I just blew up.

I didn't mean to, but I've been so overwhelmed today that I just feel like I'm having a breakdown.

I have a take home final that is due at some point tonight (basically by the time the teacher opens his email tomorrow morning). Before I left work today I had a problem with emails (for those that don't know I'm in IT). Well on a break I logged onto the work network from home and noticed that the email problem still hasn't gone away.

So I began to work on it a bit. Long story short, I realised I didn't know what I was doing or how to resolve it. Basically this means that our company has been without email since noon today.

I'm PMSing BIG time today because of all the crap that has happened (had a few stumbling blocks on the way to an interview that caused me to be late, plus my shoe broke). So I began to get upset and cry.

Boyfriend asks whats wrong. I told him that I just don't know what I'm doing at work anymore. I just feel like one of the most incompitent people. He asks why am I working on work stuff when I have a final paper to finish?

I just start crying and getting more upset...in one aspect I need to pass this class...in other this is something that could get me fired from work (if they find out). However I couldn't say this to him because I was crying too hard.
Finally he says the line I'm SOOOOOO sick of hearing (not just him, from anyone): "What did I do wrong now?"

That's when I blew up and yelled "why do you always have to turn things around to focus on you? why can't you just realize that I'm not mad at you?" I yelled it so loud I freaked the cats out. Then I went into the bathroom, cried some more and then packed my stuff up and came into the bedroom.

I'm better now, just a little weepy. Boyfriend has left me alone since.

Ohh, I'm so sorry, how terrible ;_; I had an ex boyfriend who said stuff like that sometimes too. The worst thing to hear when you just want them to support you and maybe give a shoulder to cry on!!

I'm sure everyone feels like they're doing really crappy at work somedays!! When I first started working here (I'm a texture artist/background painter at a little studio) I cried every night because I felt like I was so behind in skill level from everyone else Well, I still feel like that now haha. But don't feel bad Our IT guy didn't know how to fix a problem on my comp and now I have admin privileges :x *shh*

Awww, don't feel too badly about it..Sometimes we do these things. I'm sure your B knows you are just stressed out. I hope tomorrow is better for you.

You know, it's not "normal" to feel the way you are feeling...hopeless and incapable.

Perhaps you should talk to your doctor about going on Celexa or something equivalent. Depression has many faces, and what you are describing sounds like depression to me. I know, because I felt very much the same as you describe until I talked to my doctor and admitted that I was having a hard time coping with things and felt overwhelmed and weepy. Since I've been on Celexa (about 4 years), I've been feeling much better and much more calm and can pretty much cope with anything without going off of the deep end.

we all have been there - sending you some vibes to help you through all you have to do.

Thanks guys

I probably am depressed to a degree, but I'm just tired of everything seeming likes its going wrong (OK, yea I know that DOES sound a public service announcement for depression). However what I do requires me to be a jack of all trades. I learned the light IT stuff. I don't know how to program, I don't know how to do a lot of things. However I do know web design, I am learning security and how to enforce it in many levels. Plus with technology changing so often I have to be caught with everything basically before it goes to the shelves. It's simply not possible to do when your the jack of all trades.

I think its just staring at my computer that makes me depressed...didn't some study show that a few years back? The longer you stare at a computer screen the angrier of a person you are??