Honesty is the foundation -- and not just faithfulness to the relationship, but natural, everyday forthrightness. I didn't believe it was possible to completely
trust anyone, but I did have that in the best (and last) of the three relationships of my life... and it was such a great relief!
A sharp mind is essential, too, and an open one... and along with these goes the competence
that someone else mentioned. It's wonderful to feel that your significant other is just as capable and committed as you are to handling whatever needs handling!
A sense of humor, of course -- and yes, please, grown-up
humor, not just junior-high level... though goodness knows my brother descends to that at times, and he cracks me up.
Employment is good, self-employment is fine... and entrepreneurship is great, as long as it's tempered with common sense. Being rational with money is a good thing, too.
Animals, of course... they must be cheerfully accepted, at the very least.
It's important to me that we maintain separate identities, too. In that very-nearly-perfect relationship I had, he and I shared most of our interests -- but those we did not share, we pursued separately without resentment. It took awhile for our friends to understand that when they saw one of us without the other, it did NOT mean our relationship was falling apart!
And then there are dealbreakers: no smoking, no drinking to the point of drunkenness, no drugs, no gambling, no criminal activity, and no rightwing politics.
Beyond that, everything is open. It would be good if he cared as much about music as I do, if he liked going to live concerts and plays as I do, if he wanted to travel as badly as I do. But I can imagine it working without those things in common.
Here's the thing: I want to be with someone who knows how to leave pride out of the relationship. One of the most important things is that both people know how to give in, how to take it back, how to say I'm sorry
without feeling resentment about it. If you can do that, you can stay happily together forever.
Looks don't mean much to me, and it's a good thing, too, because I'm no prize myself. But if I felt worthy
of a really attractive man... he'd be tall, not too slim, and not pretty
... a little rough-edged. And his voice
would move me.
Gosh, it feels strange to think this way again. It's been so very, very long since I've even gone out on a date! But I suppose it's still possible... stranger things have happened...