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Thursday's DT

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
Thought I'd start one.

I just read the thread for yesterday, and it makes me sad. I think that this will be my Mom's last Christmas. She is now in late stage metastatic breast cancer, and is at home on morphine, and oxygen. For the past two years, we were aware that it could be her last, and they were very special days - no fuss, lovely family time. Now, after living for two years on sheer will, I think that she is ready to let go. She said to me yesterday "I don't think this is worth it". And she has told quite a few people that making it to Christmas is not a really big goal for her.

So I am doing her Christmas shopping for her - going to the store, getting lists of things that she wants, showing her the list, she chooses something, and I go and get it. I hope she realizes that means I intend her to be there when the grand kids open the gifts.
post #2 of 12
Oh I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I have both of my parents, and I cannot imagine the pain of losing them. I hope your mom is able to hold on until Christmas for you, their is something so magical about that holiday.

She and your family are in my thoughts.
post #3 of 12
Sammie5, so sorry you are going through this.

With me, yes, I have the pain of not having a parent left. But, I did not really watch either one suffer. Mom was on life support (she seemed so peaceful....) And dad, I was hundreds of miles away when it happened. (It was his heart) I can't imagine how living through a few years of watching someone suffer must make you feel.

My father-in-law has cancer (of the liver) He was given one year to live. He is on year 2. He actually found out he had cancer, the same week my mom passed away. Today, he is at home. Refuses to get any medical help what-so-ever. He is in constant pain, just wasting away. For him, I really wish it would end. He's a stubborn man and does not believe in doctors etc.... He lays in bed day and night and he has told my husband that he just wants this over with. It is sad. And with us knowing that he could be in less pain if he accepted help, it makes it harder. He actually had a nurse visiting weekly for a time. He kicked her out and told her not to go back. *sigh*

I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers.

Well....today is shopping day. I have so many last minute things to do for the Xmas party.

Have a great day everyone.
post #4 of 12
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers, it does help. And Ghyslaine, my prayers are with you as well. I guess nobody will really know how they will react with that sort of news.

I just talked to my Dad (he's the primary care-giver, so Mom is not at home alone), and he says that Mom is settling in quite nicely. She was just sent home from the hospital on Tuesday, and has a bed in the living room, so she can see her visitors.

I'm getting kind of excited about Christmas - I usually do platters of baking for everyone, and because that is the only time of year I use my oven, they think it is really special. So I am looking up recipe books for different cookie recipes for this year. Maybe I won't be doing it all on Dec. 23! And I can do really fancy gifts, like include cookbooks, cookie cutters, and find fun serving dishes to present them in....

Of course I'm much better at making plans for everyone else than actually getting anything done for myself.
post #5 of 12
Sammie5, you and your family are in my prayers...

Is it Friday yet? I went to Chuck E. Cheese's for my friend's daughter's 2nd birthday. There were 4 children-3 that were 2 and 1 that was 4. Dinner was late, the kids were tired, and frightened of Chuck. One of the little girls, Kiara, decided I was her new best friend and wanted to be within 2 feet of me at all times. I ended up carrying her most of the night. Even though I got to bed by 9:30, I am absolutely beat. I really admire all the mothers out there.

It's going to be a yucky snowy rainy weekend here, and I'm looking forward to sleeping in and watching a lot of movies. I hope everyone's week ends on a positive note!

post #6 of 12
Doesn't seem to be a good day, for anyone.

Sammie, I'm scared of losing my mom, too. This week marks two years, since her double bypass and subsequent stroke. When it happened, I lived 400 miles away and couldn't get here, for two weeks. She couldn't even talk on the phone, because she lost her speech. That's back and I'm living in the same city again. Every time the caller ID shows my parents' number I wonder, "is this it?"

I've lost a husband and all of my grandparents but, I don't know how I'll handle losing a parent. I hope that you have a good support system.
post #7 of 12
It's so difficult to watch any loved one succumb to cancer, especially your mother. I went through much the same thing with my mom. The last Christmas was so hard, she couldn't do most of the things she wanted to, like shopping or handing out presents. At that point I was in total denial that the end was near, so I went along business as usual. Looking back, I sure wish I had gone to visit her more often than I did. I was being selfish just not accepting the reality of the situation.

We have our Office Meeting today. Usually that's not something to look forward to, but here we get beer and munchies. Most everyone makes it to the meetings without complaint. And we even get paid for it.
post #8 of 12
Thread Starter 
I talk to my Mom every day now, and go to see her 3 or 4 times a week. Fortunately she lives just 1/2 hour away. And lucky for her, I'm single, no kids, so no pressing demands at home. Except for Sam. I told him that he has a new job as a "therapy kitty". He loves it - there are special treats for him at grandma's house.

My sister is also close by, so we are really good support for each other. The problem is that we are very realistic about the whole situation; my Mom is the one in denial. Which she freely admits, so I guess that works for her.

Anyway, it is difficult to deal with the problems of aging parents, and all things considered, we have done very well in my family.

Now the weather; on the other hand. It snowed on the weekend, finished off all of the perennials in the flower bed, now it is quite mild, and nothing pretty to look at.

post #9 of 12
Sammie5, I totally feel for you. Actually I was in a similarsituation with my father. He had colon cancer and from prognosis to the time of his passing was 4 very long years.

He was bedridden the last 2 years and was under constant care. It was so mentally and physically draining for the rest of the family. I was 16 when he passed away (2 days before his birthday and 2 weeks before my birthday)and it was very tough. Plus, when I went back to school I didn't tell anyone what happened since I didn't want all the typical "sympathy" looks.

My grandmother passed away 10 days before Christmas after being on life support. So the holidays and family occasions have never been the same since. It's hard when society and others expect you to put your "game face" on during this season and try to be the happiest because it's suppose to be "the most wonderful time of year". For many though...it is not.

I have always been an upbeat and very positive person. But there has always been a shadow when it comes to the holidays that I just can't shake off.

I wish you all the support and strength that you and your family will need to help you through this time.
post #10 of 12
(((((hugs))))) to all. The holidays are so often such a mixed bag of emotions, hunh?

Gary's best friend's one-year old baby died on Thanksgiving (heart failure. Terrible story). That was three years ago. His wife left him last year, and he's just submitted his application to join the peace corps. We'll be spending Thanksgiving with him this year (can't afford a road trip to Chicago [Gary's family] or Brunswick, GA [my family] this year). We're planning on a trip to the gravesite (Southern New Jersey), then driving up here (Northwestern NJ) and having Turkey for the three of us. Should be a quiet, melancholy kind of day.

Keeping ALL of you in my prayers.

post #11 of 12
Sammie - I will keep your mom in my prayers that she has a peaceful and painfree Christmas!
post #12 of 12
Thread Starter 
Thanks Adrienne. I visited yesterday evening, and she seemed quite well - had lots of support people (nurse, home care worker etc.) call or visit, and we talked about Christmas, cats, everything but doctors and health. I think it's really important for life to go on - so that she has something to focus on.
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