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My cat doesn't like me, need help, desperately!!!

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
Probably about a year and a half ago my cat, who happened to be my, closest and dearest companion, my best friend and the cutest fuzzy being on four legs passed away. I wasn't going to, but just to show how awful this all was for me I will explain what happened during the time leading to her death. I had noticed that she had really bad breath, and for about a year I just always avoided smelling her breath if I could help it. Finally I decided I better go to the vet to see if she had a rotten tooth or something. So I took her to the vet and he said that she did indeed have a rotten tooth and that it should be pulled. The tooth had never seemed to bother her and her weight hadn't changed much for at least the last five years. So I wasn't sure if I should get it pulled or not. In the end I decided to get the tooth pulled in case it caused more problems for her in the future. So I took her in and the vet put her under and pulled the tooth. I brought her home and she was not happy. She wouldn't eat anything and she wouldn't let anybody touch her. She just sat in the dark basement alone. So I went back in to the vet the next day and got some pain killers for her. But these didn't seem to help so after fiver or six days I went back and asked the vet what to do. He said that some cats just take longer to heal than others. That was the last straw, I told that vet that I would no longer need his help with my cat. I live in a really small farming town in the middle of nowhere, so this vet was the only vet within an hours drive. So I went to another vet and asked him what he thought. He asked me to bring the cat in for a checkup. I took her in and was told they would need her to spend the night, so I said goodbye and went home. They proceeded to take her blood and do some tests to find out what was wrong. They called me the next day and said that they had found out that my cat had extremely severe cancer all throughout her jaw. Luckily they had learned this quickly and had kept the cat sedated for the rest of the day and night. The vet had told me the day before that this was what he had guessed was wrong just from talking to me. Needless to say I had her put down, and so ended the life of my closest companion and most loved pet in my life. She was thirteen years old. The vet told me that any normal blood test would have shown what was wrong, and, supposedly, there is a rule that proclaims that before an animal undergoes any surgery, even minor, they are supposed to have a blood test done to make sure they are fit enough for the operation. I won't lengthen the story by telling what happened between the original vet and myself, suffice it to say I no longer take any animals to him.

After a while I decided I needed another cat to keep me from going completely crazy. So I got another tabby just like my previous cat. I have always liked the regular tabby, I'm not a huge fan of cats like siamese or any other pure breed, not to say they aren't great cats too, I am just partial to a tabby. I have had this cat well over a year, I have a terrible memory so I can't remember the time line in all of this, but I know the cat is close to two years old, mayber over two years old. This new cat is a fine cat, I never expected her to take the place of my other cat, and she never will, but I still love to have her in my life. But there are a few problems. This cat just seems to think of me as, I can't explain this very well, she knows I exist and sometimes she will let me pet her, but most of the time she keeps out of sight. I live in a rural town with a pretty good side yard, and behind my yard is a huge area of natural grass land. I just don't think my new cat likes me.

My old cat used to sit on my lap all the time. If I was watching T.V or reading she would find me and sit on my lap for hours. She loved to play hide and seek, I would hide and she would run around until she found me, then she would run away and give me time to hide and we would start over. And every night without fail she would sleep at the foot of my bed, so every morning the first thing I would see was my cat's amazingly cute face, then I would pick her up and pet her for a while and this would be the great way I started each day. I am not asking for all of this from my new cat, I think it would be naive to expect that from any cat. But I just feel like I never even get to see my cat anymore. I never get her to sit on my lap for any reason, and she usually doesn't even let me pet her. My old cat used to rub each one of her cheeks against mine, then she would put her head down and rub the top of her head on mine. I love that cat so much. This cat just doesn't seem to like me.

Almost every night she will run into my room just before I go to bed, I think this is when she has just come inside after being outside all day. Then she jumps up onto my bed and onto my chest. I will rub her chin, cheeks and behind her ears because I think she likes that (she always drools everywhere when I rub her cheeks and behind her ears). But after literally less then one minute she jumps off my bed and runs out of my room as fast as possible. If I want my new cat to spend any time with me at all, the situation has to be perfect. It has to be during the day. She always eats breakfast and goes outside for a little while to run around, then around nine or ten she comes inside and decides to go to sleep. She usually sleeps in the same place, well, actually she has two or three places to choose from, but she will always choose one of these three places. If I can find her and she is asleep or just going to sleep, I can usually take her to my room or to a couch, lay down or sit down, and she will fall asleep on my lap, or chest. I think the only reason she will do this is because she is so tired, not because she likes me. This is the only time I ever get to spend with my cat, and this only happens one day out of the week if I am lucky. So what can I do? Is she too young right now, and maybe as she ages she may slow down or calm down and spend more time with me? I don't want her to stop doing whatever she does to have fun, but I do want to get to spend a little time with her each day, otherwise, what is the point in having a cat. I don't know much about cats and how they communicate, or how to get them to like me, but I do know that I love cats, particularly my cat, and I really want her to love me back. So any advice would be greatly appreciated. I would also appreciate any help in finding some other information about cats. Info like, how best to pet them, what certain gestures a cat may make mean etc. etc... I guess websites are the best source as I don't have a library near me, so any help with any of this would be greatly appreciated.
post #2 of 5
hi Newbie, I'm so sorry you don't feel like this cat loves you. It seems to me that you had a very special relationship with your other cat, and you were probably hoping that getting another cat would ease the pain in your heart. But since this cat isn't so affectionate, it probably isn't making you feel better, and so you are probably feeling disappointed...but...
animals are like people in the sense that they have different personalities. you know how you just "click" with some people and others just kinda grate on your nerves? I think it can be like that with animals too. Some you click with, others not so much.
I have a female cat that is pretty independent, but I know the one time she is affectionate is when she is hungry. So I pet her and snuggle her [i]before[i]I feed her. some cats are just like that.
Also, I am wondering if you got her when she was a baby? or was she already older?
just try to be patient and remember this...maybe she is giving you all the love that she has to give...
post #3 of 5
I don't have much advice for you but here's a hug

It sounds like you are a good cat mom and doing all you can. If I read your post correctly, you got this cat when she was about a year old? She may have a history that she cannot tell you about that makes her a bit stand-offish. I think patience and love will go a long way with her but it will take time.

She seems to care for you in her own way. Some cats just aren't as people-oriented as others.

I am sure others with more experience can advise you better. Keep us updated on your progress. Please post photos in the Fur Pictures sections if you can. We LOVE photos.
post #4 of 5
Thread Starter 
There were just a few things that I said that must have been misleading. One thing I forgot to mention was that I got this new cat when she was just a kitten, I'm not sure exactly how old she was, but she was pretty young. Also, Bonnie 1965, you said I sound like a good cat mom, the only thing wrong with that statement is that I am a cat dad (I guess there aren't as many of us cat dads as cat moms).

I am just a little frustrated because I feel like my cat really likes to be outside and I don't want to stop her from going outside and doing the things she loves, but this gives me less time with her and possibly makes her less affectionate towards me. I just know I am constantly wondering where my cat is, then when I actually see her it lights up my day. My first cat was like this at first too. She was really independent, loved being outside and alone, and I never got a special bond with her until she was five or six years old, but from then on I had a great bond with her and it lasted almost ten years. I just hope the same thing will happen with this new cat. I have tried giving her treats, but I can't seem to find anything she likes. I tried all kinds of store bought cat treats, I tried giving her milk and I tried giving her meats from the fridge, like turkey or chicken. For some reason she just doesn't really like treats. I guess I will just have to accept whatever affection I get for now and be patient and hope for more in the future. Thanks for the replies and help.
post #5 of 5
Hi, sorry to hear your so bummed. She will probably calm down some when she gets older, but no guarantees. Our calico pretty much outright hated people until she was 10. She wouldn't voluntarily cuddle until she was 15. She's 18 now. Most cats will chill a little around 5 or 6. Also, some cats are just more attached. I just got a new cat whose 1. She's sitting on my lap right now. She basically races up whenever anyone has a lap. Puppy, however, is not such a fan of cuddling. He likes to sleep with us and purrs when we pick him up, but not really a lap cat.

Have you considered getting a second cat? Maybe an older one? It might be good for both you and your cat. Cats do learn from each other, so she might learn to be more loving. Just make sure you choose carefully. I really suggest going through a foster so that you can get some personalized assistance with picking the right cat. That's how we went this time, and it's been a really good experience. We have a new cat that's good for us, our lifestyle, and good with our other cat.
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