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How to give your cat a pill!

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
Instructions on giving your cat a pill...

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail; get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.

12. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

13. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

14. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour a pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

15. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
post #2 of 14
...and feed cat special treats 7 - 10 times a day by tossing gently near them for several weeks until he/she is no longer mad at you and will come close enough to grab again....
post #3 of 14
Thats hysterical! I just happen to have to give my 2 cats each a pill tonight. I have "pilled" other cats, but it's been years.

post #4 of 14

I've tried everything in the book.
We just decided to by pass the niceness. Towel HA! I laugh at towels, we wrap Asim up in our big blanket from our bed!
He'll regurgitate the thing, and either spit it out, or let it liquify in his mouth, while all the drool seeps from the corners and onto the floor, so he's careful not to swallow any of the liquified pill.
That cat... is too smart for his own good.
Next time, I'm just going to do injections.
post #5 of 14
Thread Starter 
We got a tablet and put it into a prawn, Suki ate all round the tablet without touching it.
post #6 of 14
Yup. I can put the pills in anything, they may lick around it a bit, or just not touch it at all. I can't put it in a ball of cheese (like I do with dogs), cause they just know it's in there, they must smell it or something. I don't know.
post #7 of 14
That is too true. Why cant they make a pill that tastes and smells the same as a treat that they like? Wouldnt it make more sense????
post #8 of 14
I really don't know. I mean they do it for animal vitamins right? lol
Just to piss us off. Maybe so they can get money for a doctors visit to bring the cat in and pill them everyday themselves? =p
post #9 of 14
We get the vet to do it - she is amazing, just holds the bottom of his mouth with her thumb and kind-of flips it in before Nik has any idea what has happened!

post #10 of 14
That's the beauty of it, at the vet most cats are too scare and confused to put up a fight about the pilling.
I've done it with Asim before, he was totally stressed, foaming at the mouth, the whole nine yards, I plopped him on the receptionist desk, a random tech came up behind him and just pilled him with the gun, that was it.

However at home, the cats know your coming for them, lol.
post #11 of 14
Fifi is an angel when it comes to taking pills - she just lets you drop it into the back of her mouth. Balie will become invisible - I swear, he disappears somewhere in the house (they don't go out) and I can't find him. He will hide for hours. If I manage to catch him and administer the pill it just gets repeatedly spat out until it's too soggy to hold (passive resistence)!

Ferdy? Well I wouldn't risk my life trying to give him a pill. The normally docile kitty turns into a mental fruitcake. Like just now. I tried to wipe his feet coz he'd been outside and I'd just washed the kitchen floor.

Just about came away with my limbs in tact - but ony just!

BuNN - I first saw that joke about 3 years ago and was crying with laughter in the office as I read it. It STILL makes me double up laughing as it's so, so true and paints a brilliant picture!
post #12 of 14
Hey BuNN I saw this ages ago and laughed myself stupid but I lost it and haven't seen it again until now! Thank you for finding it! It is just so true in so many ways LMAO! My kitties have always spat the things out and I tell you my reflexes have improved out of sight since owning cats! I can shove and withdraw quick as a flash now hehehehe!!! Well it's called self preservation isn't it? :tounge2:
post #13 of 14
I couldn't believe it! I gave my 2 cats each a pill last night for the first time and they each swallowed it on the first try! I didn't think I would have a big problem with Tripod, but Oliver can't even stand having Advantage applied to the back of his neck ---he stays mad for a good 24 hours. They just let me shove the pills down their throats and afterward stayed right there to eat their kitty treats. Oliver is not even mad at me!

post #14 of 14
This story is so ture! I have a 18 pound male siamese who hates pills, The last time we had to do this we wraped him in a large blanket,2 people tried to hold him,while I tried to put it in his mouth,he shot out from under 2 grown men and cut both of them bad!torn the blanket to pieces! We gave up,called the vet she had to give him shots for 14 days,she would't try to give him a pill after seeing my husbands face and hands! We have also tried liquid, no dice.We hope he never needs pills again.
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