want another cat; need help

Hey, guys

I haven't been on a while 'cause of my schedule and all, but I have a situation I'd like your opinion on.
We've had our boy cat Cal almost a year now and got him when he was three months old. We've never neutered him 'cause he's an indoor cat only, and we've never had problems with him spraying. He's a perfectly good cat, and we love him very much, except for one major problem: it's a one-way relationship.
Cal won't give kisses, he won't sleep by us, he won't sit on our laps, he sometimes runs when he sees us, and he's just totally unsociable around people and other cats. When my sister brought her cat over, he hissed at her, and he hissed at my niece and nephew. He doesn't hiss at us, and sometimes he gets a bit loveable if he wants to play or get fed, but basically he's anti-social and just keeps to himself. He doesn't give any love. We don't know why he's like that, and as I just wrote, he can be loveable when he chooses to, but we're getting tired of it. We are seriously thinking of getting another cat.
We'd still keep Cal, but there are several things we're worried about. We'd get a boy so there'd be no problems with gender, but we wonder if Cal would adjust. If he gets jealous, could he start spraying or something? Would he pick fights with the other cat? We never had cats before, so we're really unsure, but Cal is not satisfying as a pet and what are we to do? We're just worried if we get another cat Cal might get mean and misbehave and spray.
So....what are your guys' thoughts? Anyone deal with this kind of situation before? Any input would be appreciated. We really want another cat, but are concerned we'll end up with more problems than what we started with. Let me know your thoughts!

First and foremost, Cal needs to be neutered. Two intact males will fight, and possibly to the death. Whether he is indoors only or not neutered is important. He will live longer, it reduces the risk of testicular cancer, & you never know....it might male him more "cuddly".

Originally Posted by white cat lover

First and foremost, Cal needs to be neutered. Two intact males will fight, and possibly to the death. Whether he is indoors only or not neutered is important. He will live longer, it reduces the risk of testicular cancer, & you never know....it might male him more "cuddly".

Click to expand...

I completely agree! He needs to be neutered. He may start marking territory and become aggressive towards a newcomer! Indoor or outdoor spay/neuter is very important!

How wonderful that he's never sprayed! He really needs to be fixed though, especially if you are getting another cat. A month or so after the neuter would be a good time to adopt a new cat.

I appreciate how frustrating this kitty has been for you. Its also great that you are considering all aspects of the possible interactions. It sounds like he is one of the more independent types of cats. My Seb was the same way but mostly when he was younger. Now that he is older, he tends to want to cuddle and hang out more.

So, basically, get him fixed along with a checkup. Give him a month or so to heal and become completely sterile and settle those horomones. Then look into another kitty.

Edit: I agree with the other posters about neutering being more healthy. Your guy will live a longer, happier life if neutered

Its a miracle that he hasn't started spraying already. He most likely will though if you don't get him neutered. Like everyone has already said it will be much healthier for him and a lot of cats do become more "cuddly" after.

Thanks so far, guys.

Here's the thing about the neutering, though. I've heard that, yeah, it makes a cat more cuddly, but to me, it seems that neutering them for that purpose and if they do become cuddly, it's not really them. I mean, the "original" them didn't give love and didn't love ya, so now with a cat being neutered and giving love, it seems to me as something fake. That's not how the "real" them would be, and I don't think a person should have to cut off certain parts of an animal to get them to be affectionate. It sounds like manipulation. Either the cat is that way or he's not. I don't know, that's my thoughts.
So here's my new question: what if we got a boy or girl cat that were already neutered/spayed? I don't think both would have to be done in order to have a harmonious home. We feel that for the length of time we've had Cal and with his good behavior, it'd be wrong to do that to him now, but if the new kitten was done, that might work? Or would there still be the thing about territory? 'Cause neutering Cal is not something we're looking to do, so it's trying to work around that, if it's possible. Arghh, dogs are so much easier, lol.

Neutering isnt done to make the cat a cuddler! It is done to avoid overpopulation (which is a huge problem) and to promote longevity (a longer and healthier life)! You may adopt a cat that is spayed/neutered and your unaltered cat could still spray, marking territorty, or become aggressive! For the best interest of your cat please have him neutered! Spay/Neuter is not cruel and is a responsible action every pet owner should take! I don't see how Neutering him would bring on a fake personality??? Just because he is neutered doesnt necessarily mean he will warm up to you! Its a procedure not a brainwash method! It is never too late to neuter... You should read up on it! Good Luck! I regret not neutering my dog (was too little and not my choice)! He became very territorial, starting biting strangers, urinating to mark his spot, and ended up chasing a car head on in a territorial situation and was killed! There is no good excuse not to neuter/spay your animal unless you are an experienced and reputable breeder and even then we are so overpopluated as is!

Well, are you talking about going to a rescue group? I volunteer for a small rural Humane Society, & we do not adopt out to people who have un-altered pets in the home, whether the pet they are adopting is altered or not.

Honestly....if Cal starts to spray, what are you going to do? The spraying would likely be because he is not neutered....& even if you get him neutered then, he is still liable to continue to spray for the rest of his life. What if he ever gets outside? There is always that chance & if he smells a female in heat(which, BTW, he can smell for 5 miles away), he'll likely really want out. He could get into tomcat fights, if any females he mate have anything likfe FeLV of FIV, he could get infected.

Sorry if my post sounds harsh, but I really think you should consider the benefits of neutering. It is not "manipulation". Yes, it is taking a part of them away, but honestly....it is for the better good. Just look at how out of control the cat population is now....what if Cal got a kitty pregnant? You would be contributing to overpopulation.

Cal might not even get any more affectionate after being neutered. I do not feel that should be you're reasoning behind getting him neutered. Please read this thread.

ETA: Whether you get another fixed cat or not....IMO Cal is likely to become very territorial because he is not neutered. I think the likeliehood of him harming any new cat is greater because he is not neutered.

Originally Posted by white cat lover

Well, are you talking about going to a rescue group? I volunteer for a small rural Humane Society, & we do not adopt out to people who have un-altered pets in the home, whether the pet they are adopting is altered or not.

Honestly....if Cal starts to spray, what are you going to do? The spraying would likely be because he is not neutered....& even if you get him neutered then, he is still liable to continue to spray for the rest of his life. What if he ever gets outside? There is always that chance & if he smells a female in heat(which, BTW, he can smell for 5 miles away), he'll likely really want out. He could get into tomcat fights, if any females he mate have anything likfe FeLV of FIV, he could get infected.

Sorry if my post sounds harsh, but I really think you should consider the benefits of neutering. It is not "manipulation". Yes, it is taking a part of them away, but honestly....it is for the better good. Just look at how out of control the cat population is now....what if Cal got a kitty pregnant? You would be contributing to overpopulation.

Cal might not even get any more affectionate after being neutered. I do not feel that should be you're reasoning behind getting him neutered. Please read this thread.

ETA: Whether you get another fixed cat or not....IMO Cal is likely to become very territorial because he is not neutered. I think the likeliehood of him harming any new cat is greater because he is not neutered.

Click to expand...

I couldn't agree more! People need to understand the importance of this!!! It's a shame!

Cal's never going to get out and believe me, if he did start spraying, he'd be neutered for sure (and I have done my research and am not uneducated; neutering doesn't 100% prevent spraying, and as far as longevity, the true issue is overpopulation, which Cal won't have a part in because we're responsible pet owners). So we made our choice due to careful research and consideration.
So let's get over the neutering issue, okay? That's not why I posted this thread. I didn't mention Cal's unneutered status nor ask a question concerning whether or not to neuter him because we have already made that decision quite happily. All I asked was how do cats of different genders and different statuses (neutered or regular) react to each other simply so we could decide which sort of cat to get. That is all. Some people think just because they neuter their cat that automatically makes them a responsible pet owner, but the truth is being a responsible pet owner is not letting your cat out period. A person could neuter their cat and let them run wild outside, and though their cat won't cause overpopulation, their cat could get killed or hurt. So it's just a cop out, imo.
Anyway, like I said, neutering is not the issue here with Cal. He is not getting neutered. Whether the new cat will get neutered/spayed or not is an entirely different ball park, and if the new cat is neutered/spayed, it won't be because of this "overpopulation" deal. I just wish we'd stick to the subject.

Here is your answer! Get what ever cat you choose... no matter what spraying is a very likely! It is your choice and no owner can ever guarentee that one day their pets won't get out! It happens all of the time! You wanted to know what to do to provide an affectionate home if you adopt a new kitten! You were givin the answer... If you do not like the response that is completely your right! Im not sure what you want us to tell you then! Whether your cat is encountered with a non altered cat or one that has been altered his territorial response will be the same (you may get lucky and you may not)! Being a responsible pet owner is looking at a situation from all different angles you can never promise that an animal won't get loose otherwise there wouldn't be so many strays overpopulating society today! If your cats behavior is not the issue what is? BTW I never let my cats outside but I still suspect that anything is possible and I have well prepared them for if that time ever came! If you want to say I am a cop out for neutering my cat look in the mirror at your reason not to (in all fair offense)... It is your animal and you have your views (which is respected) but Im sure many adoption agencies wont second guess saying no to you for your beliefs! I know I was asked if my older cat was neutered before they would give me my spayed kitten! Good Luck to you I hope it works out and that territory is not an issue (honestly) just not a gamble i would take... and of course that is just matter of opinion anyways!

I guess, if Cal's unneutered, I advise against another kitty. Period. I do not feel that I can say this politely, but I have no doubt in my mind that they would never get along, if one did not harm the other or kill the other.

I just want to add. While I know Cal is a male....I've seen many owners who swear their cat will never get ouside so they do not get them fixed. Then the HS here ends up with yet another litter of kittens & oftentimes mom. Even my cats, who are fixed, and indoor only, have snuck out the door before.

Two intact males will fight. One intanct male, one neutered, are still likely to fight(I've seen it). A spayed female with an intact male...Cal is likely going to still mount her & display sexual behavior.

I am truly sorry for how harsh my responses have been. I really do worry about the slight chance that Cal could get outside. Mistakes happen. My blind kitty snuck outside just yesterday. I worry that once he gets outside, he will get other cats pregnant, get in a fight & get hurt, or worse, get hit by a car or killed by another tom. My posts are worded so strongly because I do not want you to ever have to go through that heartbreak. Please, so talk to your vet about the pros & cons of neutering. Research online. For Cal's sake.

Originally Posted by white cat lover

I guess, if Cal's unneutered, I advise against another kitty. Period. I do not feel that I can say this politely, but I have no doubt in my mind that they would never get along, if one did not harm the other or kill the other.

I just want to add. While I know Cal is a male....I've seen many owners who swear their cat will never get ouside so they do not get them fixed. Then the HS here ends up with yet another litter of kittens & oftentimes mom. Even my cats, who are fixed, and indoor only, have snuck out the door before.

Two intact males will fight. One intanct male, one neutered, are still likely to fight(I've seen it). A spayed female with an intact male...Cal is likely going to still mount her & display sexual behavior.

I am truly sorry for how harsh my responses have been. I really do worry about the slight chance that Cal could get outside. Mistakes happen. My blind kitty snuck outside just yesterday. I worry that once he gets outside, he will get other cats pregnant, get in a fight & get hurt, or worse, get hit by a car or killed by another tom. My posts are worded so strongly because I do not want you to ever have to go through that heartbreak. Please, so talk to your vet about the pros & cons of neutering. Research online. For Cal's sake.

Click to expand...

She's made her decision and we will have to accept/respect that! Your words weren't harsh! I would want someone to educate me in the way you did anytime, because I want what is best for my animals! Experienced cat owners see things differently! I know my views have changed over time!

Okay. Opening up a can of worms, here.

The subject of neutering is incredibly ON subject, if you are considering bringing another cat into your home. Since Cal is intact, he WILL perceive a newcomer as a threat to his territory, and definitely COULD begin spraying, no matter what gender you choose. And bringing another MALE cat into the mix (whether or not he is neutered), will most DEFINITELY present some challenges. Most experts on the subject recommend that if you have an older male, that it is best to introduce a much younger FEMALE into the home, as it typically creates less territorial issues with the male...and this recommendation is made assuming that the male is currently neutered. This is not to say that no one with a male cat should ever bring another male cat into their home...many have done so, including myself, with little to no problems. However, my boys are entirely INDOORS, and NEUTERED. This certainly reduces the potential for problems.

There ARE many things the make for a responsible pet owner, and spaying/neutering, while not exclusive, is on the top of that list, even if your cats are strictly indoor pets. I think if you're going to join an avid cat fancier's web site, and create a thread that mentions how you would like to add another cat to your family, while also mentioning that Cal is still intact, you should absolutely EXPECT that other members are going to address the issue of spaying/neutering. We on TCS advocate for best practices in pet ownership, and we advocate spaying and neutering for a variety of reasons...there are simply not enough reasons why this SHOULDN'T be done. It is kinder, certainly. If there's an intact female stray/feral/or outdoor cat anywhere within a several-mile radius of your home, your intact male can sense it...and it is literally agonizing for him to not be able to get to her for mating purposes, even from indoors. And, this makes him more liable to attempt escape at some point, even if it doesn't look like that now, or you feel there's NO WAY he'll ever get outdoors. Neuter him, and you remove the obsession to mate, the need to establish and mark territory, and often you will end up with a HAPPIER, more relaxed cat that is more family-oriented.

Why are you so adamant AGAINST neutering? Does it bother you that Cal is at a somewhat significant risk for testicular cancer at some point during his life? Wouldn't you like the peace of mind knowing that he could live a much more COMFORTABLE, and healthier existence with you and your family? Is it the cost? Because the whole "brain-washing" or "manipulation" excuse is one of the weaker ones I've heard, quite frankly. I think if you can financially manage the cost of neutering (and I only paid between $35-65$ for each of my boys to be done, so it is NOT expensive), there is absolutely NO EXCUSE under the sun to not do so. It is a simple procedure, males recover almost immediately from it, and it is the HUMANE thing to do for the cat. RESPONSIBLE OWNERS ALWAYS SPAY AND NEUTER, unless they are reputable breeders who are striving to improve a specific breed.

Anyway, there you have it...my can or worms.

As far as another cat goes, I think you have the following options:
*Get Cal neutered, then adopt a younger female.
*Get Cal neutered, then adopt another male...if both boys are neutered, it can (and probably will) go smoothly over time.
*Get Cal neutered, and keep him as a single pet, working on socialization, and trust issues with strangers, etc.
*Don't neuter Cal, and keep him as a single pet, and never bring in another pet as long as he's alive...too much potential for terroritorial behavior, spraying, aggression, and troublesome alpha-male stuff.

I'm sorry, I know it seems like I'm coming down on you like a freight train, but it's obvious you've done some reading, and know many of the good reasons why responsible owners spay and neuter their pets...so then, I ask, why such adamant refusal to do what is right by Cal? Leaving him intact is making him miserable each and every time he senses an intact outdoor female somewhere in the vicinity, and believe me, they're there, whether you see them or not. Is that the kind of life you want him to have? Animals who are neutered are much more comfortable, and content to be indoor companions, and are much happier with YOU.

If you absolutely refuse to neuter him, I'm not sure that many of us will understand your reasoning. And I would highly encourage you to keep him as a single pet in your home.

Couldn't have said it better wookie! That was excellent, informative, generous, compassionate, and gentle! Not harsh at all... U said it best!

I agree with wookie... I think it would unwise to bring another cat into the picture while he is whole. It will probably cause him to get territorial, and then spray. As I'm sure you've read, cats that start spraying usually do not stop spraying completely after a neuter, especially if it's done on an adult after the fact (and not as a kitten). Apparently, it's a hard habit to break once they discover how comforting it is to have their "smell" everywhere in the house. Getting him neutered BEFORE you bring the new cat into the house would be your best bet.

I respect your decision to not neuter, and if you weren't considering another cat, I wouldn't say anything... I just think this is the best option for you if you want everyone happy! Boomer can get a new pal, and you won't have to worry about that nasty spray habit becoming a problem!

Just as a sidenote, I keep all my cats indoors. But at our old house, where the doors didn't always latch well, they all got out more than once. And I am really diligent about that kind of thing! Also, I think he may just be a little young yet to get all cuddly. Unless they are exceptionally affectionate cats naturally by breed or socialization, I have found that they don't really calm down and start to trust humans fully until they are a few years old. Just be patient with him... I'm sure he'll come around!

Good luck finding a new kitty! They really are a lot more fun when there are two (or more) running around the house. Prepare for the midnight stampedes!

I have only had altered cats but I did have a friend that kept her male unaltered. They brought another male into the house and the 2 of them fought to the point that they found a home for the second cat. They then tried a female cat and the male did everything he could do to kill her. They couldn't find a home for the female and kept her in the basement the rest of her life. When I would go to visit and happen to open up the basement door, I was told to stay on guard to keep the male out of the basement. The poor female was pretty lonely down there by herself most of the time.

Your situation could be totally different than this, as every cat reacts differently to other cats. But my thoughts are that the older the unaltered cat is, the more difficult it will be for him to adjust. Be prepared to rehome one of the cats if it doesn't work out.

My only response to this is that I DID NOT ask any of you for an opinion on neutering, and I shake my head at how you people jump and grab onto something that wasn't even addressed to you. Not that anyone cares, but I have exceptional medical knowledge and experience, and my decision is FINAL and it is made in the happiest regards to the life and health of my cat. It is, in all honesty, nobody's business. All I asked was what sort of cat to get (female or male, neutered or non). I did not ask for "preaching" about neutering; it's BS. Be happy you have your cats done, and leave what other people do with their cats to their own discretion. You don't even know the heck why we're leaving Cal unneutered, and you all are so immature as to not even consider (we might breed him some day, and not only that, we believe God made him that way for a reason and he's perfectly fine). I will not be replying to this thread any further, nor to this site. I prefer a more mature and level-headed company, and am sorry to not have found that here.

Wow. Anyway, getting Cal a friend may not make him a happy boy. It's possible he'll spray reguardless of his friend being male or female/intact not intact. But, I would go with a fixed cat. Someone younger then Cal so he can "lord" himself over the youngster. Yes, make sure the new arrival is fixed. If not, there can be issues out the wahzoo. Introduce them slowly, though, if not, Cal may become very unhappy and it's bad to have an unhappy Tom in the house. I've had a few and it's rough. I have a mix of fixed and non-fixed cats. (Don't jump on me. We're working on it). All in all, everyone gets along pretty well but most grew up together anyway. Since Cal is around a year, a friend about 6 months to 10 months may be perfect. Good luck!

Originally Posted by calcat

Thanks so far, guys.

Here's the thing about the neutering, though. I've heard that, yeah, it makes a cat more cuddly, but to me, it seems that neutering them for that purpose and if they do become cuddly, it's not really them. I mean, the "original" them didn't give love and didn't love ya, so now with a cat being neutered and giving love, it seems to me as something fake. That's not how the "real" them would be, and I don't think a person should have to cut off certain parts of an animal to get them to be affectionate.

It sounds like manipulation. Either the cat is that way or he's not. I don't know, that's my thoughts.
So here's my new question: what if we got a boy or girl cat that were already neutered/spayed? I don't think both would have to be done in order to have a harmonious home.

We feel that for the length of time we've had Cal and with his good behavior, it'd be wrong to do that to him now, but if the new kitten was done, that might work? Or would there still be the thing about territory? 'Cause neutering Cal is not something we're looking to do, so it's trying to work around that, if it's possible. Arghh, dogs are so much easier, lol.

Click to expand...

That's all very cerebral and highly philosophical, and I VERY much appreciate that you are trying to be very "real" and "natural" while nuturing your cat...but the point here is that neutering makes them healthier, less aggressive, more social and MOST IMPORTANTLY less likely to get out, roam away, become lost and therefore not only be impregnating intact females and furthering the overpopulation issue, but also be at high risk for being hit by a car, injured in a fight, poisoned, infected with FIV (which is expensive for you and will result in him needing to be neutered and secluded anyway) and FeLV (which basically has a 100% mortality rate).

NEVER, EVER introduce an intact male to other cats, intact or not. He WILL fight them, and it could resut in grievious injury or death to one of the cats. I have seem cat fights happen and they re not pretty. My fiance's mom's cat lost an eye in such a battle, and she is a FIXED FEMALE, not even another male.

No less than 30 days after the neuter, I'd encourage you to bring in another FIXED cat. Cats are very social and it might be that Cal appreciates feline company and this will help him come out of his shell. As an adoption counselor, I generally recommend that wherever possible, people keep cats in pairs or other small groups. It realy does make for happier, more social cats. And yes, it's possible that he's not as interested in human company, and I'm glad you're prepared to accept that, but he REALLY REALLY needs that neuter before a friend is introduced, or it is not unusual that the friend would be killed by your intact cat. The reason people are urging you to neuter is because it is in the best interest of the cat you are introducing, period. It's a standad procedure, low risk, and he'll be back on his feet in 24 hours or less.