How rude is this??

Someone from work went to a wedding just recently, and was telling me about the drama from it. Apparently one of the bridesmaids' dog died 2 days before the wedding, so she pulled out of the wedding party and said she couldn't make the wedding. I'm obviously an animal lover, and would be devastated if anything happened to one of my kitties, but given all the work and money that goes into a wedding, and the bride thought enough of me as a friend to ask me to be part of the wedding party, I would NEVER pull out so late!!!!

It'd probably help to have my mind taken off the sadness by something so fun and happy.

Then to make matters worse, they found a replacement bridesmaid, and asked if they could borrow the dress for the day, since it was a specific design that fit in with the other bridesmaids dresses. The bridesmaid (who bought it herself) said yes, but the replacement would have to buy it from her - she wouldn't lend it to the other girl. How inconsiderate is that????? She's pulled out at the last minute, then will make somebody else pay for the dress to fit in to the rest of the wedding party!

I mean sure, she paid for it and it's her dress, but still! She's already massively inconvenienced the bride and caused major stress right before the wedding, and then she goes ahead and does that! The other girl is just helping out, and probably can't afford to shell out a few hundred dollars the day before the wedding for the dress, shoes, and probably hair and make up and all that, and she hasn't been to any rehearsals... If I truly was so upset that I couldn't make the wedding, I would feel sooooooo bad about it, and would happily lend anything I'd bought for the wedding to someone who could stand in for me.

And if I was the bride, I would be ready to punch the bridesmaid who pulled out!

This is a reason why i wouldnt have any bridesmaids for my wedding

I disagree.

Everyone handles grief differently. Some people deal with death "better" than others and can carry on with their life seemingly unaffected. Others fall to pieces and fall into a depression and can't function.

The dog obviously meant a great deal to her and she was apparently affected greatly by it's death. If it had been the death or her Mother or a sibling or any other relative, this wouldn't even be an issue because people would be more understanding, but because it was a pet, she is expected to suck it up and suppress her grief and put on a smiley face.

So far as the dress goes, she paid for it, and if she wasn't going to be wearing it and someone else was, then I see no reason why the substitute shouldn't have to pay for the dress because had she been asked initially she would have had to.

I've been in a similar situation actually.

Back in the mid 1980's I was supposed to be a bride's maid in my cousin's wedding. The bride had assured us that it was going to be low key and she realized that weddings can be expensive and she wanted the bride's maids to have dresses that they could wear again, and not spend a whole lot of money on them. I was working a rather low paying office job and was living pretty much pay cheque to pay cheque, as was the case with her other bride's maids. I told her that if it's going to be expensive, that I can't do it. She promised that the whole thing would cost less than $150.00. I was agreeable to that.

I got a telephone call one day asking me if I was available on the following Saturday to go shopping with her, her mom and the other bride's maids to look for bride's maid dresses. I said I was.

A couple days later I got another call from her telling me that she was just so excited that she couldn't wait for Saturday so her and her mom had gone out shopping and found the perfect dress and that I had to go and get fitted for it for alterations.

It was the most hideous looking dress I had ever seen. Some cowel panel in the front stomach area and a huge bustle bow at the back just above the butt. And it was a horrid teal/blue-green colour. The dress was also $250.00 which was outrageously expensive for a dress!!!! I figured ok... I could put it on my credit card and pay for it that way.

I went for the fitting and found out that we were being charged $100.00 for alterations too!!!!

Already it was more than twice what we were told it would be.

Then periodic phone calls arrived to tell me about shoes (satin slippers that were $75.00 and an additional $50.00 to dye to match the dress). Then there was the parasol that they were originally going to pay for and suddenly they couldn't afford it so we had to pay for our own...cost? $45.00. Then we got another call telling us that we had to pay for our own flowers!!!

I finally said no and that it was way too expensive and told her that they want free reign of my cheque book and that I can't afford to spend all of that money. It was going to take me a year to pay off all of the expenses. This was 2 or 3 weeks before the wedding.

She found a replacement bride's maid and they wanted my dress for her. I told her that she could have my dress but I wanted to be reimbursed the $350.00 I had paid for it.

I made the mistake of allowing them to have the dress with the promise to pay me after their wedding social (a Manitoba thing. A large party that you buy tickets to attend. It's a way of fundraising to offset the expense of a wedding).

The night of the social came and I got the run around about payment for the dress. I finally got paid after I raised a public stink about it there.

So I can certainly see the girl wanting to get paid for a dress she invested money into.

Originally Posted by fwan

This is a reason why i wouldnt have any bridesmaids for my wedding

Click to expand...

I was so looking forward to it.

weddings are way over rated.
i vote full just living in sin .

One of my bridemaids pulled out less than a week before my wedding because of a death in the family. Not a big deal. Yeah, our "sides" were lopsided as I didn't get anyone else to fill in. I didn't ask. It was Kathy's spot and she couldn't be there. I still had my sister and one of my best friends standing up with me.

IMO people put WAY too much into the idea that a wedding has to be perfect. It won't be, no matter how much you plan. Something is bound to go wrong at some point. You've got to be able to go with the flow. And if you're going to expect someone to wear some hideous creation that will never, ever be worn again, at least make it not so expensive. The only time I've ever worn a bridesmaid dress again is for Halloween (it was a Southern Belle wedding - beautiful wedding and dress, but where else do you wear a southern belle dress???).

I just don't think it's that important to ruin a friendship over, and I guarantee that's what the end result will be. At the end of the day, the only important thing is that the bride and groom end up married. The rest is just icing.

I agree with Natalie that everyone deals with grief differently. I would also ask the girl to pay for the dress. She didn't need it anymore. I might mention it and offer a payment plan or something.

Originally Posted by theimp98

weddings are way over rated.
i vote for just living in sin .

Click to expand...

You heathen

Originally Posted by Crazyforinfo

I agree with Natalie that everyone deals with grief differently. I would also ask the girl to pay for the dress. She didn't need it anymore. I might mention it and offer a payment plan or something.

Click to expand...

I completely agree that everyone deals with it differently, but apparently she was just so rude about it, and they found a replacement the day before the wedding, and this girl was going to have to go out and spend hundreds of dollars to fit in.

Organising a wedding is hard enough as it is with all the other stresses, but then to have your bridesmaid who is supposed to be a close friend act so rudely the day before the wedding is just horrible

It is a very special day, and some people plan their wedding for a long time, and want to have it just so, which is understandable - it's a big deal! If it was me, I would have let it be lopsided and dealt with it, but then we organised our wedding in 7 weeks...

When the "Event" itself becomes more important than the feelings and relationships of the people involved in it, somebody's priorities are out of whack.

It's just stunningly inconsiderate to put your friends and family into a situation where they have to financially cripple themselves for your sake... and it's just as wrong to agree to participate in such an extravaganza and then sabotage it at the last minute. I can understand this person feeling like she couldn't be part of the wedding if she was in mourning... but that's her decision, and she shouldn't expect to benefit financially from deciding not to participate. She should just consider it the cost of having forced the bride to rearrange the wedding party at the last minute.

Miss Manners has spoken.

Originally Posted by theimp98

weddings are way over rated.
i vote full just living in sin .

Click to expand...

Absolutely!

Sounds like the bridesmaid didn't want to be in the wedding anyway.

Originally Posted by fwan

This is a reason why i wouldnt have any bridesmaids for my wedding

Click to expand...

Originally Posted by Anakat

I was so looking forward to it.

Click to expand...

:flail OMG, that was funny....

I really can't see myself being in a wedding if Trout just died.

I would sell the replacement bridesmaid my dress though...

I just think of if someone's kid died..they would NOT be at a wedding 2 days later.. Its not a big deal to have a lopsided wedding party.

And I would hope that my close friend would understand

I wont have bridesmaids either ...lol.. if I ever find a man

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

I really can't see myself being in a wedding if Trout just died.

I would sell the replacement bridesmaid my dress though...

I just think of if someone's kid died..they would NOT be at a wedding 2 days later.. Its not a big deal to have a lopsided wedding party.

And I would hope that my close friend would understand

Click to expand...

I agree with Trouts mom, and if this friend was a little rude perhaps she's just not quite herself while going through the grieving process.

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

I really can't see myself being in a wedding if Trout just died.

I would sell the replacement bridesmaid my dress though...

I just think of if someone's kid died..they would NOT be at a wedding 2 days later.. Its not a big deal to have a lopsided wedding party.

And I would hope that my close friend would understand

Click to expand...

I wouldnt be in a wedding if any of mine had died either. And if the bride was close enough to choose me to be in her wedding, she would understand me and how I am with my baby's.

I would have just given the other girl the dress though. It would be money I had already spent for my friends wedding , I wouldnt want to cause the bride any more stress, its her wedding that Im not able to attend, its not her fault.

Originally Posted by theimp98

weddings are way over rated.
i vote full just living in sin .

Click to expand...

I'm with Bruce. I would never have a wedding. Too expensive. I could feed a lot of homeless animals with that money.

Y'know, my brother is the only person I know of who had a groomsmaid in his wedding!

It was his first marriage, to a wonderful girl who is still a friend of the family. One of my brother's best friends at the time was a woman, so he asked her to be in the wedding! She suffered from a chronic illness that made it hard for her to walk, but by golly, she did it. I was proud of my brother (and the girl he was marrying) for making their wedding about the people who were important in their lives... even though it precluded the standard symmetrical arrangement of beautiful people in perfectly matched dresses and tuxes.

Carol i did that once right after college when i friend asked me to be in her wedding. lol i just said i was a butler.

How very cool! I'll tell my brother about that.