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Decisions, Decision: Help

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
Okay, this relates to the below thread of my feeling sad.


http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=126029

Well my family came up with a solution:

They would help us move from So CA to No CA and get settled in. My sister is basically handing me a job at her company doing computer work. It sounds great, right? Plus my family would all be there with us.

The rent is cheaper & you get more for your $$. We could pay off our credit cards quicker.

The bad:

My poor husband would be farther from his family (now it's 8 hours vs 13) He wouldn't still have a job. But my sister has contacts to help him get one.

I love my job & my boss. He basically created my position so I could stay (I was a temp). But we can't make it on one salary. I hate the thought of leaving my job. I hate change.

Plus my husband & I keep going back & forth "yes" "no". We like it here, we hate change, but then I know when and if he gets a job, we'll still be struggling.

Ugh!!! What to do?? It sounds like it should be easy, but it's not. I love my job, I was getting sad today just thinking about leaving it. But as my mom says I may love my job, but I need to do what is best for us. I still need to check with my sister about her job, making sure it really is a go before I think about leaving here.
post #2 of 13
Change is always hard.

However, if things aren't so great where you are financially, then perhaps this move is exactly what is needed. You say that you can't afford to live on one salary, and it seems your husband has a hard time finding a job where you are now, a move to an area where you can both be working would only be a positive change.

Sometimes we have to do things in life that make us feel uncomfortable for a short while, in order to make our lives better.

Liking where you work is a bonus, but it's a drawback if that is what is holding you down from making a change in your life that will only make your life better in the long run.

Seems you have 2 choices:

1. Stay where you are because you love your job and remain in the rut you are in and be constantly jealous of what other people are able to achieve, and that you are only able to dream about.

2. Make a move and get out of the rut you are in. You will be working, and your husband sounds like he has a better chance of employment there. That would mean 2 incomes.

The choice is yours, but opportunity rarely comes knocking on your door like it has right now. We make our own destiny in life, and while change is a scarey thing, often times it's just the thing to bring about positive improvements in our lives.

Your boss sounds like a nice guy, and I'm sure he will understand you leaving in order to improve your life circumstances and he may even be happy for you too.
post #3 of 13
Just a thought to consider on the situation.....

Men are the hunters, the breadwinners typically, and a lot of their self esteem/confidence is tied into being the provider for their family.

If you move to NorCal and get the job from your sister, etc.... he MAY resent that. It may not be now, but down the road it could cause issues. And especially if your sister offers to help him out - that could definitely hurt his manhood.

I am not saying don't move, but the above is def something to consider and discuss.

Good luck! And as I always say, if you do not have complete peace about a decision, then stay where you are/don't make it.
post #4 of 13
i agree with natalie.
change can be scary for some people, but i think in this case it is worth the chance.
post #5 of 13
Thread Starter 
Thanks, Natalie has great points. I'm considering all angles and my sister should know more later this week. Keep the thoughts coming. It's good to hear other people's thoughts.
post #6 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by techiegirl View Post
Just a thought to consider on the situation.....

Men are the hunters, the breadwinners typically, and a lot of their self esteem/confidence is tied into being the provider for their family.

If you move to NorCal and get the job from your sister, etc.... he MAY resent that. It may not be now, but down the road it could cause issues. And especially if your sister offers to help him out - that could definitely hurt his manhood.
It seems to me that if he was going to have self esteem issues related to the bread winner angle, then he would be having them now seeing that he is not working and is living on his wife's income now. I feel that moving to another state and getting a lead on a job couldn't be anything but beneficial to his ego.
post #7 of 13
I'm just so touched that your family is jumping in to help! I have that kind of family, too, but so many people don't... you're very fortunate.

Eight hours vs. thirteen hours... it's a tougher drive, but it can still be done in a day. I wouldn't let that stop me, if I were you.

I agree that your husband can't be feeling good about himself under the circumstances -- if there's more opportunity for him up north, plus a secure job for you, that surely sounds like a positive move.

I understand about hating change... but even if you don't make changes yourself, change happens to you, inevitably. Maybe it's better to step up and take action!
post #8 of 13
If you would still be struggling where you are if he got a job I would say move, the extra 5 hours drive isn't that much (and maybe they can meet you half way when you meet up?) and it sounds like you would be financially better off moving with can help with other problems... less stress usually means you find a job easier and if your sister can get you a job and help him look it is probably a good thing.
post #9 of 13
All I can say is try to make the decision a joint decision so no one feels slighted later on. As long as you and your husband work together as a team - you will make the right decision for you.

You also know your sister best - is she the type to hold this giving you a job thing over you for a long time. For example, "I gave you a job, so you have to do this this or this". That, unfortunately would be something my sister would do.
post #10 of 13
Can you wait to move until your husband has a job in the area you would be moving to? That might be an option...
post #11 of 13
You never know how things will turn out unless you take a chance.
post #12 of 13
Thread Starter 
It would be hard to wait until he got a job too, who knows when & if it'll happen. We would just have to take the chance. We are still waiting to see what my sister finds out on the one job.

It's hard going to work and pretend like nothing is wrong. I'm depressed about the thought of leaving a job I love & the people. When we get an answer from sister that there is a job for me. Then I'll really need to think about it and when should I talk to my boss. I'd love it if he could hire my husband or wanted to keep me enough to find a reason for a raise. I just don't want to give him my two week notice & not explain why. I'd love if we could find a solution (maybe... a long shot, though) When should I tell my boss that I might be leaving & why?
post #13 of 13
I wouldn't tell him yet, if he starts looking for a replacement already and them your new job falls through, you may also be out of a job.
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