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What would you do???? HELP ME!!!!!!!!

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
MSU called again just a bit ago...and now are re-thinking it could be FIP or cancer....both not great. And he said the fluid in her abdomen is making her pretty uncomfortable. They have found a mass near one of her kidneys (about an inch in diameter) and are going to do an aspiration on it (is that the right term?) to see what it is, blah blah. He stated the prognosis was poor, but if it were cancer, there are options (chemo, etc), but that she may not respond to chemo, it is costly, and it may make her sick in the process. So I don't think that would be an option for me.

But with that information at hand, what would you do?? Would you just call it quits for her?? I mean, I guess my heart knows deep down that is what needs to be done, but for some reason, my head and my mouth aren't being objective/in agreement. Or do I let her come home and wait it out??

Either way, if they haven't even done the aspiration thingy yet tonight (I am going to visit her tonight), do I just tell them not to worry about it and take her home?? Or do I just let her stay there and then tomorrow take her to our own vet for euthanasia?

I am scared to bring her home only to have to take her away again tomorrow and go through that pain all over again of taking her from her house for GOOD, but part of me thinks Ashie needs to be HOME again first....to know we haven't abandoned her or took her away from home. Nobody can tell me anything, I know....it is personal, but what would YOU guys do???

This is THE WORST thing to go through. At least with a person, you aren't really making decisions on their life, really.....I mean, sometimes, but there are also more extenuating circumstances with people...with a cat, they can't talk to tell you how they feel or what they want...nothing like that.....and with people, we DO chemo, etc....and people KNOW why they are sick....Ashie doesn't....

OMFG. OMFG. OMFG. Do I clean up Ashie's food dishes now or no??? Her litter box now or no????

:censor::censor::censor: do I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #2 of 16
I cant tell you what to do ... truelly no one can..

I would think about her age ... the prognoisis ... the real diagnosis

I had to PTS my nearly 19 yr old last week on Monday ... the decider was the vet saying she was on morphine for the pain and would likely need that reg to survive

I brought Kandie home to be PTS ... I wanted her last image to be her MOM not a clinic ... It also gave us time to be with her prior to the end and say good bye... I lost my dog of nearly 17 yrs at 17 while I was at school ... 12yrs later I still hurt since there was no goodbye for my sweet girl from me her MOM
post #3 of 16
Thread Starter 
I know nobody can tell me what to do, I am just looking for opinions so I can try and make a decision. I don't want her to die at a clinic, either....I don't...but I don't have a way to have her put to sleep at home. Our vet is 45 minutes away and I don't think he makes house calls like that. But then what do I do with her once she is gone?? Leave her laying out?? I don't even know how to go about this.
post #4 of 16
My vet took Kandie and then asked if we wanted private or public cremation... we opted for public do to the wounds "being too fresh " and the fact our others werent private since we didnt have the option... My vet came NO charge to the house so i would ask ...
post #5 of 16
Perhaps you could talk to your vet and see what he thinks about her coming home for a day or so. If he thinks she won't be in pain, perhaps you could bring her home to say goodbye, then bring her back to the clinic for the final appointment, with you staying with her through to the end.

It's harsh....I was there in February, so I know just how harsh. There is no easy way to get through this. Let your heart guide you. For me, I made a commitment to Ollie that if/when he stopped eating, stopped purring or stopped greeting me in the morning and when I came home, then I would know it was time and let him go. It was one of the hardest, most painful decisions I've ever made. Having him home that last night, knowing it was his last night, was both heartbreaking and heartbreakingly poignant. I spent the night with him on the floor, stroking his fur and telling him I loved him......

....ok, I can't cry, I'm at work, and reciting what happened to Oliver doesn't answer your question anyway.....

I would suggest a talk to your vet. Next to you, he's the most knowledgeable about your furkid's condition and the best action to take for her.
post #6 of 16
Oh honey
I think you do know what you want to do. Talk to your vet. If they can make her comfortable enough to go home that is probably best. At least she'll know you didn't send her away for good. It's hard to say goodbye, but I think it's important for both you and her.
post #7 of 16
One of the hardest things Ive ever done, is put my Mouse down. But she was in so much pain, i could tell.. and she stopped talking (shewas a siamese) which really made me know.. I got to be there with her when it happened, so that was nice. But i wasnt able to take her home with me, because it was in the middle of january and we had like 3 feet of snow so there would have been no way to bury her

So do what you think is best, but IMHO i really think that if she is in pain, that you should put her down.
post #8 of 16
I once had a cat who developed a brain tumor, and the vet couldn't do anything about it by the time it was discovered. I took him home, and gave him all the love I could. When I could tell he was in pain, and when he stopped eating and started losing his loving "purr"sonality, I decided it was time to do the "right" thing. It was the most heartbreaking experience I've ever gone through. I stayed w/ him at the vet's office till he was gone, and had him cremated and kept the urn. The strangest thing about the experience was (I believe) that he somehow knew it was his time, and seemed to be grateful to me for ending his suffering. The reason I believe that is b/c while we were on our way to the vet (my son & I), Foxy (the cat) just laid in my son's arms, (I was the one driving) w/o any fuss at all (and he hated being in the car), and looked at me as if to say, "Thank you, Mom, for loving me enough to end my misery. I know you don't want to do this, but I'm glad you are." And when the vet started the procedure, Foxy just continued to lay in my arms, and look at me w/ that love. I know how crazy that sounds, but it's true, Somehow, he knew, and was grateful....

I think, that when you know in your heart that it's time, you'll be able to find the strength & courage to do what is best for your baby. It won't be easy, but in the end, you'll be hurting, but you'll also be glad knowing that you did the right thing. And I think your baby will be grateful, too.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I know how you feel. I'll be praying for you & your baby.

post #9 of 16
My Palekana was PTS a week ago today. Her health had been declining all year in spite of different medications and diet. Two weeks ago the vet found a mass in her abdomen and suggested I have her PTS. I kept her at home on pain medication another six days. On that sixth day it was obvious that the time had come. She was too uncomfortable and the Palekana girl I knew and loved wasn't there anymore. She was PTS at the vets office and he arranged for cremation and an urn with the local pet cemetery. I was with her at the end. I didn't want her to think that I had abandoned her. I now have her ashes at home with me.

I know this a hard decision to make. In the end you have to do what is right for Ashie. If she can be made comfortable enough to go home I think that would be best so that she can be with you for a while. You'll know when it is time and you'll have the strength to do what is right. Talk to your vet about any arrangements he can make.

I know how you feel and I'm thinking of you and Ashie. Hugs to both of you.
post #10 of 16
Thread Starter 
We went to visit her tonight......and she is still not happy. They have her on meds to help her be more comfy, but said (and it was obvious) she is still not completely comfortable.

I was told that if I were to take her right from them to our vet to be pts, they could leave her little syringe/IV in, but if I were taking her home first, they would have to take it out.....

I have mixed feelings on all of this now because honestly, I am scared to DEATH to bring her back home only to watch her leave again (I want cremation so I can take her with me if we move, etc vs. leaving her in a ground I can't take with me).

And not just that, I am the type of person that would walk around this house in serious sadness saying "Ashie was right there laying when she died" and I just don't know if that would be good for my mental health (especially with two small kids in my presence....not good for them, either). I mean, I've already been upstairs laying down by the end table she would lay under saying stuff like that "AShie was right here.....she was RIGHT here..and now she isn't....and I want her back right here no matter what!".

I really want to be able to be with her....and I think it is important to me...but my husband also pointed out that he REALLY believes I am going to have very very very difficult time with that. And, he is right. I mean, it certainly wouldn't be out of the question for me to throw myself on the floor in hysterics. And I am not sure if I could handle seeing her dead...I mean....I just don't want that to be my last visual of her. Self-fish?? Maybe. And I hate being self-fish because I really do have Ash's best interests, but I have to be able to heal ok, too, ESPECIALLY since I have kids I have to be able to take care of. I don't think they really should have to see mommy sprawled out on the kitchen floor pounding on it because all I can see in my head is Ashie laying life-less.

With that information, do you think I should just bite the bullet and do it anyway?? Be with her? Take her home even though her little IV would have to come out and she is uncomfy even with some meds?

The one student doc was leaning more towards this certain cancer since there were small masses throughout her abdomen...that over the FIP. They spelled it as Carcinomatosis. Sounds just plain HORRIFIC.

And if we opted not to euthanize, they would give her a month, at the most....at the VERY most.
post #11 of 16
My soulmate kitty Divot was not with me when he went to the Rainbow Bridge. I know he knew I loved him. I believe that cats know more than we think they do. Divot didn't want me to see him die. I couldn't have taken that.

You have to do what your heart tells you is the right thing. She knows you love her.

She will always live in your heart. Time will bring happy memories to heal the painful holes in your soul. She will watch over you and know your love always.
post #12 of 16
Not everyone can be with a dying animal during their last breath. For me, it is my responsibility to be sure they die on a peaceful note and don't suffer. I learned that the hard way years ago with a cat diagnosed with bone cancer. I opted for the expensive route, the chemo, the return vet visits. It was very stressful for Gullie and I would never do it again. I realized the day I released him that I only kept him alive (bought him about two weeks of immensely stressful periods of time) for me.

Most people will tell you that being with your animal in the end is a spiritual experience. The cat/dog seems to recognize that their time is over and they are greatful. They give them a sedative first, then they give the drug that stops their heart.

People can't always get to that spot where they can make such a decision. Why? Because when the cat's pain ends....ours begins.

Good luck with whatever you decide-
post #13 of 16
This is the decision that everyone dreads - you are not alone.

I think the main question you have to ask yourself is whether she has any quality of life now, and is there a prospect that she will have any quality of life in the future. Will the chemo give her a chance at living the life she would like to live, or just extend it a bit so you don't have to say goodbye so soon? Think about the things she enjoyed doing most, and ask yourself if there's a chance that she will get pleasure from these things in the future. And yes, look into her eyes and see whether she is tired and ready to go.

This is just my own personal opinion, but if I had a limited time left I would like to spend it in my own home surrounded by familiar things, and with my loved ones. That is not always an option of course, but I just think that if you decide (and she decides) that the battle is over, it is better, in my opinion, to have her home for a while if that is at all possible. She will be less stressed in familiar surroundings. This is just my peronal opinion. Many vets will make house calls for situations such as this if you ask them to.
post #14 of 16
Yes, this is what about is best for Ashie.

I have had to watch many animal friends cross over and it is never easy. It can be the last loving gesture we give to them. I would ask the vet to come to my home if at all possible.
post #15 of 16
Hi Carrie,
I am glad I was able to find your thread. As you posted in my thread, we are going through similar experiences right now. I have updated that thread with news from today. To sum it up for you, I decided to not pursue more tests just to find a definitive diagnosis, as all of the usual suspects were "bad news." And I also knew that if it is cancer, I do not want to endure the chemo just to have an extra month or year or whatever. So I brought my kitty home tonight. No one has given me a timeframe for how much time she has (I did not ask) but I can say that it is such a relief to have her home with me and I am grateful that she was able to come home.

If I am reading your last post correctly, it sounds like your question is not "if" you euthanize but "where and when." Just a couple of points I would consider if I were in your shoes. It sounds like the ordeal would be very traumatic for you if it were to occur in your home. Definitely be with her, but would it be better to have it occur in a place that you do not have to be at everyday? If you remove the IV, would she be in pain? If she was able to come home for a month, would that help you better prepare for her loss? Or would that make it worse for you?

Like everyone else has said, this is a very personal decision and I wish you all the best. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. My thoughts are with you and Ashie.
post #16 of 16
When I had to have Foxy put to sleep, I somehow found the strength & courage to be there w/ him. But when we lost our little puppy to Parvo last year, I wasn't able to be there. I broke down crying, and left the room, and my room-mate was the one who stayed w/ Gizmo till he was gone. I don't know why I was able to handle it when Foxy was PTS, but I couldn't handle it when Gizmo passed on. Maybe it was b/c I knew he had someone else to be w/ him..

I know it's a heartbreaking decision to have to make, and only you can decide what's best for everyone concerned. But either way you choose, I believe that your precious baby will somehow know that you loved her, and did what you thought was best. I think I know which path I would choose, but it's not my decision to make. Everyone handles these situations differently, and in their own way. Whatever you decide, I believe you're doing it from the heart, and your baby will understand....

My heart goes out to you both.

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