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I need some advice from TCS...

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
Ok, First of all, I am sorry if this gets long.... right now I don't really know what to do.... Let me start at the beginning:

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3.5 yrs I am the type of person that feels that you shouldn't hop from job to job. That you should find one GOOD job- and stick with it. But my boyfriend on the other hand thinks- if your not happy with your current job you keep switching until you find the right now. Well.... your never going to find the " PERFECT" job- there are ALWAYS little quirks to the description/job.

Well, me and my boyfriend moved from Iowa to Arizona- to find better jobs. My boyfriend has been out here since December. Between december-january he's had 3 jobs!!!!!! he's still working at that 3rd job right now, but he's wanting to find a new one AGAIN! He wants to find a new one because #1 its frickin hot outside #2 the way the other workers treat him #3 he gets paid under the table, no benefits.....he would rather work legally!

So he wants to change jobs now.... I understand he's not happy where he's working- but will he ever be completely satisfied? I mean I don't think you should switch over and over and over- let alone my family will probably look down on him for being so inconsistent and they want me to be "stable"

UGH I don't know what to do, how to feel.... me and my boyfriend keep fighting over this and it's causing me to FREAK OUT! and I don't want to cuz I love him and just want this to be all over with.....

please help me
post #2 of 28
sometimes it takes a while to find the right job for you. be patient with your boyfriend. help him look for adds/ new jobs in something he might be interested in. he needs to find one with good pay/benifits if at all possible. and i don't blame him- i wouldn't want to be working out in the sun all day long eithor. however, he does not need to leave his current job until he definitely has a new one. once he finds one he really likes, he'll settle down a bit. be patient with him- he's still trying to figure out his life....but also- let him know that he does not need to keep switching and switching- that will not look good on future resumes that he can't keep a stable job- so once he finds one that suites him- he needs to stick with it. Good luck honey!!
post #3 of 28
Has he always been this way? I.e. since you started dating him?

Hopping from job to job doesn't look good on the resume. Switching jobs every 2-3 years is one thing...that gives you time to gain experience and move to a new job with a raise.
I can understand when you just move someplace, job #1 was impulsive to pay moving expenses....job #2, OK, but wanting to change jobs after the third?
From a manager's perspective this just makes him look untrustworthy when you look at the resume. Personally I wouldn't even give him a phone call.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that if he's frequently changing jobs (like 3 a month) he's really messing his resume up from ever being called for that "perfect" job. Thus he'll never be satisfied in life...er career.
post #4 of 28
Thread Starter 
For as long as I've known him-- he will work for a job for like 9 months at a time. The job he's doing now is rain gutter installation, which is the job he preferred to do since he's got like 5 yrs combined experience... but he doesn't want to do that anymore cuz its hot outside alot of other various reasons... So no it's not that he has 3 different jobs a month, that was just when he moved out here... He's been working at his current job since January.....
post #5 of 28
How old are you both? And more to the point, does he have a long-term job goal in mind?

If he wants something bigger and better and indoors, then he needs to pursue it -- but not by random trial and error. He needs a plan. He needs to search his soul and determine what field he really wants to work in, what he enjoys, what he's good at, what offers the advancement opportunities he'd like to work toward, what carries the kind of pay and benefits he wants.

Then he should study that field, the current state of that industry, and the details of the "dream job" he would like to hold ten or fifteen years down the road.

Then he needs to identify a good "entry point" to that industry -- a job he can get now that will position him to move up gradually, over time, into his dream job.

You're right that he needs to become more stable in his employment... but if he doesn't yet know what he wants to be when he grows up, that can be difficult to achieve. Maybe the two of you can sit down at the kitchen table with a bunch of blank paper and work out a plan.

Good luck!
post #6 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
How old are you both? And more to the point, does he have a long-term job goal in mind?

If he wants something bigger and better and indoors, then he needs to pursue it -- but not by random trial and error. He needs a plan. He needs to search his soul and determine what field he really wants to work in, what he enjoys, what he's good at, what offers the advancement opportunities he'd like to work toward, what carries the kind of pay and benefits he wants.

Then he should study that field, the current state of that industry, and the details of the "dream job" he would like to hold ten or fifteen years down the road.

Then he needs to identify a good "entry point" to that industry -- a job he can get now that will position him to move up gradually, over time, into his dream job.

You're right that he needs to become more stable in his employment... but if he doesn't yet know what he wants to be when he grows up, that can be difficult to achieve. Maybe the two of you can sit down at the kitchen table with a bunch of blank paper and work out a plan.

Good luck!

Ok, I am 21 and he's 22. Yes I know we are both very young... we still have plenty of time to figure out whats going on..... I don't even know what I want to do with my life..... Neither one of us knows what we want to do? Right now our lives are based on 'trial and error' neither one of us knows what our 'long term goal' is!?!?!
post #7 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by mybabyphx View Post
#1 its frickin hot outside #2 the way the other workers treat him #3 he gets paid under the table, no benefits.....he would rather work legally!

So he wants to change jobs now.... I understand he's not happy where he's working- but will he ever be completely satisfied? I mean I don't think you should switch over and over and over- let alone my family will probably look down on him for being so inconsistent and they want me to be "stable"

UGH I don't know what to do, how to feel.... me and my boyfriend keep fighting over this and it's causing me to FREAK OUT! and I don't want to cuz I love him and just want this to be all over with.....

please help me
working a job with no benefits, he should be leaving as fast as he can, under the table jobs are only good as a side line.

well coming from a IT world, it normal to move jobs every few years, its just the way the work is. Really long term stable jobs are very very hard to find in todays world. You can no longer walk into ford at 18 and walk out when your 65 like many of my family did.
post #8 of 28
I've always heard you should change jobs about every two years, to keep moving up and keep getting jumps in pay.
post #9 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom View Post
Has he always been this way? I.e. since you started dating him?

Hopping from job to job doesn't look good on the resume. Switching jobs every 2-3 years is one thing...that gives you time to gain experience and move to a new job with a raise.
I can understand when you just move someplace, job #1 was impulsive to pay moving expenses....job #2, OK, but wanting to change jobs after the third?
From a manager's perspective this just makes him look untrustworthy when you look at the resume. Personally I wouldn't even give him a phone call.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that if he's frequently changing jobs (like 3 a month) he's really messing his resume up from ever being called for that "perfect" job. Thus he'll never be satisfied in life...er career.
Yes, there is even a box to check on our computer program when declining a resume that states "job hopper". That alone on a resume is grounds to move on.
But on the personal side, you guys are young. Try to help him learn what he enjoys. I don't blame him for switching jobs all the time if he really hates them. He might just need a little direction. If he has gone to college there is a career center that might help him figure out something he would like to do for a career. Not just a short term job. I agree with the poster that said to get a plan. Get one and start working towards those goals.
post #10 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by theimp98 View Post
You can no longer walk into ford at 18 and walk out when your 65 like many of my family did.
Heck Ford isn't even hiring right now! They're subleasing parts of their buildings.

well since you two are still young, job hopping isn't too horrible. I remember 9 months being ancient (i.e. like doing 10 years) in retail.

LOL my dad jokes about a relative tht was like that. He had his own painting business, but it was too cold in the winter to work, too hot in the summer to work and the spring and summer were a toss up.
post #11 of 28
Here's something else to think about....are you wanting to get married to him? If so, this "problem" will only intensify 100x once you are married. I understand both of you are young BUT if your work ethic is completely different from his it will continue to be an issue between the 2 of you.

I have yet to find someone who is 100% happy with their job. There is always SOMETHING that someone doesn't like about it and that's life.
post #12 of 28
That's very true...we have a friend that her boyfriend of 10 years is like that. The only difference is his bosses choose whether or not he stays. So he's constantly dependent on her.

Last time I heard anything he was spending all her money trying to become a professional poker player.
post #13 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom View Post
That's very true...we have a friend that her boyfriend of 10 years is like that. The only difference is his bosses choose whether or not he stays. So he's constantly dependent on her.

Last time I heard anything he was spending all her money trying to become a professional poker player.
A professional poker player? Gosh, now that sounds unreasonable!

To answer some of your guys' questions. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3.5 years. Someday we do plan on getting married, but since we are still young- I don't feel the need to rush into things. Neither one of us has gone to college (well i did but i dropped out) But going to college is really hard because if we do decide to go to college, who pays the bills? I dont know i guess hundreds of thousands of ppl do this but it's hard.

Life is complicated- I hate it
post #14 of 28
Here is a hint....do not marry this guy. He doesn't sound like he would make a good supporter and when you get pregnant, he won't be able to suport the baby either. Don't rush into anything with this guy.
post #15 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaRussa View Post
Here is a hint....do not marry this guy. He doesn't sound like he would make a good supporter and when you get pregnant, he won't be able to suport the baby either. Don't rush into anything with this guy.
But I him
post #16 of 28
I agree with your boyfriend honestly! If you are truely unhappy with a job then you should leave and seek employment elsewhere! I totally understand that he wants a legal job, while getting money under the table is nice it is not legal (I've worked for money under the table)! I have had my share of jobs and I don't regret it because I have experience in all different fields and that is something I can take with me whenever a new opportunity arrises or during an interview! Experience looks good! If you are a chronic job hopper it's not necessarily bad, depending on how frequent you bounce around! This day and age it is very common for our generation to bounce around and play the field! My bf use to live in Arizona (we weren't together then) and he worked 2 jobs under the table that did not last long! He explained how things went down and I can see why he didn't stay! Benefits are very important so he definitley should go legit! As for your parents looking down on him for being ambitious and determined to find the right fit....that seems kind of shallow! I say support him and back him up... Be thankful that he is determined to have a better job rather than sit on his butt at home! Make sure he finds a job first before quiting his current!
post #17 of 28
I can completely understand him wanting to find a job with benefits. Moving to a new place is always hard. The first job offered you jump on, because it's a pay check and you don't know the area or how many opportunities are out there. It actually sounds to me like he IS trying to be responsible by looking for a job with benefits. But, like someone said, he shouldn't quit this job before finding another. That would be just stupid. Under that table or not, a paycheck is a paycheck. But, don't beat him up about wanting a new job. I agree, he needs to figure out what he wants and likes to do and go from there.
post #18 of 28
I don't entirely agree with LaRussa. My husband has changed jobs every year or two in the 16 years we've been together. He's still looking for a job that he's happy at. But he always pays his half of the bills, he never missed a child support payment to his ex, and he's the most loyal and trustworthy guy I know. I'm not saying it's not something you should think about and keep an eye on before you make a lifetime committment, just that, in and of itself, it doesn't necessarily mean he won't hold up his end of the deal.

It sounds like he doesn't know what he DOES want to do. Maybe he'd benefit from talking to a career counselor or someone who can help him figure out what would make him happy. It also sounds like he might rush INTO jobs without thinking it through, which is why they don't work out in the long run.

It sounds like the place he's at now is a bad situation, so he definitely needs to get out of it, but he really does need to find a place and hang in there for a while. Like some others have mentioned, hopping from job to job too much can become a real liability on a resume. It takes too much time and effort and expense on the part of an employer to do a job search. They don't want to be looking at having to go through it again in a month or two.

Can you talk to him about it? Would he be receptive to listening to you express your concerns and offer to help him figure out what kind of job would make him happy?
post #19 of 28
Thread Starter 
No he's not a bad guy at all. He just doesn't know what to do right now, neither one of us do... Right now he's getting paid under the table, no benefits. I'm getting paid legally... I dont' get paid for my overtime and I dont get benefits either. Neither one of us are in our 'dream job' it's just a job to pay the bills. Except my boyfriends really not happy where he is right now... its really making him miserable- i can tell!!! But even if he finds a different job... who's to say he'll be satisfied there??? He never quits his job, before finding a new one first! We've been together for 3.5 years, and I really love him.. this is just making it very difficult for us right now!
post #20 of 28
Dont stress, this is something you can overcome! He isn't happy...Simple fact! Let him find a new job and go about his business, as long as he stays employed and the bills get paid I don't see this as a life crisis! He is not a bad guy for exploring his options, my bf told me when he lived in phoenix that decent jobs are hard to come by... There are alot of illegals doin work and cash up front jobs! I see no trauma in him trying to get out of his current situation! Just be supportive and hope for the best, that is all you can do! All jobs have their downfalls but when it starts to effect your mentality it is time to hit the road (after new employment has already been found)! I don't really see much of a problem, you are both young and that is what our generation does... It's quit normal! Do you know how many different employers car salesmen go through? If they can still get jobs, your bf will be fine!
post #21 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by trixie23 View Post
Dont stress, this is something you can overcome! He isn't happy...Simple fact! Let him find a new job and go about his business, as long as he stays employed and the bills get paid I don't see this as a life crisis! He is not a bad guy for exploring his options, my bf told me when he lived in phoenix that decent jobs are hard to come by... There are alot of illegals doin work and cash up front jobs! I see no trauma in him trying to get out of his current situation! Just be supportive and hope for the best, that is all you can do! All jobs have their downfalls but when it starts to effect your mentality it is time to hit the road (after new employment has already been found)! I don't really see much of a problem, you are both young and that is what our generation does... It's quit normal! Do you know how many different employers car salesmen go through? If they can still get jobs, your bf will be fine!

Thank you sweetie, that really opened up my heart a little... maybe i'm being too rough on him about this?? Thanks again for the advice!!
post #22 of 28
No you are just being a woman with responsibility in mind! I am the same way, I have been through that situation myself (job hopping) and my bf has told me how the job scene is in AZ...He worked for cash at the two jobs he had...One he was a cabinet maker and the second job he sold perfume/cologne on the streets for cash! Um yeah I think he lived there for a year with his ex-gf and only had those two jobs for three months! When he came back here he worked at the porn store (lol) then finally he settled down at a job that was worth his time! There is nothing wrong with expressing your concern, just try not to nag or overwhelm him more than he is already...Maybe he just wants to be a better provider and wants something more in life...Without our dreams we don't have much, sometimes it takes alot of trying to get there! You guys will be alright, I know it If you ever need to vent you can PM me anytime! Btw way I am 24 and I have had 9 different jobs in my life already...two of which where career choices I had made and later found out it wasn't my thing!
post #23 of 28
Sweetie, I fully understand what you are going through. My DH and I have been together for 11 years. For the first few years he was like that. Sometimes he would just leave a job at lunchtime and never go back. Luckely I began to make enough that I finally jus said, stop working and be a house husband. That worked for a little while we were both happy. That time gave him a chance to figure hiself out. He decided to go into graphic art and web design. He went back to school and got a degree in Multimedia. He was 30 when he went to school. Now he has been in the industry, self imployed and making decent money. I still work out of the house so we have benefits. Its cheeper that way. My paycheck is considered extra cash. It just takes time.

If I may sugest, tell your bf to go to Trader Joes. I went to their site and they have a ton of stores in and around Pheonix. They are a great company. They care about their employies andthe pay is decnt. The benefits are pretty good. The company only ires from with in so if he wanted he could move up and become management. They have a program, if he is willing and shows that he can do it, that is a fast track to management. In less then 2 years he can go from a regular part timer to a full timer. He just needs to be willing to move where ever they want him to go. Probably back east since that is where all the new stores are. You do not even need to go to college to become a full timer, just the desire to succed. The company is known for a low turn over rate. Most of the people I work with have been with the company for 3+ years. A few people just celebrated the 25 years anniversery. I have never been happier in my life. After a year there I have decided that I want to stay with the company and go full time. I have started some training. It wil take me a while because I don't want to have to move so I will do it the long way. Just so you know a regular employee who works up to 40 hours is called a part timer, a manager who work 40 hours or more is a full timer. You will know who is who when you walk into the store. The part timer where tshirts with a band of flowers accross the chest and the fulltimers where full Hawaiin shirts. Just tell him to check it out. The really good thing about it is most of the people who work there were or still are trying ot figure out who they are.

Feel free to PM me for any more info. If he does go to apply, I would be more than happy to give you my name and store number. He could use it as a referance. As long as I get his name from you I will give him a good recomendation.

Here is thrier site so you guys can find the one neer you.

http://www.traderjoes.com/locations.asp
post #24 of 28
Eh. I'm a musician and we tend to be drifters and we tend to hop from job to job to job and act as independent contractors...lots of W-9's! Of course, we're doing this with a goal in mind. It's an artistic goal, but we're not just meandering at least.

So, I really have no advice as to how to get him to settle down. I'm also 21 and as much as I want to "settle down" sometimes...no one is going to take you seriously enough at this age to where you'll find something permanent. Just keep racking up the experience in your chosen fields and move forward and "up the ladder" as it were. 21/22, as I'm coming to realize, are hard ages to be.

Have either of you gotten a bachelor's degree? You're still young enough to do so, and really, if you want to have any sort of major growth opportunities, a college degree is necessary. It's beginning to feel like you need a master's to flip burgers these days. So, if you want or your boyfriend wants to break into an industry with a lot of growth, college might be your best route to get that.
post #25 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KarmasMom View Post
Sweetie, I fully understand what you are going through. My DH and I have been together for 11 years. For the first few years he was like that. Sometimes he would just leave a job at lunchtime and never go back. Luckely I began to make enough that I finally jus said, stop working and be a house husband. That worked for a little while we were both happy. That time gave him a chance to figure hiself out. He decided to go into graphic art and web design. He went back to school and got a degree in Multimedia. He was 30 when he went to school. Now he has been in the industry, self imployed and making decent money. I still work out of the house so we have benefits. Its cheeper that way. My paycheck is considered extra cash. It just takes time.

If I may sugest, tell your bf to go to Trader Joes. I went to their site and they have a ton of stores in and around Pheonix. They are a great company. They care about their employies andthe pay is decnt. The benefits are pretty good. The company only ires from with in so if he wanted he could move up and become management. They have a program, if he is willing and shows that he can do it, that is a fast track to management. In less then 2 years he can go from a regular part timer to a full timer. He just needs to be willing to move where ever they want him to go. Probably back east since that is where all the new stores are. You do not even need to go to college to become a full timer, just the desire to succed. The company is known for a low turn over rate. Most of the people I work with have been with the company for 3+ years. A few people just celebrated the 25 years anniversery. I have never been happier in my life. After a year there I have decided that I want to stay with the company and go full time. I have started some training. It wil take me a while because I don't want to have to move so I will do it the long way. Just so you know a regular employee who works up to 40 hours is called a part timer, a manager who work 40 hours or more is a full timer. You will know who is who when you walk into the store. The part timer where tshirts with a band of flowers accross the chest and the fulltimers where full Hawaiin shirts. Just tell him to check it out. The really good thing about it is most of the people who work there were or still are trying ot figure out who they are.

Feel free to PM me for any more info. If he does go to apply, I would be more than happy to give you my name and store number. He could use it as a referance. As long as I get his name from you I will give him a good recomendation.

Here is thrier site so you guys can find the one neer you.

http://www.traderjoes.com/locations.asp

Ok sweet, I will bring this up to him for sure Thank you! I actually went to the website and theres a Trader Joes like 5 miles from me You gotta love big cities..... I'll keep you updated!!!
post #26 of 28
The fact that your BF is working is a whole lot more important than how many jobs he has been through.

Beware of the under-the-table jobs, though. Once you start its easy to say you'll only do it for a little while and then get a regular job. If he wants out now, IMO, its a great idea. My ex-hubby ran a small business that way and we ended up in trouble with the IRS.

I had a legit job and could have taken the standard deduction on a regular 1040. I would have had a small refund. He had to itemize and wanted me to file with him so he wouldn't have to pay so much. Well, he never got around to it. The result is we are BOTH guilty of deliquent taxes. To make a long story short, we are both paying back taxes every month even though we've been divorced for 5 years and have to forfit any refund we would have coming every year because that is also applied to back taxes. I forfited $800.00 a year for the last 4 years. Interest and penalties are much steeper than you think. Every time we make a payment the bill only goes UP a little bit. Its very depressing.
post #27 of 28
Thread Starter 
It's kind of weird the way this business works..... When he first started working there they told him that they would pay him cash for the first few weeks.... then they would put him on the payroll... well after working there since like January.... I don't think there is a payroll... see my boyfriend is the only white guy working, every one else is hispanic besides the owner and receptionist. I believe the only reason why they hired my boyfriend is so that way they have a good english speaking person on the crew to talk to the customers... I don't 'think' that the others working there are even legal to work in the US well I know 1 is legal for sure... but the others?? But that's just what I think... And what's really weird is that the other hispanics get paid more than him, and since they have more senority (sp?) they boss him around all day....and treat him aweful....

BTW: He installs rain gutters on houses, I'm not sure if I mentioned this already or not...
post #28 of 28
Did your bf and my bf work at the same place lol? Um yeah the hispanics got paid more than my bf did too...they really crank out the work! My bf is really handy but was a little slow seeings that he just started, he said the hispanics flew threw their work like they had been doing it forever! That is how things are in Arizona, not that I know because I have never been there, but I hear about that place all the time! Yeah..... your bf needs a new job and an actual paycheck, I wouldn't feel too good about myself in a scene like that! You need to get out your pom poms out and cheer him on!
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