Need advice......

dixie_darlin · May 17, 2007

Ok, so yesterday we got the kids new mattress for thier bunkbeds. Deacon is as happy as could be about his. Justice on the other hand is in hysterics about it.
He's having a screaming fit about wanting his old mattress back Why, I don't know

He even went as so far as to start screaming at Deacon about it.
I have asked him if it's too hard? Too soft? He says no to both but he wants his old one back. He wouldn't even sit on it when we first got home. Just immediatly started crying. I didn't even get a thank you or anything from him which upset me. I was outside on the phone when Deacon came out crying about Justice screaming at him so I separated him. Deacon's in my room sleeping and I MADE Justice get on his bed. I gave him the choice. Sleep on it, or on the floor.... Was that too harsh?

I just don't know what to do. I've never seen a kid throw a fit about getting a new bed....

theimp98 · May 17, 2007

some kids, like people just dont like change.
i used to throw a fit when my mother would toss out a old pillow etc.
Nope i dont think you were to harsh, since he wont give you a reason as to why he does not like it.

pami · May 17, 2007

He may just have a hard time with change. And to you its a matress but to him its a complete change, so he panicks.

I am not an expert, nor do I have any children, but I do have nephew that has what I call "meltdowns" when things around him changes. When hes with me, I try to make him be apart of the decision process, so he feels like hes making the decision.

Like ........ "OMG I bet a new mattresses would feel great. I wish we could get one." and say things like that until I have him on board.

His Mother is not like that so he only gets that treatment with me, so I have no idea if it helps him in anyway but it does help him when hes with me and helps me too because the meltdowns can be really sad and frustrating.

crittermom · May 17, 2007

Alycia, tell him if he sleeps on his new bed, that you will take him to get a new set of sheets...........that he can pick out for it.

theimp98 · May 17, 2007

did you check to to see if he had any old playboys in the old one?
he could just want those back?

crittermom · May 17, 2007

Originally Posted by theimp98

did you check to to see if he had any old playboys in the old one?
he could just want those back?

ummmm Bruce, he's just a kid

dixie_darlin · May 17, 2007

Originally Posted by crittermom

Alycia, tell him if he sleeps on his new bed, that you will take him to get a new set of sheets...........that he can pick out for it.

I tried that tonight too. We all went out to eat and I told him he could pic out a new pillow and bedset.. he had a "meltdown" just like Pami said. We didn't even make it into Target and we left.

Originally Posted by theimp98

did you check to to see if he had any old playboys in the old one?
he could just want those back?

I certainly hope not... He's 9

but we now know what you're hiding

pami · May 17, 2007

Originally Posted by theimp98

did you check to to see if he had any old playboys in the old one?
he could just want those back?

theimp98 · May 17, 2007

Originally Posted by crittermom

ummmm Bruce, he's just a kid

lol well i hiding them at 12, so its not far off

hmm oh and i dont think telling a boy, he will get a new pillow and bed set will make him feel better, Just give him time. and make that offer. He just needs time to get used to it

dixie_darlin · May 17, 2007

Originally Posted by theimp98

lol well i hiding them at 12, so its not far off

Don't remind me.... kids start early..... but I think it has more to do with change..

Funny part is he asked for a new one 2 weeks ago and I told before we got them and he was ok with it then

babyharley · May 17, 2007

Originally Posted by theimp98

did you check to to see if he had any old playboys in the old one?
he could just want those back?

OMG!

natalie_ca · May 17, 2007

He's resistent to change, and obviously this new mattress is causing him distress for some reason. Why not just let him have the old one back?

You could also try reverse psychology and give him the old one back and you take the new one and sleep on it. He might come around when he sees that the mattress is being used by someone. You know that whole thing about wanting what others have kind of thing?

Or if your other son is fine with the mattresses, let Justice pick which one he wants to sleep on. Give him a choice between the 2 new ones.

dixie_darlin · May 17, 2007

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

He's resistent to change, and obviously this new mattress is causing him distress for some reason. Why not just let him have the old one back?

You could also try reverse psychology and give him the old one back and you take the new one and sleep on it. He might come around when he sees that the mattress is being used by someone. You know that whole thing about wanting what others have kind of thing?

Or if your other son is fine with the mattresses, let Justice pick which one he wants to sleep on. Give him a choice between the 2 new ones.

The old one's gone... we took it to the city dump today. It was VERY worn out and every morning he'd complain about his back hurting. Dr did a check said it could be his mattress so we decided on new ones.
I tried to let him chose, he just refused

starryeyedtiger · May 17, 2007

Some kids just do not adjust well to change. I would wait a while on getting the new pillow and sheet set- keep the old ones on there for now so it's less change at once. I think some positive encouragement like Pami said, "wow! this is such a nice mattress!! i wish i had one like this" and things like that might encourage him? Also- perhaps you can hide a little treat under his pillow for him (like a new little matchbox car or a piece of healthy candy in the wrapper) and have him look for it- maybe one treat under his pillow, one under his stuffed animal- make it positive so he thinks his new bed is just great

I really think it's good that you gave him a choice - i do that with my nieces and nephews- so they get to feel a little independance in "making a decision" and learn how to work things through without getting upset. Letting him have the choice to sleep in his new bed or on the floor was a good idea because it will teach him to reason - which is more comfortable, etc. It might take him a few days to adjust to the new change- but i bet he'll be ok with it in no time. In the mean time though- i think you handled it very well gorgeous! you stayed calm during his melt down and let him know that you were not going to respond negatively to his meltdowns- that you were going to be calm, and if he wanted to communicate/talk about it- he didn't need to pitch a hissy fit.

dragoriana · May 17, 2007

I dont know if anyone else has said this but have you tried curling up on the new matress (with his favourite pillows/blankets etc) and showing him how comfortable it is?

dixie_darlin · May 17, 2007

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

Some kids just do not adjust well to change. I would wait a while on getting the new pillow and sheet set- keep the old ones on there for now so it's less change at once. I think some positive encouragement like Pami said, "wow! this is such a nice mattress!! i wish i had one like this" and things like that might encourage him? Also- perhaps you can hide a little treat under his pillow for him (like a new little matchbox car or a piece of healthy candy in the wrapper) and have him look for it- maybe one treat under his pillow, one under his stuffed animal- make it positive so he thinks his new bed is just great

I really think it's good that you gave him a choice - i do that with my nieces and nephews- so they get to feel a little independance in "making a decision" and learn how to work things through without getting upset. Letting him have the choice to sleep in his new bed or on the floor was a good idea because it will teach him to reason - which is more comfortable, etc. It might take him a few days to adjust to the new change- but i bet he'll be ok with it in no time. In the mean time though- i think you handled it very well gorgeous! you stayed calm during his melt down and let him know that you were not going to respond negatively to his meltdowns- that you were going to be calm, and if he wanted to communicate/talk about it- he didn't need to pitch a hissy fit.

Nikki, does healthy and candy go in the same sentence when it comes to a 9 yr old?

Sorry... that was the 10yr old in me coming out

Originally Posted by Dragoriana

I dont know if anyone else has said this but have you tried curling up on the new matress (with his favourite pillows/blankets etc) and showing him how comfortable it is?

Yeap.. even DH did....all 215lbs of him

Well, the good news is Justice is asleep.... on the new mattress.

Im thinking he either gave in or cried himself to sleep. (I know, it sounds mean but I had to let him)

theimp98 · May 17, 2007

he will be fine, i used to get soo mad at my mother for tossing out my pillows
even when they where old and falling aprt.

kluchetta · May 17, 2007

Poor guy. Is there a chance he has anxiety? OCD? ADHD? It is very difficult to adjust to change with those things - especially OCD. You've gotten great advice. I was wondering if it would help to talk to him - ask him what he misses about the old mattress - maybe it had a frayed part he rubbed his hand on, or the way it smelled...and maybe you can reproduce something about the old one on the new one.

dragoriana · May 17, 2007

Originally Posted by Dixie_Darlin

Nikki, does healthy and candy go in the same sentence when it comes to a 9 yr old?

Sorry... that was the 10yr old in me coming out

Yeap.. even DH did....all 215lbs of him

Well, the good news is Justice is asleep.... on the new mattress.

Im thinking he either gave in or cried himself to sleep. (I know, it sounds mean but I had to let him)

yay!!! well sometimes they do just wear themselves out too much. glad to hear it!

strange_wings · May 17, 2007

Originally Posted by Dragoriana

I dont know if anyone else has said this but have you tried curling up on the new matress (with his favourite pillows/blankets etc) and showing him how comfortable it is?

I was just about to suggest this.

Definitely check the bed. Anytime you get a new bed there's always an adjustment period. It probably feels weird since it's not all broken in, so maybe he's having problems getting to sleep.

Also, he's 9, I'm sure you have a smart kid so give him a little credit. You may not be able to fool him by saying the bed it so great.

Ask him how his back feels after sleeping on it, his back may still be bothering him a bit and you may need to look into that.

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