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How do you "know" what's "right"??

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
I am having a TERRIBLE time dealing with Ash's death (last night), but I have found it to be comforting/theraputic (spelling!) to go to the humane society today to give love and pats to the cats there. I didn't find one that really "stood out" to me, but many that were pretty friendly and affectionate. I wasn't looking to take one home right then, by any means...just need to give this love that is aching to be given to a cat.

I came home after a few hours and was "stable", I guess you could say (and I had been all morning), but then as it got to be evening, things started to feel pretty empty again and I was at a loss of really what to do, literally.

I couldn't do what I had always done: scrapbook (I would have had to go upstairs where Ashie's stuff is still), play this computer game I am nearly addicted to...nothing like that. NOTHING was interesting to me tonight....and I just felt this isolated/empty feeling...and I started to get upset again.

Then it kind of hit me.....what I "needed" was to pet a kitty cat......it was a void that needed to be filled...I wanted so badly to just touch one..to love one....something like that. Not to replace Ashie at all...far from that...but I NEED to give love to a cat and I NEED a cat to give love to me (and not in spirit...I mean, I love Ashie still...always...and she probably still loves me...but I need the "in person" thing, too).

This was like 820p.....and I had the urge to hit PetSmart where I know they have cats placed by a rescue group, but were closing at 9. I knew it would take me about 20 minutes to get there.

On the way there, I prayed and asked for some sign (while I was in tears driving) that it was ok for me to do this...that Ashie gives her consent and that is may be ok to maybe have another cat...especially so soon.

When I got to PetSmart at 10 to 9, I was told cats were not permitted to be handled or anything unless the rescue group was there...which they weren't.

I was CRUSHED. I was stuck trying to fill my need by talking to them through the glass of their cages. It SUCKED.

I walked out, got in the car, and bawled. I called my husband and told him what happened and how I asked for a sign. I got my sign and answer. I was not able to touch those cats. But then Roger (husband) came back and said, "QUIT IT. How were you able to go to the Humane Society then??" and I said back "But not one cat stood out to me".

I went into a store and bought three long-stem roses for Ashie. A white one, yellow, and red. They are in a vase by a picture of her.

Tonight I was on PetFinder searching all through and reading bios of cats.....for like 3 hours. I am exhausted, confused, don't remember what I read...and now I feel GUILTY for it.

I mean, Ashie gave me the sign, right?? Not supposed to get one. I've got to respect that cat.....this is HER home, after all, and I would never dishonor her memory...and if she is insulted that I would even CONSIDER another cat already (so soon), then I can't do that to her.

So I am all confused now. Am I nuts??? No, really...seriously....would you just wait then??? I don't know what to make of all of this....but I do know that I really have this "need" to have a purr next to me for comfort. Believe it or not, I believe it WOULD help....not make me OVER Ashie, by far.....but to be able to give love and kisses and get them back. That is just what it is all about....

But I know, too, that I can't do anything that Ashie wouldn't want right now, either.
post #2 of 15
You will see "the kitty". You will know at that exact instant. Ashie picked that one for you. It may be on Petfinder that you see "they kitty". It may be in the shelter. If you are alone....Ashie is trying to find the right one for you right now. I know it.
post #3 of 15
Take your time. I know my Fletcher boy, sent me Pumpkin. Fletcher was my soul kitty, he has been gone 8 years and I think of him everyday still.

Maybe you were not meant to pet the kitties last night, because there is one that is on its way to you. Tomorrow you might find him on a street corner, or be directed to a different shelter. The kitty will come, and when it does you will know.

Have you seen Carol Petunia's found kitty Dorothy that needs a home? I think you haven't found the right kitty. Not that Ashie doesn't want you to get one yet, just that she knows the right one wasn't at Petsmart and that you were not supposed to take the wrong one home.
post #4 of 15
you'll know when you see the right animal just go take an afternoon and visit your local shelters/rescues...
post #5 of 15
Oh, darlin... you're just so deep in grief that you can't think clearly. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

It makes perfect sense that you would find comfort in being with other kitties, whether you're ready to adopt someone new or not. But oh, please, don't try to read meaning into everything -- that way lies madness. I've been there myself, and it doesn't help. A true sign isn't something you have to search for and interpret -- it's just a knowing, a sureness that comes over you. Just as kittymonsters said above, when it's right, you'll just know.

Until then, it's wonderful to go to the shelter, maybe volunteer there if you can -- those kitties can use every bit of love you so badly need to give. And in your heart, you know Ashie would be so glad for you to help them, and for them to help you.
post #6 of 15
I dont think it was a sign to be honest with you, just circumstances. you will know when the time/cat is right though, and I dont think she will be insulted, more glad that another needy babe will get a home - I think this poem says it better though.

Last Will and Testament of a Cat

I too, would make a will
if I could write
To some poor wistful, lonely
stray I leave my happy home.
My dish, my cosy bed
my cushioned chair, my toy.
The well loved lap
The gently stroking hand
The loving voice
The place I made in someone's heart
The love, that at the last
Could help me to a peaceful,
painless end
Held in loving arms
If I should die
Oh, do not say
"No more a pet I'll have
To grieve me by its loss"
Seek out a lonely, unloved cat
And give my place to him.
This is my legacy
the love I leave behind
Tis all I have to give

Margaret Trowton
post #7 of 15
You will know when the time is right, but don't force it. You are so soon and so deep in your grief still that its hard to know what to think. After Alley passed in December I started going to shelters every couple weeks just to donate and pet the kitties for a minute.

Now I have started volunteering just a couple weeks ago. It feels good to be able to help them in some small way.

And when you meet the kitty that Ash has chosen for you... you will know it.

post #8 of 15
When I lost my Sheba even though I have others-it wasn't her. They helped but not enough. If this was your only cat you are lonely for a cat's touch. I waited 6 weeks after her death but was looking a couple of weeks before for that certain one not to take her place but one that would touch that certain area of me. I did find one-Bakker who will be three July 1st. Not the same in looks, gender but I think Sheba would have approved if him.
post #9 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlleyGirl View Post
You will know when the time is right, but don't force it. You are so soon and so deep in your grief still that its hard to know what to think. After Alley passed in December I started going to shelters every couple weeks just to donate and pet the kitties for a minute.

Now I have started volunteering just a couple weeks ago. It feels good to be able to help them in some small way.

And when you meet the kitty that Ash has chosen for you... you will know it.



Awww, this must be so hard for you. But like everyone says, you will know when the right kitty has been sent to you In your heart you will know.
post #10 of 15
I've seen it several times on the site - Ash hasn't found the right one to lead to you. When she does, you will know. She wants you to be happy again.

It is going to hurt because when you love, it hurts. Petting the cats allows you to show Ash how much you still love and miss her. In time, you will heal and find her memories bring you comfort.
post #11 of 15
I agree that when the right one comes along, you will find it!!
post #12 of 15
That was just her way of saying that none of those cats was right for you. You will find another furry friend to love and everything will get better. I am so sorry you are suffering so much. My heart goes out to you.
post #13 of 15
My advice is to take a couple of days and mourn Ash. The need to touch a cat can be done through visiting your local shelters and Petsmarts, however don't be in a rush to go out and adopt a new one.

The time will be right...we don't adopt kittens or cats, they adopt us.
post #14 of 15
Quote:
When I got to PetSmart at 10 to 9, I was told cats were not permitted to be handled or anything unless the rescue group was there...which they weren't.
That was your sign. Not a sign that you weren't to adopt a kittie, but that ALL of those kitties needed your help. Take some time to mourn Ash, and volunteer your time giving those poor babies some love. Its just too soon for you to get someone new in your life.
post #15 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
You will see "the kitty". You will know at that exact instant. Ashie picked that one for you. It may be on Petfinder that you see "they kitty". It may be in the shelter. If you are alone....Ashie is trying to find the right one for you right now. I know it.
I went into the 'need a kitty mode' right after we lost Davidson too. It took a few days, but we adopted Bayley 5 days after he left us. Harley needed that companionship, & I did too.

Bayley just stood out to us. We sat down in the room of cats w/in the age group we were looking for, and he jumped on our laps, and gave us kisses, the same way Davidson did. He's been the best thing thats happened to us since we lost Davidson- I know he sent Bayley to us

You'll find the right kitty, don't search so hard, that kitty will find you I know it!

Another thing... there its never 'too soon' for you to look for another kitty. Everyone grieves differently, and I know I was worried about what people would think about us bringing in another kitten so soon, but I didn't care. I did what was best for us. You do whats best for you, & we'll be here supporting you
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