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When Does It Stop Hurting So Bad?

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
My beloved orange tabby, Opie, died this past March. I can't get over it. At first, I cried every single day. Then I would go for weeks without crying. Now, every now and then, when I least expect it, I break down in sobs.

I miss him so much I feel like I need therapy. I'm mourning him more than I mourned my own grandfather when he passed away. And the pain just won't stop.

I didn't want Opie.

The only reason we got him was because my husband's cat (who hated me) was so poorly behaved that the vet recommended that we get her a friend. I'd always been a dog person. I didn't "get" cats. I didn't even like Opie's fur color, but when I put my hand in the bucket he was curled up in with his littermate, he licked me. So we took him home.

Opie was just a 9 week old kitten. But he took over our home, our lives, and our hearts. I don't want to say that he was a good cat. Quite frankly, he could be a holy terror. He tore up carpet when he was pissed at me (and don't tell me cats can't be malicious, because he ONLY did it when he was mad). He beat up other cats. And if you did not feed him when he thought he ought to be fed, he would let you know of his displeasure in no uncertain terms.

But none of that really mattered. Not in hindsight anyway. Because when he jumped into your arms and purred, when he banged the back of his head against your mouth for a kiss, and when he would look at you across the room with that adoring gaze, you knew that you had a real friend in life.

He was my baby. From the moment I took him home as a kitten and he snuggled beneath my chin, to the moment my husband and I held him in our arms while he died, we were bonded.

He was thirteen years old. He had chronic renal failure. My husband and I spent months trying to keep him alive with Subcutaneous Fluid injections and every medication the vet could think of until it was clear he was suffering and I wouldn't put him through it anymore.

I thought I had accepted his death. I knew he was dying. For that matter Opie knew he was dying, and did his best to spend more time with us than ever before. I thought I understood that it was the natural way of the world, that he would leave it, and it would give me a chance to open my heart to new friends. I remember how sick I was of having to shove pills down his throat every night, and thought the end would be merciful.

It was for him, but it hasn't been for me.

I miss everything about him. I'd let him rip up every carpet in the house if only I could hold him again. I love my other cat Mercury, and I went out and rescued a new cat from a shelter (who is disinterested in my existence, but that's another story), and I am currently fostering three orphaned kittens who I had to bottlefeed to keep alive.

None of that stopped me from breaking down today. I am just hoping someone here can tell me that it's going to get better.
post #2 of 11
It does get better, I think it just takes time. And the time is different for each person.

We had to put our beloved Sambo to sleep a year ago in March. Sambo was not a cat, he was a dog. Sambo was 17 years old, and there are days when I miss him something awful. There are days when I would give everything I own just to have him back again.

When I get sad, I think of how healthy he is now, he is over at the Bridge playing with all his friends. And that helps me get through the sad times. He also was very sick, and we tried a bunch of different things to keep him with us, he was blind too.

Things will get better, I promise.
post #3 of 11
Opie is such a handsome little guy and he's an Angel playing happily in Heaven, but I know you would rather have him here with you. I know that feeling all too well. My heart goes out to you, the pain can be so bad it actually physically hurts. I don't believe we ever get over these sweet babies, we just find a new normal in life, as hard as that is sometimes. I am so very sorry for your loss, try to think how lucky you are that you were chosen to be his Mom, this always helps me Also give yourself time to grieve him properly, it hasn't been that long, honor his life any way you can If you want to talk you can PM me anytime.
post #4 of 11
The pain that we feel with the loss of a pet is overwhelming for most...It will get better in time, and you will start to think about all of the good times that you had together. Know that you gave him a wonderful life of love and happiness..They never leave us totally, they always live in our hearts..

I am so sorry for your loss...
post #5 of 11
The pain does get better, but everyone handles it differently and takes different amounts of time to heal. There will come a day when you can laugh again, but you won't forget your Opie. Please don't try to push yourself to get there though. Let it all out. There is no easy pill for this thing that we all have to go through. Im sending you lots of hugs and vibes and hope that you come to some peace soon
post #6 of 11
I lost my Napoleon in October, from ratpoison. I still cry when I talk about him, and sometimes at night I still miss him on my pillow. I have just got to t he stage when I can think rationally about making him a proper memorial garden, but I can't do it alone and have got someone to help me, otherwise I would just break down. I can look at photos of him now though, which I couldn't for a long time. It is so hard when you have a special kitty and lose him. I do feel for you.
post #7 of 11
Your post reminds me so much of my own feelings. I lost my Alley in December and some days it hurts as much as if it were yesterday. Sometimes I will think it is getting better, but then some little thing will just bring it all out in the open again. Like Opie, Alley wasn't a perfect cat. She used to do things all the time and I know they were just to get back for not getting her way. She used to cough up hairballs on my bed. No amount of treatment would keep her from getting them. She would pee in the bathtub when it was raining and she didn't want to go outside. I would give anything to have all of that to deal with again, to have her back with me.

When does it get better..... I will surely let you know if I ever find out.

Take care.
post #8 of 11
Oh, I am so sorry that you lost Opie How awful to lose a loved one, thankfully I haven't gone through it.

Rest in Peace Opie, you are loved sweetheart
post #9 of 11
I am so sorry you lost opie!
I guess it will get better and won't hurt as much as time passes. I lost my dog at 13. I fostered him and the litter at 3 weeks old loosing 3 of the 5. The day my dog was hit and killed by a car while I was at work I adopted him. I had him for 13 years and when he died 2/22/03 I was devastated! I will still cry even now 4 years later, it never stops hurting, that just shows your love for them. It won't hurt as much over time and you can be left with the memory of love instead of the pain and anger of loosing them. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. I still haven't gotten another dog, I don't know if I could, there will never be a dog like him.
I hope you find it easier to deal with and some day be happy you were able to have him in your life even if the time was short, he touched you and that will be what you will some day remember.
post #10 of 11
A wise friend of mine once said, "It takes as long as it takes." And she was right. It's different for everyone, and it's different each time, and I'm not even sure it has all that much to do with how well loved the departed was. Just -- every grief experience is different from every other one.

Opie was a wonderful boy -- that's obvious -- and it's no surprise that he left a huge hole in your life. That hole will never go away, but in time you will learn how to move around it, so that you don't fall in so often. You'll be able to look into it and see all the wonderful times you had, and if you have tears, you will also have smiles.

Be gentle with yourself. I wish you peace.

RIP Sweet Opie
post #11 of 11
You´re going through a completely normal period, as time passes you´ll feel better. It´s not a shame and nothing´s wrong with you. This just shows how much you loved your little one. I cried over my kitty so much that I felt guilty because I cried not half as much when my grandfather died. I think it´s because kitties and other pets are in some way helpless, they´re like little babies who depend on us. My Miki was put down three weeks ago, and before that we spent nights with him, taking care of him and medicating him. The thing that hit me the most was that he was constantly crying over his wounds, even though he had been given painkillers, I just wish he could have said what was wrong. So that´s what I mean when I say animals are helpless.
Hold on, you´ll get better. Hugz&kissez
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