Thats It! I am done with her

deljo

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My Juno was feral I got her at 5 months and she's going to be a year next week. She has always used her box and basically is a good cat. She still won't let me pet her unless its in the bathroom or when I come home from work she meets me and will let me pet her only if I sit on the recliner and she lays on the rug in front of me. She is afraid of strangers, but has gotten used to my adult daughter and grandson. Otherwise she runs and hides whenever anyone is at the door and will not come out until I'm alone. I don't think she will ever change but she's come a long way from when I first took her in. If I were you I would look into the animal shelters or humane soc. near you. She evidently is as unhappy as you are. Good luck in whatever you decide.
 

jpawz

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It sounds like you have gone above and beyond, and I dont' blame you or criticize you at all.

This is a stressful time, and it's just going to get more crazy with more babies (congrats btw).

No doubt your stress is feeding Samantha's, but evenso, she doesn't sound suited to your environment, and certainly not full-time.

I have said many times that despite being an indoor cat advocate, not every cat will thrive indoors.

Can you compromise? YOu already invested so much in her! Ok, she is spayed and vaxxed -- excellent!

What is your neighborhood like? Lots of strays or nocturnal critters?
Do you have a garage or some kind of porch?
Can you provide bad weather protection?
Can you offer her food & water outside with perhaps a small dog house on your porch or similar set up?

I think that would be a good answer for all of you. I am not for a humane society based on her history. And often, an indoor/outdoor (even exclusively outdoor cat, if still cared for) is STILL the better alternative to the future in a shelter. *especially* if you know her temperment and history.

I am sorry it's been so hard; but I also think you've done a lot for her. Please keep us posted if you can.
 

jpawz

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Originally Posted by white cat lover

I'm going to play devil's advocate....but what about medicating her as well? I hate medicating my Ophelia, but honest to God, she is seems a million times happier now. She is on Buspar, an anti-anxiety medicine....& she has calmed greatly.
This could be even MORE stressful as those meds, though often successful, are long term (in most studies, cats taken off the meds revert back to undesirable behavior).

Fluoxetine has better results but is literally, a bitter pill to swallow (even the flavored can be hellacious)....it's generic and cost effective, but is this best path? Meds are always a tough call, imo.

It is an option yes...but one that could be more of a struggle/problem?


Not trying to discourage but just thinking outloud....
 

emmylou

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Since this is a feral cat and it's miserable indoors, I agree that the best thing is to let it be outdoors (or indoor/outdoor, whichever works best). Provided the cat is well fed and has all shots and anti-flea treatment, it sounds like the solution that will make all involved happy.

Some cats are just outdoor cats, and can't change... you've tried and seem to have a lot of proof that this cat is one of those. Drugging the cat so that it can suffer the rest of its life in an environment it hates doesn't seem right.
 
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juliekit

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Originally Posted by white cat lover

I'm going to play devil's advocate....but what about medicating her as well? I hate medicating my Ophelia, but honest to God, she is seems a million times happier now. She is on Buspar, an anti-anxiety medicine....& she has calmed greatly.
The first few times I spoke to Ana (Ceci's foster mom, Samantha's hero) the behaviors were just appearing and we spoke of medicating. When the behaviors became worse we did medicate her (cant remember the name) but we decided it wasnt a long term solution. She was on the meds for two weeks and while she was only slightly 'drugged' she was still easily able to avoid me, but did very good with her litterbox issues. She was good for about another week after we took her off the meds but little by little she has started up again.

I dont think long term medication would be good for either of us. I mean, for some people this may work but I wouldnt feel comfortable medicating a cat to calm its wildness
 
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juliekit

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Originally Posted by Jpawz

It sounds like you have gone above and beyond, and I dont' blame you or criticize you at all.

This is a stressful time, and it's just going to get more crazy with more babies (congrats btw).

No doubt your stress is feeding Samantha's, but evenso, she doesn't sound suited to your environment, and certainly not full-time.

I have said many times that despite being an indoor cat advocate, not every cat will thrive indoors.

Can you compromise? YOu already invested so much in her! Ok, she is spayed and vaxxed -- excellent!

What is your neighborhood like? Lots of strays or nocturnal critters?
Do you have a garage or some kind of porch?
Can you provide bad weather protection?
Can you offer her food & water outside with perhaps a small dog house on your porch or similar set up?

I think that would be a good answer for all of you. I am not for a humane society based on her history. And often, an indoor/outdoor (even exclusively outdoor cat, if still cared for) is STILL the better alternative to the future in a shelter. *especially* if you know her temperment and history.

I am sorry it's been so hard; but I also think you've done a lot for her. Please keep us posted if you can.
My part of the neighborhood is actually quite calm compared to the 'other' side. We dont have many strays (1 or 2 dogs) and they know not to mess with cats. Laika (our Golden) is very prey driven but is very sweet with the tabby kitten we rescued, so as long as she is introduced and we 'explain' to her that this cat will be part of the pack she will accept her willingly. Lizzie the collie is terrified of the kitten so im sure Samantha will give her a heart attack (just kidding!)

I plan to keep Samantha at the lowest level of the house. We have an open laundry room there, so she would have a place to be fed and kept dry if it rains, and will also serve if she needs time away from the dogs as it has high places to get up to.

Shes going to be kept in a large dog crate with food/box for a few days, I dont want her to run off. She will stll have her break away collar with ID tag (I have it on her now since she likes to run to the door when they are opened)

Shes spayed and vacc. and will be kept up to date on flea/tick meds since the dogs are medicated and we wouldnt want them to get infested. Samantha if she so chooses can come in as she pleases. Moms kitten gets supervised playtime at her house, and I will do the same with Sammy.

I think she knows something is up poor girl. Ive got the dog crate in the cat room (it doesnt smell like dog) and this morning I fed them and closed the door. When I opened it back up to get inside she tore out of the room like a mad cat. I hope this doesnt ruin her trust in me. While I cant get near her she will still watch me from a distant and will come up to me when I am going to feed them.
 

jpawz

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This is probably going to be confusing and more frustrating for Samantha but I still believe it would be MORESO if she went somewhere else. At least she knows and trusts YOU at this point.

I feel awful; I know how frustrated you must be. I think you are making fair compromises. Many other people wouldn't have done half as much.

My only suggestion is to still find time every day, even for a small amount, to give Samantha your time. Even if she SEES you and you are hanging with her, it's *something*. And maybe over time, (who knows) everyone will calm down enough for a more harmonious living situation. Like, when you feel you have the time, have her hang out with YOU GUYS in the main house, supervised, then put her back in her 'quarters'....something like that. A friend of mine back in the day--her mom 'put the cats to bed' every night. They would go in the laundry room (nice airy room with windows) after their supper and that was that. I always thought it was odd....but it really seemed to calm the cats down and everyone was happier (they were wild at night).

THe only quality alternative is another home....but you'd have to KNOW for sure (so there isnt' more disappointment/confusion/stress) for Samantha. And she sounds like a hard sell. You're her best bet
 

jokieman

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Originally Posted by white cat lover

I believe the issue with the humane society idea is that she will likely be euthanized or none will take her. The foster home she came from is out of the question, as well....if I am remembering right. I have to go back & read the previous behavior posts so that I can rememeber right!
IMO that may end up being better for her then just tossing her outside. If the cat doesn't have the skills to survive you could just be trading one death for another. And the death outside could be a lot worse.
 

white cat lover

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Originally Posted by Jokieman

IMO that may end up being better for her then just tossing her outside. If the cat doesn't have the skills to survive you could just be trading one death for another. And the death outside could be a lot worse.
Yes, but this cat is a semi-feral. She was taken in as an adult or young adult....so she has the survival skills.
 

catsallover

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JMHO
, but I think you have given it a tremendous try, but since she was happy outside before, has the survival skills, is spayed, UTD on shots, etc. I would let her live outside. You have given her more of a a try than 99.99% of the people in this world would have.
, not to mention, you are getting ready to have your hands full! (literally!
) The 2 oldest of my cats (all mine are indoor/outdoor) would still prefer to go potty outside (they get really ticked at me when it's going to storm and I won't let them out -LOL). One of these 2 is a holy terror if she doesn't get her outside time. Stress can really mess up their bowels, so that may just be adding to the problem...If I had the choice between sending one of my cats to the humane society, having it pts, or letting her give it a go outside (with the mentioned conditions met), then she would be outside too. Hope it works out well for all of you
.
 

wookie130

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I don't really have anything else to add, but I do feel for you in your situation. This would be a tough call, for sure.

Best of luck to you and Samantha.
 

larke

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As far as the box goes, if you move it out of the baby's room a few inches or so at a time, she'll be ok with that (not realizing it's been moved if you're careful).
 

pekoe & nigel

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Originally Posted by JulieKit

Well I think I need to take a break from here. Ive failed as a pet owner. This may not sit well with most of you but I need to rant.
I don't see how you've failed at all. You've put a lot of effort into trying to make your relationship with Samantha work. Now you're just trying out another alternative. Yes, maybe it would be more ideal to keep her indoors at all times, but if she's really not happy.... well what else can you do? It certainly sounds as though you aren't "giving up" on her at all. It sounds as though you're very willing to provide food and shelter (and maybe even a good scratch now and again) should Samantha want it. I'd have a major problem if you were just turning her outside and giving up all responsibility for her, but you're not doing that. You're just finding a compromise solution that'll work for the two of you.

A related story: when I was young and lived in Northern Canada a feral cat showed up at our house one day. There were no shelters nearby and we weren't going to leave the poor thing to her own devices as she'd been hanging around the town for a few weeks already, so we took her in. She was un-spayed (obviously) and as it was coming up on winter and the roads were getting bad so we weren't able to drive the 2 1/2 hours to the nearest vet to get her fixed immediately. So we kept her inside the entire winter and spring until we could take her to the vet, as my mother was adament that there would be no kittens. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what a difficult winter that was, and how unhappy she was to be inside.

Once she was fixed, she became in indoor/outdoor cat quite happily. She wasn't often friendly with us (other than my dad, strangely enough) but would come back to the house every night, and we'd feed her and take her to the vet and do whatever was necessary for her. We moved down to the city a few years later and brought her with us, and again she accepted our house as "home", although always on her own terms.

I dare anyone to tell me that we did the wrong thing in our treatment of her. She was always welcome in our home, and I don't believe that letting her outside was wrong. No, it wasn't ideal, but it was the best we could do for her.
 

cheap sushi

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Parents with children under 13 shouldnt have cats IMO. The kids treat the cats like dogs. This really affects the cats in a VERY negative way. Cats need to be left alone. They are NOT dogs. This may tick a few folks off that I said this. But I strongly feel that young kids should not be around cats for an extended period. I said my piece.
 

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Slightly off topic, but just had to respond to the comment about people with kids under 13 not being allowed to adopt cats - that really is a load of rubbish, I have homed cats to people with kids from 3 upwards, we watch how the kids interact with teh cats, and importantly, how the parents are at watching their kids, and it works out well, I think it is important for kids to have pets at young ages as it teaches them that respect for animals, which we desperately need future generations to have. We also have a fosterer with a young child, and I have watched him around kittens and adults, and he is fine. You will get the odd one that doesn't, but then you get that with adults too.
 

gayef

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Originally Posted by Cheap Sushi

Parents with children under 13 shouldnt have cats IMO. The kids treat the cats like dogs. This really affects the cats in a VERY negative way. Cats need to be left alone. They are NOT dogs. This may tick a few folks off that I said this. But I strongly feel that young kids should not be around cats for an extended period. I said my piece.
I don't really see how these comments are 1) helpful to the original poster when addressing the problem at hand and 2) relevant to this discussion at all. I will allow them to stay a part of the thread for now, but let's remember to stay on topic here.
 
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juliekit

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Originally Posted by Cheap Sushi

Parents with children under 13 shouldnt have cats IMO. The kids treat the cats like dogs. This really affects the cats in a VERY negative way. Cats need to be left alone. They are NOT dogs. This may tick a few folks off that I said this. But I strongly feel that young kids should not be around cats for an extended period. I said my piece.
Maybe you are saying this because of my son? He is only 22 months but he is better with the cats than any older child could be. He flat out ignores them which is the greatest thing for me, so we have no conflicts between them.

BTW, just wanted to update I have her outside
Saturday I spent the whole day trying to lure her out and catch her, then when I finally picked her up she cratched me in the belly, she was scared the poor girl is not used to being handled. I put her in the dog crate, and as soon as I took her outside I swear she placed her paws on the top part of the crate, looked out and started to meow. Im not sure if she was excited or scared but she definately looked alert.

I left her the night in the crate and she has been downstairs loose since then. My biggest worry was that she would bolt, but the girl is still there
 

jpawz

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Originally Posted by JulieKit

Maybe you are saying this because of my son? He is only 22 months but he is better with the cats than any older child could be. He flat out ignores them which is the greatest thing for me, so we have no conflicts between them.

BTW, just wanted to update I have her outside
Saturday I spent the whole day trying to lure her out and catch her, then when I finally picked her up she cratched me in the belly, she was scared the poor girl is not used to being handled. I put her in the dog crate, and as soon as I took her outside I swear she placed her paws on the top part of the crate, looked out and started to meow. Im not sure if she was excited or scared but she definately looked alert.

I left her the night in the crate and she has been downstairs loose since then. My biggest worry was that she would bolt, but the girl is still there
Aww I wouldnt worry about the idea that cats and small kids are a bad mix. I have worked with animals most of my adult life, and had pets all of my life.

It's not about the age of the person with the pet. There are grown adults who shouldnt' have pets for pete's sake. There is nothing more wonderful (for me, at least) than having my 2 toddlers and sharing/teaching about animals and nature. In fact, I think kids grow more compassionate as a result.

The KEY is how we teach them
I take that role very seriously and you know what? Toddlers arent' stupid. They watch US and OUR interactions with our pets and they model. My 2 toddlers know which cat we have that are 'shy' and not to bother with (they wait until they are approached!) They know not to approach a cat when eating or sleeping...and they know how to pet them and are so loving...my cats are more affectionate and tolerant with the 3yr and 2yr old now as a result of working with the dynamics--.it fills me with pride to see these relationships develop


It can take time because not all pets/kids are the same obviously, but nothing worth doing is easy!!! Your son may get more curious about your pets as he grows and every day is a teaching opportunity


As for your situation, again, I applaud you for still working with Samantha. I think only time will help now, consistant routines with her. You are trying to implement a new plan with her and when she gets in the groove it will probably be smoother for all. There may be some trial and error but you'll find something that works for everyone.
 

white cat lover

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I hope this really works for you guys. While, yes, being outdoors may not necessarily be the best thing, I've got 8 who are outdoors or in the garage. I've tried many times to bring one indoors, but she simply will not have it. She is happier outside, it is all she has known & is comfortable with.

I know this is not the easiest decision for you, but it just might be the "right one" for Samantha.


Please keep us updated on how she does!
 

howtoholdacat

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Originally Posted by Jpawz

It's not about the age of the person with the pet. There are grown adults who shouldnt' have pets for pete's sake.
Too true! Sounds like you're well on your way to raising some fantastic animal lovers and hopefully advocates. We need more of them!

It sounds like Samantha might just work out as an outdoor kitty. I hope this is the case as your other posts suggest that she's not been a very happy kitty. I know putting her outside would not be an easy choice for any of us indoor advocates but if Samantha's overall well being is improved as dramatically as signs indicate it will be then you've made the right choice. Good for you for your commitment and for making the hard choices.
 
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