker than having someone bully another person like that, and your girl just did what needed to be done to make it stop. Good for her. I hope that'll make the bully leave her alone for good.
 

sarahp

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I just remembered this girl who tormented me when I was in Grade 1. Her name was Catherine and she had an extra little (as in tiny, stumpy) finger on her right hand. She decided she was going to be REALLY mean to me.

I was so upset I think because my dad had died 2 months before I started school, and was a really quiet, shy kid to start with, and that apparently made me withdraw even more - I figure now she just liked to bully others so they wouldn't tease her about her hand - it was a defense mechanism.

I still remember her SO clearly though! One day she locked me in the girls toilet block!!! She actually closed the door to the block and managed to chain it shut. She was horrible!!!!


But then as a teenager, I would stand back and let others tease the not so cool kids and I would occasionally throw the odd mean thing at other kids as well just to fit in which I think is just as bad, if not worse!
 

natalie_ca

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Bullying is really a huge problem!!!

I don't usually agree with physical violence, but over the past few years and hearing more and more about bullies, it seems evident to me that the only way to get one to leave you alone is to stand up for yourself and give back as good as they give, or even better. So I think your daughter was right in smacking down this girl. That girl now knows that your daughter isn't afraid to stand up for herself. Unfortunately that girl will also find another victim to pick on


A bully looks for the weakest and meakest people and pounces on them in order to make themselves feel strong and mighty and basically "top dog". They wouldn't dare to try and bully someone who was bigger and stronger than they are.

I don't think your daughter's actions should be celebrated and congratulated, but she should be aware that while she should always take a non violent approach to problems, that sometimes there just isn't any other recourse and that it's ok to be physical if that is the last resort.

There are a number of interesting articles online about bullying.

http://www.safety-council.org/info/child/bullies.html

http://www.readersdigest.ca/mag/2001/10/bullying.html

http://www.bullyonline.org/schoolbully/school.htm

http://strategis.ic.gc.ca/epic/site/.../uz00105e.html
.
.
.
.
 

karmasmom

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

Bully has written hate messages in the bathroom, and scratched a death threat to our Daughter on one of the metal stalls.
Does the school know about that? I know now a days with all the school violence death threats are not treated lightly. It sounds to me like someone besides the parents need to step in, ie child services or something to that mannor. A death threat is a crime at any age. No matter where it is written. If I were you I would be throwing a hissy fit untill something was done, The bully has already shoved you girl and threatened her what will happen next? Just becaus ethey are in the third grade does not mean something worse can not happen. If the school won't do anything talk to the police. I know it may sound like I am making a big deal about it but you have your girls safety to think about, not to mention the other students who don't stand up for themselves. A threat is a threat, to me she crossed the line.
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

...A bully looks for the weakest and meakest people and pounces on them in order to make themselves feel strong and mighty and basically "top dog". They wouldn't dare to try and bully someone who was bigger and stronger than they are...
.
Our daughter is about a head taller than the bully, and much stronger, but you are right that our Daughter is weaker in a way. The Bully knows that Daughter wants them to be friends again. Daughter has attempted to "start over" many times so they could be friends again. Bully exploits this.

Last year, Bully invited Daughter over to join her when they were in line so they could stand and wait together. Daughter happily trotted over to her. Then Bully raised her hand and "told" on her and Daughter had to go to the back of the line. This happened twice! The third time Daughter wised up and refused (thankfully).

Bully's mom brought this up, saying "your daughter is so much stronger than mine and she can hurt my daughter." I wanted to say "then maybe she should stop picking on her!"

Thanks for the links.
 
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swampwitch

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Originally Posted by KarmasMom

Does the school know about that?... A threat is a threat, to me she crossed the line.
Yes, the educators know about it, including the principal, their teacher, the counselor, and the recess monitors. We all played it down because Daughter doesn't know about it. And we don't want her to know about it.

Daughter had showed me that someone had scratched her name in the metal stall (it was misspelled). I told the principal about the graffitti. The next morning, I showed the teacher and we noticed it had been added to, with the "I hate you I will kill you" and again the name misspelled. My blood ran cold when I read that!

If our Daughter had seen it, I would have made it very public knowledge. And it is true that kids that age "say" stuff without the intention that an adult would have. Still, it is very scary!

Thanks everyone, for your comments and support!
 

carolpetunia

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Originally Posted by KarmasMom

It sounds to me like someone besides the parents need to step in, ie child services or something to that mannor.
Just have to add my agreement on that. If the mother doesn't recognize that she's doing exactly the wrong thing by giving in to the daughter's dramatics, she certainly isn't capable of the kind of reasoning it will take to get this girl straightened out. The whole family needs some serious counseling!
 
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