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post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
I need to do a lot of work now but I'm too frustrated to do anything! So I thought I'd try and let some of that steam out through my keyboard.

Here goes... My mother-in-law, a wonderful woman and a great help to me, is attending some kind of speciality "Get Fit" course. It's a one month course where you exercise with the best experts in the country and learn about how to stay in shape and keep fit. They also teach you good eating habits and run tons of medical exams on you. The goal is to get you fit and healthy for life. You come in the early morning, have breakfast and lunch there (low-cal healthy food of course) and then you come back home in the afternoon. Once the month is over you come back to see them once a week for a whole year.

I really admire her for doing this. She is 68 years old and it's really awesome that her age she is going through this thing and getting into shape. The thing is she's made up her mind that this is the best thing on earth and that I must also take this course... She's goes on and on about this... I know that I am overweight and out of shape but my life is so busy right now with a 10 months old baby, two major websites to run, working as a cat behaviorist, lecturing about cats every two weeks or so and right now working on possibly teaching a course about cat behavior. I hardly get any sleep during the night and I feel over-stressed as it is most of the time.

And now I have my MIL buzzing in my ear all the time about how I need to take care of myself (stop being a slob) and how she can't understand why I don't find the time for this thing. She says things like no other woman my age has such ideal conditions as I have where she and my father-in-law can help by looking after the baby when I'm away on the course. She says it's only a question of priorities implying that I am just being lazy and don't want to get fit... When I tell her I'm too busy as it is and I have too many things to do she just waves that off. She says as I own my business I should have no problem taking a month off and that I could catch up on work during the nights... I so know this just can't work. I feel like I don't see my baby enough as it is - I don't want him to not see his mommy for a whole month and it's not realistic either as I will be here and we will be together.

I do want to get fit and slim and look and feel better. I honestly do. I just don't see how I can fit that into my life right now. I don't have time to take a daily walk for 30 minutes, how on earth am I going to take a whole month off? All this pressue makes me not want to do any exercise at all - I don't want to be pressured into these things.

We're trying for another baby now as well - and I can just see her thinking this is just another excuse to keep eating and not exercising

Above all, I feel like all the work I am doing is so unvalued. Basically I work and work and work but I don't bring in any money to speak of. In a way I think I am being look down at because my work is considered nothing more than a hobby. This is just so frustrating! Maybe I am lousy at making money but I do work very hard and I wish the people around me would appreciate that. I just feel so bad now - like some worthless slob who spends her days playing at the computer, getting fat and pretending to be working...

Sorry - I had to get this thing out and you people are the only ones who can listen. Hubby would offer advice which I don't need right now - I only need to vent.

Thanks you for listening.
post #2 of 11
Anne - are you my sister?

Because this is exactly how my mother treats my sister. Nothing she does is valued, and whatever my mother thinks is the latest thing to "fix" you life must be. Not that your life needs fixing, but she didn't ask you that.

Just smile sweetly, and say "thanks for the advice - I'll see when I have time". And then, seeing as it's your MIL, not your mother, ask your husband to tell her to leave you alone about this.
post #3 of 11
If your schedule is that hectic and you barely have time enough to spend with your 10 month old...Why are youtrying to have another baby. Two children in diapers at one time is an incredable drain on your time. Two children not sleeping through the night, one that will have to be watched every minute as he is learning to climb and explore and another that can't. How are you going to have any time for the older child if there is another baby that needs your attention every 2-4 hours? He could resent the baby too and that is another set of problems in it's self. Take your time and enjoy your little boy. Let him get potty trained first and involved with playmates so he isn't so dependant on you for his entertainment! I have 6 children and know the stresses there can be between siblings.

As for your mother in law...Just thank her for her thoughfulness and tell her you will let her know when you have the time to begin. When she brings it up again Say "Oh I thought we settled this.." and change the subject.

I hope you will get time for a bubble bath and relax for a bit!
post #4 of 11
As the person who works and works alongside of you Anne- (so to speak)for hours and days at a time, I can tell you that your work is very valued on this side of the world. Perhaps I should once again send you all the *positive* comments the listers and the visitors are sending us about our new website? Sounds to me like you could use the lift right now.

MIL's can have the best intentions, but they can be the worst meddlers sometimes. Especially when some of them hold on to the fact that no woman is good enough for their baby boy. No matter what you do, you can never do enough to please her.

Perhaps her embracing this class is a way she is coping with all the stress in her life. Just thank her for her interest and tell her you are not interested in her way. You will find your own way out of this.
post #5 of 11
Thread Starter 
Thanks - I feel better now having talked things over with hubby. Teresa, you reminded me how much I am in debt to my in-laws. They are the reason we want to have the second one as soon as possible. They are not getting any younger and they are tremendous help with the baby. He stays with them 4-6 hours a day (we live next-door). Also, hopefully by the time we have kid no. 2 things will be less hectic for me professionally. The plan is to teach cat behavior so that other people can take over. Right now I am the only feline behaviorist in Israel so when a cat owner calls I can't say I'm too busy - a cat's life may depend on my availability. So with some extra effort now with this course, I hope to be able to delegate that responsibility and be able to focus on the websites. With Mary Anne (hissy) as my partner I hope I can manage with two kids as well

Thanks so much for the advice! I think I'm going to do just that with the MIL.
post #6 of 11

As a parent with so-called "Irish twins" (my kids are 13 months apart in age), I will tell you that the first months were tough, but although it wasn't planned, I wouldn't trade having my 2 so close in age. They bicker all the time, but they are really quite close and each other's best friend. That is a luxury that I didn't have growing up, as we were all 4 years apart in age. Is Ron still sleeping with you and hubby? If so, I would probably wean him from that before #2 comes along, especially if you are going to do the same parenting thing.

As to MIL, I understand that situation. I liked Sammie5's advice. Have hubby speak to her, I realize she has the best of intentions, but perhaps hubby can make her see that it is just not a good time to pressure you about this issue. Plus, we can't have you off relaxing in some "spa" every day!
post #7 of 11
Anne, you live beside your in-laws...and your still talking with them! Wow, that's an accomplishment!

When you hear your mother-in-law start up, realize she is only doing it from the heart. She wants the mother of her grandchildren to be healthy and live a long productive life.

You know your own boundaries....no one else should set them. But, and this is a big "but", you do have something to learn from your mother-in-law. Your health comes first! What will all your hard work and efforts be worth if you have a heart attack at the age of 35-40 and your kids don't have a mother?

Something to seriously consider. Best wishes!
post #8 of 11
Vent away. We do! Anne, I have no advice, just warmth and hugs.

Please remember - while the websites may not be profitable - yet - you do a TREMENDOUS job. It's not that we think you do a great job - you DO a great job. You've created an incredible space here, and while it may not help pay the bills (again, I say YET), just with TCS you're helping hundreds of people and thousands of cats. And Meowhoo.com is well on its way to helping thousands of people and 10s of thousands of cats!

Another quick reminder - building your own business(es) takes A LOT of time. Most business start-ups take 3 to 7 years to turn a profit. Maybe you can remind yourself of that from time to time.

We love you here - and we are all CONSTANTLY amazed at what you get accomplished!!!!!!

post #9 of 11
I am making a concerted effort to be a good MIL because my husband literally had a wicked stepmother who actually tried to break up the marriages of all of her step children! I don't think anyone has the right to tell another adult how to live her life! And I'm really adamant about that. Of course, you will listen to the opinions of those you admire, but make your own decisions!

What is right for me might not be right for you. I had two girls 22 months apart, and they played so well together! The older was like a little mother. Girls are easy to potty train, so she quit diapers at 17 months with no hassle at all. Boys usually take longer to acquire bladder control. My boys were six years apart and still don't get along. There are always pros and cons.

The business? I never heard of a business that didn't take time to establish. Lead your own life. If you're wrong, it's your mistake, but if she's wrong and you take her advice, you will always resent the fact that you never gave your dream a chance-because of other people's opinions.

As for MIL, well, I'm touchy about that. If she was as cruel as mine was, I'd be tempted to ask if all that exercise was good for someone with her advanced years. (Oh, Jeanie, would you really say that?
No, not unless I was really furious!) But since she's a nice person, I would thank her for the advice and tell her you feel certain that someone as wise and understanding as she is will respect your decisions as you respect hers. (Of course, I don't think she's too old to get in shape, really.) I hope you will remain at the helm of the S.S. CatSite indefinitely.
post #10 of 11

Well I do commend you for living next door to your MIL, I don't know how I would cope with that. I find the best thing in close relationships like that is just to say it like it is. Tell her how you feel and if she is a little upset she will think about it and she will understand.

I am also trying for #2. LOL maybe we will be pregnant at the same time again.

post #11 of 11
Oh Anne...I just wish I could come over there and give you a great big hug!!!!! You do so much for everyone here...and the friendships we have built and the advice we have gotten about our cats would never have happened if it weren't for you!!!

You have already gotten such wonderful advice here, I can't think of much to add to it, I agree with the others, that starting a business takes time, and after awhile, your hard work will pay off and then everyone will see that what you did was well worth the time and effort!!!!

As far as mother-in-law...I would just tell her thanks for thinking of you, but it really isn't something you are interested in doing right now. And hopefully she will drop it, but if she keeps talking about it, I would try to ignore it or just say, "please can we not talk about this, I have already told you I'm not interested" and then change the subject.

Anytime you need to vent, Anne....we are here. You have done so much for us, it is nice to be able to help you out in some way.

I hope all goes well with trying for baby #2!! Keep us posted!!!

And one other thing...I have seen pictures of you since you had little Ron, and I don't think you look fat at all!!!!!!!! You are a very beautiful woman!!!!!
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