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What Would You Do ???

post #1 of 31
Thread Starter 
I need advice quickly.

It is about the new cat we picked up from the RSPCA. I am totally smitten with him, and now he is just coming out of his shell, I'm even more enchanted by him.

Since we bought him home, mum and I have had a nagging thought, that what if his owners are still looking for him. They would have had 5 days time in order to find him( 9 days before we bought him home ). That isn't long. The RSPCA shelter is really far away from the location they found him, but it is 12 minutes away from us. They told us he was in immaculate condition and only had one or two matts in his fur. His teeth were perfect, and his ears were clean. Someone obviously cared. He is nervous, but very affection, and loves cuddles.

Last night, I dreamt he was sitting on my chest, and saying " please help me, I want to go home, I don't belong here " over and over again. He claws at windows and doors, to get out, and I have an awful feeling that as soon as we do, he's going to go off to try to get home. Mum does too, but when I sat and told her about it, in tears, she started to cry too, and told me she can't bear to give him up, now we've had him for a couple of days. He is legally ours. The owner's should have looked everywhere, but this shelter is really far away from his home town and not everyone would think of contacting them as they are not a well known branch. Mum stopped crying and with a hardened face, said " I'm never going to a rescue shelter again. I can't cope with all your melodramatics, I've had enough ! ", and asked me to leave the room. I'm 27 yrs old and I felt like I was 12. It's all to silly, but at least the Mozzie nightmares are stopping !

I clearly am a therapy case, but please tell me what you would do. Am I being stupid ??? I already know that I'm going to have to ring round vets, and look in local papers. I have already contacted the main petshop and asked but they haven't heard anything. And if I find an advert, then what ??? I hit an emotional brick wall again.
Do I call and ask ??? And if it is their cat, they'll certainly want him back, and my family will never forgive me. But to keep a cat that has been the centre of their world...well...it would destroy me if it were my cat.

So, there it is. Stupid Sonia is back again. I am seeing a counsellor next Tuesday, I'm beginning to irrate myself and that's not good !

So tell me. I need to know. What should I do now......more to the point, What WOULD you do ?????????

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Always
post #2 of 31
Hmm it is a tough one, but I'd say that now you have the cat, you've picked him up from the rescue centre, he's yours, its really up to the rescue centre to give the owners enough time to find him and/or try to contact them.
BUT if it is really bothering you as it appears to be, you could try putting a "found" ad in the local paper, and leave it at that, then the ball is in the owners court, if they want him back they'll contact you, if they don't, they won't, and in the mean time you don't have to look through papers at ads about lost kitties.

Personally I doubt if anyone will claim him, so I think you are safe to keep him without worry.

Also, about hm wandering when you let him out, you don't HAVE to let him outside at all, you could keep him in, I have 7 cats that were ALL indoor/outdoor kitties until recently when someone stole Bod, now Bod is an indoors only cat and he's adjusting well now.
But if you do want to let him out, make sure you keep him in long enough to realise its his new home, when we moved I kept all the cats in for two weeks.

All the best to you and try not to worry too much, I'm sure you'll have your baby boy with you for a very loooong time

Love to you
post #3 of 31
I don't have any advice for you, but I really think the shelter should have made more of an effort to locate the owner before they made Mozzie available for adoption. Only spending 5 days trying to find the owner doesn't seem long enough. I adopted a cat from a shelter quite a few years ago. That shelter would spend 2 weeks trying to locate an owner before they made any animal available for adoption. The cat I adopted also had been at the shelter for 6 months so I was confident that no one was trying to find her.
post #4 of 31
The "kill" shelters around here give you three days. That's it.

I take dreams like that seriously. I don't know whether there's actual "communication" happening or not, but at the very least you're putting yourself in his former owner's shoes and projecting. If you love the kitty so much, you'll do what's right for him. Take a pic and post it around a few places, and take out an ad in a local paper. If someone claims him, you'll have a broken heart but you won't have a guilty conscience. ...and you can adopt a new cat that NEEDS a home because it didn't have a loving one it wanted to get back to.

Cats are VERY territory driven - if you let him out, he may try to head home. There are many, many stories of cats traveling hundreds of miles to return to former homes. This would be so dangerous for him!

It is really a tough one - but you have to do what you feel. So many people here write: Follow Your Heart. I simply outlined what it sounds like your heart is saying to you - there is no "right" or "wrong" here.

I'm parting with a stray we've cared for for over a year now. I love her to death - but she needs a permanent inside home. I know how you must feel. All torn up inside!


post #5 of 31

You are really in a tough situation. I would be going through the same thing if I was in your situation. I would just put a "Found" ad in the local paper. Chances of someone claiming him are pretty slim, This may help put your mind at ease. I hope everything works out. Hang in there.
post #6 of 31
Thread Starter 
Thank you again.

Today has been totally awful. I've been fighting the tears all the time. Dad is giving me such a hard time. Mum is so depressed she hasn't left bed all day and my brother well...it wasn't nice.

I came home from work. Dad picked me up as it is a isolated part of the area, and hassled me all the way home. When I got home, the cat came to greet me. He meowed and I meowed back. Dad came in and said " Well has he changed his mind...has he ??? Did he say he wants to stay now ??? " so there it is, Lesson One on how to humiliate, and reduce someone to tears, folks !

I'm not going to trawl ads in papers, I can't get to a library in time to, and I can't afford to advertise myself, but I'm going to phone every vet in the town, and enquire. If someone is out there and is looking, surely they'd contact their vets, right ??? I feel so isolated right now. I wish my family would try to understand. If it were one of ours, we would want, and need him back with us.

I spoke to a physcologist today on the phone. He said my need to try to find out if he's being searched for, seems to be more that I need to know, that I'm not going to lose him so quickly as we did Mozzie. It makes perfect sense really. Maybe it's just that, but I really need to make sure that there isn't someone shedding tears for him, as I am now. The RSPCA said they keep the records for 2 weeks and should the owner turn up, they'd contact us and we'd walk that bridge should, and if we come to it.

What a total mess !!!

Thanks for all your support, and advice. What would I do without you guys !!!

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Always
post #7 of 31
Sonia, You're a grown up who should not be told you have to leave the room. If you have doubts, I would put the ad in the paper. You won't feel right about it until you do. I know how I'd feel if my cat disappeared....crushed. They should have to give a detailed description, of course. I feel so bad, because you waited so long. I'm so sorry this happened.
post #8 of 31

I can not believe that your family is tearing you down like that. I think that you are doing the right thing. You will get all the support you need from everyone here!! Hang in there.
post #9 of 31
Families are the hardest relationships of all. We've become so close to some of our "customers" that we're like family now...it was so much easier when we were just business - even just friends!

You're a brave woman for doing what you feel right about despite the shame and arguments it is creating with your family.

I didn't know you could talk to psychologists on the phone - what a great idea! My kudos to you for doing what you need to do despite the angst. And I'm so sorry they just don't seem to understand!

You're a wonderful woman and don't you forget it!!!!

post #10 of 31
Thread Starter 
Well, talk about a change of heart. My mother passed me on the landing today, and said she was going to the library in the town where the cat was found to trawl through the papers. She said she had to do it otherwise she'd never talk to me again...nice huh !?!

Anyway, she went and found nothing. I called all the vets ( all 16 of them ) in the town and nothing but a 4 year old long-haired cat turned up, which definately isn't him. His markings don't match.

I began to feel a bit brighter, when at work my mobile rang. The owners have turned up, with all the supporting evidence, it is undoubtedly their cat. Of course I burst into tears, and had to explain to my co-workers. Most of them didn't get it, why it upsets me so much, but they were kind and cupplied me with loads of sweet hot chocolate.

The story is this. The family ( a very well to do family - three kids, a full time live in nanny, in a very expensive large house ) were away on holiday. The neighbour was feeding the indoor cat, called Max, when it escaped on the 31st October. She called but he
never came back. So the family returned on Sunday late afternoon only to be told that their beloved cat was gone. Both parents work full time, hence the nanny, and whilst calls were made, they only tracked him down to the shelter today. The RSPCA say that the reason for re-homing so quickly is that they need the space for the sheer numbers of cats coming in every day.

Anyway, the family were so pleased he'd been handed in, that they also said that could they pay for Max to be boarded there when they go away again in a few weeks, and everytime they all go away. Which is on a very regular basis. The RSPCA explained the situation, with us and everything, and they are vey upset, the children especially.

There is a but though. The RSPCA said we were a full time family, none of us ever go away, and how we wanted a cat to love, and help heal the grief. They said we were a very experienced family, with cats and other animals, and are a very loving home. Max's family are thinking hard about what they want to do. They said they will inform the RSPCA if they want to have him back. It isn't because they don't love him, just that they have such hectic lives and if
Max goes missing again, something worse might happen. They will let us know by Saturday at 11am...tomorrow morning. They said they would fully compensate us financially, as money is no object ( I would love to be able to say that !!! ), but they understand how that wouldn't compensate us emotionally.

So there it is. I knew someone was looking for him. It is funny how I started feeling really edgy on Sunday night.

On the up side, my brother squeezed my shoulder and mumbled how he knew what was morally right in a situation like this. Of course it reduced me to tears, but at least it was a step in the peace making direction. My father however remains nasty, but we can't have everything in life...that would be to easy. At least I'm not so unsupported at home.

Thank you for your on-going support. I'll let you know what happens tomorrow.

On Sunday, whatever happens, we are going to see the 6yr old Bengal kitty, and bring him home. It never stops does it !?!

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Always
post #11 of 31
Sonia, I'm so proud of you. You did something very difficult. Money doesn't mean happiness, does it? Those people didn't love their cat because it cost a lot. They love him because he's their baby. I really do believe that all things work together for good, so you will either have a special place in the hearts of five grateful people, or they will make a very great sacrifice for what they consider best for their pet.

He tried to tell you, didn't he? And the dreams? Perhaps that was your own intution. Either way, you read the situation perfectly, and deserve our admiration and commendation! You have our support, wholeheartedly!
post #12 of 31
Sonia - my heart is aching for you! You've gone through so much!!! The most wonderful thing of it all is that now everyone ('cept maybe Dad) seems to be rooting for what is best for the kitty. Seems to me like maybe the parents are trying to take the time to talk the children into doing what's best - and that's keep him with you. I don't mean to get your hopes up, but that's how the situation strikes me. And I trust my "gut" just like you trust yours! I'll keep you and kitty in my prayers.

But now, no matter what happens, you feel right in your heart, and that's what matters the most.

Yes! Peace, Love, and Happiness! (That's what hubby says all the time and how he signed off his first letter to me!)

Laurie - on pins and needles.
post #13 of 31
Sonia - it's 11.20. Any news?
post #14 of 31
Sonia - we're all here - for hugs OR cheers.

Still on pins and needles......

post #15 of 31
yeah this is like a cliff hanger, comeon please don't keep us in suspense.
post #16 of 31
Thread Starter 
Ok, sorry guys...I'll put you out of your misery.

At 9:15am, the RSPCA called and said that the family wanted a little more time, and would definately have an answer by 3pm.

My Dad is still as bad as ever, but hey, well, at least mum came and gave me a great big hug, as we snuffled back the tears.

Then at 2:16pm my phone rang, it was the RSPCA. The family called them and after a heart breaking decision, they have decided that if we are going to give him a good home, love and cherish him, and as we are a full time family, and not away a lot of the time like they are, he is obviously going to have a lot of attention, and as long as we send the occassional photo, via the RSPCA, to them, to say he's doing ok, then as much as it hurts, they said.................. WE CAN KEEP HIM !!! WHOOOOO-HOOOOO !!!

They were apparently, gulping back the tears when they told the RSPCA. We were sobbing when the RSPCA told us, as we know we would have given him back, if they'd have asked. They obviously love him to bits.

So with a big sigh of relief, and a clear heart and mind, I can truely say, we have a new cat in our family...until tomorrow night when we get the second one !!!

I'll post a picture here, of the pair of them soon.
Phew...what a week !!!

Thank you all x several hundred million, for all your help !!!

Peace, Love, and kitty filled Happiness, Always
post #17 of 31
Sonia, that's wonderful news for you. This is definitely a case of the cat finding you - I think he knew how much you needed him!
post #18 of 31
Sonia, that's fantastic news!
post #19 of 31
Wonderful news for you! I'm sure it was a difficult decision for the family to make, and they must love him very much to be able to let him go into a more stable home.
post #20 of 31
I am so glad it worked out for you. You did the right thng, and still got to keep your kitty. I hope this resolves the family problem. They should be proud of you for having the morals to do what you knew was right, even if it hurt. More importantly, you should be proud of yourself!
post #21 of 31
Sonia! I just now had the chance to read all of this! I am so sorry for the heartbreak you have been going through!!!! But I am thrilled to hear you will be able to keep the cat now!!!! That is GREAT news!!!!!!!
post #22 of 31
What wonderful news!!!!! Follow your heart, do the right thing, trust your intuition - this thread is so full of wonderful things!!!!

Sonia - TODAY IS A GOOD DAY!!!! We all can't wait to see pics of the kitty either!!!!!!

post #23 of 31
Sonia - that's SUCH excellent news. It was obviously meant to be that you and your family can now give this lovely kitty a full-time loving home.

Well done girl!
post #24 of 31
Sonia, I am rejoicing for you and, at the same time, my heart breaks for the family. It must have been very difficult for them. I'm so proud of you for doing what you thought was right, and wish you joy with YOUR new kitty. Now you know he's yours, and you can enjoy him!
post #25 of 31
congratulations! I"m glad the other family decided that you could keep him. I wonder if they will go out and get another cat?
I'm glad everything worked out for you!!!!!!!!!!
post #26 of 31
YIPEEEE!!! Sonia!! I'm so happy for you!!!
What great news! I'm sure it was a heartbreaking descision for the family, but I'm sure they've done the right thing.

Can't wait to see pics!!!
post #27 of 31

I think that sums it up.

I'm so happy for you

Okay some more smilies

post #28 of 31
Thread Starter 
Awww....thank you, thank you, thank you, oh gosh, I'm blushing madly now !!!

Well, PanSau came home with us. He really looks like a mini Cougar. He is an F5 snow Bengal, and looks so wild. He spent the first few hours just hissing and growling at us, so eventually I got fed up, and scooped him up, and even though he was still growling
( it was like thunder rolling in ) and hissing, I kept calm, bundled him over in my arms, and kept telling him what a big scary moggy he was, and that I too could growl if I wanted to and how, as he was such a scary moggy, I was quaking in my boots, and then I kissed him on the head. If ever there was a bewildered but growly, hissy cat, that was it !!!

He is so very timid at the moment, and will need a lot of work. We always thought that the Bengal cats had a kittenish expression, but Pan Sau is definately a minature Cougar, with bags of cattitude. He knows the word " No " and he really yowls back when you use it. It's like he's saying " don't say no to me, mate ! ". He tried to block me from passing him in the hall today, having a full hissy fit, but I thought, blow that, I'm not going to be instructed on where I can go, by the latest arrival. I made him back up in his tracks by telling him to firmly, and encouraging him backwards, with my hand on his chest. He was definately intrigued but a little confused. He stomped off to sulk. Moments later he was back and I had my first head rub from him !!!

The other cat, has really come out of himself. He is growling and hissing and standing his ground. I forsee a rocky future ahead, but they only do this if there is an audience ! Still the black and white, has adopted an air of indignant arogance. He has a real spark in his eye, which he hadn't had since we bought him home. It should be interesting to see how this develops. I fear I shall be spending alot of time on the behaviour forum with PanSau and the black and white !!!

Well, he is the very first picture of Pan Sau I took a few moments ago.

Thanks again guys, I feel like I have my own personal cheerleading squad ! You guys are the greatest !!!

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Always
post #29 of 31
Sonia what a little darling!

He looks quite big and you're right, the 'attitude' comes across in the photos - he knows what a stunner he is!

Hope to hear LOTS more about life with PanSau and monochrome kitty(do you have a name for the b/w one yet)?
post #30 of 31
He's beautiful Looks as though he's about to leg it up stairs. They'll both settle in time, the hissing is probably more nervousness than aggression.

One thing I learn't with cats is that making eye contact is vital. Look them in the eyes, the slowly close them and turn away, like a cat does. This to them is a sign of friendlyness, so may help re-assure them.

Hope to see some more pics when you get chance
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