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my and cat and my boyfriend's cat - HELP!

post #1 of 2
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i just moved in with my boyfriend and we both have pets. we're very fond of our own cats and eachothers. and when abby, his cat, accepted me into her royalness' life and benny, my cat, started not being so scared of my boyfriend, we decided it might be a good time to finaly move in together.

benny is a skiddish cat, we waited to to long to get him fixed and now he's a mess; any loud noises or new people- he hides. he's an indoor cat and loves to watch t.v. and lay underneath the covers. he's very calm and confortable when i, and only i, am around with him, but not so much anyone else. he just accepted that my boyfriend is here to stay.

abby, on the other hand, is a 50/50 outdoor/ indoor cat. she always sleeps on the end of his bed inbetween us and the door, just like a mother cat would. she brings my boyfriend rats, mice, birds, possums, moles... anything she can find, really. she's very outgoing and used to even get into fights with neighborhood cats when she was younger. she also loves to mark you all over with her forhead when she's being petted.

benny has always lived in my current apartment and i really want to take the time to get him used to his new surroundings. you know; do everything right, everything on his time.

and that's all fine and dandy but now my boyfriend is upset because abby's being kept out of the bedroom until benny gets used to this room as the 'safe room'. he says, "abby's always slept on this bed, in this room. it's her room. i miss her being here and i dont want to just ignor her when she comes meowing at the door every night wanting to come in. it's unfair to her."

he understands that i need my cat with me and that the outcome of being patient with benny with be a good one but it's really hard. i miss abby too.

my questions are, now that you know the background stories:

1. are there any ways to help benny get used to the apartment faster?
2. how do i introduce abby to benny without either of them ending up depressed, running away, getting mad at eachother or even getting angry with us?
3. how do i know when it's the right time to introduce the cats?
4. when is it o.k. to let benny outside to explore the neighborhood?
5. how do i know when benny is finaly used the apartment?

also- anything else you want to share is great.

post #2 of 2
I recommend reading this article which contains information on introducing cats. Also, look into some Feliway diffusers - they are not cheap but they do help cats with the type of problems you are describing.

I also understand where you are at - before we were married, my husband and I came to the conclusion that we had to move in together or break up because we felt badly about neglecting the cats. For the longest time, people didn't believe I had a cat because they never saw her. The introductions weren't done the best and they never were buddies but we didn't have any fighting. And Petunia eventually kind of liked my husband after 5 years (he started to brush her and she liked that).

So good luck and keep us posted.
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