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Please help- what to do about moving my cats out of my mom's house and into colin's!!

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
Ok so here's what's going on and i'm not quite sure what to do right now. So kind honest suggestions are welcome I have recently somewhat moved in with Colin due to a number of factors- the main ones being drugs, crime, and gang activities in my old neighborhood. I have only brought over my fish, kojak, and my foster kittens. I am still in the process of moving all of my stuff in as well. The rest of my animals are still at home with my mom. My mom and i had decided that she will keep 3 and i will take three. MY mom is keeping my wolf mix, Ginger- because she is SOOOOO bonded with her- they are inseperable and when it comes down to it, even though she's mine on the papers- she's grammas girl- i could never take her from my mom. The same can be said of Abilene- she's a mawmaw's girl and is best buddies with Ginger- they sleep together every night. So without a doubt- my mom is keeping them. Recently my mom also said that she REALLY wanted to keep Sophie, my bunny as well. We talked it over and decided that it was a good idea becasue Sophie is very bonded to Abilene (yup- kitty and bunny are best buds!) That and rabbits are prey animals- even though Fosters and Whisky (our dogs at Colins ) are very gentle- i'm afraid they may frighten little Sophie so i feel she would be most comfortable staying. So- thus far my mom wants to keep/fully adopt from me- ginger, sophie, and abilene. / And i had planned to take my 3 other kitties, Velvet, Isabella, and Jasmine to Colin's house with me. Here's one thing i'm worried about- my mom- she is SOOOOO attached to them all...it will break her heart for me to take them. But i too am absolutely heartbroken that i don't have my girls here with me and miss them dearly. I told her from day one that i would be moving them to Colin's house with me when we set everything up- she wasn't happy but seemed ok with it. Recently she's started saying "we'll they will just absolutely die over there" "they've never been away from here, they're going to hate it" and other things like that to really hurt my feelings and try to talk me into letting her keep them (NOT a good way to go about doing it seeing as how i WORK at a shelter, and i am a primary foster mommy- i take EXCELLENT care of ALL of my animals and they would all do just fine here) So yea i don't like her trying to manipulate me on that note over my animals. (And for the record- i pay everything for them- food, vet bills, everything for the kitties and bunny - ginger my mom takes care of) SOOO aside from that i'm also wondering how they'd do here with us at Colin's. I think they would be happy- a lot more room, colin's building a kitty gym/scratching posts for them/ and they'll have an entire bedroom even! So i think they'd be happy. But what i was thinking about is just trying an adjustment period. See how they do and if they adjust well to Colin's house when i bring them over- if they do well..keep them here....if not, bring them back to my mom (since that's what she wants anyways) and let her adopt them from me. I will do what is in the best interest of my girls though reguardless of what it means for me. I DO feel like i can take better care of them than my mom, especially when Jasmine is concerned- my mom over feeds her and she already has a lot of weight issues which are worrying me- same with my other girls so i know that they will be better off with me on that note. But that aside i know how much they love my mom so i feel bad taking them away I knew this issue would come up sooner or later but now i really have to make a choice and see what's in the best interest for them. I really think i will do the "trial period" and see how it goes- see how each one reacts then make a decision from there. HOWEVER that being said- eventually my mom will move, get older, and not be in a position to care for them- the longer we wait, the harder it will be on them so i'd rather go ahead and make all permenant moves now for them. What do ya'll think??? Colin is wanting me to go ahead and bring them over wheneve i'm ready. I feel like i'm ready to know- i just don't know how to take them away from my mom's house- i know she's going to hold it against me and be angry towards me for a long time Any tips/advise to difuse that? I told her she can come over and see them anytime she wants - she of course cursed me out for that one and said she wouldn't if i took them away from her HELP!? I want to do what is in the best interest of my cats- we all love them dearly.
post #2 of 17
Thread Starter 
In a side note- i just realized i posted this in the wrong section- would someone mind moving it to The Cat Lounge? Thankyou!
post #3 of 17
Nikki, I know your mom loves the girls...but SO DO YOU!! And why wouldn't they be happy, they will be with you, sure it will be different surroundings, something for them to get used to, but you won't know till you try it. Now I don't know your Mom, or if she will hold this against you or not, but it's not like you are leaving her with nothing she has plenty of babies to take care of. Best of luck with this transition.
post #4 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella713 View Post
Nikki, I know your mom loves the girls...but SO DO YOU!! And why wouldn't they be happy, they will be with you, sure it will be different surroundings, something for them to get used to, but you won't know till you try it. Now I don't know your Mom, or if she will hold this against you or not, but it's not like you are leaving her with nothing she has plenty of babies to take care of. Best of luck with this transition.
Thankyou Helen- i really appreciate your input on that! / It did seem like we tried to do divide them up so to speak as fair as possible- she will be keeping three and i will be taking three....for each of us it is the three that are the most bonded to us so it seems like it will be a good idea. Also- Colin LOVES Jasmine too so i think that he would be disappointed as well if she did not come. And where JAsmine goes, my little Isabella must follow- those two can not be seperated so whatever happens they must stay together. And without a doubt- Velvet is comming to Colin's- that is MY baby right there- she was my first kitty and we are sooooooo close- i will not be leaving her. It was mainly jasmine and izzy i was unsure about how they'd take to the move. But you know- i think i will give it a try and at least see. Who knows -they might love it! There's a ton of room here compared to where they are now and lots of windows for them to look out of and friends to keep them company. I think they will like it once they adjust. My mom is just driving me crazy over it and trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to take MY animals with me. IT's frusterating....i know she's only doing it because she doesn;t want them to leave- but we discussed it several times and both agreed that it was in their best interest. She's even gone so far as to say, "If you take them, do it while i'm not home- i don't want to say goodbye to them" I feel awful when she says stuff like that It's not like they're going to be pts or she's never going to see them again- they'll just be a few minutes down the road and she can come over whenever she wants. Uhhh! What a headache! Thanks for helping and listening
post #5 of 17
Nikki...on a lighter note...I always say Mother's are travel agents for guilt trips I even have a magnet on my fridge that says that
post #6 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella713 View Post
Nikki...on a lighter note...I always say Mother's are travel agents for guilt trips I even have a magnet on my fridge that says that
that's hilarious!!!!! thanks for the laugh! i'm on my way back to the shelter for a bit to water/medicate the cute furbabies there for the night so i know that will cheer me up from all the momma drama! thanks hon!
post #7 of 17
I don't think this has anything to do with the cats IMHO.

It sounds to me like your mom is lonely and her baby (you) has grown up and is moving out of the house. Parent's usually experience "empty nest syndrome" when that happens and don't know what to do with themselves out of loneliness.

Sure you have been semi living with your boy friend, but it wasn't official and your stuff was still at "home" which meant you were still living at "home". Now you are moving your things out and now it's come to the point you want to take your "children" with you, and the fact that you have grown up and are becoming independent has struck home with your mother.

I think she's afraid of losing you, not the animals. And that the animals are only a symptom of the real issue.
post #8 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
I don't think this has anything to do with the cats IMHO.

It sounds to me like your mom is lonely and her baby (you) has grown up and is moving out of the house. Parent's usually experience "empty nest syndrome" when that happens and don't know what to do with themselves out of loneliness.

Sure you have been semi living with your boy friend, but it wasn't official and your stuff was still at "home" which meant you were still living at "home". Now you are moving your things out and now it's come to the point you want to take your "children" with you, and the fact that you have grown up and are becoming independent has struck home with your mother.

I think she's afraid of losing you, not the animals. And that the animals are only a symptom of the real issue.
You know, when you put it like that, it makes perfect sense. Thankyou for your insight- now that you mention all of that it seems like that's more of what it is than anything. I hate that my mom feels lonely- she's all by herself, aside from the animals and i know that she misses having me home- but this is just something i have to do for myself- to be in a safer area and to be with the man that i love and i'm ready to set down with. i know it hurts her but she's got to let me go. i try to visit her as much as i can though to help and call her every single day- i know it's not the same as her having me there but with work i'm trying. I'm really glad you brought that up- man...that's definitely what it is. I'm wondering what else i can do to make her feel like she's still an important part of my life and not all alone I do call her sometimes for little things- like a recipe, or how to get a stain out- you know to let her know that sometimes i still need her help/advice- but in a different way now. I hate to hurt her feelings taking the kitties with me i feel just aweful about it- but it was discussed and we sat down together and planned it out so i'm going to stick to my guns and do what's best for them. in the mean time though, i don't know what else to do with my mom - i know she's taking it hard that i'm leaving (i'm the baby of my siblings). It's really frusterating! / Thanks for your insght and your wisdom- i really appreciate it!
post #9 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
I don't think this has anything to do with the cats IMHO.

It sounds to me like your mom is lonely and her baby (you) has grown up and is moving out of the house. Parent's usually experience "empty nest syndrome" when that happens and don't know what to do with themselves out of loneliness.

Sure you have been semi living with your boy friend, but it wasn't official and your stuff was still at "home" which meant you were still living at "home". Now you are moving your things out and now it's come to the point you want to take your "children" with you, and the fact that you have grown up and are becoming independent has struck home with your mother.

I think she's afraid of losing you, not the animals. And that the animals are only a symptom of the real issue.
I have to say, I had that same thought myself. I'm sure it's actually tough on all of you in a way, but a necessary part of life too. Good luck with transitioning your babies and your Mom!
post #10 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR View Post
I'm wondering what else i can do to make her feel like she's still an important part of my life and not all alone
What about Sunday Dinners? Until we moved out of state, my Grandma had Sunday dinner at her house with my Mom and I, and my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins. Those tappered off a few years later, and the family just hasn't been as close since. Those made some of the happiest memories of my childhood. Usually the dinners involved my Grandma and my Aunt and Mom doing the cooking and cleaning. Then naps and board-games afterward.
post #11 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles View Post
What about Sunday Dinners? Until we moved out of state, my Grandma had Sunday dinner at her house with my Mom and I, and my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins. Those tappered off a few years later, and the family just hasn't been as close since. Those made some of the happiest memories of my childhood. Usually the dinners involved my Grandma and my Aunt and Mom doing the cooking and cleaning. Then naps and board-games afterward.
i wish i could but i work on sundays- i work in the mornings at the shelter for several hours by myself and then i go back for an hour at night and rewater/medicate them all...by the time i get back i eat and get ready for work mon morning.

i would do it on saturdays- but i work then too as does my mom...she works 6 days a week- mon-sat so it's really hard for us to schedule stuff. i will see if we can work something out to do that even if it's just for an hour. thankyou for the suggestion!
post #12 of 17
I have no advice Nikki....but I'll offer you Hopefully....something can be worked out!
post #13 of 17
I also have no advice to offer just this. I hope it all works out for you and your mom. they WILL be happy with you, Nikki. don't think for a second they won't. they are your babies. I hope everything works out, sweetie.
post #14 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
I have no advice Nikki....but I'll offer you Hopefully....something can be worked out!
thanks natalie! sometimes a hug is better than any advice out there

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miagi's_Mommy View Post
I also have no advice to offer just this. I hope it all works out for you and your mom. they WILL be happy with you, Nikki. don't think for a second they won't. they are your babies. I hope everything works out, sweetie.
thankyou krista! i really appreciate you saying that. with all of the comments my mom's made lately, i was even starting to question myself about it...i needed that reassurance. so i appreciate you saying that.
post #15 of 17
Yes i also agree that shes just going through a hard time with her baby leaving with her babies . But i htink youhave worked out a really good thing there with the 3 'n 3.
Good luck!
post #16 of 17
NO problem, Nikki!
post #17 of 17
You're welcome

I don't think you have to go out of your way to make your Mom feel special and wanted and loved.

Just let her know that you love her and need her in your life and that while you are spreading your wings and trying to make it on your own as an adult, that you still need her.

You can spend time together on days off going to lunch and shopping or have her over to your house for dinner, surprise her one day when she's working and you are off by stopping by her work to take her out for lunch or bring a picnic lunch, etc. Impromtu type stuff. And don't just call her when you need or want something. Call sometimes just to say that you miss her and love her, and try and plan an outting for that week. Let her know that you are still her baby no matter where you are living.

It's hard for [parents when their kids leave home, especially when it's the youngest.
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