Is It Snooping?

Maybe I am a little paranoid or something, but Mike made a reference to something that he said he saw in one of my posts. I was like, "What are you doing reading my posts?" He goes...I don't really, but I busted you didn't I???

What we were discussing is really irrelevant, but it aggravated me to think that he would go behind me and see what I post up here. Like I am hiding something from him or something!

I am still angry about it and we are supposed to be going out to a friends house tonight to play cards and hang out. I really don't feel like going now. Am I being ridiculous? I feel like my privacy has been invaded. It's not like I have anything to hide...because I don't. I tell him the same things I post here. It's just like he is checking or something.

He says he doesn't read them...he was just kidding with me. But he DID say the exact same thing that I said in a post here...so I think he has at least read a few.

Am I being a baby to be upset about this???

mmmm that is a tough one. I think I would be a little annoyed aswell. Its almost like listening in on a telephone call to a friend, you may just be chatting but you don't really want anyone to pick up the spare phone and listen in do you.

But I would still go out and enjoy the evening, no point in not enjoying the time out with friends.

Does Mike normally not come here himself?

If he came here, even once, just to see what you are doing, I would call that snooping too!

I'm not saying that you have anything to hide, but I consider it the same as if he read one of your emails.

I would just have a talk with him about it, but dont let it go over board. I'm sure you'll feel ok about it soon enough.

I like the analogy to listening in on a phone conversation. If you were both members, I'm sure you wouldn't mind. But I understand why you're a bit peeved. I'd go to dinner, but I'd tell him that you feel as if your privacy has been invaded. I'm sure you can be diplomatic about it.

I think the advice you have been given here is excellent and I agree!! This is something that needs to be brought up and discussed but it isn't something that should ruin your entire evening.

I would be upset if my husband did the same thing. Heck, I dont like when he stands over me when I do an email. Last year (when my mom started all that crap), she got on my fish website that I owned to see if I was home, and I thought that was really psycho.

I had a simliar thing happen here a bit ago when we "networked" our computers together. Found out that Mike was going to all my bookmarks and reading my posts. I was really angry at first, so I went for a walk to cool off. Then I got home, fixed a nice dinner and explained to him that for over 9 years now we are together 24/7 and that is fine- (he recently retired) But that I consider my internet time my private time and something I am not all that willing to share with him. I reassured him that I was not having an online relationship, but just told him that sometimes I need to talk to the "girls" and there you are- right there in my living room to talk to. He said he understood, said he was just "curious" about what people talk about on chat boards, and said he wouldn't do it again, and he hasn't. Though when my friends call me on the phone, he tends to monopolize the conversation before handing the phone over to me! LOL Right Colby?

Whoa hissy, he's done that?

That's not good. Sounds like he's got some issues with something. Really should work it out.
My fiance used to be oooober controlling when we first got together, always reading over my sholder, always turning on my monitor looking at my screen while I was out shopping for something.

He still comes over and reads my screen sometimes. If I happen to leave my monitor on, and he 'walks by' he'll read it.

Originally posted by hissy
Though when my friends call me on the phone, he tends to monopolize the conversation before handing the phone over to me! LOL Right Colby?

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I'm sure I don't know what you mean!

LOL Colby!

And AngelZOO he had no issues other than being curious and a bit bored. I was married to a control freak for 10 years. Mike is a breath of fresh air after that experience.

You should not let this ruin your evening. If I was in this situation, I think I would only be upset if he had done this before and this is a continuing thing.If he was "curious" like Hissy's situation was, I don't see a problem with it.

But if he actually stated a phrase you had written from the cat site and was repeating it back to you to get a reaction out of you, then that would bother me!

From everything you have said about Mike before, I'm sure he wasn't intentionally doing anything malicious. He was probably just curious about where you spend all your time now. I would let him know how you feel about it and find out his reasons for looking in here. Just do it calmly, don't start a big fight about it yet. Find out his side, then you can start a big fight if it is warranted.

Earl doesn't really care, but I got around the curiosity thing by making him come here to see all the cute kitty pics. Although he still has to sometimes humor me by looking at the kitties, I don't think he cares what else goes on. Besides, I tell him so much I'm sure he feels like he's already here. (Shhhh! We won't tell him EVERYTHING! LOL)

Ken was reall snidey about me visiting this site fist too. Then I showed him the caption comp, and the kitty pix, and now he just rolls his eyes and says 'you're away with the cats again are you'?

I find this is great 'me' time - I don't have very many girlfriends and to chat to others here is such great fun and to read about things like how to stop fluffy sweaters loosing their fluff, and all the other stuff, good, bad, funny and sad is something that I value hugely.

I wouldn't really want him reading any of the posts I make. I don't know why - maybe because he might feel left out, he might think that I shouldn't be discussing personal things with 'strangers'. He's very private and I tell anyone anything (mostly).

Carla - if I were you, I wouldn't make too big a deal out of it - if you do that, then Mike might think you're hiding something and carry on reading what you post. He looks such a sweet and kind man that I'm sure there was no malice intended on his part.

I still think it's a little weird, to go to a website to check up on someone lol.

To be honest I couldn't care less if someone is reading what I type about online. But I understand that it's private to some people and maybe setting it up with a program that makes it so that users have to log in, then it logs everything they do online. That way if someone is reading your personal mail/posts etc then you can get a print out and confront them about it.

Maybe your boyfriend/fiancee/husband/pet cat is a little paranoid and frightened of losing you, and with all the stuff about internet romance maybe it puts his mind at rest.

Personally I wouldn't worry to much about it, unless of course you're slaggin' them off :tounge2:

BTW 'Slagging' is a British term for calling someone names behind their back, just in case you wondered Nothing to do with coal..

I have a slightly different opinion. This is not like reading someon's e-mail, or talking on the phone. This is a web site - which is free to visit. For anyone. The other two are intended to be private - that's what the passwords are for.

I am always aware that someone I know might be reading what I post - so there is nothing incriminating.

Of course, if your SO IS snooping, then shame on him. You should have space that is yours, just like having privacy in your own home. But there is ethically nothing wrong with anyone reading what everyone writes here, because its a free public forum.

Well, here's my take......If the s/o would, under other circumstances, never even bother coming to this site or reading the boards, then he did come here expressly to read your posts. Now I realize that it's a public forum and open to the world, but I see it as checking up. I know you have nothing to hide, but I find it a bit rude to just come right out and quote you. I think I'd tell him that he is welcome to join the site like everybody else, but if he's just coming around to check up on what you have posted, it is a form of invading your privacy.

If snooping is the issue, address it fully and let go. But usaly what your descibing, is the tip of the iceberg. Search yourself and see what is truely bothering you about the relationship. Possibly this snooping thing is the issue that broke the camels back.

Patty

If we post something on a site seen by thousands of other people how is it ssnooping? If it is your diary that was in a bag in a box under the bed locked away and he went to that much trouble to read it...that would be snooping. I think he may have been curious about what you did here and looked around a bit. He may have been proud of what you had to say as he quoted you. Men tend to harrass their buddies with what they admire the most about that person. I guess I would look at it as a backhanded compliment. He's taking an interest in what youdo. Maybe looking for common ground to share?!? I guess that is all. Just another point of view.

Well I certainly do appreciate all the opinions and advice I have been given around this subject. I did talk with him about it, and although he says he has never read my posts, I let him know how I feel if he has ever read them. We did go out that night and we had a GREAT time. I'm not quite sure why this bothers me so much, but it does.

I realize that this is an open forum, and anyone can read anything here. But, as Deb25 said, if he doesn't come here for any reason other than to read what I have posted, then to me it IS a form of "checking up on me".


Thanks to everyone for their great advice, as always!