Am I doing the right thing? Very frustrated

Ok, I have been involved in animal rescue for quite a few years now. When I worked for the animal shelter, I would always get a "gut instinct" about our adopters... if I had a bad feeling, and we let the animal go anyway, the animal would come back to us as a stray, would be abused, neglected, starved, etc. After that happened only twice, I started going with my guy instinct with all adoptions, and we never had a problem after that.
Well, we now have 10 little foster kittens that we have been starting to find homes for since before they were born. There was one woman who filled out an application, and everything looked great. About 3 weekends ago, she and her boyfriend/husband/whatever came out to visit because they were in the area for some reason. She was very interested in two particular kittens, but I told her we were going to keep one of those and told her which one we were keeping. I told her that she had first pick over all of the other adopters but that we were picking our kitten first because I thought it was only fair since we are the ones that are spending every day taking care of them and paying for all of their food and care.
As I talked to her more, I started getting that familiar bad feeling. She left, and I didn't hear from her again... all of the other adopters are staying in touch frequently for updates. So based on my bad feeling, and the fact that she didn't contact me (I thought she wasn't interested), I went ahead and promised the kitten to the second person on the list who I had talked to and had a very good feeling about.
Well, that first woman emailed me two days ago, and told me that she wants the kitten that I said I was keeping. I emailed her back and told her that first of all, that was the kitten I was keeping and secondly that when I didn't hear from her I figured she was no longer interested and I went ahead and promised the other kitten to someone else.
Well, now she has sent me a very angry email, that I am unethical and I need to get my act together. She claims it's not fair because she thinks she should have had first pick of the kittens, even before me... and that she didn't think she had to contact me until right before she came to get the kitten. I am looking for adopters that show genuine interest in the progress the kittens are making, and that are excited to be adopting one. I like the adopters that constantly email me for updates! It shows me that they're very happy to be getting one of these babies, and I feel that they will take excellent care of them.
I'm just frustrated... my feelings get hurt easily. I know I have to keep the best interest of the kittens in mind, but I don't appreciate getting emails like that.

You know, it just happens sometimes. You get the idiots that just don't understand or care that you are trying to keep the kitten's best interests in mind.

I rescue cats too and one time I went to someone's house to pick up her two cats she didn't want to deal with anymore. Well she begged me to take her dog too. I told her to hang on to the dog and I will find them a great home.

Well I advertized the dog and got a few responses, one family in particular who had another small dog for him to play with. I explained to the family that there was a small adoption fee and the dog is basically coming as is. I don't rescue dogs, this was just a special case and that they would be responsible for vetting the dog and taking care of everything. They agreed, I drove over an hour to take the dog to them. They also agreed that if there were any problems with the dog, just contact me and I would take him back to find another home and deal with the problem.

They adopted the dog and all was well or so I thought until a week later. They took the dog to the vet and the vet determined that the dog was probably blind in one eye. He also had worms. They were mad because they spend over $250 at the vet for deworming and a checkup. (which is completely unnessary, that is extremely expensive of a vet!) They accused me of adopting a dog to them that had problems, just wanting the money (even though the small fee went to the original owner of the dog), I reminded her that I didn't know anything about the dog. I was simply the go between because the lady was just going to "let the dog go somewhere" and I didn't want that to happen, I made this all very clear on my original ad and when I talked to her directly. I said I would be more then happy to take the dog back and I just received nasty email after nasty email.

Later on I even responded to a craigslist ad about a cat who needed a home and turns out it was those same people. She was all accusing me of things all over again and said "oh I hope you don't think I would give you any of my pets, I know what you do with those animals!".

I was so angry and upset. I even sent her a card with her adoption fee back. Even though I gave the money to the original owner, I still did it. I asked her to please contact me and I would do anything I could to help with the dog. Never heard from them again... now I worry everday because I have no idea if they ended up keeping that poor dog, or if he ended up at the pound, etc. I learned my lesson and now, even dogs are fully vetted and adoption contracts are signed first.


Anyways...sorry for that long story, but I do know exactly how you feel. I don't understand when people get so bent out of shape over silly things. And kittens, there are thousands of them available all over the place, and for free. She would have no problem finding another one. I have people complaining and getting really angry over my $60 adoption fee for the fully vetted and altered cats I am adopting out. They think I will just do all that vet work for free I guess. I even had people say "I can just look in the paper for free animals". And I point out that they aren't vetted and there is no return asked if things don't work out. I care for my animals. I also don't adopt to people that email once and I never hear from again until the animal is available.

I think you did the right thing. You need to follow that "gut instinct". Hang in there. Don't let it get you down . You sound like you keep the pets best interests at hand.

Originally Posted by cindylouwho121

I think you did the right thing. You need to follow that "gut instinct". Hang in there. Don't let it get you down . You sound like you keep the pets best interests at hand.

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i agree, your doing the best for the ANIMAL, not the human. i thinnk your doing a great job! Keep it up, dont let one &^&(^(^ person get you down

She's the one with the problem, not you. Anyone who was interested would have kept in touch with you or asked when they should contact you. I think that our instincts should be trusted - people give off signals that we consciously don't see but are recorded on some level.

Some people are just clueless about how hard it is to be in animal rescue. They don't seem to get how many animals are unwanted, unloved, abused, abandoned, etc. They just think of themselves.
I don't know that she would even make a good pet owner. You have to constantly put your own feelings on the back burner and do what's best for the animals.
There are lots of kittens out there to adopt, especially at this time of year. But I guess they won't match her furniture as well. :/

Devlyn

And unfortunately the problem has just gotten worse. She is posting on all of the animal adoption sites where I post the the kittens, and she is saying that I cannot be trusted because she's not getting her way. Now my adopters are backing out.

That is horrible - I hope things work out for you. Have you tried to talk to the adopters again?

Originally Posted by bnwalker2

And unfortunately the problem has just gotten worse. She is posting on all of the animal adoption sites where I post the the kittens, and she is saying that I cannot be trusted because she's not getting her way. Now my adopters are backing out.

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I think you are right to go with your gut feeling, and I would try contacting a moderator or something on the adoption sites and explain what she is doing. I would also try and contact the adopters that are backing out and I would explain what she is doing.

One, I truely feel like you did the right thing. I mean she really should have kept in contact with you. But I feel that she isnt meant to have a kitten anyway if thats the way she wants to act.
I am terribly sorry about what she is doing on the places you advertise on.. That is crossing the line, and absoulutely rude. I would talk to the admin/moderater as LSULOVER said. And then I would explain to the adopters what is going on, and that you didnt do anything. And that it was all her...
I really hope this problem gets sorted out, good luck

You did what was best for the kittens. She didn't show interest like the others did so her kitten was promised to someone who did. You were nice enough to tell her that you would hold the kitten for her because most rescues won't hold an animal for anybody. And the fact she emailed you with an angry email shows she isn't ready to have the kitten. I think you made the right choice.

How long did she go without contacting you?

How long did she go without contacting you?

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It was about 3 weeks before she finally did email me.

I would also try and contact the adopters that are backing out and I would explain what she is doing.

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I did email all of the adopters, and only two of them were understanding and are still adopting their kittens. We're keeping four of the kittens at this point, so that leaves four that don't have homes lined up already... which is ok because they're only 5 weeks old this week so we have plenty of time still.