As I mentioned in a previous thread, my beloved orange tabby cat Opie died in March. He was a cat with lots of opinions, who knew how to irritate his humans. But he also made us feel loved. He'd jump in my arms and sleep. He'd lean against my leg while I watched television. He'd curl up with my husband for naps. And towards the end, he slept in the bed in my arms every night.
After a month of grieving, it was time to get a new cat. For ourselves, as well as our resident cat who was lonely. Enter Finnegan. He was really affectionate at the shelter, and he was really sweet for the first few days at home, but then rapidly became aloof and aggressive. He would even growl at us when we fed him.
Due to kindness and patience, with my husband and I moving his plate (like you would do to train a dog to stop growling), and petting him constantly while he eats and making nice noises so that he feels this is a happy time, the growling has mostly stopped. I would have never thought that using dog-training techniques on a cat would work, but for Finnegan, they did.
The aggression against our resident cat has mostly stopped too due to complete surrender. Finnegan has displaced our resident cat from the bed, and asserted his dominance over the household. My baby Mercury, who used to snuggle in my arms, and knead on me every morning, is afraid to now.
Finnegan, for his part, comes to cuddle every night and every morning, but has to be pet mechanically, and gives the impression that a robot could be cuddling him for all he cares. In fact, I saw him cuddling a blanket the exact same way, by himself.
There are days that I think Finnegan and I are making a connection. He'll look right at me, or make a noise, and last weekend, when I was watching television, he came up and leaned against my leg. A rare, but wonderful treat.
The Humane Society called today, asking how the adoption had gone, and I sugar-coated it, because there is no way I could give him back to them as they are a kill shelter.
It came crashing in on me that after a month of having Finnegan in our house, he's still not our cat. He doesn't want to be held, he doesn't rub against our legs, he doesn't nuzzle our hands, he's never grateful for food or treats.
He does not love me, and shows no interest in doing so. I think if I weren't so needy of affection from a new furry friend, I could bear up better under it. But not only does this cat not love me, he has also alienated me from the affections of my existing cat. So, I feel doubly-unloved.
If Finnegan and I eventually bond, I'm sure I'll feel differently about all this. But if he doesn't, I feel like I've entered into a bad marriage, and committed myself to 15-20 years with someone who doesn't want to be in the relationship. And there's no way to get a divorce.
Right now, all I can say is that I will never adopt another adult cat again. In my experience, what you see in the shelter is NOT what you get at home. And it is NOT just as easy to bond with an adult cat as a kitten.
After a month of grieving, it was time to get a new cat. For ourselves, as well as our resident cat who was lonely. Enter Finnegan. He was really affectionate at the shelter, and he was really sweet for the first few days at home, but then rapidly became aloof and aggressive. He would even growl at us when we fed him.
Due to kindness and patience, with my husband and I moving his plate (like you would do to train a dog to stop growling), and petting him constantly while he eats and making nice noises so that he feels this is a happy time, the growling has mostly stopped. I would have never thought that using dog-training techniques on a cat would work, but for Finnegan, they did.
The aggression against our resident cat has mostly stopped too due to complete surrender. Finnegan has displaced our resident cat from the bed, and asserted his dominance over the household. My baby Mercury, who used to snuggle in my arms, and knead on me every morning, is afraid to now.
Finnegan, for his part, comes to cuddle every night and every morning, but has to be pet mechanically, and gives the impression that a robot could be cuddling him for all he cares. In fact, I saw him cuddling a blanket the exact same way, by himself.
There are days that I think Finnegan and I are making a connection. He'll look right at me, or make a noise, and last weekend, when I was watching television, he came up and leaned against my leg. A rare, but wonderful treat.
The Humane Society called today, asking how the adoption had gone, and I sugar-coated it, because there is no way I could give him back to them as they are a kill shelter.
It came crashing in on me that after a month of having Finnegan in our house, he's still not our cat. He doesn't want to be held, he doesn't rub against our legs, he doesn't nuzzle our hands, he's never grateful for food or treats.
He does not love me, and shows no interest in doing so. I think if I weren't so needy of affection from a new furry friend, I could bear up better under it. But not only does this cat not love me, he has also alienated me from the affections of my existing cat. So, I feel doubly-unloved.
If Finnegan and I eventually bond, I'm sure I'll feel differently about all this. But if he doesn't, I feel like I've entered into a bad marriage, and committed myself to 15-20 years with someone who doesn't want to be in the relationship. And there's no way to get a divorce.
Right now, all I can say is that I will never adopt another adult cat again. In my experience, what you see in the shelter is NOT what you get at home. And it is NOT just as easy to bond with an adult cat as a kitten.
